“I Think I See A Nipple” – Accidentally going public with your privates.


A favorite Seinfeld episode of mine is the one in which Elaine belatedly learns that she posted off hundreds of self-portrait Christmas cards to friends and family featuring a cameo appearance from her very own nipple.

I feel for Elaine, I really do. Because a similar thing happened to me.

A month ago, I was clicking through my travel website which I’d created to update friends and family and complete strangers on my whereabouts in the Pacific Ocean. I’m talking about a five-year-old website that has received clicks from worldwide locations, and has most certainly been peeked at by random perverts. I was pouring over good times on this website when I stumbled upon one photo featuring — you guessed it — my nipple!

*Awkward cough*

It can’t exactly be called a ‘wardrobe malfunction’ since there was no wardrobe involved at the time. When the picture was taken, I was on a boat, which was somewhere in the large blue emptiness between the US continent and the Marquesas islands. Me and my captain (slash lover, I should add) were completely isolated, sweaty from the tropics and unwilling to spend precious water on doing laundry, so we flung our clothes off permanently. Wanting to capture the unique experience, we continued to snap photos, later cropping out the nudity before uploading. Many photos we have from this time feature liberated rude bits — none of which I’ve shared with the whole world.

Except for this one:

I’d shot a self-portrait to show the unruly state of my hair after weeks at sea. So focused on the state of my hair (as I often am), I failed to detect the areola in the bottom right corner. The good news is: so did everyone else. I never received an email reading: Hey, I’m looking at your website and, well, I’m not sure, and correct me if I’m wrong, but … I think I see a nipple!

Then again, people frequently fail to tell me I’ve got herbs stuck in my teeth.

Watch Seinfeld nipple segment here:

Elaine panics over her nipple showing in a Christmas card



Torre DeRoche is the author of two travel memoirs, Love with a Chance of Drowning (2013) and The Worrier’s Guide to the End of the World (due out September 2017). She has written for The Atlantic, The Guardian Travel, The Sydney Morning Herald, Emirates, and two Lonely Planet anthologies.

Leave a Comment

  • laura January 17, 2011, 1:49 am

    Well the old saying if you got it flaunt apparently relates to your nipples Torre, I’m confident that you would have lovely brown nipples.

  • Karen January 17, 2011, 3:30 am

    I’m rather attached to the big pink star nipple covering.

    • Torre DeRoche January 17, 2011, 4:13 am

      I’ll buy you some nipple pasties if you want. Mr Karen would be happy.

  • emma January 17, 2011, 4:03 am

    i thought it was deliberate at the time

    • Torre DeRoche January 17, 2011, 4:12 am

      Don’t lie. I know you didn’t spot it. Even with those sharp graphic designer eyes of yours. PS: if you did spot it, I will never, ever tell you about a giant piece of spinach in your front teeth ever again.

  • pablo January 17, 2011, 8:24 pm

    Well…I am sure that if you leave that little bit of (probably) normal biological tissue uncover in your book…editors will be a little keener on publishing the book and after that your will sell more copies…Ask Janet Jackson….

    All the best,

    PS: I am sorry to report I did not see it in the original post either…I hate my absent mindness…

    • Torre DeRoche January 17, 2011, 8:28 pm

      I’ve left plenty uncovered! Just in words, not pics.

  • Megan January 21, 2011, 3:50 pm

    Oh man, that’s like the worst piece of spinach stuck in your teeth EVER. I mean…you know what I mean.

    Also, I just have to say–your hair after a few weeks at sea still looks better than mine on a regular morning!

    • Torre DeRoche January 23, 2011, 9:09 am

      I’m not sure what’s going on with all those ringlet curls.

  • Kim H January 29, 2011, 7:26 am

    I loved that episode of Seinfeld too. Nip! So funny. I’m so sorry you found a likeness to Elaine this way;)