Our motorbike trip has ended abruptly as though it never was. Now we’re in the busy city of Chiang Mai, Thailand, neck deep in piles of work. It’s difficult to imagine that just a few weeks ago we were zipping along quiet winding roads, pretending there was no such thing as Facebook or Twitter or Gangnam Style.
At least one rendition of Gangnam Style can be heard from any location on earth at any given time, which also means that least one person in my peripheral vision is performing the invisible horse at any given time. It’s an epidemic, people!
(Note to self: Buy earplugs. And a burlap head sack.)
To stay motivated, we’re splurging on a lovely little penthouse, which overlooks the cluster of homes, hotels, and gold-adorned temples that make up the city of Chiang Mai. It’s all of $30 per night.
From this place, we’re preparing for a new adventure.
In one month, my book is launching in Australia and New Zealand!
Allow me to pause a moment while I perform the invisible horse…
Nee-he-he-he-rrr-gh. Torre, stop. You’re embarrassing yourself. Again.
We’ll soon be heading home to Melbourne to begin preparations, which, for me, means accepting that I can no longer get around looking like a derelict bohemian nomad. (Do I remember how to do my hair and makeup? Do I own one single pair of underpants that haven’t disintegrated into a crotch held up by dust bunnies?)
I get to see my family and friends again! Being away from them is always the hardest part of travel, but that doesn’t matter right now because I’M GOING HOME!
Nee-he-he-he-rrr-gh. Torre! Seriously! Cut. This. Shit. Out.
We’re a month away from book launch #1, and everything has suddenly kicked into high gear. Emails are flying back and forth between publicists and agents and magazine editors.
Freelance graphic design, illustration, and writing work has begun flowing in too, of course. I’m spending ten hours or more in front of the computer, and I’m too excited to sleep.
And! And! I have something to show you…
Warning: If you are in the US, Canada, the UK, or Brazil, then I’ve been instructed by my publicists to tell you to cover your head with a burlap sack and leave it on until mid-year. If you’re Aussie or a Kiwi, read on:
Hey! I see you trying to sneak a look, dude from New Jersey. I said git oudda here!
I’d like to introduce you to somebody.
This little baby has been in production for a very long time. From living the adventure, to decompressing afterwards, to writing about it, to editing back, to self-publishing, to being discovered by publishers, to editing again, to waiting, waiting, waiting, to going crazy, to—finally!—the book’s release into the world.
It has been the longest, most excruciating, most joyous gestation period ever. My memoir begins with me at age 24 waking up in a strange bed with a strange man. I’m 32 years old now (yet no less reckless and stupid). Counting the time it took to live the story, this book has taken nine years of my life!
It has been worth every single moment.
And now …
I give you …
Hey! You! Canadian guy! Don’t make me get the garden hose out because I WILL DO IT.
I give you …
My book cover:
This is the Penguin release, due out Feb 27. North America has a different cover. This version is only available to those stranded on the islands of Australian or New Zealand. (We’re beached es, bru!)
If you’re in any other part of the world, you’ll have to wait until mid-year.
I’m sorry. I know. It’s not fair. It’s like dealing with Apple. Or it’s like being an Australian in the 80’s and seeing Hollywood blockbusters advertised six months before the film reel travels across the Pacific (by sea turtle?) to finally reach the rundown, sticky, heavy-petting-zoo otherwise known as The Only Cinema In Town, You Inbred Convicts.
It sucks. I really feel for you. I wish there was something I could do. (Bwah-ha-ha! How do you like it now? Huh? Who’s beached es now? HUH?)
But here’s some good news: I’ll be posting out some advance copies to bloggers prior to the launches. I don’t yet know the specifics of this (numbers, dates, etc) but if you have a blog and you’re interested in reading the book, please sign up here and I’ll do my best to send a copy over via sea turtle.
Meanwhile, add the book to your Goodreads To Read list.
Like it on Facebook.
And—by strict orders from Mr. Ed—stop doing the invisible horse.
Nee-he-he-he-rrr-gh! Do you know how many times I’ve been ridden in the last six months? My invisible spine has been pushed out my invisible butthole. THAT’S how many times. Message to the world: DISMOUNT!