Visit an exhibition in amateur photography.

There’s something about warm, balmy weather that makes many-a-tourist want to get down on all fours on the shoreline of a crowded beach, and begin rolling around for a snapping camera like they’re being art directed by Hugh Hefner. Sunset marks the peak season for these Top Model photo sessions, when clothes come off and women of all ages and sizes transform into tigers for the camera. The lapping shoreline is the preferred location, though you may also find them arched over swing sets, or straddling palm trunks with a come-hither pout.

Check-out the latest in European swimwear.

While Europeans lead the world of fashion, evidently they have an anything-goes policy when it comes to swimwear. Plant yourself beachside and watch a runway parade of appalling budgie smuggling dicktogs, or tired underpants posing as board shorts (note: just because your undies are patterned with flowers does not mean they’re beach-ready). If you’re lucky, you’ll get to see a German middle-aged hairy man wearing a minuscule thong like I did. While I’m no European fashion expert, it’s my personal belief that man + thong = felony that should be punished by a firm wedgie. Go ahead and wedgie a thonged man today — you’ll be performing a community service.

Check out the latest in European Swimwear while watching an amateur photography session.

Yep, this is just how things are in Koh Chang:

Tour the eclectic architectural styles.

When it comes to accommodation in Thailand, a thatched-roof bungalow checks off the basic requirements for this hot climate: a bed, a fan, a mosquito net and a cold shower. Constructed from wooden beams, woven palm fronds and hundreds of geckos holding hands, they blend seamlessly into the tropical surroundings. But there is something for everybody here, and a wander around the busy tourist strips will introduce you to 78 varieties of tickytacky.

This American-style construction looks like it was transported out of a gated community near Silicon Valley and deposited on the white sand beach of Koh Chang:

Become a temporary pet owner.

As you stroll by the beach, you may get followed by a caramel colored dog who has sweet eyes, and an outbreak of crusty mange scabs. If you should take sympathy and stroke the poor beast, he’ll probably sleep on the front porch of your accommodation, snuggle up against you on the beach and gaze at you during mealtimes hoping for a prawn tail or a few leftover grains of rice. Guilty with your Western gluttony, you’ll begin collecting leftovers and leaving them out for your scabby companion, without realizing that you’re deepening the bond and the dependency. When it comes time to leave, be prepared to face up to a set of miserable eyes as your new best friend realizes that, once again, his pack leader is abandoning him.

Test your pain threshold and flexibility with Thai-style massage.

Thai massage is 7 parts deep tissue kneading, 2 parts yoga and 1 part excruciating pain. While you’ll mostly experience tingling, happy muscles and criminally good pleasure, every so often your eyes will shock open and you’ll gulp down the urge to yell: “HOLY SHIT, LADY, I CAN’T BEND THAT WAY!” The amount of strength coming from the tiny Thai masseuses seems impossible, but don’t be fooled by their slight frames and smiling faces: these ladies can poke, press, bend and fold with the power and aggression of a heavy weight.

Get experimental with food: try a flesh coffee, or some fried rice with crap.

Crap is no something I usually garnish my food with, but your Thai experience wouldn’t be complete without an intestinal parasite for a souvenir. Hopefully, these unusual menu items that I’ve seen around are just typos.

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17 Response Comments

  • Bree  February 17, 2011 at 7:24 am

    Hundreds of geckos holding hands … so true.

    Reply
    • Torre DeRoche  February 17, 2011 at 8:21 am

      And lines of ants.

      Reply
  • The Rhythm Method  February 17, 2011 at 7:57 am

    LOL, the guy kneeling in a thong … he’s totally bending down to get it further up his crack. Hilarious.

    Reply
    • Torre DeRoche  February 17, 2011 at 8:21 am

      Flossing daily is recommended.

      Reply
  • Mike's Road Trip  February 17, 2011 at 2:12 pm

    I love Thailand…had a great time there a few years ago. Phi Phi is an awesome place/island. I love how you can get a 2 hour massage for $12 and the food is so inexpensive.

    Reply
    • Torre DeRoche  February 18, 2011 at 1:50 am

      The food, the massage, the weather, the beaches … these are the reasons I keep coming back.

      Reply
  • AbelTraveller  February 17, 2011 at 11:08 pm

    I´m sorry but I can´t see your point… Real shame :(((((

    Reply
    • Torre DeRoche  March 1, 2011 at 12:24 pm

      Let me guess: you’re a thong-lover, aren’t you … ?

      Reply
    • beachcomer  January 1, 2014 at 11:37 pm

      from the the gallery of pictures,its always well built women in skimpy swimsuits that get the postive responses and yet any men always get the opposite,funny and strange especially from other woman……straight women?

      Reply
  • Anj (@anjwrites)  February 18, 2011 at 9:51 am

    Pretty sure I’ll regret asking, but WTF is “foot pilling”???

    Reply
    • Torre DeRoche  February 18, 2011 at 10:06 am

      I’ve never had it done, but I believe they shave off the thick skin off your feet and grind down the calluses.

      Reply
  • Raymond  February 21, 2011 at 7:45 am

    I love that you used the word “mange”. I was thinking it was about due for a revival. Alas, once again, you have beaten me to the punch. Great pics btw too!

    Reply
    • Torre DeRoche  February 21, 2011 at 7:48 am

      Isn’t mange the name of the condition that all the dogs are suffering from in Asia?

      Reply
  • Mike  August 2, 2011 at 1:56 pm

    Torre, I love reading your blogs… I wish I could express myself as you do…. I have sat endless hours, well maybe not hours trying to compose a tale or two but always come up with just dribble… Thanks for the images you provide for us that don’t get more than 10 miles from our home.
    Mike Rankin
    stuck in Chula Vista with no hope

    Reply
    • Torre DeRoche  August 2, 2011 at 8:47 pm

      Aw, thanks Mike. My posts take hours to compose too, and they feel like dribble when I’m writing them. But with a cheeky grin and a sense of recklessness, I go ahead and publish them. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don’t, but I wouldn’t know unless I clicked the scary *publish* button. Compliments like yours keep me going, so thank you. 🙂

      Reply

© Torre DeRoche 2017. All rights reserved. Do not reproduce any material from this blog without written permission.

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