When People Don’t Support Your Dreams

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‘Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.’
~ W. Gibson.

Have you ever shared your dream with someone, only to have them stomp on it with a few unsupportive words?

‘I’ve been thinking about writing a book, and—’

‘It’s really hard to get published, you know.’

There’s a breed of control freaks who quietly lurk, ready to attack your precious, vulnerable ideas as soon as you share them with the world. These people are known as naysayers, non-supporters, dream killers, or just plain assholes.

You’ll find them in the workplace, in social circles, in the family, or in your marital bed. It could be your boss, your pal, your parents, your husband or wife, your neighbor, your neighbor’s mother’s husband …

Regardless of where you encounter them, naysayers all have the same toxic tendency: they get off on popping bubbles, raining on parades, throwing wet blankets on ambitions, and farting on dreams. “What’s that? You want to travel around the world?” Brruuuub! 

How to recognize a naysayer

This is usually how it unfolds: you dream up a plan that excites you to the core of your being. It may be an adventure, a new career path, an artistic pursuit, or a crazy invention to rival Velcro. Hopefully it’s involves a plan more inspired than quitting your job to sit at home in your robe growing out your facial hair, while watching soaps day long (in lieu of using soaps). If that is your ambition, you’re not dealing with naysayers, you’re dealing with sane people. Get help.

But if you have a solid, well-considered life dream that you’re driven to accomplish, you’ll probably want to share it with friends, family and co-workers. You’ll want to come out of the closet with your grandiose dream. Some will pat you on the back and say, “GO FOR IT,” but there’s always one person who gets off on taking a dump in your happiness sandwich.

Common remarks from naysayers:

You might receive ’helpful advice’ along the lines of: ‘I know someone else who tried that and it didn’t work out for them.’

Your confidence will be attacked with: ‘Are you sure you’re qualified?’

Naysayers love to highlight the impracticalities of your dream, “You can’t make any money doing that.”

Or, they’ll call upon ‘normal people’ as the basis for their argument, pointing out how you’re destined for failure because you’re not acting like one of them. ‘Normal people usually just get a real job,’ or, ‘This isn’t what normal people do.’


There’s an easy way to know if you’re dealing with a naysayer. When their mouth opens up and words come out, does it:

1. Make your heart happy? 

If your answer is yes, you’re being lovingly supported.

2. Make your feel like your guts have just been through a meat mincer?

If your answer is yes, you’ve been naybashed by an asshole.

The psychology of an asshole

Most often, naysayers have not fulfilled their own dreams. They don’t live an inspired existence because they’re too busy living in fear. Maybe they made the mistake of listening to their own naysayers, and they’re just parroting words that have kept them down their whole life? Perhaps they believe that life is all about living inside a fantasyland called Normalville, where regular people populate the average town of Mediocrity, sipping on lukewarm cups of boring?

Chances are, they’re just scared. Fear of loss, fear of being alone, fear of change, fear of being insignificant, fear of death or injury, fear of being judged. Your wild ambitions threaten the naysayer. He/she likes to keep life safe, simple and predictable, and by pissing in your party hat, they’re hoping to keep you small and easy to manage. Your goal threatens to throw out the equilibrium of his/her universe. But the naysayer is out of luck because the entire universe doesn’t actually belong to them (as much as they like to believe that it does).

Cross-section of a naysayer’s brain.

How to deal with a naysayer

Talk it out

If the negative comments are coming from a person you care deeply about, see what you can do to talk it through. Ask them what their concerns are and, without judgement, address them one by one. Don’t let it escalate into an argument—stay calm. Comfort them through their fears, while peacefully standing your ground. This is your life, your journey and your happiness, so own it and make it clear that you won’t sway from your dream. Negotiate and compromise if possible, but make sure you leave the conversation with your heart fluttering. If you come away from the conversation feeling heavy and sad, you’ve just been naybashed once again. Perhaps it’s time to consider therapy?

Ignore

If the criticism is coming from your family, or a dear old friend, it may be best to simply block it out. Have confidence in your plans, and refuse to hear their crap. Locate your internal switch called GIVE A SHIT and simply flick it over from DO to DON’T.

Sever ties

Perhaps the naysayer is a friend or partner who never supports your dreams? If you find yourself in a relationship with a toxic person who continually tears holes in your ambitions, it may be best to cut off the relationship. Choose to surround yourself with people who make you want to break out into a happy dance. Align with people who blow air into your balloon, rather than the pricks.

Sharpen your swords and get ready for some nayslaying, because:

Have you had any experiences with naysayers? Have your dreams been naybashed? What did you do to cope? What advice would you give to people who are not being supported?

Leave a Comment

  • Jason Leigh September 8, 2011 at 3:08 am edit

    Do you do all the art and graphics for this? It looks very very good.

    Reply
    • Torre DeRoche September 8, 2011 at 3:44 am edit

      Thank you, yes I’m a designer / illustrator by profession. This is the first time I’ve put watercolor paintings into a post. It was fun!

      Reply
    • Somewhere Salty May 3, 2013 at 11:58 pm edit

      I had the same question!!! how dare you steal my question from the future?!! ;)

      and Torre, yes. this is brilliant stuff. you are giving inspiration for my blog, although I MIGHT not be as funny or artistic as you ;)

      oh and the rest of the post, thanks for this. I need to keep this in mind for possible naysayers (already came across one, but I forgive the person), for when I quit my job in 2 months to travel.

      cheers,
      Ni

      ps: I’m reading your blog at 4:30am in the morning. It will be a great start to the day methinks (expect a few more spambot comments in your other posts). There must be a reason the Universe landed me on this page at this godly hour.

      :)

      Reply
  • karen September 8, 2011 at 3:19 am edit

    I think we have all encountered naysayers at some point in our lives. It is hard to deal with, but you have to believe in yourself, because no one and I mean no one can feel what you feel or think the thoughts that you think and many times those naysayers are just jealous that they can’t do what you are doing!

    Reply
  • Tucker Bradford September 8, 2011 at 3:24 am edit

    I’m always thinking of my sweet comeback a day late. Here’s what I thought to say to one of my naysayers (after the fact) http://forgeover.com/articles/2010/12/19/dreamers-and-naysayers

    Reply
  • Emilee Shake (@emileeshake) September 8, 2011 at 4:20 am edit

    LOVE this! I’m quite adventurous, unlike most of my friends and family, so I frequently face lots of naysaying. I’m definitely bookmarking this post and using it as a reminder. Thanks!

    Reply
  • Janet September 8, 2011 at 6:21 am edit

    GREAT article!! Did you do the images yourself? :) very creative!! I think my bestfriend (former?) is a bit of a naysayer. she has such a negative attitude and loves to make fun of people.. it’s actually hard being around her because we just aren’t in the same level anymore :/ that’s one of the sad parts about going for your dreams though. friends who you thought were friends might not be anymore, once you start playing a bigger game, and taking charge of your life and BEING confident, your friends (who are still stuck) will find it harder to relate. Thus the friendship drifts apart..

    Reply
    • Torre DeRoche September 8, 2011 at 6:27 am edit

      Yes, that can happen. Sometimes you bond over being in a small pond together. If one of you jumps the pond, but the other one stays behind, you may not have that connection anymore. This is always a test of a good friendship—the people who truly love you will stick with you no matter what.

      (And yes, they’re my illustrations :) )

      Reply
  • Charley @Secret_Water September 8, 2011 at 12:03 pm edit

    I think you’ve nailed the solution to naysayers! They do seem to pop up alot around adventurous people. Naysayers and Tall Poppy Slayers. Do you also find that when they’ve had their naysay before hand they also pop up after the adventure in question and quote things like : “you’re so jammy” and “you always seem to land on your feet” “you’ve had some amazing opportunities”. Drives me bonkers!

    Reply
    • beatingTheOdds May 23, 2013 at 7:19 pm edit

      Yep…and the “You just don’t understand…not everyone is as smart as you”…or “some people are just lucky”…

      Makes me want to bounce some heads off the cement.

      Reply
  • JoAnna September 8, 2011 at 1:17 pm edit

    Screw the naysayers! The good news is that there are enough people out there to support our dreams … even if we do have to find them online!

    Reply
  • Heather Sunseri September 8, 2011 at 2:10 pm edit

    I loved this!! I think the quote at the top is my new favorite quote. EVER!

    Reply
    • Tiffany July 24, 2013 at 12:22 pm edit

      My name is Mrs Tiffany form USA i want to let the whole word known how happy i am after 18 years of marriage without a baby, until i met a friend at a super market who told me about a black magic man, who helped her when she had similar problem, initially i docketed the black man because i taught it was all a joke until i was blessed with a baby girl with the help of the black man after doing what he asked and instructed me to do, my baby is Eight months old now and all my sorrows has been turned into joy with 2 years am using this medium to reach out to all my fellow women with same case to known that some one is out there that can put a smile on their faces only if u believe and trust i will be happy if i will be source of many women joy once more you can reach he on this email (professionallovespell@hotmail.com)

      Reply
  • Misty Choate September 8, 2011 at 2:11 pm edit

    Love this! Love the illustrations and the message. You had me at “Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.’
    ~ W. Gibson.” LOL

    Reply
  • Kim September 8, 2011 at 3:19 pm edit

    Torre all i can say is you nailed it. Btw i started your book last night and had to force myself to put it down. Good thing you didn’t listen to those naysayers.

    Reply
  • Andi of My Beautiful Adventures September 8, 2011 at 5:09 pm edit

    This is a truly brilliant post that should be read by EVERYONE!!! I love that quote in the beginning.

    Reply
  • Candice September 8, 2011 at 6:34 pm edit

    ““What’s that? You want to travel around the world?” Brruuuub!”

    You’re amazing.

    New favourite blog.

    Reply
  • Stephanie September 8, 2011 at 10:01 pm edit

    You are a great writer! I love this post and have shared it on each of my social media outlets, that’s how cool I think it is and how relevant to my own dream chasing! ;) Best of luck with your book! Hoping to order a copy soon…

    Reply
  • Leif September 8, 2011 at 11:38 pm edit

    Great post Torre, you speak the truth. Those buzz killer people really stink. Fortunately there aren’t too many of them out there. Hope your book is going well! Looking forward to reading it once my account gets back in the blue ><.

    Reply
  • Danielle September 9, 2011 at 12:29 am edit

    Everything about this post is so true. For the longest time I had put my dreams of traveling on the back burner because I knew people would tell me, “that’s not a job.” Finally, I decided after I was done with college I wasn’t going to look for a 9-5 “grown-up” job; I was just going to travel. When I tell people they mostly ask “What do you mean you’re going to travel?” or “How are you going to get paid doing that?” For the most part I just take the ignore them approach.

    Great post. I love the illustrations :)

    Reply
    • Nomadic Samuel September 9, 2011 at 2:27 am edit

      Torre, I really enjoyed this post. I once remember hearing a lecture about becoming a self-actualized person. There was a quote that went something like this: “If you want to truly live your life on your own terms you have to become independent of the good opinion of other people.” It’s not easy dealing with criticism or those who doubt what you are doing, but I feel ultimately the best/correct decision lies with the individual who is making :)

      Reply
  • Chris September 9, 2011 at 5:15 am edit

    Great entry! Very inspiring, and particularly appealing to me as I deal with friends telling me that my dream of traveling around the world and writing about it are irresponsible and that I need to just knuckle down and start down the career path.

    Reply
  • Lorna - the roamantics September 9, 2011 at 10:00 am edit

    TORRE!!! i just published a post this week that comments on naysayers!!! LOVE your tips (and how to spot them LOL). there are so many effing gems here, but my fave is plain and simple- “Align with people who blow air into your balloon, rather than the pricks.” hell to the yes. i do feel that there are instances in which naysayers aren’t ill-intentioned, but just short on imagination. whatever the reason, our beautiful, amazing, adventurous, unique lives depend on victory over their power! even, or especially, when “they” are staring back at us in the mirror! i seriously need to read your book already! i hang on every line of your posts, so i can’t imagine how much i’ll love SWEPT. :D

    Reply
  • liv September 9, 2011 at 9:16 pm edit

    I cannot express how timely this topic is for me personally. It’s so true. So effing true. So tired of building myself up, only to be ripped apart, and ridiculed, even by loved ones. Sometimes I wonder if the lonely wanderer isn’t the happiest of our clan?

    Reply
  • Sasha September 10, 2011 at 3:35 am edit

    I hate the attitude of naysayers! I always think, if you don’t have anything positive to say it why say it at all! I’ve met my fair share of these people in my lifetime, maybe it’s because I have a lot of dreams that I like to share, apparently that means I’m asking someone to tell me, “Oh, you’ll probably fail.” I no longer have time for these kind of people, the negativity is too draining. Now days I always try and surround myself with positive people that will encourage my dreams even if they don’t agree with them or fear I’ll fail. And if I have no choice but to be surrounded by naysayers then they just don’t get treated to hearing the story of my dreams because only special, kind people deserve to hear my deepest dreams and desires! :)

    Reply
  • Linda September 10, 2011 at 9:57 pm edit

    I can’t even begin to tell you how much I identify with this post! Let me, at 64 years old, re-enforce what you say. My dad was (and is – still!) the biggest naysayer I ever met in my life, so he well and truly dampened all my youthful ambition and enthusiasm, because I thought I was supposed to be the good daughter, and not run away as I should have done! (Wow, just imagine!) The way I was at 19 kind of shoved me into the arms of the guy I eventually married. He seemed to be just the opposite, but by the time I realized he was just a naysayer in a different disguise it was too late, and I had two, wonderful kids. For that reason only, I can’t, honestly say, that I regret my earlier life – but I am damned if I will ever, ever listen to negative vibes again, and I constantly preach that to my kids, who have very much gone their own ways so far.
    Believe me, you will never, ever regret doing your own thing, following your own dreams. If things don’t work out, you pick yourself up and try something else, but it was your decision, and it’s easier to forgive yourself than to forgive someone else who ruined your dreams!
    Good for you and many congratulations on the book, which I will defnitely buy as soon as I have two cents to rub together!

    Reply
  • Kate September 11, 2011 at 12:02 am edit

    Hi,

    This article is awesome and I agree with it 100%! If I actually listened to all of those naysayers out there I would not have went this far in life. Despite the odds, I am living my dream. I was in a “comfort zone” working at my Fortune 500 white collar job. But, I wanted to pursue my dream of being a motivational speaker, and having an all positive social network. To my surprise, it has become worldwide. Live your dreams people, no matter what anyone says or thinks about you!

    Reply
  • Lauren September 12, 2011 at 10:38 am edit

    Love this post! I experienced exactly what you described from close to everyone I know when I announced my plan for my RTW trip. I was told it would be dangerous, I wouldn’t be strong enough to do it on my own, that I’d be home in a week, that I should be spending my money on a car or a house! ARGH! I just ignored them and they’re suddenly very quiet now that I’m two months in and still alive :)

    Reply
  • Krys September 12, 2011 at 3:09 pm edit

    OMG – I COULD NOT STOP LAUGHING.

    Torre, you are a truly gifted – both in art and in written word. There simply aren’t enough people like you in the world!

    Reply
  • Nancy from Family on Bikes September 18, 2011 at 4:22 pm edit

    Awesome post! I’ve really only had one person ever poo-poo on my dreams – an ex-boyfriend. When I told him that I wanted to ride my bike around India he said, “Yeah sure – like THAT’LL ever happen!”

    The funny thing is that his reaction is part of exactly why I really did take off and ride my bike around India!

    Reply
  • Shannon September 20, 2011 at 7:27 am edit

    Nevermind the post, the artwork is AWESOME!

    Ok seriously nice post too :)

    I am not a naysayer and I agree everyone should have dreams and do what they want to do even if they fail at it, but its also nice to reaffirm to that person and ask them “are you sure that is what you want to do” because everyone (usually) knows themselves but family members can know a lot about you too (just not everything) and some people go right into something not realizing how hard it might be, etc and sometimes they had wished they were warned about it (not torn down).

    I have had (and still do) lots of challenges in doing a lot of things and when I was looking into buying a 5th wheel I insisted I couldn’t tow one with a tall profile but I had people tell me that a tall profile was no problem; I started with a shallow profile then graduated with a too tall profile!)

    Anyway, my family is supportive of whatever I decide to do, the don’t think that I should go travel on my own but they still support me no matter what.

    Reply
  • Eddie Kwok September 20, 2011 at 1:26 pm edit

    “The psychology of an asshole” How I wish there’s a class for this subject!
    Anyway, nice blog. Will add into my reading list. :)

    Reply
  • Maria Alexandra @latinAbroad September 21, 2011 at 7:00 pm edit

    AWESOME article. I learned to ignore those dream-killing a-holes a long time ago. That’s why I am living the dream, traveled the world and now have a growing travel website and blog! =D never give up guys, NEVER

    Reply
    • Sonia September 21, 2011 at 8:29 pm edit

      I’m so glad I found this on my twitter feed. I had to share it on Facebook too. Although I am new to twitter there are people here that posted, that I follow as a source of inspiration until I can really do some long term travel. I will have to stick to one (short) trip at a time!

      Reply
  • Annabel Candy, Get In the Hot Spot October 11, 2011 at 11:34 pm edit

    Hi Torre, love the graphics – you’re a graphic designer? Am I right?!

    I have this exact problem and it is so hard to work through it and get on with doing what you want to do despite what people say.

    One of my nearest and dearest is always saying she “doesn’t get my blog” another constantly whines “you have it so easy”! Er no, I just followed my dream and put in a LOT of work!

    I like what you say at the end. It’s sad but true. I tell my kids:

    “Some people are just mean.”

    Great to hang out with like-minded people who do their stuff anyway. Good for you:)

    Reply
  • Wanda St.Hilaire October 16, 2011 at 8:53 pm edit

    Hey Torre,

    Excellent post. Phenomenal graphics!

    Have I dealt with naysayers? I decided to not have babies when I was 5 yrs. old, sold everything and went to France for the love of a Frenchman, have lived five winters in Mexico on a wing and a prayer, traveled by myself all over the world, written and self-published 13 books-one of which tells the true travel tale of a wanton woman who doesn’t apologize for a healthy libido, given up my dumb-assed career in sales to write, went for holistic treatments pre-surgery for cancer in Puerto Vallarta (God Forbid) etc. etc.

    When one of those naysaying nincompoops pop into my life, which has happened more times than I care to remember, I just quietly relish the fact that my ingenuity and imagination has taken me further in one of my 50 years than all of theirs.

    Reply
  • Sarahsomewhere October 29, 2011 at 4:09 pm edit

    Thank you Torre, another great post, I love the non-scientific map of the brain, very cool.

    Reply
  • Kristen November 13, 2011 at 4:52 am edit

    Torre, I JUST came across your blog and it couldn’t have come at a better time for me. I have a roommate (and she WAS my best friend) who has continually shit all over my dreams. I had to use the sever ties method and now I’m sub-letting my apartment. This post just gave me hope, reassurance and validation. I’m NOT ridiculous for wanting to teach overseas, and I’m proving that by actually doing it. Luckily most of the other people in my life have been respectful and accepting. Thanks for your wonderful writing, you made me laugh and warmed my heart.

    Reply
  • Bex November 14, 2011 at 7:21 pm edit

    OMG!! Thank you SO much for this article! Similar to you, I am a gal who’s done various things with my life – currently living it teaching English in Athens, Greece. And yet, every time I took myself off abroad, my ‘dear’ older sister (settled, married with kids) would naybash me by commenting:

    “Huh! Off travelling again I see…so, what are you running away from THIS time?”

    As it was family, it took a fair bit of therapy (especially as, in retrospect, this had been going on for YEARS – I am the youngest by a big age gap) and now I can quite comfortably turn that switch to Don’t Give A Sh*t (oh, and occasionally indulge myself in an evil fantasy where someone naybashes her).

    Thanks for this – and loving the writing/articles.

    :0)

    Reply
  • Daniel January 25, 2012 at 12:57 am edit

    I did this with my brother, who i could tell, was not at all supportive with my dream and constantly kept “helpfully” reminding me how easy it is to fail. Never saying a supportive word – opting instead with silence or “what about school?”

    To clearly identify a dreamkiller do this:
    1.Tell them you gave up on your idea/dream or complain about how hard it is.
    2. Gauge their reaction.

    Dreamkillers will often facilitate your view on giving up and try to convince you it’s better to give up. They may say things like “Yeah man if we were rich then we could do the things we want” (What they really want to say is “it’s not your fault WE never had a chance so just give up like me”) Or they’ll, like my brother, simply say “Good”

    Never give up. Sometimes in this life you’re the only one who has your back. This is not an excuse to give up. I guarantee you, the moment you succeed they naysayers will either fade into the darkness, or they’ll become you “biggest supporters” (of course this will be b/c they seek to benefit from your success.

    Reply
  • Neda Lahrodi-Blake January 28, 2012 at 12:13 am edit

    Geeee Torre this stuff is just so good, love the way you say it as it is. Some great advise and some tough decisions that need to be addressed.

    Reply
  • Samuel January 31, 2012 at 4:41 am edit

    Thank you so damn much for this article. I feel like no one is supporting my dreams, and all I’ve been hearing from friends, family, and everyone else is “No”, or “It’s not going to work.” I started to think there was something wrong with my vision, my ambition, and my business idea, but I came across this post and it literally described my feelings word for word. It’s so f-cking frustrating and depressing to feel like an outcast for doing something you really want to do. Thanks a million for this article, it’s a small sliver of hope in an otherwise suffocating world.

    Reply
  • Fred Linz March 24, 2012 at 8:19 pm edit

    Wonderful recreation of the negatives in the world. Power for the imaginative & positive people.

    Reply
  • Lynn June 27, 2012 at 6:49 am edit

    Hey, I still feel discouraged. I’m 15 and I love baking. I wanna be a pastry chef when I grow up of even a chocolatier. But my parents aren’t helping when I tell them. My dad is fine with it but he’s worried about how busy I would be and whether the workers I will hire might spread my secret recipe. Then there’s my mom, who thinks it’s a hopeless dream. And those comments lead me to worrying. I’m worried what if all my dad said are true. And whether I’ll be successful in opening a bakery or not.

    Reply
    • Torre DeRoche July 28, 2012 at 4:01 am edit

      Doing something unconventional involves a lot of “What if?” questions. There is no way to make a risky career path free of uncertainty, especially when you’re starting your own business. There will always be worries, but worries are important—they help to make your business watertight. List your worries and then create solutions. You could have your employees sign confidentiality contracts, for example.

      You just have to believe in your vision and work your ass off towards getting there. If it fails, you take responsibility for that and move on.

      Reply
  • Payge July 9, 2012 at 7:23 pm edit

    Torre,

    I really appreciate this article; it’s funny and very helpful. I am just starting out on my quest to achieve my dreams, but I understand the terrible burden that is naysaying very well. I feel like most of my friends and family just shrug off my dreams and any time I talk to them they just roll their eyes and start their bash. And I’m not going to lie, I have been a naysayer too. But being on the receiving end of that doubt has really opened my eyes to how detrimental words can be. I used to be a pessimist, but on my quest to attend the college of my dreams, I have learned not to take no for an answer and that working towards something with relentless drive and passion is ok – great, even. So from this point on I shall do my best to avoid naysaying to not only myself but everyone else as well. This article has helped to solidify my resolve; I will NEVER give up in pursuance of dreams, no matter what anyone says to bring my down. Optimism and persistence FTW :)

    And thank you so much for writing this wonderful blog!

    Reply
  • Morgan July 12, 2012 at 6:47 am edit

    My dream is to be a singer/dancer/actor – but both my parents refuse to believe that I could ever do it or have any talent in those aspects, and instead are insistent on me becoming a veterinary surgeon or a doctor. I don’t know what to do. My dreams are a bit unrealistic – but it’s all I want. So what now? :(

    Reply
    • Torre DeRoche July 28, 2012 at 3:55 am edit

      Why not apply for drama school and see if you make the cut? This is a good way to determine if you’re talented enough to make a career of it. If singing/acting/dancing is your passion, keep at it in your spare time. It may be possible to do this alongside vet / medical school.

      But if you have no interest in being a vet or doctor, let your parents know that it’s your right to choose your own career and your own future. If you follow their dreams for you and not your own, you’ll resent your life and your parents later on.

      Reply
      • Morgan July 28, 2012 at 4:59 am edit

        Thank you for your reply. I have told my parents that I want to act/sing/dance, but they always tell me that actors, singers and dancers only do that part time and have other jobs like being a waitress or a check-out person (Sorry – I’m not sure what they’re official name is) and that I wouldn’t earn any money. It’s a very difficult situation. Oh and yes I have applied for drama schools, and I made it into two elite music programs and an acting school. But my parents aren’t allowing me to attend. Thank you for your reply again.

        Reply
        • Torre DeRoche July 30, 2012 at 2:10 am edit

          Yes, it’s difficult. Perhaps you could ask to see a therapist with your parents there? A therapist may be able to help bridge the communication gap so that everybody’s needs are getting heard. Suggesting this is also a good way to help your parents understand how important this is to you.

          Reply
  • Nathan July 16, 2012 at 3:08 am edit

    My parents have been crushing my sports dreams and have been passively eating at my dream of being in the marines. I’m 15 so I don’t have any control. I feel hopeless. It just yanks the life out of me.

    Reply
    • Torre DeRoche July 28, 2012 at 3:49 am edit

      When you’re ready, try to talk to them about this calmly. Keep a cool head and explain your feelings. Tell them you appreciate their love and guidance, but that your life is your own and you need to follow your own path. If you communicate to them from your heart, they’ll pay attention.

      But remember this too: It isn’t easy to know what we want to do with the rest of our lives when we’re 15. We haven’t yet learned what we really stand for and what we really enjoy because we haven’t had a chance to taste everything on the menu. Maybe you know exactly what you want, but why not let your dreams mature for a few more years before you decide? You have plenty of time.

      And one last tip: education is really important. With a degree, you’ll always have opportunities to fall back on. The smartest path is to pursue an education AND your passion.

      Good luck!

      Reply
  • Shammy July 29, 2012 at 2:00 am edit

    I am so glad I came across this page. I have been completely discouraged by pretty much everyone in my life except my mom about fulfilling my dream of moving to England. Since I was a young child I have dreamt about living there and finally at age 20 went for a brief visit. I fell in love with the place and my heart is yearning to leave this discouraging and negative bubble I live in here in Toronto. I have told a few people and have had countless people tell me how impractical and stupid it is to move to England. People I thought were “friends” have tried to discourage me by telling me how it was impossible for them to do it so it will be impossible for me to do it. I even had one “friend” tell my mom that she should discourage me completely from moving because they had tried it previously and had to come back to Canada because they couldn’t make it.
    It’s so hard and frustrating having this dream and not being able to tell aof these so called friends or family my hopes and dreams. I am not going to sit back anymore and listen to these naysayers who want to bash my dream
    because they didn’t achieve theirs. Thanks for the much needed boost.

    Reply
    • Torre DeRoche July 29, 2012 at 5:07 am edit

      After you go to England, you’ll look back at all the times someone told you it wasn’t possible and you’ll laugh at how easy it was.

      Reply
      • Shammy February 9, 2013 at 4:21 am edit

        Not sure if anyone will see this but thought I would post anyways, after posting here in July of last year about my dream of moving to England, I can proudly say that in a few weeks I will be off fulfilling my life long dream! I am so excited and hopeful for the future and could care less about what anyone says about what I am doing anymore. The moment you stop caring what people think about you is when you can truly start living. My advice to anyone is if there is something you really want to do, something you have been dreaming off don’t let anyone’s negativity bring you down, go out there and make your dreams reality! You may encounter obstacles but if you truly want it you will get it!

        Reply
  • Ben Reviere August 11, 2012 at 12:45 am edit

    My dream is and still is to become a professional skier. I am quite young and at 16, although the likelihood is dim, I still strive from what others say I can’t or won’t. I have been told I’m really good by many and have entered scores of competitions throughout the New England Area placing in most if not all of them. However, my family holds me back. Obviously, I can’t drive, so my dreams are at hold. Remarks such as “do a real job” or “you can’t do that” or “that’s too dangerous” are thrown upon me. Although, it stubborns me I ignore those remarks and only use them as a motivational method to further achieve my goal. I work with my father occasionally, and some day he wants to work with me professionally. However, deep down inside I do not want to. As time passes I do nothing and I am too afraid to sit down and talk with my family. I want them to support me, but they do not. I just do not want to work and sit down in an office for the rest of my life, getting voluminous on Twinkies and fast food. I want to do what I love and always have loved, what keeps me happy and always will, what Norwegians are born for, and maybe someday I will reach that goal, because when your having fun, everything comes easier.

    Reply
  • ViVo Colonics September 29, 2012 at 2:56 pm edit

    Yup! I just had a enormous argument with my parents about me starting a Health and Wellness business. A 37 year old woman like me and they said they’re disowning me. Like I care. They were swearing, cursing, calling me name as (death face, slut, whore, and etc.) It was hurtful but I tried to ignore. I am not letting them running my future. F! them!

    Reply
  • Ana Luisa Cruz October 20, 2012 at 4:44 pm edit

    What a great Blog post. I will certainly share…

    I grew up surrounded by dysfunctional people who waited in the shadows for someone to step out of the norm so they can pull them back in by pissing on their dreams. Mainly because they were too frightened to climb out of their comfort zone to pursue their own dreams they couldn’t stand for someone else to succeed where they failed. The best thing I ever did for myself was to separate myself from these folks because their negativity grew to hatred and jealousy. Even today as I pursue my dream many wait lurking in the shadows, waiting for any sign of failure. But, I don’t pay any mind to them because they are living their own private hell. Someone with that kind of negative mindset couldn’t possibly be happy in life. Which is probably part of their problem. What a relief and sense of sense of tranquility I found when I made the conscious decision to walk away and surround myself with positive people.

    Your Blog post fueled my inspiration and I Thank you :D

    Reply
  • Hayley December 10, 2012 at 12:05 am edit

    This helped a lot, I’m not an adult I’m a young teenager and everytime I tell my grandparents(I live with them) what I’m interested in doing for a career they either laugh or criticize it! And I walk away sad depressed and very low confidence ! And a lot of stress and I have tried talking to them but it ends up into an argument !

    Reply
    • Torre DeRoche December 14, 2012 at 4:41 am edit

      Sorry, Hayley. Stay confident in yourself. They’ll probably come around when they can see that you’re committed to your choices. And remember: you don’t need to get approval from anyone in life. It may feel that way as a teenager, but soon you’ll see that we’re all responsible for our own lives and happiness. While it feels good to have the people we love supporting us, it’s not always possible. You have to take full responsibility for yourself and go for what you want. If it doesn’t work out, you take responsibility for that too and you move on to something new. Good luck. x

      Reply
  • Chanel December 18, 2012 at 2:41 am edit

    One rather in attractive girl in my class, who has been bullied due to her weight and has boasted about her ‘flawless skin’ on a daily basis has been a naysayer in my life. A major one. She’s usually kind, but she’s super passive aggressive. I told her I wanted to be an actress, and maybe get into some modeling – I don’t know why I did, she just got it out of me. When I told her though, I’d expect her to be positive, the way I was with her dreams of being an international business women. Instead, she laughed and said, “Don’t you need to have acting talent to do that? I mean, I’ve never seen you read a monologue, but… And I mean, modeling? Don’t you have to be pretty for that?”

    Pretty harsh, coming from her. Especially cause I’ve never been anything but nice to her. I don’t know, nobody believes in me but I do. Thanks for this article! Maybe it’ll help me deal with my family, too.

    It’s a world of naysayers for me.

    Reply
    • Torre DeRoche December 19, 2012 at 11:02 am edit

      Sad. You can’t listen to that crap! Definitely be careful who you share your acting/modelling dreams with. Some people are jealous and insecure, and they might rip you apart even if you’re beautiful and talented.

      Reply
  • Lisa January 1, 2013 at 2:09 am edit

    My husband kills all of my dreams. I say I want babes, he says he never wants babys. I say I want to go to NY he says NY is the last place on earth he wants to go.
    He is a big naysayer and thrives on quashing my dreams.
    Some advice please?

    Reply
    • Torre DeRoche January 1, 2013 at 6:26 am edit

      If you feel he’s thriving on this or getting some sort of perverse satisfaction out of keeping you from your dreams, it doesn’t sound like a good situation and you should take control of your life and get out. If it’s just a conflict of interest and you love him, then you need to decide what want more in life: NY and a baby, or him.

      Reply
  • Kelly January 3, 2013 at 12:03 am edit

    Psycology of an asshole, someone who wants to push someone else to do something this person dont want to do.
    This someone i sacrificie so hè couldn’t study and get up in his career.
    My alcoholic friend told me you have to leave everything and live my dream or else. He wanted to work abroad and every couple of years move to a different place. Seems great, well not for me. I wanted to study, get a job and be independent. So i followed my dream and stayed.
    The dreamer is somewhere living his dream, i’m an artist and living my dream finally.

    Reply
  • Treena January 4, 2013 at 4:03 am edit

    Really good read and needed it today.

    I am working on a product and having trouble finishing it due to fear.
    I am afraid of my competitors criticizing me.

    This one guy who is at the top, routinely insults and belittles anyone who disagrees with him and his ideas. According to him, his way is the only way of doing this.

    How do you deal with that type of person when they have such a large following?

    Most of the time he will spout the major companies he has worked for or the books he has written and tell people, where’s your book or blog or seminar. He’ll tell people they are stupid and don’t know what they are talking about. Yes, he gets really nasty.

    I am an unknown but the reality I have tons more experience than he has and my views are different.

    So how do you deal with it? What do you say to someone like that if they start putting your book or blog down?

    Reply
  • Brigette January 26, 2013 at 3:22 pm edit

    Love the illustrations. Completely love your writing style.
    It’s true dream suffocates have unfulfilled dreams too. It’s difficult to keep a dream you are excited about to yourself but sharing can have consequences some good some bad. Getting involved in business incubators, writing groups, art communities etc just like minded folks will whittle down the “likelihood” of a naysayer. For every level of desired accomplishment there will be a “Goliath”.

    Reply
  • Gabby January 30, 2013 at 10:38 pm edit

    Hello Torre! I have been having continuous problems with my parents always bashing my dreams of going to college for musical theatre. I’m almost 17 , but I have been absolutely in LOVE with performing from a young age and they know how much it means to me. It really helped me make friends and find out who I am, and got me out of a “what the heck is life for” mood when I got older and people turned dark. We have talked about college many times and how I should be a pharmacist like my sister, or a nurse, or do something with computers but they always end up as exploding screaming matches. I swear I try to stay calm but its very hard when they bring it up everyday. They never got to persue their dreams which I’m guessing is why they don’t want me too. But wouldn’t they want to support me? Honestly, I can’t remember a time when they supported me, even for things like sports. I am so passionate about performing, I just want them to see what their lack of support and unfollowed dreams might be doing to their child.

    Reply
  • Susan Hines February 7, 2013 at 1:42 pm edit

    Love the article. My husband and I are going to buy some land and eventually move there and live very simply. We probably won’t be able to retire,but we can both work jobs and maybe even raise chickens and goats. Who knows? Maybe we’ll be mini farmers? But my friends, who do care deeply about my well being, think we are nuts. But this is my idea of heaven.

    Reply
  • http://tinyurl.com/primsandy47031 February 8, 2013 at 7:28 am edit

    I really wonder why you named this particular article, “What to do when people won

    Reply
  • Chanel @ La Viajera Morena February 18, 2013 at 8:00 pm edit

    Those darned naysayers… If I get one more ‘Don’t die in (insert country) ‘ or ‘(insert country) is dangerous’ comment I am going to scream.

    Reply
  • Pedro February 21, 2013 at 3:31 am edit

    Here in Brazil these naysayers are mutiplied by thousands. I just keep my mouth shut, as if my dream was the best golden secret. Maybe Einstein was talking about this when he said, maybe:

    “If A equals success, then the formula is: A=X+Y+Z.
    X is work.
    Y is play.
    Z is keep your mouth shut.”

    Reply
  • Timothy O'Leary February 26, 2013 at 7:28 pm edit

    Love your work – love the graphics – love the spirit of the work! Great stuff, Tim

    Reply
  • Yvonne Taylor February 27, 2013 at 8:12 pm edit

    Hmm, you know, everything is not always black and white, and before you put down people in such a general way for the purpose of selfishness alone, maybe you might consider the following, my own story.
    I have been with my husband for 21 years. We both have had various dreams and most we have followed, even though there were risks. In the 21 years, I have belived the dreams and ideas my husband has had were worth pursuing, as well as most of my own. like partners we discussed them. I have moves around the country as well. Once we even took off for a year in an RV and just found jobs along the way. We have made plans and dreams, with some risk, to build a restaurant. However, saying to forget someone you love, who has loved you and always supported you in what you want to do, and say they do not matter all of a sudden because your happiness is the only happiness to worry about is quite narcissistic. My husband has always had a dream to go to space since young. Now he is 51 and has applied to the Mars One program that will leave in 10 years to colonize Mars. I am older by 10 years than him, and by that time we will have been together 31 years. The thing is it is a one way trip! Basically he is saying he will leave us in 10 years (we have a daughter). Not once in your article do you say anything other than think only of yourself, interesting concept, and if the whole world listened to this it would be a very sad world indeed. Personally, the part about “The psychology of an asshole” makes me go, wow YOU are one. By bringing up dangers of death, how they would be missed, does NOT mean all the stupid implications you listed. All you are doing here is re enforcing narcissistic behavior, and perhaps you are one as well and this gives you justification of it somehow. Some goals and dreams I agree should be purused, but some …maybe not, but at least those around you who love you should not be treated as you suggest. I found your article to be not well rounded, but then a narcissist would not even think of all sides I guess.

    Reply
    • Torre DeRoche February 28, 2013 at 12:55 am edit

      Dear Yvonne,

      I’m sorry that you felt the need to insult me in your comment, but I understand the hurt you’re feeling over your husband’s decision. To clarify: this piece of writing is NOT for you or your husband. Whenever I have gone after a big and scary dream, I’ve always had a few naysayers in my life who have attempted to bring me down with negative comments. When I was younger, I was very sensitive to that, and I would let those naysayers shape my decisions. As I grew older, I learned to to label them as ‘naysayers’ and block them out. This piece speaks to the people who have found themselves in similar situations to me, in a lighthearted way.

      It is not speaking to the whole world and everyone’s personal situation (it’s impossible to address everyone in one article). And I agree that other people’s lives do need to be taken into consideration with whatever dream you’re going after—all our actions have a ripple effect on those around us. I also agree that your husband’s choice is very self-centred. After so many years together and so many adventures, this must be heartbreaking for you and your daughter.

      You should go and seek help from a therapist, as the complexity of this issue is well beyond any resources you might find on the internet. You’re going to spend the next 10 years in anticipation and misery unless this gets sorted out. Perhaps your husband has fears around getting old? Perhaps he’s not really intending to do this? Perhaps there are issues in the relationship that he doesn’t know how to address, and so shooting off to Mars seems like an easy solution to him? (Men can be strange like that…) These are some of the things you can work try to work through with a therapist.

      If he does intend to go and he’s sticking with that plan, it will be a process of grief and change for you that’s going to be extremely painful. You love him, and he has been your life, but you should know that it’s possible to create something else for yourself beyond him. And I don’t think you need to wait 10 years to get started with that.

      Good luck, Yvonne.

      Torre

      Reply
      • Yvonne February 28, 2013 at 12:23 pm edit

        Hi Torre,
        Thank you for your reply. This may be long, but thank you for the opportunity to help me sort it out a little here. Actually, I agree that people should not make one’s dream into a negative thing, and have done that in a sense, but perhaps I am some type of needed reality checks and balance, in anything both sides should be considered and that is where I had problems with this article, because this is huge. I just felt a lot was pretty harsh here and not inclusive of how others were feeling, hence the “narcisistic” comment., addressing the caring people have (admittedly not always said in the best fashion) with abandonment. From your reply I somewhat retract that, LOL, but the huge diagram and telling people that no one matters but yourself I still have problems with. I would not even have posted here were it not for the fact my husband has a habit of looking up things on the internet to back what ever he thinks (even if slanted :) and if he read this I felt it would be even worse situation. To be fair, I have run into people who said negative things about some of the things I wanted to do, my parents as well, but I worked with them, did not abandon their feelings like this article implies doing. That being said, I do realize there are people who say things, not out of caring, but are just snotty types. I think your reply to me was what this page needed, and I thank you. Now on to my situation :) … Yes I agree, and have already thought of all the things you have said, I’m still in an analyzing mode, with bouts of sadness or anger or being loving and supporting, it is a roller coaster ride of emotions :) I am probably more of an adventurous type than my husband, and both of us have done things with risk despite those who think we are nuts :) Yes, he does intend to try his hardest, works on a web site about it even. It has always been his life’s dream to go to space, but how it was announced did not lead to much support.. hey I am applying to go to mars and it is a one way trip (he says gleefully). We have had a lot of ups and downs, and even hardships, in our relationship, have even survived three times of separation from each other, a year at a time due to circumstances of jobs. In the last couple years I have traveled to several countries without him even. We were at a point I thought we had a dual dream of building and running a restaurant together and enjoying a better relationship we have recently had, then boom! Yes, the waiting is driving me nuts, and yes I am not sure I should stay, should he get picked, just so he can feel satisfied with a long relationship then abandon with no regrets. This would make me rather co dependent it seems to me, not to mention I am 61 and do not want to spend 10 years with someone who plans on abandoning me and plans on repopulating mars! Gheesh, seems reasonable when writing this that I should feel upset when I read this saying I was an asshole, so guess I felt you should deal with the narcissistic comment.in return. Your subsequent post gave you rectification though :) . Getting some therapy for me probably would help with my logical side, can I hear it on my emotional side though? Not sure. No amount of therapy will change his mind, he is determined to follow this “dream”, and I do understand the wishful dreaming of his is strong, and even all the things I can see with problems of this company’s planning and the dangers will not change that, not even any love for his family. So, when I figure this all out I will write again. Again, thank you. And to all who are reading this, yes, follow your dreams, but try to determine if any “negativity” you feel people are saying has any help in decisions or not, because dreams have an element of fantasy as well, make sure your dreams are the best for you, and good luck.

        Reply
    • Yvonne Taylor August 2, 2013 at 6:21 pm edit

      Update: The final application is to send a video on why he wants to go, this is due by the end of this month. We have had a lot of problems over this and has revealed a few more besides, all about fantasies and his attitude that only he is important. We have been getting along last couple weeks, but still deciding whether I should leave and pursue some adventures of my own or stay knowing I was not a priority, just wanted convenience of having me here until he leaves. I am over all the stages of grief now, was a wild ride back and forth though and feel it took a toll on my health. If I stay it will be because he is building a store for me to sell my art (and to ease his conscience I guess). In limbo until next month and will go with the flow until then.

      Reply
  • Jamie February 28, 2013 at 10:28 pm edit

    Torre, this is so true. Wherever you go and whatever you do, there will be people who claim that your dreams are impossible and wish to rip them down and wipe their boring, dirty feet all over them. They call themselves normal. If you were to sell flowers in aid of funding drug research to fight malicious diseases, they would point out that you are harming the environment for the benefit of human gain. Ignore these people, follow your dreams and take solace in the few yes people that you can find. Such as me finding this article written by you. I greatly appreciated it.

    Reply
  • junior Chaves March 15, 2013 at 3:36 am edit

    I like the way you think..
    your words are really helpful.
    i loved the illustrations as well.
    also i like your photo too. not making a pass but
    you seem to be so nice,smart and inteligent, cute smile.
    i’d love to have a chat with you if it was possible
    random conversation like. but i guess that won’t
    ever happen. good luck with your job. a bear hug 4 u

    Reply
  • Bisha2212 March 15, 2013 at 3:30 pm edit

    I feel like my whole family is naysayers. I am currently trying to pursue my dreams! I mean I know this is what I am meant to do. I had an actual vision of it years before! I had wished my family would support me on this but I actualy live with my sister who actually has took the naysayer game to a whole nother level and told eeryone I was crazy and care too much about this stupid “thing” Im into. She did this before I even got to say anything so now they have prejudged and belieed in what she said. Now if Im working on my business, I get negative energy like “UhhhhhhhGGGG! shes doing that again!” It sucks because I live with her and so its hard to put myself all they way into my work when I come home to someone like that. I dont have the money to move out yet and I Need to get a rush on what Im doing. You guys have any advice?

    Reply
  • sofia March 20, 2013 at 12:20 am edit

    i really want to be an actress and singer, but my whole family doesnt want me to be it. i ask my mom if i could audition for something she goes on and on about that its not gonna happen she WONT let me.Any advice on what to do?

    Reply
    • Amanda March 26, 2013 at 12:03 am edit

      Sofia, I am having the same problem. i want to chase my dreams sooo badly but always feel stuck in a rut. but if i were you i would go for it, if you dont try you’ll never know. Who knows you could end up suprizing yourself. And mabye even prove your mom wrong. live in the moment and dont let anyone knock you down!

      Reply
  • Amanda March 25, 2013 at 11:55 pm edit

    i think that i have a lot of normal boring people around me and they’d rather have a boring structured job like an accountant or a realistate agent, but for me i dream big and get shot down all the time. it makes me just want to cry because my dreams consist of modeling or being a pro motocross racer simply because i think it would be a fun job with obsticles. i dont know why my parents wont let me race dirtbikes? i obviously know the risks and dont mind them i just feel stuck in a rut constently. Even though im a sophomore in high school.

    Reply
  • Charlie mitchell March 28, 2013 at 8:48 pm edit

    Hi, really just perfectly describes my family, im good at guitar, and have a talent at it, but my family refuse to support me in it, they say that i wont make it, but this has made me believ i can achieve that ;) Thankyou

    Reply
  • Mimi April 6, 2013 at 12:00 am edit

    My Father the Naysayer

    Usually I sit their and let him rule my life because of him I have lost a number of close friends. Been in hardcore depression. Got married to the man of HIS dreams and now am a divorcee at a young age of father. I was forced to leave my home country to live in a different country with my extended family for 3 years as I settled in their I was forced to move back to my birth town then forced to marriage. After I had enough I divorced and decided to live life my way I followed my dream of becoming a model/actor 6 months down the line I have 3 major assignments struggling models would die for now my father says if I carry on with this career he will stop talking to me. I’m not giving up my career because he’s childish. But is it wrong to lose my father over passion and desire to become a actor ? I mean the way I see it is if he’s happy enough to stop talking to me over that then he doesn’t deserve me around him. He’s fucked my life up before I forgave him. Do I need to go through this again?

    Reply
    • Torre DeRoche April 7, 2013 at 11:11 pm edit

      Your father is strangling you. And while it’s a terrible thing to lose that relationship if it comes to that, you have to live your own life first. This is his issue to sort out, not yours. He’s your dad, but this is your life to live and die in.

      It’s not only about following this dream of modelling, it’s about the fact that he’s being invasive and he’s dictating your major decisions. If you continue to allow him to do that, you will probably continue to suffer hardcore depression. You don’t need his approval.

      Just make sure you don’t need anything from him. Be responsible for yourself financially. If the modelling doesn’t work out, make sure you have a plan B. Good luck!

      Reply
  • atlin April 11, 2013 at 9:19 am edit

    i have ma dreams..but ppl i love holds me back…m stuck

    Reply
  • Matt H. April 13, 2013 at 2:47 am edit

    YES! My so called friends ended up being the worse ..I reached out to inform them of me finally crossing in to my new profession and finding a network that would and could throw me into my dream occupation and of course change my life…….and they just dropped off the face of the earth, no response to phone calls, emails ..nothing when I said I finally am moving and will be in the mix…..they Vanished …
    Advice: If your friends of no matter how many years don’t have positive uplifting go get it brother or sister attitudes for your new found success …then they probably really are not friends…they are jealous and insecure individuals who really just are alone in misery cause they never set there goals and really went all the way..
    Sorry this is so long
    BUT KEEP DREAMING, LIFE IS SHORT, LIVE< LOVE< AND CREATE…never look back………

    Reply
  • Peter La April 14, 2013 at 12:11 am edit

    Such a great concept and probably why we advance so slowly as a spiecies its because at least half of people have this fear of what what will happen if they change. Sometimes it’s really difficult because you can be seriously connected to a naysayer like your life partner or parent of your children,

    what annoys me the most is when you have to argue and argue with your partner to do things differently but when you ask them to make a decision they won’t’

    I’m over people that won’t support me that want me to do things that makes them feel safe

    Reply
  • sheik April 18, 2013 at 4:24 am edit

    Really nice article.
    You are correct, assholes are every where….
    we need to sharpen our swords to nay slashing…

    If i listen to nay sayers, my dreams can’t be fulfilled!

    Reply
  • darlene chism April 21, 2013 at 4:41 pm edit

    Ummm…..you are pure awesomeness. Thanks for this~

    Reply
  • Dan April 23, 2013 at 7:34 am edit

    Thanks for this wondeful words of encouragement.

    Reply
  • Addy April 23, 2013 at 11:22 am edit

    My whole family belongs to that naysayer category :(

    Reply
  • Brittany Thomas April 26, 2013 at 9:07 am edit

    When I was 15, I decided I wanted to play guitar and sing. The bands and singers I admired planted that dream in my heart. One day, my father asked me what I wanted to be. I told him. This look of puzzled disgust wash over his face kind of slowly as he was considering what I just said, and then he said “You’re dreaming. Get your head out of the clouds. Come back down to Earth.” His tone of voice was so incredulous. I couldn’t believe it! This coming from the same man who when I was 8 told me that I could be anything i wanted to be! What the hell happened in just 7 years to change his mind?! in years proceeding that fiasco, he would tell me that he had never heard me sing and so he didn’t know if I could! So I would never make it! What’s twisted about that remark is that once I did sing for him a line or two (I was afraid), and then he told me I wasn’t doing it right! He said ‘sing like this.’ But he was singing several octaves above his normal voice and that would cause him to strain. There were other people who also discouraged me by laughing so hard I thought they would bust a gut, and saying things like ‘I think you’d better find something else to do’ and ‘It’s a million to one shot.’ But my father was the main one that really hurt me. Now I’m thinking of giving up my song lyric writing forever. By the way, he died of lung cancer in 1996, so he’s no longer around to crush the hell out of my dreams. But I’m still traumatized. He also did and said a lot of other horrible things, so many, I could write a book. How do you get over being crushed like a grape?

    Reply
  • Pinch Me, It's Real April 27, 2013 at 9:23 pm edit

    Yeah, I’m 30. I wanted to become a musician, I heard from some outer sources that I was not bad – but one thing crippled my life – poverty, my mom, dad, old pal – against me to make things nasty, not only by saying rude stuff but also by total IGNORANCE. No one cares I love western music, stupid Polish post-communist assholes. If I could only get out of my sick country and find some cool people one day, that would really become my friends. Yeah, and if I’d only have enough money to make it on my own. I hope many people in the world have more luck than I do.

    Reply
  • Erin April 28, 2013 at 1:44 am edit

    Thank you for the inspiration. Your writing makes me happy and makes me laugh out loud. Down with the naysayer assholes!

    Reply
  • jan April 28, 2013 at 11:52 am edit

    I can’t stop laughing when you say “assholes” and “they’re hoping to keep you small and easy to manage”! This has lifted my spirits as I am putting a magazine together looking for contributors and need support and advice, someone to say “go for it, your doing well” and all I am getting is people ignoring me and everytime I try to talk about it they get very angry and dismissive I am at the point now where its time to cut this person off as with one hand they are acting like they are my friend and being helpful but as soon as I talk about my dreams and ask their opinion, they turn dark. I also have neighbours who don’t like me because they they can’t “bring me low”. They spend all their time trying to do things to make me feel low and intimidated and get extremely angry when it does not work. I notice that when they hear me talk positive on the telephone to people, when I laugh, when I dance around my home and sing I can feel their anger build and it got worse when they over heard me talk about my dreams which interupts my flow at times. I feel so alone as no one is supporting me and all I can do is encourage myself. If I’m down and unhappy, these people perk up and start acting like they are happy. So thanks for this, it has helped me a lot. If you are interested in writing for my magazine due to launch this year for inspirational women, let me know. Jan

    Reply
  • Julie McMahon April 29, 2013 at 11:14 pm edit

    I love this post! It speaks to me on so many levels. I’ve just discovered your blog and am thrilled to read about your publishing adventure (can’t wait to pick up the book as well!)

    Your story makes me think what could have been if I hadn’t listened to naysayers 18 years ago when I was choosing law school over writing (“you will never make a living as a writer…” = poison). I am now fumbling my way through this new career choice but I am inspired by possibility and the stories of others who have turned a deaf ear to the the naysayers around them. So, thank you.

    Reply
  • Andy May 4, 2013 at 12:19 pm edit

    Thanks for this article. I loved it and honestly couldn’t have said it better myself. I started writing and drawing when I was very very young and was winning awards by the time I was 9years old, I had fantastic dreams and my mother in turn spent my entire life naysaying everything I aspired to. By the time I was 18 or less I had quit on my dreams and tried to follow things I believed would make her happy. Well, no guessing how that turned out!

    Fortunately, I saw the light again but it took surviving cancer and losing everything I owned to see it and when I did I ran into it and basked in it’s familiar warmth. I finally saw her for what she is, a sad miserable woman who takes immense joy in building up hope and then smashing it. Her favourite sentence starter: “Yes but… ” is my most hated word combination.

    I’m currently busying myself getting her set up in her own life (she ironically depends on me to take care of her). Once that task is settled I have plans in place for our paths to diverge once and for all and from that point on I shall spend my days pursuing all those things I ought to have done for the last 20 – 40 years, the gap depends on where a dream was lost en route to this point.

    Reply
  • Kris Leblanc May 9, 2013 at 12:52 pm edit

    Thank You so much for this article. I have been in IT for the last 8 years, a career in which I truly felt was comparable to a prison sentence or a living hell. My soul was sucked dry every day, before IT, I was happy in radio, not making much money, but happy. Now I left It due to burn out and have decided to do voice acting. And the naysayers have come out in droves, even telling me to at least get a job in the film / tv industry first as a technician, ie: an IT related job. I say no, it will take my focus away from doing what I love. Again, Thank you for this boost that I needed.

    Reply
    • Alien May 11, 2013 at 12:47 pm edit

      Hi there

      It makes me smile from the inside out every time I read something so beautiful, inspiring and positive :)
      When reading this it reminds me……..
      It freaks me out every time I listen to negative people, overly cynical and people who complain and complain about everything.
      I really hope I wont become a dried up vegetable complaining about life all the time, telling my kid to lower his/her standards in life and buying lottery tickets to believe its the only way out.
      I believe the world will be a very different place if humans could believe anything could be done and to support each other since we love to tear each other apart.
      It takes guts to say F-off I want to do this and aware of the consequences of failure (several times) before getting there.

      Love it and will treasure it

      Alien

      Reply
  • An May 13, 2013 at 11:59 pm edit

    My husband is a naysayer. After leaving my own country to live in his country it took me 10 years of shitty jobs, sickness and now finally I’m starting to get some recognition in in my field. My dream of studying after 20 years have being crushed.
    He started wanting to work abroad on non permanent contract, “for the money ” he says. I’m not against moving but because of the finances is not possible to keep a house and we have to move every couple of years to a different place. I wouldn’t mind if we would have a home base but living from a luggage at this point in my life makes me sad. I wanted to do that when we were younger but his excuse was he didn’t had enough experience. Am I an egoist for not wanting to follow his dream and my dream? If we could move somewhere else where he could get a permanent job I could study and fulfill my own dreams. But he just wants to travel the world and I have to follow. Nice if we would have lots of money but he would be earning a bit more that now but I would be totally dependent on him which I don’t want. Am I an egoist?

    Reply
  • Miisa Mink May 14, 2013 at 2:49 pm edit

    Oh I love this post! Will have to share this as may people as possible :) . And looking forward reading the book too! All the best, Miisa

    Reply
  • Suzette May 16, 2013 at 8:40 am edit

    Loved your post… Know the feeling of people trying to shape you into a mold that suits them, not even considering how you might feel about your own ideas.

    Fits in so well with stay at home moms with a dream that knows they can do both but the world expects them (because of their choice to not follow a full-time career) to not have a life. My main mission in life is to make moms realize that you can have best of both worlds – just push a little harder…

    Reply
  • Michelle May 16, 2013 at 4:42 pm edit

    I’ve had a burning desire to write a book but no one believes me – I don’t know how to get published even if i write it- so sometimes I wonder if they are right.

    Reply
  • Katie May 17, 2013 at 6:44 pm edit

    Thanks, the article was great, but my family won’t support me at all :[ I really don’t want to be a doctor but my mom always go on about how it’s “best for me” and stuff like that and if I even try to argue with her, she’d scold me immediately. I can’t talk it out with her :\

    Reply
    • Garvit May 21, 2013 at 10:46 pm edit

      Hi Torre,

      I’m a 17 year old boy from India, and have just finished schooling. I have always wanted to be professional racing driver ever since I first drove a go-kart almost 10 years ago. Now that I have started expressing my interest in motorsports to my father, he has turned on me. According to him, we don’t have the finances that are required in this field.
      Also, since it is very unpredictable, I have decided to pursue Automobile Engineering as well, so as to have some backup.
      I am absolutely sure I have the talent. I don’t know if he knows this or not. Instead, he is ordering me not to race at all, ever. And he doesn’t want me study Automobile Engineering as well, because he thinks I’m choosing this field to support my racing. He wants me to do what millions of other people do. I fail to understand why he doesn’t see my vision to do something different and new.

      Words cannot describe the passion I have for racing, and I am 200% sure that I can go a long way, only if he supports me, and not shout at me everytime I bring this up.

      I know I haven’t been the topper of my class, and that’s because I don’t like studying in general, or maybe because I commit things to him under pressure and when I fail to achieve them, I feel under confident. And he should know this too.

      I can’t see myself doing anything else in life, apart from what I want. Fine, even if I do find something , I’ll never be good at it, because it’d be more of a burden. I’d never be happy in life, and I don’t want that. I hope you understand how difficult it has become for me.

      Don’t tell me to sit and talk because I’ve already tried that numerous times, only to hear his raised voice at the end.
      Please help me out Torre. I’m counting on you.

      Reply
      • Torre DeRoche May 22, 2013 at 7:05 am edit

        Hi Garvit. The trouble with being young is that you’re dependant on your parents, and being in this subordinate position takes away some of your power and freedom. When you get older, you will have more choices. You will be able to do anything you want. But perhaps that’s not soon enough for you…

        The only way to have full control over your life is to break dependancies on other people. If you can fund and support yourself completely, then you will not have to get anyone else’s approval on it. This also means being self-reliant, so if it fails and you find yourself bereft, you will need to take responsibility for that too. Most of the time it’s not possible to lean on another person for financial support, while also getting everything you want all the time. As long as your father is invested in you (financially and emotionally) he is going to want to control your life to some degree. He wants to see a good return for his investment. He wants you to succeed so that he can relax and stop having to support you. He wants you to thrive independent of him, and he’s trying to guide you on the path that he thinks will lead to this. That is what parents do. He is doing what he thinks is best, even if he’s wrong.

        So if you are truly determined to do this, you will have to break your dependency on your father. Fund your own schooling. Work very, very hard and go after exactly what you want. If you’re not willing (or able) to do this, you will have to accept that your father will control certain aspects of your life.

        Perhaps it’s possible to see a therapist together and talk it through with someone else there to guide the conversation?

        Good luck.

        Reply
        • Garvit May 22, 2013 at 9:31 am edit

          Thanks Torre,

          I have been in touch with other people for help, and they’ve suggested the same thing as well. But, breaking my dependency on my father will be very, very tough. Firstly because , well, he is my father! Unless I have his emotional support in life, I won’t be happy at all.
          Secondly, racing is very expensive, and couple that with my education costs, it will be near – impossible for me myself to fund both things at once.
          What I have decided though, is that I’ll try and find some sponsors, and maybe that will change my father’s mind. Anyway, it feels good to share my thoughts with somebody who is willing to listen and help. Thank you Torre!
          I’ll get back to you if this plan succeeds.

          Reply
          • Torre DeRoche May 23, 2013 at 5:35 am edit

            Sponsors! Great idea. You sound mature, intelligent, and level-headed, so you might have some success with sponsors. As for this statement: “Unless I have his emotional support in life, I won’t be happy at all” I know exactly what you mean. I think that, to some extent, we all face this problem: Do we make our parents happy and enjoy the pleasure of their nods of approval? Or do we follow exactly what we want in life at the risk of making our parents unhappy? There’s no right answer to this, only what feels right to your heart.

  • Alee May 26, 2013 at 7:56 am edit

    Thank you for this article! I’ve recently experienced a bit of a backlash from a couple of “close friends” who’ve kinda been a little stand offish about a new business venture i’m undertaking. The fact that I am passionate about it doesn’t seem to be enough to garner their support! I’m finding it hard to face them with no hard feelings because I truly am hurt. However, this has helped and I can get past it and continue building on my dreams. Thank you :)

    Reply
  • Kent Peligrino May 31, 2013 at 2:25 am edit

    Oh my god how could I ever thank you enough , damn my family members are all naysayers . Oh we’ll , nice artworks by the way :)

    Reply
  • nuri June 1, 2013 at 5:51 pm edit

    I’ve always had a problem with this and am especially feeling it right now with my parents. I am always doing what I think they want me to do every since I was a child, because I am too scared to disappoint them. I am now 19 and just graduated with my BA and I want to go teach in Korea for a couple of years. This is not my life goal, but it is a dream that I have had since I was 17. I’ve worked really hard in school and that is why I graduated at 19 and I really just want to live in Korea for three years, learn the language, eat some good Korean bbq, and teach English. But right now, out of fear, I am just trying to find a 9-5 job that pays “well” because I know that, that is what my parents expect me to do. I am going to apply for Korea, I at least made that decision, but I can sadly say that I am not happy. I am not happy that I have to hide this from my parents, I am not happy that I’m not happy because of I am so worried about my parents. I am so scared of failing and getting it thrown back in my face. I am so scared of the “well what are you going to do after?” I know what I WANT to do after Korea, but just because I want to do it, and i have a plan, doesn’t mean anything is going to happen. Anyways, this is my life.

    Reply
  • Ana June 5, 2013 at 4:35 pm edit

    Hey, I just read this and… I’m in a real confused state. I want to go meet my long distance boyfriend in his country, and he was supposed to come, but he has a hard family environment, I believe he tried, and monetarily speaking it would be easier for me to go there. But no one supports this. All my friends dislike him, and my best friend says it’s too dangerous and I don’t need this…
    Am I wrong? I am scared of course, I would foolish not to be. But how can I tell which is real feeling? Thanks…

    Reply
    • Torre DeRoche June 6, 2013 at 3:25 am edit

      Nobody can make that call for you, Ana. But from what you’ve told me here, I sense that your friends might be right. If you have any feeling whatsoever that it might be dangerous –– even the slightest little bit –– then you absolutely should not go.

      Reply
  • Fr June 7, 2013 at 4:07 am edit

    Does this go with any dream because I like to sing and want to do it one day as a career but I don’t understand, can you help me? I’m so confused

    Reply
  • akane June 8, 2013 at 4:32 pm edit

    I find that what works best for me is to keep what is precious (including my dreams) to myself. Especially when those dreams are in the “embryo” stage. There really is no good reason why anyone to know what my plans are, and I have found that it is often MORE productive NOT to reveal them until the exact moment I need to, such as announcing my trip via a Tweet in the airport or open house for my business. Even then only those who need to know would be informed…. friends who would notice my absence if I suddenly stopped blogging on a trip to a third world country, road trip, or multi-day bike ride, for example) or my “business circle of influence” for the open house- relying on friends and family to support a business is often a mistake. Any thoughts on this?

    Reply
  • Michael June 9, 2013 at 11:24 am edit

    My G.F is a naysayer. Especially in her cycle. She becomes totally unsupportive of my business plan and is throwing on me all of her fears about not having money at all…
    Very sad. She has been rased with the idea of this everage person, having a job and salary. Hard to change it :( :(:( And it makes me very sad too

    Reply
  • Knocked Down. June 11, 2013 at 7:00 pm edit

    This is fabulous, really lifted my mood. My mum was telling me, “you should do something with art, or writing,” then added on the end, “And MAYBE music”.
    We got into an argument because she knows how much I want to be a guitarist but she makes me feel like I’m not good enough. She just says “It’s not a promising job, you’ll make no money.” Blah blah blah. But thank you for this! It’s great and really funny! Thanks, NS.

    Reply
  • Nancy June 13, 2013 at 1:45 am edit

    I’m 15 and I have the dream to establish a Horse Rescue & Rehabilitation Center. But every time I bring up something about horses to my parents, all they say is, “yea, you know how much that costs?” “you do know that that takes time and actual effort, right?” “you’re too young” and other crap like that. Then, thinking my friends will understand they say the same things. I feel like there’s nowhere I can go to gain support, because my dream will come true, with or without those assholes. Though it would be nice to have them with me as I accomplish my dream… But as I said, they’re not important in the final equation.

    Reply
  • Ellie June 17, 2013 at 4:09 pm edit

    Thanks for this. My parents are both naysaying against my dream of being a concert pianist, despite the fact that I can play intermediate-level pieces and I’m a beginner who hasn’t even played for a year. They say SO often, “You won’t make any money” and “music is supposed to be a hobby.” And it hurts so much, but this has given me a lot more confidence.

    Reply
  • joseph June 17, 2013 at 7:22 pm edit

    I am so glad I read this today. I have always wanted to learn to fly a plane. Over the past few years, I have been telling my wife that I feel we can put some money aside to enable pursue my dream. I work hard and have even had to put up with some crappy work-places. Finally we have built a house, bought a farm (so that my wife can pursue her dream of farming), got our 2 daughters into good school etc. But when I mention my passion for flying, my wife goes into interrogative mode – you want to become a pilot? eh? Then what? Basically, I can see the disbelief in her eyes and the mockery dripping from her words. So today, I read this article and you know what? I love my wife and she is entitled to her opinion…but screw her naysaying. I am standing for my dream, will pursue it and will be back to post here when I do it!

    Reply
    • Torre DeRoche June 18, 2013 at 11:57 am edit

      Ha! Good for you, Joseph. She’ll come around to the idea once she sees how passionate you are about it. Let me just say that, from personal experience, her naysaying is probably directly related to her fear for your life, which is directly related to her love for you. That doesn’t mean she can get away with naysaying, but I do think she can be forgiven for loving you (in a suffocating kind of way). Good luck!

      Reply
      • Joseph June 21, 2013 at 6:58 am edit

        Torre,
        You raise an important point and I really had not thought of it that way. As much as I will pursue this dream, I will be sensitive to the possibility that the naysaying is from fear. I don’t want the pursuit of this dream to ruin my relationship but I am also very certain that if I don’t do it, resentment (mine) will eventually set in and the same result will come. I will thus just keep open the lines of communication and allay her fears, wherever possible. However, I am still doing this! I took and passed my medical exam last week (as required by the national civil aviation). I have already obtained my flying manuals and studying on my own every night. My ground and practical lessons begin next month.

        Reply
  • Connor olivier June 24, 2013 at 2:59 am edit

    Torre, I recently had three of my bestfriends totally talk complete crap on my on twitter in front of the whole school. But I had to brush it off . This post is what really really helped me get through this. My dream is to be a rapper and Ilast year I was horrible put out an embaresing and horrible mixtape but now I’m working on a new one I’m preforming in 4 different states a nd preforming on an Italian cruise. I have gotten a lot more positive attention twords my music because I don’t let the negative effect my life and only emit positive vibes. This helps so much. Your the one who makes and controls your life not anyone else. Don’t let anyone or anything get you down just because you “awful” and “suck” I know now I have gotten better and obviously am going somewhere because I’m getting payed for my dream at 17 and goig around the world to preform thanks so much torre you helped a ton!!

    Reply
    • Torre DeRoche June 26, 2013 at 4:57 am edit

      Connor, thanks for stopping by to share your story. Keep being strong in that face of that bullying. All the best with your future! Performing on an Italian cruise sounds like an absolute dream! Good on you for going for it.

      Reply
  • Simile June 24, 2013 at 4:06 pm edit

    I’m about to receive my psychology diploma, but I couldn’t do a better analysis of my family! I’m about to move out and not even in hell will I ever move back in. I’ll send them a postcard by the time I’m 50, showing the prettiest vegetable garden they’ve ever seen. Indeed, they even don’t believe I could grow vegetables -_-

    Reply
  • Keta M. June 25, 2013 at 12:06 am edit

    Hi Torre, this article is the truth! I recently had a conversation with my brother about haters, assholes and negative people (family and friends)! I told him it took me awhile to know who was there for me and who was not! As I got older and maturer, the true self of my “so-called” friends began to show! They talked negatively about me and one person went as low as spreading rumors about me! Instead of investing in drama, I gave them the silent treatment and continued on with my life :-)

    Reply
  • Nichole June 26, 2013 at 9:53 am edit

    This is so true! Planning to quit our jobs and travel the world in 6 months and when I get excited and share our plans all I hear is.. ‘what are you going to do for money’ and ‘what are you going to do when you come back’. I am learning the beauty of the give a fuck switch :)

    Reply
  • Tracie Jones July 1, 2013 at 2:42 am edit

    I just had this experience. It was ver hurtful to say the least. I just read this blog posting and was inspired to get back up in the saddle. I’m so glad I stumbled upon your book and your blog. You have inspired me to forge ahead with my dreams despite the naysayers. Thank you!

    Reply
  • Sasha July 5, 2013 at 10:52 pm edit

    hahaha yup halfway sharpening my swords now :P Naysayers, it’s “Nayslaying Time!”

    Anyways, this article is simple yet entertaining, straight to the point. (That’s what good illustrators do ;) ) Loved the “Naysayers Brain” design. Now I can understand them better.

    Reply
  • Breanna July 14, 2013 at 1:34 am edit

    This article was great! And it was right on point, I mean, dead on. But, I really came here because my mother doesn’t really support me wanting so bad to be an actress. She matters to me more than anything and I can only assume she wants the “best” for me. I should add that I am a 15 yearold female with my future on my mind every single day. I haven’t had a conversation about my dream with her yet; Moreso, because I’m a little nervous about what she’d say. Aha! My mother’s nice, really! It’s just, I don’t know how to approach the situation. I guess what I’m asking is: How should I tell my mother, whom I respect and love, that I am going to become an actress and still stay in my lane as her teenage daughter? I desperately need some realistic input. I appreciate it! Thanks

    Reply
    • Torre DeRoche July 17, 2013 at 10:20 am edit

      Hi Breanna. Maybe you should tell her in a heartfelt letter? Let her know that you’re afraid to tell her because you so desperately want her approval, that you love and respect her, but that you have this dream that you cannot let go of and you need to have a shot at it. If you explain all your feelings about it honestly and openly, I’m sure she will understand. It’s easier to do this in writing (for me, at least) because you can take the time to express it exactly the way you want to. It also means that you can’t get interrupted, swayed, or intimidated while you’re saying all that you want to say. Good luck.

      Reply
  • Morgan July 15, 2013 at 3:03 am edit

    Fantastic quote! We all have at least one asshole in our life-bless their little hearts.
    Nomadic Samuel – Love the thought of self-actualization through the independence and freedom from care of others opinions. This is really important for all people to accomplish, especially young adults.

    Reply
  • Jessica Griffiths July 17, 2013 at 12:34 pm edit

    Reading this made me feel much better. In my particular case, the a**hole is my stepdad, who takes every opportunity to put me down with sarcastic, negative comments. What sucks is that I can’t get away from him because I’m only 18 and still living at home, and I can’t leave till I’ve finished my college course and got a place at University. I’m hoping to become a graphic artist, but according to my stepdad, artists are sad, lonely and lazy weirdos who sit on their butts all day drawing silly pictures because they can’t get a ‘proper job’. There’s nothing more irritating than trying to do homework with him hovering over me telling me that I’m a sad, antisocial kid who’s going to fail in life. Funny thing is, he never finished school because he left for a job, has no qualifications because apparently ‘a piece of paper doesn’t mean anything’ and has been redundant for the past 8 years. I feel like saying to him sometimes, just because you’ve failed in life, doesn’t mean that you have to try and make me fail too, just to make yourself feel better. Because I’m better than that, and I don’t put people down.

    Reply
    • Torre DeRoche July 19, 2013 at 3:10 am edit

      Jessica, sweetheart, your step-dad is abusive. This is 100% emotional abuse and it is NOT okay. I’m so, so sorry that you have to deal with this. You sound like a very smart and balanced person, and your insight is exactly right: He feels like he failed in life, and he tries to make himself feel better by bullying others into feeling like failures too. I would also be reluctant to tell him this to his face, since it seems like he might have the capacity to become physical. He’s so careless with your self-esteem that he might easily cross over and become violent if he’s challenged. He’s a deeply troubled man. Who knows what he’s capable of.

      As much as you feel like you can’t get away from it yet, consider that you can. You have options. You can take a year off school to go and get a job to support yourself in setting up elsewhere. Or you can work a waitressing job to support yourself through school. This may seem harder than what you’re already dealing with, but you’re living in a toxic and powerless environment right now, which is probably THE HARDEST situation to try to thrive within. Once you leave and he is no longer in your life, you will feel enormous relief and the world will feel completely open to you.

      For the record, I am a graphic designer and I earn a very decent wage. My career has allowed me to travel around the world and work from home. I make clients happy by creating a ‘face’ for their business that helps them to grow. It’s one of the most satisfying jobs a person can have.

      Stay strong, stay centred. I wish you all the best.

      Reply
  • Alivia July 17, 2013 at 2:44 pm edit

    Hi, I wanted to ask your advice about a situation. I have always supported my husbands dreams even when it burdened our relationship and finances. After the last time a venture didn’t work out as planned I found myself a bit worn out after dealing with numerous failed projects that impacted our family for the last 10 years. It seemed he calmed down and we had peace and yes some much needed normalcy, a break, but now there’s another venture. I don’t want to crush his
    dreams or be a naysayer, but I don’t think I can go through this again. Your thoughts?

    Reply
    • Torre DeRoche July 19, 2013 at 2:59 am edit

      Hi Alivia.

      This is tricky. I can see that you want to be an enabler and a support to your husband, which is lovely, and I don’t think you’re a naysayer at all. You’re trying to protect yourself here and if you keep saying “Yes” to things that burn you out, then you’re being a naysayer to yourself and your own needs. What your husband is doing does not affect just him alone, it involves you too, so the two of you need to agree to go ahead. It’s your life too, and you need to take control of it, otherwise you’ll be putting your own needs aside purely to prop up someone else’s life. Please don’t worry that you’re crushing his dreams. The fact that you’ve stopped by to ask for assistance shows that you’re considerate and mindful—your husband is a lucky man.

      I think you should be honest with him about how it all makes you feel. Let him know that you really want to support him, but that you’re concerned about the impact that failure has on your life. Perhaps there are some systems you can create that will make it easier if you do go forward with this. You can put some plan B measures in place. You can dissect what went wrong last time and troubleshoot how you’d handle it again. Or perhaps you need to consider giving it more time so you can regenerate your energy.

      It may also be an issue of trust. Since it didn’t work out the first time, you’ve already decided that it’s not going to work out this time either, which means trust is lacking. I do understand your concerns, but you and your husband need to keep growing and taking risks, so the trust does need to be resolved, otherwise you might stagnate.

      I suggest you seek therapy on this, because it may turn into a much bigger conflict if it’s not addressed and resolved now. Also, I recommend reading ‘When Things Fall Apart’ by Pema Chodron. It’s essentially about how we all crave security, but security itself is an illusion. By learning to embrace groundlessness, we become free to live in the moment of both success or failure.

      Good luck.

      Reply
  • Bart Blankenship July 19, 2013 at 10:02 pm edit

    When I bought my little sailboat for 2K on Ebay and anchored it near my parent’s house, Dad flipped out and said it would likely ruin our relationship. He doesn’t like sailing and lives in a sailing family. He’s had to come out with the Coast Guard to tow us home, or had to listen to us when our phones and engines went out and had no idea how to help, and while he often has been a big help, I just went ahead with my plan.
    I told him me having a boat there would give us more chances to be together and that it wouldn’t cost him anything. I wasn’t going to mooch off of him while I worked on my boat.
    It all worked out and that boat and I have sailed over 8ooo miles with no engine and have had over 60 crew who wear mostly smiles!

    Reply
  • mrhmet tural July 21, 2013 at 9:46 pm edit

    amazing … today I was feeling so down because the “naysayers” just learn the word … I started my own small and the work kind of slow and every one is like go back yo dubai get an real job you cant do that but its my dream a I keep believe ing

    Reply
  • mrhmet tural July 21, 2013 at 10:04 pm edit

    the problem in my situation is the naysayer is an much older person or relative and the most comments is like you are so luck you find such job … even thiw I have 8 years real experience in turkey , saudi Arabia , dubai , Jordan … but they still put me down wow you get that salary you lucky , wow you get to do project for big spa you lucky , its very annoying very hard on me I spen every minute read , plan , in metro , lunch , I have plan since 2004 till 2024 a 20 years life goal , after that when I see no one support or know what I am doing , other than this ignore my hard work and consider it luck … its very hurtful … and as a told you the naysayer is a older relative in modt cases or some older coworker …

    Reply
    • Torre DeRoche July 28, 2013 at 11:25 am edit

      There are many people in the world who have the superstitious belief that rewards only come to the lucky. Try not to let their comments hurt you. You know a secret that they don’t know: rewards come to those who work hard and stay focused. Those who believe only in luck and magical thinking will always be limited. You will not be. Keep doing what you’re doing and ignore those who have misguided beliefs.

      Reply
  • MisadeBlah July 26, 2013 at 12:59 am edit

    A breath of fresh “AH!” minus the coke…best wishes to you and your book dreams; the blog is inspiring and the righteous vibe of personality makes me want to purchase the new flipper…be safe and stay down to earth, you know this is gonna be a movie…lol

    Reply
  • Laavi July 26, 2013 at 8:18 pm edit

    Thanks this really helped but if I need to cut off the relationship with a unsupportive person and I can’t cause it’s my parents what do I do in the case?

    Reply
    • Torre DeRoche July 28, 2013 at 11:35 am edit

      You don’t want to cut off a relationship with your parents unless that relationship is physically abusive or highly dysfunctional. Your parents are a part of you and always will be. This is a very precious relationship that’s worth fighting for, even if it’s sometimes very complicated.

      I think you would benefit if you learned to communicate clearly with them, Laavi. Try to talk to them calmly and explain what you’re going through. If they’re doing something that hurts you, stay calm and let them know how it makes you feel. Writing a letter can sometimes help you to compose your thoughts and speak your mind without the emotions that sometimes get in the way of speaking to someone in person.

      If you still find that you’re struggling with them, consider seeing a therapist with your parents. A therapist can listen to everyone’s point of view and help guide the communication to a peaceful place.

      Reply
  • Billy July 28, 2013 at 12:42 am edit

    What if your parents say ” you’re so embarrassing stop doing doing stuff ” should I still ignore it ?

    Reply
    • Torre DeRoche July 28, 2013 at 11:36 am edit

      If you can give me more information on this, I can offer you my opinion, Billy. In what kinds of situations do your parents say this to you? How does it make you feel? How old are you?

      Reply
  • Aps July 28, 2013 at 5:25 pm edit

    Hi,
    Nice article and view points. What is your opinion about a conversation I’m having with my son who had a dream to “move to New York and go to NYU”. I think it sounds great, and I’m really all for it, but I can’t put up to $82,000 per year to pay for one of the top private universities in the USA.
    I don’t want to be “an asshole” but every piece of financial advice from anyone with 1/2 a brain says not to break to bank sending Jr. to this university.
    Any advice?
    Thanks

    Reply
    • Torre DeRoche July 29, 2013 at 10:10 am edit

      Your son’s dream is your son’s dream, not yours, so it’s his responsibility not only to imagine, but to fulfil. Parents are there to support us and help us wherever they can, but it’s not a parent’s job to give their children everything they want. No, you’re not a naysayer or an asshole in this.

      Tell him what you’re willing to offer and let him know that if he wants expensive private education, he will have to take responsibility for making up the difference that you’re unwilling / unable to pay. He will be disappointed, sure, but it will be his first lesson in the fact that we’re all 100% responsible for our own dream fulfilment in life.

      Your job is to feed him, clothe him, shelter him, and keep him out of harm’s way until he’s 18. If you’ve done that job—well done. Don’t feel guilty that you can’t give him everything he wants from this point on. He has to go out and work hard and make his own grandiose dreams happen from this point on.

      Reply
      • Aps July 29, 2013 at 2:12 pm edit

        Hi Torre,
        Many thanks for that advice. The approach I’ve taken so far is to say “I believe in you and your dream of moving to NY and attending NYU, but here are some things we all need to consider {money, safety in NY, distance from home, living expenses …} which resulted in the famous reply “I’m not stupid, I’ve thought of everything and I know the risks and expense. Just let me have the dream of moving there because I am going to move there and I want to go to NYU”. If I support the fantasy dream, without helping him plan how to achieve it, then it’ll be devastating if he doesn’t get in (all his dreams are crushed in one moment). If he does get accepted, but can’t go because we didn’t plan, then it’s the same bad ending. If I help plan it now then I’m taking away all the fun of dreaming.
        The Catch 22 is that Dreams will remain dreams unless you plan out how to achieve them; but the simple act of planning can turn you into a naysayer because you have to ask the tough questions like “how will you afford to do that” and “have you thought about your personal safety?” — it’s not saying “don’t do it” but rather “think it through” otherwise when you do get that one shot to chase you’re dream you’ll be totally unprepared and most certainly fail.
        Any thoughts? Or am I just nuts!? :-)

        Reply
        • Torre DeRoche July 30, 2013 at 1:32 pm edit

          I don’t think you’re nuts at all, I think you want the best for your son and you’re in conflict over how to give everything he wants to him while giving to yourself, too. It’s a hard place to be in and it’s really lovely that you’re looking online for answers.

          If you’re unable to fund his NYU education, I would tell him that ASAP so that he’s not shaping his dream around false expectations. I think you need to be clear with him (and maybe with yourself?) about what you’re willing and able to provide for him. Be mindful of making decisions on this from a rational place relating to your personal finances, and not out of fear for his safety or your own separation anxiety. Be willing to let him go. He will forge his way and he’ll learn how to take care of himself, and you will adjust to him being away from you. Seemingly scary circumstances, like a young boy heading of to NYC on his own, are never as dangerous or scary in real life as we imagine.

          But if you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it and there’s nothing to apologise for in that. Be clear with him on what you can afford and if he still wants to indulge the dream of NYU, then you can help him plan his next moves.

          Reply
  • George July 29, 2013 at 12:07 am edit

    Thank you for this very good article! I’ve realized that what I want to do is become an actor and alot of people are very supportive. But then their is my dad. I have used to be afraid to try new things and be different but things have changed. I want to be different! This article helped lift my spirits and morale and I thank you! Hopefully one day I can be on TV maybe? I’m 15. :)

    Reply
  • Kirsti July 29, 2013 at 2:28 am edit

    Torre,
    I have just started reading your book and I was so excited when I found this blog as it is such a breath of fresh air and is making me feel completely sane.
    I have always encounted the comments my entire life ” So what are you doing now?” ( In a negative tone) from the naysayers, and if you are not careful they can squash your enthusiasm and desire to live an inspirational, creative life.
    I do not want to live the practical life that so many people chose to live. So together us non naysayers need to band together so we can all live our true authentic life, what ever that may be..
    You have inspired me to face the comments again “So what are you doing now?”, I havent heard them for a while, time to spice things up again.

    Reply
  • JaNae Norman July 29, 2013 at 6:05 pm edit

    I stumbled on your blog today and I am SO glad that I did! My husband and I are quitting our jobs to follow our dreams and it has been so hard to stay focused on your dream when people tell you that you are going to fail. So many good quotes that I just want to stick up on my wall now. One of my personal favorites is “but there’s always one person who gets off on taking a dump in your happiness sandwich.” So true! Thank you again so much for your inspiring words and for putting the happiness back in my sandwich.

    Reply
  • Jonathan Cook July 31, 2013 at 7:29 pm edit

    This piece has been very helpful in giving me advice on how to handle my father since he believes I will never met my goals.

    Reply
  • Kevin Schmidt August 4, 2013 at 11:07 pm edit

    Hi, I’m 12…(Don’t get too ahead of yourself…) and I’m trying to get a headstart on a career, YouTube, of course not full time, no, but alongside chemical engineering…(your probably thinking: Crap! Another little kid who likes to dream about the his future!) No not at all, I’m in T.A.G. and in a couple programs for that kind of stuff. My parent thing I need to get a life and that it’s a lot more than video games and simulators… to them. If I could get a reply to this, it would make me happy to know that somebody understands my feelings and passion, in the mean time I’ll have a heart felt conversation with my father. (Because my step-mother hates me.) Thank you for your time. :)

    Reply
    • Torre DeRoche August 7, 2013 at 3:44 am edit

      Kevin, you’re a seriously bright kid. There’s no need to force yourself into doing anything other than what feels right to you. You’re lucky to have found your passion at 12—many people don’t find this until they’re much older—so stick with it and keep standing up for what you want in life. Talking openly to your dad is a great idea. Help him to understand you and what you want and how you feel.

      One more thing: while it’s really great to be so driven from such a young age, just remember you have the rest of your life ahead of you to keep building on that. You are already well ahead of your peers—I can see that from your writing. You’re intelligent and driven and you will always be ahead because of that. If you work too hard from too young, you run the risk of burning out early too. And while you’re developing your brain and your career, you have to remember that it’s also important to develop socially at your age: to learn how to be with other people, to form friendships, and to feel comfortable in the company of others. If you struggle with this, see if you can find someone to talk to about it. It’s perfectly okay—a lot of people your age struggle with friendships and connecting—but it is important for you and will serve you well in life to overcome any barriers you may have in this area.

      If you can remember to integrate friends, play, relaxation, exercise, nature, and time away from the computer to keep a balance, you will be completely fine. Find a way to enjoy yourself somehow while you’re away from the computer. This will keep you rejuvenated and healthy in the mind and the body, and it will also give you clearer vision for your work in the long run.

      Reply
  • Anne August 6, 2013 at 4:03 am edit

    I randomly found this page through google and I’m so happy I did. I’m about to enter my senior year of high school, and the topic of college is always popping into conversation. I’e always had my heart set on leaving the state of New York and attending university in London. Some support my wishes, others laugh as if I’m crazy for even thinking about it. No one in my family will take me seriously. Thank you for giving me the courage to step out of my comfort zone and go for what I want. :) I will be applying to five UK universities this fall.

    Reply
    • Torre DeRoche August 7, 2013 at 3:52 am edit

      That’s great, Anne! What a fabulous experience that will be. Your family will adjust once your move, and they will probably come to love the fact that you’re there because it’ll give them an opportunity to visit.

      Reply
  • Laura August 7, 2013 at 5:48 am edit

    Torre — you hit the nail on the head for me, and I totally love your article and message. It reminds me of people telling me I’m “too sensitive” and later I think, “perhaps you are too insensitive….” Anyway, I loved all the comments, but this “naysaying” can also happen after you and your spouse have had a child and you find out THEN that while you love each other, you really don’t necessarily have the same idea of parenting (not sharing, but parenting styles). Unfortunately, the “naysaying” may be just directed at you (spouse) and knowing how hard plain parenting can be, I don’t think it’s possible to live with a naysayer, keep your sanity, help your child and function as a normal person.

    But! For all the other stuff, I’m with ya! Thank you so much for a wonderful way to think about things.

    Reply
  • Bryan August 8, 2013 at 2:39 pm edit

    Great article & graphics.
    I’m came upon this article because I am just coming to terms with the fact that I am a naysayer. And I don’t like it. I’ve done and said pretty much everything you mentioned. In the past I would say “this is who I am, deal with it.”Recently I’ve realised I’m wrong. I don’t like who I’ve become, who wants to be around a party-pooper? No one, that’s who. I feel I used to be a positive go-after-your-dreams type person. I chased my dreams, had fun doing it, and then failed, or gave up and now I think I live in fear. Fear of mediocrity. Fear of being alone.

    How can I change? What am I to do?

    Reply
    • Torre DeRoche August 9, 2013 at 7:48 am edit

      It takes a brave person to admit to that, Bryan. I think we’re all a little bit guilty of that at times, myself included. You’re aware of it now, and that is the most important part. Now you’re able to recognise it and catch yourself before you say something next time, or apologise afterwards if something slips out in a moment of weakness. I also think it’s time for you to start facing those fears one step at a time. Time to do something bold?

      Reply
  • Rosemarie August 9, 2013 at 5:14 pm edit

    Thank you for this article! It gave me a good chuckle and lifted my spirits. I’m still dealing now as an adult with all the naysayer brainwashing over the years. I know better not to talk about my dreams or even my interests. My inner self is my highest support and guide. Interesting, as children, I think we all have that drive to believe that anything is possible. Then as we get older, our self-esteem gets whittled away. I think the key is remembering that freedom as children. Adults, families, teachers, etc. can be stuck in their own contracted worlds. I try to avoid the limiting beliefs as much as I can. I’m at the point of doing daily positive self-reprogramming. It’s their stuff, not mine. As the youngest in the family, I’ve decided that I’m not out to please anyone or prove anything. I think having expectations that certain people would react they way I hope just gets frustrating. Their opinions are their own and it’s a waste of energy to change anyone. I believe that if you really want something, the people and experiences will arrange at the right time to give you the support you need.

    Reply
  • Samir August 11, 2013 at 9:10 pm edit

    Hi Torre DeRoche,

    Just by chance, Google sent me to this great article, and for both of you I am thankful.

    I am a dreamer too and I recently distanced myself greatly from one of my best friends who I discovered to be a naysayer, BIG TIME.. I willing and I can even more with him if he continue his negativity with me again.. However, my parents are non-supportor too, even behaving in a negative way, but I simply can’t apply the same rule here with them, atleast not with the same power and strength as I did with my friend.

    Please advise.
    Thanks. I added this to my favorites :-)

    Reply
  • Jillian August 20, 2013 at 6:20 pm edit

    thank you for this article! I know it was written a few years ago, but i randomly found by chance and good timing!

    Reply
  • Full Article August 28, 2013 at 2:36 am edit

    thnx for sharing this superb web-site.

    Reply
  • Kamden August 30, 2013 at 9:34 pm edit

    I came here looking for advice and got it so thank you. To those who are experiencing this, my sympathies. My personal story (a very short version) is that I refuse to live the life my mother wants me to live. Her plan was: go to college get a useful degree, participate in college life (i.e. basketball) and make lifelong friendships, get a 9-5 job, marry and give her grandchildren. I hated college, refuse to go back, have no friendships from my 5 arduous years, never found her idea of good employment, got married then divorced and never want(ed) kids. My dream is simple but makes me happy: to be a lifeguard and she thinks swimming, lifeguarding, everything about it is stupid. She’s just deadset on me going back and getting a teaching degree in Spanish. Even then I tell her that it’d be PE, not Spanish which starts her and my brother on a PE teacher-bashing conversation. I have walked my own path for years without her professional support so I guess when I register for a lifeguard class this Tuesday, I’m going to read this and surround myself with the plethora of people who DO support me at the gym where I have been offered work. My advice: cry your tears in private so that they can’t prey on you for that too, and then build yourself up. Its not their support which will make you achieve your dreams but your determination and motivation. Find a support group if you need.

    Reply
  • Carolyn Oravecz September 1, 2013 at 4:13 am edit

    Yes!!! You’ve just described my entire family and about 99% of the people I talk to on a daily basis!! It’s like everyone assumes I’m an idiot with no common sense at all whatsoever! I’m very much the creative type and get close to 20 off the wall ideas a day. Most are whimsical and impractical, but some are pretty cool. With some tweaking, they’re very plausible with some work and time. However whenever I get excited about one of these ideas and share, everyone I talk to assumes I have no idea what I’m doing. It’s as if they assume I assume the best case scenario is the only out come and I’ll achieve this outcome by tomorrow wasting time and money I don’t have in the process. Something I may have done once in 8th grade. I’m 34 now. I can’t tell anyone anything. If they find out I’m doing something not pre-approved, I’m stopped before I “screw up my entire life.” Just picking my own cell phone provider was considered scandalous to my family. Right now the big problem is I’m not married, so unwanted advice is flying around about what I need to change about myself to earn a husband so I can be happy. I don’t get it either. Moving out of Toledo Ohio as far away from my loving family as I can and starting over will make me very happy, but I was tricked into staying and now I’m stuck and under surveillance.

    Anyway I loved your article! I know exactly how you feel! How do you deal when you’re completely surrounded by assholes to the point of paralysis?

    Reply
  • mike maguire September 2, 2013 at 1:44 am edit

    Wow,

    Here we go. For one its nice to see a soul mate out there across the world Down Unda! Mate. I just got home from performing my music in the wine country of Paso Robles, Ca. I have been playing my 12 string and 6 string guitar and singing Clapton,Pink Floyd and every classic monster to Johnny Cash and my own music since 1991. I am the real deal, a troubadour to the nth degree. Its my life and i have had to give up MY WIFE, MY LIFE , AND FAMILY. FOR MY DREAM TO PURSUE .

    Great points made , we need writers like yourself to cut through all the bull shit and denial from of all people .YOUR BLOOD.

    Keep Blogging great talent you have

    my whole point, ive been following my dream my brothers never have come down to watch me perform in some of the most amazing venues. Castles. to the best wineries,resorts,resaurants in the world from Hearst Castle, playing for the USO for our troops,Elton Johns writer , to playing at the same place as world class guitarist , on and on. 6 yrs my corporate smuthers brothers asked me. Mike do you want to be really doing this in your 70′s. Fuuuuuuuuck yes.

    Reply
  • elaine September 6, 2013 at 12:30 pm edit

    Omg I’m going through this VERY THING this SECOND… my husband, son mum and dad are ALL NAYSAYERS I have NO ONE SANE TO TALK TO…. I just got offered a chance of a life time to do my dream as an event promoter its huge and I want sooooo bad to do it, as it is for a charity it doesn’t pay, it’d be purely for the experience. I also have another job which isn’t paying very well at the moment but it will pick up, I feel I can do both as both are part time…. But my husband won’t allow me to even try. I’m 52 and I have supported him in VE WILD idea but he smashes ALL my dreams!!!!!! I am sick to the stomach thinking.of saying either yes or no. I can’t stop feel panicky I des want to do it, but it requires me to be full of confidence which I am naturally.. the job is made for me as through my life I have done bits and barbs already. He just loves telling me I’ve failed everything so far I done, and yes I have given things a go, no regrets but I keep trying…. I’ve.never had an opportunity like this one….. Flip me I still justifing it even to a bog ha ha ha fear WILL KILL ME I can feel it making me sick but I don’t know how to go agains…t HIM

    Reply
  • Nikki September 7, 2013 at 10:30 pm edit

    Hello I’m 24 married with three children they are in full time school.i started a family at a very young age and I have grown into a adult and wanting more out off life more then being in my job I don’t like to provide for my family I have recently spoke to my husband about going to college to do hair dressing so I can do a job I love but he has said if I do it then he is going to leave me he don’t want me going I have tried to explain that I’m doing it to be happy in life if I’m happy my family will benefit and I will rub that off on them what do I do I’m scared I really want to better my self and support my family in a job I love please help thank you x Nikki x

    Reply
  • Loved-this-article September 12, 2013 at 5:45 pm edit

    Thanks for writing this. I was just naybashed today and needed to read something wise and positive. Bookmarking…

    Reply
  • richard September 13, 2013 at 3:19 pm edit

    What if my nayslayer is my wife an we have a baby, my dream is a little costly and she believes its a waste of money, but i would love to pursue it, its my biggest dream.

    Reply
  • Putu September 14, 2013 at 12:07 pm edit

    What if it’s my parents ?

    Reply
  • Nick September 15, 2013 at 12:52 pm edit

    hi Torrie..just stumbled across this whilst trying to see if there were people out there feeling like i do…and you have just proved it!!

    i am a musician and have been following my dream since i was 16 and i’m 30 now and had some bouts of success but never achieved my ultimate goal as yet.
    Ive been with my partner 11 years and in 2011 we had a baby and in 2012 i quit my day job in a shop, with advice from my band manager, to follow my dream when my band had some label interest etc.
    Band fell apart due to other members lack of commitment and our manager passed away. So now i am faced with a new band project which is already turning heads, but am forever getting negative vibes from my partner about “quitting now because im too old”, “get a job like normal people”, “im putting our family under strain” etc etc etc…..i work part time when i can but money isnt rolling in.
    i guess this is a decision i need to think out myself and i’ve tried to talk to her, but she just can not understand my passion and drive to achieve what i set out to do when i first picked up a guitar.

    But your blog was a great read and makes me feel a little better. :-)
    Do you have any advice?

    Reply
    • Boon September 21, 2013 at 1:53 pm edit

      Hi nick, I wish you the best and if music is your main trade and skill, keep doing it. If your partner has no solution I think you should keep it up, if its been the main bread winner then unless something else comes across ur path then keep doing it.
      I’m sure you can play at a restaurant or busk to get by if u need to, I always give money to buskers as they do a valuable service

      Reply
  • Erin September 15, 2013 at 2:24 pm edit

    When I hear people make fun of others people’s dreams I want to say to them “everyone has dreams”. I always think of people who used to make fun of me because I wanted to go to college. I did go and I graduated. You just have to block people out who don’t have your best interests at heart.

    Reply
  • razan September 19, 2013 at 12:42 pm edit

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    Reply
  • Boon September 21, 2013 at 1:45 pm edit

    Thanks for the good comments and they are so true, I have a hard one with my partner, I worked at a remote location for 5 yrs and went there single, after 5 yrs I left and went to a better roster and more time off and then met my wife, I worked at the 2nd location for 3 yrs then returned to my hometown for the birth of our son, and due to the current low job availability I took a job below my experience and large income drop. 3 months have passed and as I worked hard at the first location they have offered me a job again, I have a couple of ex partners there and had no bitter ending, but my wife now refuses we go there as she does not want to hear about my past there and ex partners. She even threatened to leave me, I did betray her when we dated as things were not moving along and some doubt kcrept in, so now my wife would rather us on low income crap job that take the good job, I feel I want to take it to better our future but she is in meltdown now and won’t talk. I feel as the husband I should take charge and steer the family in a better financial direction and I would feel proud to do it, I think my wife is a naysayer, if anyone has a comment please do.

    Reply
    • valerie October 2, 2013 at 6:46 am edit

      This describes some of my family members to a tee especially my dad and sister. I mentioned a great idea to them that I would want to do in my spare time such as doing pin up photography and both didn’t like the idea and was told to do something with my life instead of doing fun photo shoots. I try to do the less is more approach with them because the less I tell them, the less I have to face backlash from them, but if I tell them more I get more backlash than any sane person can handle. My career path is changing again going into my fifth college program with the hopes of landing a career upon graduation. I am hesitant to tell my dad because of the possible backlash I would receive. He pretty much wants me to do something I am not interested in doing and be someone I am not. He talked me out of following through my childhood dream of being a hairstylist and I don’t do that anymore because of other reasons, tried to change my mind about teaching then I realized there are no jobs and with the current choice of pharmacy technician, he will try and talk me out of that too, but this time I won’t fall to the traps again. I will do what I want, when I want and how I want without people stopping me in my tracks to stop me. I want to be able to give something to my children in the future something I never had which was a secure, safe, stable life. I’ve experienced naybashing throughout my entire life and now that 30 is creeping up to me, I am frankly sick of it and want to live my life the way I want too.

      Reply
  • Kirsty September 24, 2013 at 1:31 pm edit

    awesome article glad I found your blog :) the worst of he naysayers can be the people closest to you, and even your parents (even though they mean well) people always tell you ‘things are hard’, ‘what are you going to be left with if you stop your day job’, ‘keep that as a hobby’, ‘your just not ready yet’, ‘be realistic’, so easy to fall into the trap of believing their words and giving up I think if you don’t detach and look at whats happening, the truth behind that persons words; it’s their truth not yours

    ps I love the illustrations :)

    Reply
  • Manzana September 26, 2013 at 4:39 am edit

    A am a cutting off a friend soon, he brings down my dreams and he is a naysayer.

    Reply
  • valerie October 2, 2013 at 6:39 am edit

    This describes some of my family members to a tee especially my dad and sister. I mentioned a great idea to them that I would want to do in my spare time such as doing pin up photography and both didn’t like the idea and was told to do something with my life instead of doing fun photo shoots. I try to do the less is more approach with them because the less I tell them, the less I have to face backlash from them, but if I tell them more I get more backlash than any sane person can handle. My career path is changing again going into my fifth college program with the hopes of landing a career upon graduation. I am hesitant to tell my dad because of the possible backlash I would receive. He pretty much wants me to do something I am not interested in doing and be someone I am not. He talked me out of following through my childhood dream of being a hairstylist and I don’t do that anymore because of other reasons, tried to change my mind about teaching then I realized there are no jobs and with the current choice of pharmacy technician, he will try and talk me out of that too, but this time I won’t fall to the traps again. I will do what I want, when I want and how I want without people stopping me in my tracks to stop me. I want to be able to give something to my children in the future something I never had which was a secure, safe, stable life. I’ve experienced naybashing throughout my entire life and now that 30 is creeping up to me, I am frankly sick of it and want to live my life the way I want too.

    Reply
  • Kent Eriksson October 6, 2013 at 11:01 am edit

    Hi Torre .

    I like your articel and I have myself experience from this negative verbal attacking from people around me. But often is this people who has no drive themself and are jelous that other people actuelly has ambitions to go for their dreams.This kind of people cant stand that people will be successful. I started a company with two empty hands and are fighting myself forward with small steps. To be an entreprenour is a tough life but also a very intresting & adventoures life. You feel alive and are learning new things every day. Its like a rollercoaster. I compere it with a marathon race who will never end. But I feel alive and I know that you will reach your goal if you just keep on pushing forward.People can say & think whatever they want. But I will still belive in myself , goals & visions.

    Reply
  • ratna sangeetha October 7, 2013 at 1:50 pm edit

    I support my child’s big plan to become a doctor and would like her to pursue it because……….

    Reply
  • Simon October 14, 2013 at 11:47 am edit

    You can surely paint a picture! I absolutely loved this article! Thanks for the very good advice! and screw the assholes out there!!!

    Reply
  • Jason October 16, 2013 at 4:00 pm edit

    Great read! Question? You said to cut off relationships that are toxic to your dremas. What if that toxic person is my wife? Never, ever has she been supportive of anything I want to do outside of bringing home a pay check. I wanted to be a personal trainer, her answer? You can’t. Wanted to volunteer Firefighter? You really wanna do that? You can’t.

    How can I be all that I can be when the one person I am suppose to count on having my back is the first person to tear me down?

    Reply
    • Torre DeRoche October 24, 2013 at 7:57 am edit

      I would suggest therapy, Jason. It’s not right that you’re being controlled in this way by another person. In relationship there does need to be compromise, but it sounds like there is much more to this picture than compassionate requests for reasonable compromise: it’s control. She’s running your show. And it’s unacceptable. So take this issue to a marriage therapist and talk openly with your wife via the therapist. Be clear about the impact it’s having on your life. Her behaviour isn’t right and I can understand why it’s upsetting to you. Your wife may have her own reasons for doing this, such as fear of change. If you can talk openly about it and get to the root, you may be able to find the right balance between what you want and what she wants. Good luck.

      Reply
  • Donna October 19, 2013 at 5:49 am edit

    Hi, I just found this post; Will you marry me?

    :)

    Thank you so very much for over-sharing this.

    Reply
  • Ferdaws Alizada October 20, 2013 at 9:56 pm edit

    Hi Torre DeRoche,

    I am currently trying to convince my dad to let me do graphic design and choose that as my career but he won’t let me. He thinks its useless and I won’t reach anywhere with it. I’m currently in my last year of school going to college and picking courses and he is limiting my choices. I want to either reach my dream of playing football professionally or becoming a design director working at an agency. He just won’t let me. What should I do. I can’t talk to him because every time I do he will turn it into an argument and shout at me. Please help me by either replying to this or emailing me a response to this.

    Reply
    • Torre DeRoche October 24, 2013 at 7:51 am edit

      Hi Ferdaws, I’m not sure if it’s too late and if decisions have already been made. Tell your dad that I’ve been a graphic designer for 13 years, and because of this choice I have never gone hungry. I can earn money from anywhere in the world. I successfully ran my own business. This idea that you won’t reach anywhere with it is based on FEAR, not reality. It’s a trade, like carpentry or plumbing, that you can take anywhere in the world and be of value with. He needs to inform himself before he limits your life. Choosing design was one of the best decisions I made. I know so many people who work in high paying corporate jobs and hate it, and meanwhile I’m earning plenty of money to live on while happily making art every day. Good luck.

      Reply
  • Kelvin October 21, 2013 at 11:47 am edit

    I’m a father of two young kids and I am planning to leave my job to start my own business. My parents are against the idea and I suspect are going to cut me off. I’ve tried communicating with my father but he does not want to say much to me. I am still going to start my own business and am learning to IGNORE. Not easy but it is something I need to learn to do.

    Reply
  • Cindy October 23, 2013 at 1:38 am edit

    Thanks Torre!
    Coming here was the best ego boost ever.
    Having a partner who is crushing my dream because it has taking 1.5 years so far.
    I’m so close to getting it I can taste it now. But I have hit a wall and not sure what to do next to complete it. I’ve had a rough ride this past year and a half finncially but still willing to fight to get there. Not getting support from the one person who means alot to you hurts bad. Your right! He is stuck where he is at in life and thinks you should have dreams. He thinks people should do something that makes big money even if you don’t like it.

    Thanks again! :)

    Reply
  • DJ Kittissia October 25, 2013 at 1:09 pm edit

    Such a wonderful article , got my hopes up and drawn a smile on my face :)
    Im going to succeed and prove everyone wrong that i can accomplish the impossible and reach my dreams.

    Reply
  • staceyyy October 27, 2013 at 5:28 pm edit

    so glad i found your website..just started a career in the insurance sales line and i hate how all my friends are putting me down! ill live on and pursue my dreams! thanks! they can be the ones leading a normal boring life…

    Reply
  • kt October 28, 2013 at 6:08 pm edit

    Thanks for your post!! I have sooo many ideas that my husband NEVERRRR thinks anything of…I feel like he doesn’t believe in me or he doesn’t think I can pull anything off…I wanted to rip up my yard where nobody uses it for a pumpkin patch, then make some money selling them…..NOOOOO…they won’t grow, they need weeded, blah, blah, blah…I want a fence up to keep my very nosy neighbor away…NOOO..we would hurt his feelings…I want to sell second hand items in a garage nobody uses…NOOOO…that takes an expert who knows what they are doing…These aren’t great accomplishments that can only be done by a skilled expert! It just doesn’t matter what I suggest, he has a reason why it’s a bad idea! On the other hand, he tells me he wants me to be happy and I can do whatever I want!! Huh??? :/

    Reply
  • Tamara October 28, 2013 at 10:20 pm edit

    Hi i’m only 11 but i tell my family i want to become a singer , fashion designer or writer but they wouldn’t support me, my mum said to me ‘if you decide to do that get out of my house and tell me when you grow up’. I really don’t get it most of my cousins do Karate, Swimming and Gymnastics and everyone says they can do it, and i said i want to do it they say NOOO! I agree with you some people can piss in your party hat they just don’t believe in me it makes me really upset :’(.
    Please give me some advice I just can’t believe this generation, just please :’(
    From
    Murdered dreamer (Tamara)

    Reply
  • エド ハーディー ジャケット 人気 October 31, 2013 at 4:00 pm edit

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    Reply
  • カナダグース ジャケット 超歓迎 October 31, 2013 at 9:51 pm edit

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    all can effortlessly know it, Thanks a lot.

    Reply
  • 古着 超安 ラルフローレン November 1, 2013 at 3:13 pm edit

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    as if like to read it then my friends will too.

    Reply
  • not telling November 7, 2013 at 6:31 am edit

    I plan to commit suicide .What I want to do is something I have done in the past and see the opportunity to do it again I was very successful at it the 1st time and they no it . They argue,take my hope and dreams away,don’t think I can do anything right since I was cleaned out in divorce and that wasn’t my fault & they know I’m not being selfish, They just want have to listen to me again.

    Reply
  • violet November 15, 2013 at 10:32 am edit

    thanks for this. my mom is a naysayer and when I told her I wanted to be a tattoo artist she said she would do everything in her power to keep that from happening then said if I pursued it she would kick me out of the house.

    Reply
  • David Mc November 18, 2013 at 7:03 pm edit

    This really made me smile – today my 16 year old student had her poems published, and I, after 10 years of forced silence, this year finally brought my music back from a long sleep – not for glory, not for money, but for me..for life… I listened to an army of nay sayers.. I’ve lived and worked in 14 countries.. because I wanted to see the world as much as I could…. and still do…..no, it’s not normal, keep your normal…. you can be sure I’m living mine everyday and will embrace yours with my last breathe… because …’everything (as Pablo said) you can imagine is real.’…. it’s just some of us lose our imagination in the fog of other people’s realities.. dream on.. dream on..

    Reply
  • Karissa November 18, 2013 at 7:35 pm edit

    This is the best post ever on nay-sayers. I’m going through this right now and you it really helped me and inspired me! Thank you!!!!

    Reply
  • Lee Gellatly November 23, 2013 at 9:59 pm edit

    As someone who has been on both sides of the fence, I think it’s important that we hold ourselves accountable and watch that we TOO are not, unwittingly, naysayers. Sometimes we don’t realize that we are speaking our fears out-loud and that as we do that, we may be causing a person’s fragile dream to POOF disappear. I’m much better today. I have had so many people be “concerned” for me that I have vowed to never ever act like that: skeptical, negative, worried.

    The easiest thing to brush off is discouragement from people you’re not close to. But people that you really care about, like family, best friends, and lovers, it’s VERY hard to not take their advice to heart. These are the ones who can make or break a dream, and they don’t even know it! I have family members who say that they will support me and my crazy dreams, but then, as soon as I go out and do it, they send me article after article about the markets crashing, horrible news, bad consumer reports. I just don’t get them.

    Reply
  • Laura November 26, 2013 at 6:28 am edit

    I fell in love with a Surfer this summer. He loved me too and wanted to leave his wife for me. I fell afraid , my friends where really unsupporting And I left The Island where we where planning to leave both. Now I am back in my home city, gainned a lot of weight And feelling really miserable because he said bye bye to me.

    Can i get him back. please say yes, he is a dream become real. Love Laura

    Reply
  • CrystalLavender November 29, 2013 at 11:21 pm edit

    Thank you. It helps me. Well my dreams is i want to be a singer. My passion is music. I love to sing very much. I am singer at my school. I want people inspired by my song. I want to inspire people. But the thing is my parent is my naysayers. they are very strict in religion. they know i have the talent because they know Im singer at my school. Due to the religion. They wont let me be a real singer. My wildest dream is i want to stand on stage singing with my voice and all the dancers and fireworks. So how to overcome my naysayers??

    Reply
    • CystalLavender November 29, 2013 at 11:42 pm edit

      well i am 16 in 2013 and turn to 17 this 2014….. im very scare to tell them i want to be a real singer. because they are very strict. and something tell me they wont ever let me even if i’ve already tell them. i know what it takes to be a singer. and i do have alot fans that cheer on me. sometimes the encourage me to believe in my dreams, go on i know you can do it and so on. but howw im gonna tell my parent ?? they think i just being a singer at school because i want the popularity. its really difficult to make them understand this. it takes gazillion of years maybe!

      Reply
      • CrystalLavender November 30, 2013 at 10:22 am edit

        I really hope you reply this.And please torre!! I really need you to help me out. You are the right person..I guess. I will be grateful if you reply this!! PLEASE TORRE!!

        Thank you I love you.

        Reply
  • Alyssa December 4, 2013 at 1:16 am edit

    Ever since I was around 3 years old my Grandpa told me that all I ever wanted to be when I grew up was an actress, I am 13 now, and it’s still all I’ve ever wanted to do with my life. I want to be on broadway, it’s all I want. I’ve acted in a play and a musical. Everyone tells me I’m a good actress, my vocal teacher, my theatre teacher at school, my god sister, random parents that have seen me in shows, but my mom says you don’t want to do broadway, it’s a dying thing and that show tunes drive everyone insane, she says that it’s a stupid idea. But I have a feeling I know why she’s like this, she always wanted to be a country music artist but she never had the opportunity, and she’s stage fright, she knows I’m not and all she wants me to be is a country music artist, I can’t stand country music though, I honestly can’t. It makes me mad because she used to tell me you can be anything you want when you grow up. Well, I guess not.

    Reply
    • crystallavender December 4, 2013 at 1:30 am edit

      well its good for you for there at least someone who already support you. and im so jealous of you hat you had a vocal class and so on. for me my parents wont allowed me anything like that. they doesnt like music. but im not give up my dreams. i still want to be what i mean to be.

      Reply
  • Sebastian December 6, 2013 at 8:28 pm edit

    First of all I have to say that I love the quote at the beginning. Making sure you are not surrounded by assholes is indeed crucial for following your dreams…BUT…in my experience also the people who love you, your friends, your parents and other family members will try to talk you out of a dream, at least when that dream differs from the normal socially accepted norm.

    They will say it is too dangerous, too insecure and that you should stop dreaming of things that are impossible. Of course there are a few people who support you and tell you that you should go for it but in my experience that are people who already accomplished a similar thing you want to accomplish or they know somebody who did that. In other words, they know that it is doable and not unrealistic.

    the other people who want to hold you back are most of the time just worried, don’t think outside of the box and trapped in the socially conditioned box called: “9to5 job till you die”.

    Reply
  • Rufae December 8, 2013 at 7:56 am edit

    The article is very insightful and funny as i couldn’t stop laughing all the way through reading it. I experienced two big naysayers in my life at two important stages in My life. The firstwas came from my closest friend who suggested that i should leave my under-graduate studies at a time when i was not taking my studies very serious as i was going through difficult moments and i admit that but leaving my studies was the worst decision i could ever make in my life as am graduate now as they say something is better than nothing.To explain further having a dgeree with lower grade and more time is better than having none. The second was my father when i told him i wanna further my studies and informed that a friend of mine want to sponsor me then he replied do you believe him?.. then i said yes so i went ahead and proved that i was determined to reach my dreams no matter how short i was in terms of resources. I can say naybashers can be anywhere even ur family or ur wife but Never ur Mother wil be on she always encourages you..

    Reply
  • amy December 8, 2013 at 10:57 pm edit

    This is great. when ever I gave something a go as a kid and it wasn’t perfect, say I wrote a poem or painted a picture, and like a kid does its not perfect just a first try. My mum an dad would say ‘ow well at least you tried’ and expect me to give up right then and there ‘some people just aren’t naturally talented’ I’ve heard that one before. Even as an adult now, when I actually do make a living off my dreams, I’m surround by negative people, ‘Its just not very good’ ‘you should be embarrassed by showing that to people’ – the latest support from my parents. Its best not to botehr with the negative people.

    Reply
    • Jose Torres December 12, 2013 at 6:19 pm edit

      Wow. From your parents? That must be hard – but good for you. At work I tell myself to never worry too much about small minded people – because if you’re going places, they won’t be in your way for long. I never thought about applying it to my parents – well, mostly one in particular. You go, girl!

      Reply
  • mikey December 9, 2013 at 8:38 am edit

    This is a great article..i thought i was depressed, but I am surrounded by asshole naysayers!!! Thank u!!!

    Reply
  • Jose Torres December 12, 2013 at 6:17 pm edit

    Wow. Well said. There are many pricks and naybashers in my life. I love this expression: how does your heart feel? Stomped on? Okay, you’ve been naybashed. Wow. Giving it a name legitimizes the experience. One cannot just assume that people around you want you to soar – maybe soaring conflicts with their expectations, or, I dunno. Doesn’t matter why. What I need is to soar. And evidently, to be the #1 believer in myself. Today? No problem. Three weeks form now in a grind? Hmm…that’s what really scares me – in moments of lucidity, I know what I want. Three weeks later, in the grind and meeting the kid’s needs…yeah, by then, lucidity is long gone.

    I guess I’m hoping for some advice on keeping my head in the clouds and my feet on the ground. Torre? Readers? Please share!

    Reply
  • kira December 13, 2013 at 2:56 pm edit

    Thank you for your encouragement. I have had an X and a court room tell me I should move back to (state) and get work inline with my previous but I refused and am following my dreams. I have since dumped by bf cause he was all about $$$ and not me following my dream. I am in school for a few years to b certified and to finish my BA so am on a small budget. I have taken stock of how I have attracted those kinds of ppl n have done spring cleaning on my inner circle. Great article keep writing!!!!

    Reply
  • Anna December 15, 2013 at 5:52 pm edit

    This is a great article. I just recently pulled my life together – graduated college, got an excellent job with a great company, started eating well and working out, taught myself to cook… but for some reason my self-esteem was going through the floor. I went to counselling trying to figure out what was wrong with me, and the therapist told me straight up – nothing. She got me to take a look at the relationships I’ve surrounded myself with, especially with my boyfriend.

    I think I didn’t want to believe her that he was the problem, but after doing some research on my own and listening to my gut, I’ve come to the realization that my boyfriend is a naysaying asshole. His career and social life aren’t going as well for him, and I think he’s taking it out on me. He’s been discouraging me from going to the gym, taking new classes, telling me my job isn’t that great and I should look for another, picking apart the food I make, telling me I have to cancel all my plans to travel. Those are the biggest things – sometimes he’s an asshole by omission. I can’t even remember the last nice thing he said about me, my career, my ambitions or dreams I’ve shared with him.

    I’m not sure what my next step is going to be. We’ve got one young child, and another on the way, or the answer would be much more obvious. I can only ignore so much, even though everyone else around me does nothing but congratulate me. I keep encouraging him and hope that if things pick up for him, he’ll quit taking his lack of success out on me.

    I’m really glad I stumbled across this article though. Reading something that put to words and validated something I’ve suspected for some time has given me a boost in confidence, and helped me find the will to not give in. Thank you!

    Reply
  • Mara December 17, 2013 at 12:04 pm edit

    I was married for 8years with out any child,because of this my husband start acting very strange at home,coming home late and not spending time with me any more.So i

    became very sad and lost in life because my doctor told me there is no way for me to get pregnant this really make life so hard for me and my family.my sister in law

    told me about Prophet Osaze from the Internet,how he has helped people with this similar problem that i am going through so i contacted him and explain to him.he cast

    a spell and it was a miracle three days later my husband can back to apologize for all he has done and told me he is fully ready to support me in any thing i want,few

    month later i got pregnant and gave birth to twins (girls) we are happy with ourselves. Thanks to Prophet Osaze for saving my relationship and for also saving others

    too. continue your good work, If you are interested to contact him and testify this blessings like me, the great spell caster email address:spirituallove@hotmail. com

    Reply
  • janai December 20, 2013 at 4:10 am edit

    your a genius! thank you for this!

    Reply
  • Mercy chanda December 20, 2013 at 3:00 pm edit

    please help me my boyfriend always says negative things about my dreams, he dont respect me nor my own parents what should i do

    Reply
  • Tonya December 27, 2013 at 7:52 pm edit

    DREAMERS UNITE! I’m a total dreamer and I’m lucky enough to have the best husband in the whole world who understands my big dreamer mentality and the “can do” spirit I have to make my dreams come true time and time again. Unfortunately, we’re surrounded by a huge family (26 1st cousins, 3 aunts, 2 uncles just on one side) who don’t just naysay…..they naysay behind our backs. After having had our baby, our family members collectively started in on pretty much every decision we’ve made….including our decision to have me continue on to grad school in order to get the career of MY DREAMS (Speech-Language Pathology). I’m tired of being underestimated and dragged down by their respective insecurities. I know that it’s their feebleness that drive their actions, but sometimes, it doesn’t make these actions any less hurtful or damaging. We’ve pretty much cut ties.

    Reply
  • Bettie mills December 31, 2013 at 12:22 pm edit

    My parents will spend thousands of bucks on my brother’s developing their hockey stills, but not a single cent on me doing writing programs or going to writing clubs.
    And I don’t have money of my own, so I have to cut corners to be a writer by doing the novel editing myself (even thought I tried to pressaure my parents to pay editing costs and purchas Adobe Photoshop again.) I think I was pretty good at it, but I’m sure there’s plot holes that I can’t see because I can’t afford an editor.
    Mom and Dad do do tell me that my dream won’t make me money and that It’s just a hobby. Well, sorry, Mom and Dad, I don’t believe you. And this book is going out even if you say it isn’t.

    Sadly, I can just hope that somebody will buy it. I guess I’ll have to minimize my goal to it “just being out” there and available for purchase. I’ve always wanted to share my novel “The Truth Hurts” with the world. Being unable to afford edited at the moment can’t stop me.

    Reply
  • Kelly January 2, 2014 at 6:19 pm edit

    What if it’s your spouse?

    Reply
  • Amanda January 4, 2014 at 2:52 pm edit

    Hey! This post cheered me up.
    My family keeps saying negative things about my dream of going to art school and I was so close to giving up.
    But I was thinking… what if they are right? What if I’m not talented? What if I’m not meant to pursue the things I love? ):

    Reply
  • Bernadette You January 5, 2014 at 8:02 am edit

    I love this ! It’s true, like when i told my family i wanted to be a nurse, they said “Why don’t you be something more, like a doctor of some sort?” The thing is i love talking to and helping people, and i feel that nurses do more of the communicating with patients. Thank you for this . :)

    Reply
  • Christina January 9, 2014 at 4:25 am edit

    My mom which is the only one on my family that actually likes me crushed my dreams so sevearly I wanted to cry my eyes out. But I still have to deal with it whenever I would like her to drive me to an audition shes like maybe next time. Your just not going to make it. And I die inside everyday. This has told me so much. And I thank u a lot for it. :)

    Reply
  • Bambi January 15, 2014 at 12:17 am edit

    I have wanted to be a singer songwriter since I was a kis. I have had many people including family friends tell me to not sing anymore because I’d hit a brick wall. I believe this person is subvonsiously jealous as when I was younger they told me to go for it I’m nearly thirty years old and planning to go to university to study to be a vocal teacher. But I’m worried what other people think. It seems to be that you have to be a loser to be liked.

    Reply
  • Lorien January 16, 2014 at 11:12 am edit

    As a 16 year old indecisive girl, i have decided to study law with criminology but my parents who have brought me up with a world full of opportunities unlike their lives where education was not available for money was the problem. They expected me to be a dentist, a doctor or even an accountant.

    When I told them my plans for the future I was left distraught, with me being told I was being silly, they can not believe I will be able to do it, and are not happy with my choice. I was told my younger brother was the only one they could count on to make them proud.

    Now how can I possibly be happy unless I make my parents proud?
    Upon discovering this article after crying over dissapointing my parents I found some relief and some sort of hope. I just want to say thank you :) 5) v

    Reply
  • Annie January 16, 2014 at 8:05 pm edit

    It’s sad when those people are your own family. Saying to put it just as a hobby, it won’t due you good, to live in the real world — NNNGH! Thanks for this~

    Reply
  • Kuntal January 17, 2014 at 7:24 am edit

    Torre ..!
    I really loved to read this post, surprisingly you are knowing that most of the naysayers are very near one…It was really really difficult to pursue Dream and get motivated… Actually The Time we are Confident & ready to launch, and expect our near ones ( Parents, partner, Manager, Teacher ..etc ) to motivate … but they challenge our Capability or Abort our desire of Dream by predicting our failure with Surity and make our Morale down.
    Still sometimes I found very very good friends, who supported and force me to invite that Nearone Asshole Naysayer as main Guest to celebrate Success of my Dream ..!! :)

    Again ..You did great & best efforts ..Thanks again.

    Reply
  • Elisa January 24, 2014 at 2:56 am edit

    My father is one of these, a bit of a prick in fact.

    Years ago when I had to choose what to study after highschool, my decision was Art. He came along and said “No! No, you’ll just end up teaching!!” telling me that there was no chance of a job in it. He seemed so thoroughly certain, and my older sister did some technical course that she never really wanted, so that was the message I got. And he followed up by saying that I cpuld always paint on my own.

    The last part, sounded like fair advice, but in reality it wasn’t. He was also completely narrow minded in his ideas on getting work in art. People with less talent, it could be argued, have gotten a career. Furthermore, years later I find a niche job that is paying that could have been/be an ideal falo back job.

    And the course I did yske, under his advice, was about as useless anyway as a Bachelor of Arts. Only, less useful as I have little interest and wasn’t motivated to study enough to get the extra qualifications necessary to get a proper job.

    He started me on a path of fear and of minimising failure that, given my interest elsewhere actually helped attract these things.

    If I hadn’t been afraid of failure my self I probably would not have lstened to him. But he came along and played on my insecurity. And I sold out.

    Occasionally nowadays I find him doing a dance on the grave of a dream of mine. Like recently I expressed an interest in doing a new decorative style of illustration and he laughed, saying, why don’t you just do a picture of a family member or something: you’re NEVER going to become an artist! Ha, ha.”

    I have coined a new name for such people -”Artholes” and I have met a few of them. They love to “cut you down”. They woukd say it is “cutting you down to size”, because they are vampires who like to drain you of life.

    For me they represent now a personal battle of self confidence. And I have to acknowledge my dad’s brain washing and what part of me unfortunately thinks like him, so that this kind of piss weak, negativity gets relegated to the nothing place it deserves to occupy.

    And it is jealousy. Jealousy and egotism.

    I enjoyed your post. And, I may need therapy!

    Reply
  • Emily January 25, 2014 at 4:22 am edit

    I have always felt like if I get excited about something my mother would take the wind out of my sail in some way with her lack of enthusiasm or response or the different things she could think of to make my idea wrong or impractical in some way. As a child it always angered me and we’d get into arguments where we were both upset and frustrated. This basically never changed. She means well and is a loving mother but has no ability to understand when I tell her what I want in life or at least she doesn’t seem to. Now that I’m an adult, I have realized this will never change but it’s so hard to escape the hold she has on me. She is such a loving person and cares about me so I feel guilty if I don’t visit her often enough but everytime I do if we get to talking and I tell her how I feel about something or what I really want in life or dreams I have she is just so stoic and silent it makes me want to scream at her. I feel I can’t pursue what I really want which is to quit the career I have grown to hate and travel and do things that I enjoy, which is expensive and I have no other way of making money. She always reminds me that I need to save more for retirement. I think this is out of true concern that I will have the money I need when I’m old which is understandable but she seems to have no interest in how I feel now and what would make me happy yet she says she wants me to be happy. She could support me more if she wanted to and I can’t understand why she doesn’t when she says how much she wants me to be happy. I want more than anything to take a few months off and travel and enjoy living a little but this would cost me a lot of money and at the end of it I’d be right back to having to work again only more to make up for the money I spent. I know I could die tomorrow but I could also live to 100 and I don’t want to be out on the street or still having to work when I’m 70. I can’t figure out how to grab hold of life while I watch it slip through my fingers. Then when I start feeling a shread of hope I share my thoughts with my parents and they kill it with their silence as they look at me blankly with a hint of disapproval that I don’t understand.

    Reply
  • Carol January 27, 2014 at 3:26 pm edit

    LOVE LOVE this!!!! Thank you so much for posting…. I have been a stay at home mom for the past few years. After being “stuck” and bouncing new potential career ideas in my head, I’ve just recently discovered my real passion in life and have shared with some friends and family. Some have been very encouraging and happy for me, but others have just seemed disappointed in “MY DREAM”. I can’t let those naysayers get to me, they don’t live my life, they can’t feel what I feel. LIVE LIFE WITH NO REGRETS, IT’S ALL ABOUT YOU.

    Reply
  • Annie O. January 28, 2014 at 12:17 pm edit

    Great essay on something that every dreamer of big dreams has run up across by many people both of the jealous and the worried kind!

    I was wondering what you think about this. Are you being a naybasher even a little bit, if when someone talks about their dreams, you do in the course of the longer conversation (following encouragement and lots of acknowledgements of their talent and strengths), start to give a few tips on how they can improve some aspect of what they are doing? Like if you see they may be needing a little work on a couple aspects you believe are important for their success.

    An example I could possibly give is if someone wants to support themselves through their art, but you notice that they don’t have a website yet at all. So you suggest that they get their name out there a bit more, and get a website started now. or perhaps they are a beginning baker selling some cakes and you also are in that field, and you see them totally selling their stuff too cheap. You think they could make more money by taking into account the portion size of the cake for the party and charge a set amount per slice. They are not doing that, and you see them giving a lot of cake for too cheap to make a little profit.

    Those are lame examples, but just trying to figure out if giving advice you really feel is helpful is part of being a naysayer, by suggesting that they don’t have it “all together” or indirectly being critical.

    They didn’t ask for advice. But you feel motivated to offer a couple of tips, based on what you have observed.

    Reply
  • Rianne February 6, 2014 at 9:22 pm edit

    This is amazing, I will re-read this for years to come. Thank you!

    Reply
  • Michelle February 9, 2014 at 1:52 am edit

    Ha! This is so my dad. He is the ultimate naysayer of my family. He is very narrow-minded about everything and completely unsupportive of my dreams to live an unconventional life. I am a creative soul and do not want to be boxed in a cubicle for 30 years. To me, that’s a jail sentence. But he seems to believe that the only way to live is to get an office job in the government, stick it out for 30 years, and then do what you want when you retire. Yeah…I’m sorry, but that’s not good enough for me. Ironically, he hated his job and was completely miserable. Now he wants me to be miserable too? Jerk! He’s definitely “the jealous naysayer”. I think he is full of so much regret about how his life turned out that it pains him to see other people pursue their dreams and happily succeed. Thankfully, my mom is the complete opposite. She is incredibly supportive about my dreams and life goals. She is always telling me to follow my heart and do what makes me happy, even if it means moving across the country. She is amazing and I am so grateful for her.

    I wish my dad was supportive, but he’s not and I need to accept that. Thank you for reminding me that I don’t have to listen to the naysayers anymore. Frankly, it’s exhausting trying to justify my life dreams to someone who is so close-minded. I don’t want to waste anymore energy on my dad. I would rather surround myself with positive people, like my mom, friends, and other dreamers. It’s such a relief to read this article and all of these comments. To know that there are other people out there like me reinforces my beliefs and proves that I’m not crazy. The only crazy thing about me is how long I’ve stayed living in this toxic household and putting up with my dad’s BS. Time to move out and live my life on my own terms.

    Reply
  • Kris February 9, 2014 at 2:54 pm edit

    My Dad has been my hero for ever. He worked in Sales with IBM his entire life. I currently work at Dell. The latest on my job situation has left me unhappy for a number if reasons, some personal, some just plain “I don’t want to do this only for the rest if my life”. I am a sales admin for software sales. The job has limits and is very monotonous. What I really want is to move closer to the technical side of it all. There are no positions at my location for this and the glass ceiling has almost been reached at this point. I have been looking for another open door and my father has been so discouraging, saying that I would never have the right skills to get there and that I basically should just like what I have now to play it safe. I am a single parent and know I have a tough path ahead but I can’t understand why he is treating me so hard, should I ignore him?

    Reply
    • Rose February 13, 2014 at 10:12 pm edit

      Sounds like my family to a T! They constantly say “you can’t do this”, “everyone else is doing this” and blah blah blah. Especially my sister, she won’t even support my business. She thinks her sister in law that does not have a high school dimploma is smarter than me. She will support her husbands family anytime but when it comes to me her sister she won’t do anything. Anytime I do anything I get negative comments and my mother will go along with her. I am just ready to have them both out of my live. But I am glad I do what I want anyways because like the other comments, you should take the risk otherwise you will regret.

      Reply
  • Shi Min February 14, 2014 at 12:51 pm edit

    What do I do when the majority of the people in my life are naysayers?
    That I only have a few ..so few supporters
    I am on the verge of breaking and just believing their words.
    But ty for this amazing post <3

    Reply
  • logan jackson February 15, 2014 at 6:21 am edit

    I am a sophmore in high school. I am so immensely in love with film and theatre. My dreams are to live in New York City to pursue my dreams as an actor/screenwriter/independent filmmaker. My Dad tells me that i will fail and I will come crawling back crying to his doorstep because Im going to fail. Horribly. He says this repeatedly, to the point that I’m just ready to stay exclusively at my moms house, but that would ruin him. What do i do?

    Reply
  • Deanna Emmons February 18, 2014 at 12:47 am edit

    Hi just want to say this helped aALOT! Im 17 and a senior in high school, and recently decided I want to pursue my passion of being a professional makeup artist instead of pursueing communications. Ive always been trying to find something “safe” and “normal” to do because my dad bashes me if I say anything about my real dreams and passions. anyway ive recently told my parents I want to do makeup and attend beauty school, then my dad continued to be an asshole and laugh at me and mock me. “thats not a real profession” “why would you want to put shit on people’s faces” “people who wear makeup arent beautiful” blahblahblah ive always dealt with this. Readin this article made me realize that my dad is just an asshole and i cant let it get to me so thank you for that! :)

    Reply
  • Natalia February 22, 2014 at 9:14 am edit

    I’m in business school, but I’ve been telling my best friend that I want to go into design. Every time I talk to her, she would be an asshole about it and discourage me. Just last night I showed her an edit I made and she LAUGHED at me. I read your article and I’m ending our friendship. This has been going on for a long while and I cannot let her negativity get in the way of my goals :)

    Reply
  • lena February 28, 2014 at 5:58 pm edit

    I am so sad, this article is my life.

    Reply
  • Hannah R March 10, 2014 at 9:06 pm edit

    I needed to read this today…thank you so much for being encouraging and awesome and real!!

    Reply
  • Diane March 11, 2014 at 1:06 am edit

    Sigh! My boyfriend and I own a biz together, but my true passion is jewelry making and painting furniture. I told him today that I’m not happy running this business and immediately he told me that I can’t make a living making jewelry or painting furniture. It really upset me!! I’ve made jewelry on the side for a couple of years and have done pretty well with it! But since we started this business, I have no time to do it anymore, which makes me really sad. I have no idea what to do now or how to feel about him saying that because in my heart of hearts, that’s what I truly want to do. Any advice?!?

    Reply
  • Foxtail March 12, 2014 at 12:54 pm edit

    What if you are your own naysayer?

    Reply
  • hermespa March 15, 2014 at 4:04 pm edit

    thanks for the inspiration. people always tell to me that i shouldnt follow my dream of becoming an author and be a doctor just like my parents as i will have a strong base. but i personally think that even if i get enrolled in a medical college i wont be happy the way i will be after becoming an author. what is your opinion on this?

    Reply
    • Torre DeRoche March 16, 2014 at 10:39 pm edit

      Hermespa, it’s great to have the goal of becoming an author, but there are also practical considerations to make, like how you will support yourself during the many years it will take you to hone your craft and (hopefully) get the recognition that will ultimately pay your bills. It’s smart to develop skills that will earn you money, as writing is a notoriously low-paying career. If you don’t want to be a doctor, that’s okay: perhaps look at another job that will allow you to pay bills while also giving you free time to write.

      Reply
  • Bird March 16, 2014 at 9:28 am edit

    I came here on a Google search… Yup, not ashamed to admit that. I really loved this because it really speaks to me. I’m a stay at home mom whose husband travels for work. However, he constantly pisses on all my dreams. I have a 3/4-finished degree in Creative Writing. I brought up going back to school (for English, since the uni here doesn’t have CW) and he derided it as “useless” & “a fantasy” (despite the fact that a BA in English slots into pretty much anything). He says I need to give up my dreams so I can get a real job (preferably one I hate, so I’ll “know how it feels”) and stop being a “leech”. Ouch.

    I’ve just begun my doula training and plan on turning it into a business. My folks actually put up the money for it because they want to help me succeed in becoming more financially independent. But, when I told my husband, he promptly went off on a tirade against my “stupid fantasies” and told me “it’s time to grow up & live in the real world!” He hates his job even tho it makes a lot of money it’s never enough, & I’m not the kind of wife who spends $50 on a haircut–I spend it on books… Anyway, what do you do when it’s your husband who’s the naysayer? When the person who is supposed to love & support you gets a kick (in the guise of “concern”) out of squashing your every single dream flat because of money? His dream is opening a restaurant & I support it but he’s afraid.

    Being a postpartum doula is not something to do “on the side”, it’s something I feel very called to do. If I had to become a single mom to do it, I would, and maybe that’s why he tells me I can’t do it –because he’s testing me. I really have no idea.

    Anyway, thanks for the read & for letting me go on.

    Reply
    • Torre DeRoche March 16, 2014 at 10:31 pm edit

      Bird, I’m sorry to say that your husband sounds toxic. This is a complication situation because he’s your husband and because you have a child together.

      I’m going to be honest: this doesn’t sound like a healthy situation for you or the child, him calling you a “leech” and accusing you of having stupid fantasies, etc. My advice would be to do whatever you need to do as quickly as possible to make yourself financially independent.

      At this point, do not worry so much about following your dreams and optimising your career choices, worry about being able to support yourself without his help as quickly as possible. He holds power over you because he’s earning the income and he feels therefore that he has the power to control you and your choices. This is an awful position to be in: it’s a dictatorship and you need to get out from under it as quickly as possible.

      Clearly your husband has all kinds of resentments towards his job and mistakenly believes that earning money is about suffering; that the workforce is about getting a dollar per drop of blood shed. This is not so. There is such a thing as a job you love (or like 70% of the time), but it does take courage to leave the safety of a high paying job and go after a career that is riskier and yet fulfilling. Obviously he hasn’t found this courage yet; he is miserable and feels that spreading misery will ease his own (which it won’t). This is a toxic situation for you. As long as he holds the economic power, he will keep spreading his misery onto you.

      Why don’t you look into getting therapy together? Perhaps with the help of a therapist, as well as some honest communication between you two, he can gain insight into his behaviour before it’s too late. A relationship should be a loving and supportive companionship, not an oppressive dictatorship, and his behaviour will ultimately drive you away.

      So my advice is: take the quickest route towards complete financial independence NOW. Suggest therapy to him. If he becomes angry about it, back off, then put your head down and work towards your own independence. Once you’re financially independent, you will be fully free to choose what is best for you and your life. You will be protected from his spread of misery. Who knows—when you eventually pursue your own dreams and he can see how happy you are, maybe you’ll inspire him to start that restaurant?

      Reply
  • PAULA CLARKSS March 18, 2014 at 2:10 am edit

    I Enjoyed reading this…it was like therapeutic humour…keep moving forward…you are a winner…enjoyed your artistry as well…

    Reply
  • Kathleen March 20, 2014 at 1:52 pm edit

    This was so helpful. My dad keeps putting my ideas and career ambitions down- I have found myself having to keep giving them up after being talked to by my mum, after he has addressed his concerns with her. They often stay up late talking about how my latest idea is awful. A few months later I will come up with something else, I’m a naturally creative person, which sure enough is also not good enough and a “waste of time”. I love being with animals and outside with the garden. Taking some time out after secondary school wasn’t allowed so I ended up doing a 4 year degree in EngLit, which is okay but not helpful for my future paths- which have to be changed because I can’t afford another degree. I kept saying all through my time at uni, I’m not into this, I really want to give it up and the amount of furniture thrown around was incredible, so i, about to finish my degree in humanities as agrees. I thought about doing a local qualification in horticulture, which was pointless in his opinion. Now i’ve had so many dreams and ideas pissed on I don’t know If its possible for me to stick to one thing and carry it through. I now find myself doubting if these were dreams of mine at all or am i just confused with what I want to do. Surely if they were meant to be I would have carried them out despite the lack of support. I realised lately, all my ideas are shot down by him and there is no pleasing him. I need to stop craving the security of my dad saying, yes that’s a good idea and go out on my own two feet and ignore him. I’m going to take a year away from him and find a small job and think about what i’m going to do next. It is going to have absolutely nothing to do with him.

    Reply
  • Jen March 23, 2014 at 5:40 am edit

    This was such a perfectly written expression of EXACTLY what I have been secretly getting from my husband for 16 years. It makes me feel sane about my life, my dreams, and my goals. Thankyou so much for writing it, I am so grateful!

    Reply
  • Gemma March 25, 2014 at 10:49 am edit

    Hey Torre,
    I’m going to take that quote and staple it to my partner’s head, that way every time he continues to be unsupportive of my ambitions to write professionally I can glance at it and not feel upset.
    Despite the fact that he has never supported me and shows no interest in what I write, I continued and now have attracted the interest of an agent whose enthusiasm for my book has made me realize that actually it was worth continuing with and I may well have a shot at a career as a novelist.
    My partner is not a bad guy, but he’s been frustrated in his own ambitions which I believe has made him not want to support mine.
    It’s really hard to keep encouraging yourself on when you’re partner seems to have no belief in you, but your blog has made me realize that I’m not alone in this. If something is worth fighting for, then you just gotta strap on those boxing gloves and step back into the ring. If he won’t support me, then I’ll have to be my own support.
    Thanks for the blog.
    Gemma

    Reply
  • FootballFailure March 26, 2014 at 2:57 am edit

    I ruined my dreams of becoming a star division 1 player because of negatives “friends and a parent…. People who kept telling me “I didnt need football”…. most of these people were people who wanted to play for my University but didnt have the ability, talent or drive…. I was on the team.. I just had to get my grades in order and woul dhave did my thing but I listened to my doubters and that “God doesnt close a door non sense”… I am in my early 30s regret it, it has wrecked my life… The people who spoke this non sense and I BROUGHT INTO they are happy they talked me out my dream.

    Reply
    • Torre DeRoche April 3, 2014 at 10:02 am edit

      That is sad and I’m sorry to hear that happened to you. But it is also in the past now, and what can you do with the past apart from learn from it and move forward? You have the rest of your life to live. Don’t waste it dwelling over what could’ve been. There are other dreams to go after. They will become obvious to you once you let go of this one. x

      Reply
  • Rukiya March 28, 2014 at 2:48 pm edit

    I bookmarked your brilliant article and will continue to share it -

    Great critical thinking and justified humor

    Reply
  • Massage April 2, 2014 at 7:16 am edit

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  • Liz Medina April 4, 2014 at 6:52 pm edit

    Heloo from South America! I just loved this! Funny designs Torre! Well, you just can’t imagine all the naysayers thing down here in Paraguay! It’s a culture thing, people just don’t believe in dreams, adventures and activities that scape from their (to me) scary comfort zone! They really think you need to explain why you are trying to be that happy! It’s crazy! Keep on doing this, it’s adorable! Much love :)

    Reply
  • Bridgitt April 5, 2014 at 2:12 am edit

    I feel hopeless and suicidal everyday, my mother is destitute, m y grandmother is destitute, my father lost his job, I have endured poverty, verbal, emotional, sexual and psychological abuse my whole life, and have my own issues with depression and anxiety because of the poverty, bullying, and my father’s cross-dressing. I have been forced to give up on everything, because of hwo bad it is, I see no point in having goals or dreams anymore because unless I find the right people, get money, or get a job, I don’t see it happening. It’s been this way for years, I go to therapy and she says she wants to help my mom and I, and she never calls me back, my mother says she wants to help me, so she takes me to the gym, where I got the dream for lifeguarding and being a group exercise instructor and personal trainer, because it makes me feel happier and less depressed. My father is supposed to take me for my license, but he’s so consumed with his own stuff, and forgot about me. I want to ride a bike too, and maybe do a triathlon or a half marathon, and that’s it. I have been neglected, and told that I have a horrible personality and would never make it in anything that I’m interested in. The economy doesn’t help at all. I feel like dying, the hospital doesn’t even do anything, I can’t even get health insurance to get my meds or therapy. I have a learning disability as well, and am different, and need extra help with math and processing, but the great thing about fitness and health, is if you can talk to people, and know and practice choreography, and study exercise science well, you can be great. I do know college is not for me, and that to be a lifeguard you have to be certified and the same thing for being an instructor/trainer/health coach. The money problems are so bad, I cry myself to sleep.

    Reply
  • joctami April 5, 2014 at 11:35 pm edit

    well one day my guy friend and I were in biology class and after we finished a test we had some free time, so he took out these sketch pencils and he showed me them and i said ooo cool!! and he starts drawing his anime character. .then he sketches this really detailed eye for the character and i give him a positive answer ,”wow thats pretty cool ,how’d you do that?” ,and he said ,”all you do is this”.he seemed kind of off about me being positive and nice about his drawing ,but still continued.then -so to be generous and compatible with art, i asked him did he ever hear of abstract and he said no,so i told him i did abstract art and that i love that kind of art . i showed chris (my guy friend) my art pic and he scoffs and he laughs saying,”thats nothing ,i can do that easily .if thats what abstract looks like then i dont like it ….thats not even art and whats the point anyway… and then i comeback with saying that its better than a plain piece of paper with a person on it ,abstract art has more to say than that and its infinite with meaning and colorful ….and i called him simple minded and ignorant by what he said .then i asked my teacher what he thought of art and he said,”art has multiple opinions.” and chris said” exactly ” as if he was so right and btw he smiled as if he liked me getting angry and i told him that he wasnt giving his opinion about it ,he was bashing me and my type of art and he disagreed.and earlier in the argument he asked me could i draw it and i said yea and he said well then draw it and i said no ,because i dont feel like it…and he was like see you cant draw ,sketch at all..he always finds it funny when i get mad and laughs at me as if its funny but i bet if i bashed his head with a textbook it wouldnt be very funny.see ,i dont bash anything and if i dont like it i dont say anthing at all even though it could be helpful to some but discouraging to others so instead i stay far a way and say nothing since i know what it feels like.when chris bashed me i try even harder to stick with my close spirit which is art but i felt my heart break physically ,and i felt empty as if someone isolated me from something i loved the most…i cried but i havent lost touch .i sketch my abstract when i feel it coming not when im bored. i do sketch when its the only thing i feel is actually listening to me and is actually a part of me and most of all feels the exact same way,therefore, im never a foreigner or an enemy ,abstract recognizes me very well.i tired to draw a human and a animal and i practice but when i try ,my mind is thrusting so much out that i want to draw its so difficult to stick with just that one thing ,i feel the urge, the desire to push the colors, the things in my head and as a result,it all comes out still in meaning not just any regular drawing. i love everything that includes the use of talent , handwork and passion . im never a prick or an arrogant asshole who wants to throw their art around ,i accept things that people throw away ,like the quote that says any mans trash is another mans treasure…im a girl ,a 15 year old girl..and art is my love

    Reply
    • jocelyn April 6, 2014 at 12:16 am edit

      and including the fact that he told me that ill be on the streets trying to sell my so called abstract art he’ll be making a living with his anime drawings.see it makes me angry when i seek a person giving a plain non feedback opinion thats not even useful to people who actually want to know ,as well people like chris who wants to bash and discourage a passion that you want to go further in life with,but yet stiil wants to befriend you and say hello and act as if they were right in the beginning

      Reply
      • Angie April 7, 2014 at 4:15 pm edit

        I have been married to a naysayer for 15 years, and he still just doesn’t get it. I am always looking for solutions and new ideas to make our life better. He is always shooting down my ideas and I really believe that he thinks I live in a dream world/fantasy world or whatever you wanna call it. Maybe I should just keep my ideas to myself and not share because I never feel better about anything after sharing with him I always feel worse and end up in tears. I REALLY wish he could just agree with me once in a while or at least try to understand where I’m coming from. I soooo needed this article today this was very well said and super funny!!! Thank you:)

        Reply
        • Natalie April 12, 2014 at 6:04 pm edit

          I’ve had the same problem. I had to learn to focus on what makes ME happy and work on it, whether he was with me or not. It may seem selfish, but it’s not. It may be necessary to keep your emotional well-being. Sometimes, those we love get “stuck” in a way of thinking and are unwilling to change. We can get stuck too if we continue to argue with them or try to make them see things our way. But when he sees you beginning to pursue your own interests and finding your own happiness, a light bulb just may go off for him. You can cause him to rethink his actions when he sees what you DO, not so much what you say. After 15 years of this, you may actually have to even remember or redefine what makes you happy. But when you do, pursue it and see if in time your husband’s perspective changes. In the meantime try to avoid putting yourself in the line of fire with his negativity. It may be good to keep your ideas to yourself until he learns to be more receptive. At this time he is untrustworthy with your emotions.

          Reply
  • Natalie Barry April 8, 2014 at 12:49 am edit

    I want to be a famous singer and I know I have the talent. I know i could do anything I set my mind to, but my parents always doubt me becoming famous. It will happen one day. I won’t die without being known and inspiring others. -Natalie Barry 4/7/14

    Reply
  • Crystal Hundley April 8, 2014 at 5:25 am edit

    My advice to someone surrounded by naysayers is #1 always challenge other peoples thoughts about you. Your life is 100% unique and not comparable to any other, by that I mean no other aside person from yourself can grade your potential. Also realize EVERY PERSON ON THIS PLANET, NO MATTER HOW SUCCESSFUL, IS ONLY HUMAN. #You vs You

    Reply
  • Natalie April 12, 2014 at 5:22 pm edit

    I have the problem of being surrounded by negative people. Some may naysay, but most just give off a “so what” or “yeah right” vibe the FEW times I have spoke about my creative ambitions. So, I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut and quietly work on my dreams. It is definitely tough and very lonely when no one supports you in something that’s special and important to you. Especially those you love. But, I agree that most people like that definitely live in fear themselves and need company in fear. I can’t live like that. They’ll see the results of my work when it’s FINISHED. But, while I’m working on my goals, I just won’t trust them with my dreams!

    Reply
  • Tracey Molina April 16, 2014 at 9:19 am edit

    Hi Torre! Your article is soo AMAZING! I enlisted into the U.S. Air Force Reserve. I will be taking the exam in a couple of weeks in hopes to qualify for an officer. I told my mom that I enlisted. A couple of months ago I told her i was going and she thought I was kidding, but I’m not playing around. Now that i told her, she doesnt believe I can do it. It hurts me soo much. But it doesnt matter if she believes in me or not. This is what Ive always wanted to do since I was 12. I know this is my destiny and no one can stop what I was made for. My favorite part of your article is the last paragraph to “The Psychology of an Ass Hole”. This defines my mother soo well. I dont want to hurt her but she has always been the crone in my life. I know its sad to call her that but I know she loves me. I want to be a test pilot. Im praying to God he will help me give me the strength to keep going. Thank you so much for your article! You made me feel soo much better!

    Reply
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