‘Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.’
~ W. Gibson.

Have you ever shared your dream with someone, only to have them stomp on it with a few unsupportive words?

‘I’ve been thinking about writing a book, and—’

‘It’s really hard to get published, you know.’

There’s a breed of control freaks who quietly lurk, ready to attack your precious, vulnerable ideas as soon as you share them with the world. These people are known as naysayers, non-supporters, dream killers, or just plain assholes.

You’ll find them in the workplace, in social circles, in the family, or in your marital bed. It could be your boss, your pal, your parents, your husband or wife, your neighbor, your neighbor’s mother’s husband …

Regardless of where you encounter them, naysayers all have the same toxic tendency: they get off on popping bubbles, raining on parades, throwing wet blankets on ambitions, and farting on dreams. “What’s that? You want to travel around the world?” Brruuuub! 

How to recognize a naysayer

This is usually how it unfolds: you dream up a plan that excites you to the core of your being. It may be an adventure, a new career path, an artistic pursuit, or a crazy invention to rival Velcro. Hopefully it’s involves a plan more inspired than quitting your job to sit at home in your robe growing out your facial hair, while watching soaps day long (in lieu of using soaps). If that is your ambition, you’re not dealing with naysayers, you’re dealing with sane people. Get help.

But if you have a solid, well-considered life dream that you’re driven to accomplish, you’ll probably want to share it with friends, family and co-workers. You’ll want to come out of the closet with your grandiose dream. Some will pat you on the back and say, “GO FOR IT,” but there’s always one person who gets off on taking a dump in your happiness sandwich.

Common remarks from naysayers:

You might receive ‘helpful advice’ along the lines of: ‘I know someone else who tried that and it didn’t work out for them.’

Your confidence will be attacked with: ‘Are you sure you’re qualified?’

Naysayers love to highlight the impracticalities of your dream, “You can’t make any money doing that.”

Or, they’ll call upon ‘normal people’ as the basis for their argument, pointing out how you’re destined for failure because you’re not acting like one of them. ‘Normal people usually just get a real job,’ or, ‘This isn’t what normal people do.’

There’s an easy way to know if you’re dealing with a naysayer. When their mouth opens up and words come out, does it:

1. Make your heart happy? 

If your answer is yes, you’re being lovingly supported.

2. Make your feel like your guts have just been through a meat mincer?

If your answer is yes, you’ve been naybashed by an asshole.

The psychology of an asshole

Most often, naysayers have not fulfilled their own dreams. They don’t live an inspired existence because they’re too busy living in fear. Maybe they made the mistake of listening to their own naysayers, and they’re just parroting words that have kept them down their whole life? Perhaps they believe that life is all about living inside a fantasyland called Normalville, where regular people populate the average town of Mediocrity, sipping on lukewarm cups of boring?

Chances are, they’re just scared. Fear of loss, fear of being alone, fear of change, fear of being insignificant, fear of death or injury, fear of being judged. Your wild ambitions threaten the naysayer. He/she likes to keep life safe, simple and predictable, and by pissing in your party hat, they’re hoping to keep you small and easy to manage. Your goal threatens to throw out the equilibrium of his/her universe. But the naysayer is out of luck because the entire universe doesn’t actually belong to them (as much as they like to believe that it does).

Cross-section of a naysayer’s brain.

How to deal with a naysayer

Talk it out

If the negative comments are coming from a person you care deeply about, see what you can do to talk it through. Ask them what their concerns are and, without judgement, address them one by one. Don’t let it escalate into an argument—stay calm. Comfort them through their fears, while peacefully standing your ground. This is your life, your journey and your happiness, so own it and make it clear that you won’t sway from your dream. Negotiate and compromise if possible, but make sure you leave the conversation with your heart fluttering. If you come away from the conversation feeling heavy and sad, you’ve just been naybashed once again. Perhaps it’s time to consider therapy?


If the criticism is coming from your family, or a dear old friend, it may be best to simply block it out. Have confidence in your plans, and refuse to hear their crap. Locate your internal switch called GIVE A SHIT and simply flick it over from DO to DON’T.

Sever ties

Perhaps the naysayer is a friend or partner who never supports your dreams? If you find yourself in a relationship with a toxic person who continually tears holes in your ambitions, it may be best to cut off the relationship. Choose to surround yourself with people who make you want to break out into a happy dance. Align with people who blow air into your balloon, rather than the pricks.

Sharpen your swords and get ready for some nayslaying, because:

Have you had any experiences with naysayers? Have your dreams been naybashed? What did you do to cope? What advice would you give to people who are not being supported?

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602 Response Comments

  • Jason Leigh  September 8, 2011 at 3:08 am

    Do you do all the art and graphics for this? It looks very very good.

    • Torre DeRoche  September 8, 2011 at 3:44 am

      Thank you, yes I’m a designer / illustrator by profession. This is the first time I’ve put watercolor paintings into a post. It was fun!

    • Somewhere Salty  May 3, 2013 at 11:58 pm

      I had the same question!!! how dare you steal my question from the future?!! 😉

      and Torre, yes. this is brilliant stuff. you are giving inspiration for my blog, although I MIGHT not be as funny or artistic as you 😉

      oh and the rest of the post, thanks for this. I need to keep this in mind for possible naysayers (already came across one, but I forgive the person), for when I quit my job in 2 months to travel.


      ps: I’m reading your blog at 4:30am in the morning. It will be a great start to the day methinks (expect a few more spambot comments in your other posts). There must be a reason the Universe landed me on this page at this godly hour.


      • Torre DeRoche  May 4, 2013 at 10:32 am

        4.30am?! I feel like I should give you this:
        (It’s a worm. You caught it.)

        • Torre DeRoche  May 4, 2013 at 10:32 am

          Though on second thought, it kind of looks like a sperm. So if you get pregnant: sorry.

          • Rachel  July 3, 2013 at 6:13 pm

            HA…I love that you keep up the humor in comments!

  • karen  September 8, 2011 at 3:19 am

    I think we have all encountered naysayers at some point in our lives. It is hard to deal with, but you have to believe in yourself, because no one and I mean no one can feel what you feel or think the thoughts that you think and many times those naysayers are just jealous that they can’t do what you are doing!

    • Torre DeRoche  September 8, 2011 at 3:46 am

      Well said! Nobody knows you like you do, so nobody has authority to tell you what is right or wrong for your life.

    • desiree  February 19, 2013 at 2:10 pm

      i agree!!! because if you follow them against your will, you will just regret to yourself. Nobody can help you better but yourself. just do what makes you happy..

    • Torre DeRoche  September 8, 2011 at 3:46 am

      Your reply is da BOMB Tucker. I love it, and I’m painting that up on my front door. 🙂

  • Emilee Shake (@emileeshake)  September 8, 2011 at 4:20 am

    LOVE this! I’m quite adventurous, unlike most of my friends and family, so I frequently face lots of naysaying. I’m definitely bookmarking this post and using it as a reminder. Thanks!

    • Torre DeRoche  September 8, 2011 at 4:42 am

      No problem! Good luck with those pesky naysayers.

  • Janet  September 8, 2011 at 6:21 am

    GREAT article!! Did you do the images yourself? 🙂 very creative!! I think my bestfriend (former?) is a bit of a naysayer. she has such a negative attitude and loves to make fun of people.. it’s actually hard being around her because we just aren’t in the same level anymore :/ that’s one of the sad parts about going for your dreams though. friends who you thought were friends might not be anymore, once you start playing a bigger game, and taking charge of your life and BEING confident, your friends (who are still stuck) will find it harder to relate. Thus the friendship drifts apart..

    • Torre DeRoche  September 8, 2011 at 6:27 am

      Yes, that can happen. Sometimes you bond over being in a small pond together. If one of you jumps the pond, but the other one stays behind, you may not have that connection anymore. This is always a test of a good friendship—the people who truly love you will stick with you no matter what.

      (And yes, they’re my illustrations 🙂 )

  • Charley @Secret_Water  September 8, 2011 at 12:03 pm

    I think you’ve nailed the solution to naysayers! They do seem to pop up alot around adventurous people. Naysayers and Tall Poppy Slayers. Do you also find that when they’ve had their naysay before hand they also pop up after the adventure in question and quote things like : “you’re so jammy” and “you always seem to land on your feet” “you’ve had some amazing opportunities”. Drives me bonkers!

    • beatingTheOdds  May 23, 2013 at 7:19 pm

      Yep…and the “You just don’t understand…not everyone is as smart as you”…or “some people are just lucky”…

      Makes me want to bounce some heads off the cement.

      • DreamingBallerina  September 29, 2015 at 9:38 pm

        I HATE the phrase, “some people are just lucky” sometimes its the popy slayers who say it and it sounds like I only achieved my dream because of luck; not my hard work, my perseverance, and the crap i went through to get there. then when it’s the naysayers who say it it’s like that person only did it because of luck but you, you don’t have that so you’ll never make it. I can’t stand those people.

  • JoAnna  September 8, 2011 at 1:17 pm

    Screw the naysayers! The good news is that there are enough people out there to support our dreams … even if we do have to find them online!

  • Heather Sunseri  September 8, 2011 at 2:10 pm

    I loved this!! I think the quote at the top is my new favorite quote. EVER!

    • Tiffany  July 24, 2013 at 12:22 pm

      My name is Mrs Tiffany form USA i want to let the whole word known how happy i am after 18 years of marriage without a baby, until i met a friend at a super market who told me about a black magic man, who helped her when she had similar problem, initially i docketed the black man because i taught it was all a joke until i was blessed with a baby girl with the help of the black man after doing what he asked and instructed me to do, my baby is Eight months old now and all my sorrows has been turned into joy with 2 years am using this medium to reach out to all my fellow women with same case to known that some one is out there that can put a smile on their faces only if u believe and trust i will be happy if i will be source of many women joy once more you can reach he on this email (professionallovespell@hotmail.com)

  • Misty Choate  September 8, 2011 at 2:11 pm

    Love this! Love the illustrations and the message. You had me at “Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.’
    ~ W. Gibson.” LOL

  • Kim  September 8, 2011 at 3:19 pm

    Torre all i can say is you nailed it. Btw i started your book last night and had to force myself to put it down. Good thing you didn’t listen to those naysayers.

  • Andi of My Beautiful Adventures  September 8, 2011 at 5:09 pm

    This is a truly brilliant post that should be read by EVERYONE!!! I love that quote in the beginning.

  • Candice  September 8, 2011 at 6:34 pm

    ““What’s that? You want to travel around the world?” Brruuuub!”

    You’re amazing.

    New favourite blog.

  • Stephanie  September 8, 2011 at 10:01 pm

    You are a great writer! I love this post and have shared it on each of my social media outlets, that’s how cool I think it is and how relevant to my own dream chasing! 😉 Best of luck with your book! Hoping to order a copy soon…

  • Leif  September 8, 2011 at 11:38 pm

    Great post Torre, you speak the truth. Those buzz killer people really stink. Fortunately there aren’t too many of them out there. Hope your book is going well! Looking forward to reading it once my account gets back in the blue ><.

  • Danielle  September 9, 2011 at 12:29 am

    Everything about this post is so true. For the longest time I had put my dreams of traveling on the back burner because I knew people would tell me, “that’s not a job.” Finally, I decided after I was done with college I wasn’t going to look for a 9-5 “grown-up” job; I was just going to travel. When I tell people they mostly ask “What do you mean you’re going to travel?” or “How are you going to get paid doing that?” For the most part I just take the ignore them approach.

    Great post. I love the illustrations 🙂

    • Nomadic Samuel  September 9, 2011 at 2:27 am

      Torre, I really enjoyed this post. I once remember hearing a lecture about becoming a self-actualized person. There was a quote that went something like this: “If you want to truly live your life on your own terms you have to become independent of the good opinion of other people.” It’s not easy dealing with criticism or those who doubt what you are doing, but I feel ultimately the best/correct decision lies with the individual who is making 🙂

  • Chris  September 9, 2011 at 5:15 am

    Great entry! Very inspiring, and particularly appealing to me as I deal with friends telling me that my dream of traveling around the world and writing about it are irresponsible and that I need to just knuckle down and start down the career path.

  • Lorna - the roamantics  September 9, 2011 at 10:00 am

    TORRE!!! i just published a post this week that comments on naysayers!!! LOVE your tips (and how to spot them LOL). there are so many effing gems here, but my fave is plain and simple- “Align with people who blow air into your balloon, rather than the pricks.” hell to the yes. i do feel that there are instances in which naysayers aren’t ill-intentioned, but just short on imagination. whatever the reason, our beautiful, amazing, adventurous, unique lives depend on victory over their power! even, or especially, when “they” are staring back at us in the mirror! i seriously need to read your book already! i hang on every line of your posts, so i can’t imagine how much i’ll love SWEPT. 😀

  • liv  September 9, 2011 at 9:16 pm

    I cannot express how timely this topic is for me personally. It’s so true. So effing true. So tired of building myself up, only to be ripped apart, and ridiculed, even by loved ones. Sometimes I wonder if the lonely wanderer isn’t the happiest of our clan?

  • Sasha  September 10, 2011 at 3:35 am

    I hate the attitude of naysayers! I always think, if you don’t have anything positive to say it why say it at all! I’ve met my fair share of these people in my lifetime, maybe it’s because I have a lot of dreams that I like to share, apparently that means I’m asking someone to tell me, “Oh, you’ll probably fail.” I no longer have time for these kind of people, the negativity is too draining. Now days I always try and surround myself with positive people that will encourage my dreams even if they don’t agree with them or fear I’ll fail. And if I have no choice but to be surrounded by naysayers then they just don’t get treated to hearing the story of my dreams because only special, kind people deserve to hear my deepest dreams and desires! 🙂

  • Linda  September 10, 2011 at 9:57 pm

    I can’t even begin to tell you how much I identify with this post! Let me, at 64 years old, re-enforce what you say. My dad was (and is – still!) the biggest naysayer I ever met in my life, so he well and truly dampened all my youthful ambition and enthusiasm, because I thought I was supposed to be the good daughter, and not run away as I should have done! (Wow, just imagine!) The way I was at 19 kind of shoved me into the arms of the guy I eventually married. He seemed to be just the opposite, but by the time I realized he was just a naysayer in a different disguise it was too late, and I had two, wonderful kids. For that reason only, I can’t, honestly say, that I regret my earlier life – but I am damned if I will ever, ever listen to negative vibes again, and I constantly preach that to my kids, who have very much gone their own ways so far.
    Believe me, you will never, ever regret doing your own thing, following your own dreams. If things don’t work out, you pick yourself up and try something else, but it was your decision, and it’s easier to forgive yourself than to forgive someone else who ruined your dreams!
    Good for you and many congratulations on the book, which I will defnitely buy as soon as I have two cents to rub together!

  • Kate  September 11, 2011 at 12:02 am


    This article is awesome and I agree with it 100%! If I actually listened to all of those naysayers out there I would not have went this far in life. Despite the odds, I am living my dream. I was in a “comfort zone” working at my Fortune 500 white collar job. But, I wanted to pursue my dream of being a motivational speaker, and having an all positive social network. To my surprise, it has become worldwide. Live your dreams people, no matter what anyone says or thinks about you!

  • Lauren  September 12, 2011 at 10:38 am

    Love this post! I experienced exactly what you described from close to everyone I know when I announced my plan for my RTW trip. I was told it would be dangerous, I wouldn’t be strong enough to do it on my own, that I’d be home in a week, that I should be spending my money on a car or a house! ARGH! I just ignored them and they’re suddenly very quiet now that I’m two months in and still alive 🙂

  • Krys  September 12, 2011 at 3:09 pm


    Torre, you are a truly gifted – both in art and in written word. There simply aren’t enough people like you in the world!

  • Nancy from Family on Bikes  September 18, 2011 at 4:22 pm

    Awesome post! I’ve really only had one person ever poo-poo on my dreams – an ex-boyfriend. When I told him that I wanted to ride my bike around India he said, “Yeah sure – like THAT’LL ever happen!”

    The funny thing is that his reaction is part of exactly why I really did take off and ride my bike around India!

  • Shannon  September 20, 2011 at 7:27 am

    Nevermind the post, the artwork is AWESOME!

    Ok seriously nice post too 🙂

    I am not a naysayer and I agree everyone should have dreams and do what they want to do even if they fail at it, but its also nice to reaffirm to that person and ask them “are you sure that is what you want to do” because everyone (usually) knows themselves but family members can know a lot about you too (just not everything) and some people go right into something not realizing how hard it might be, etc and sometimes they had wished they were warned about it (not torn down).

    I have had (and still do) lots of challenges in doing a lot of things and when I was looking into buying a 5th wheel I insisted I couldn’t tow one with a tall profile but I had people tell me that a tall profile was no problem; I started with a shallow profile then graduated with a too tall profile!)

    Anyway, my family is supportive of whatever I decide to do, the don’t think that I should go travel on my own but they still support me no matter what.

  • Eddie Kwok  September 20, 2011 at 1:26 pm

    “The psychology of an asshole” How I wish there’s a class for this subject!
    Anyway, nice blog. Will add into my reading list. 🙂

  • Maria Alexandra @latinAbroad  September 21, 2011 at 7:00 pm

    AWESOME article. I learned to ignore those dream-killing a-holes a long time ago. That’s why I am living the dream, traveled the world and now have a growing travel website and blog! =D never give up guys, NEVER

    • Sonia  September 21, 2011 at 8:29 pm

      I’m so glad I found this on my twitter feed. I had to share it on Facebook too. Although I am new to twitter there are people here that posted, that I follow as a source of inspiration until I can really do some long term travel. I will have to stick to one (short) trip at a time!

  • Annabel Candy, Get In the Hot Spot  October 11, 2011 at 11:34 pm

    Hi Torre, love the graphics – you’re a graphic designer? Am I right?!

    I have this exact problem and it is so hard to work through it and get on with doing what you want to do despite what people say.

    One of my nearest and dearest is always saying she “doesn’t get my blog” another constantly whines “you have it so easy”! Er no, I just followed my dream and put in a LOT of work!

    I like what you say at the end. It’s sad but true. I tell my kids:

    “Some people are just mean.”

    Great to hang out with like-minded people who do their stuff anyway. Good for you:)

    • Annabel Candy, Get In the Hot Spot  October 11, 2011 at 11:36 pm

      PS. Just read about the watercolors. You should sell those on the blog too:)

  • Wanda St.Hilaire  October 16, 2011 at 8:53 pm

    Hey Torre,

    Excellent post. Phenomenal graphics!

    Have I dealt with naysayers? I decided to not have babies when I was 5 yrs. old, sold everything and went to France for the love of a Frenchman, have lived five winters in Mexico on a wing and a prayer, traveled by myself all over the world, written and self-published 13 books-one of which tells the true travel tale of a wanton woman who doesn’t apologize for a healthy libido, given up my dumb-assed career in sales to write, went for holistic treatments pre-surgery for cancer in Puerto Vallarta (God Forbid) etc. etc.

    When one of those naysaying nincompoops pop into my life, which has happened more times than I care to remember, I just quietly relish the fact that my ingenuity and imagination has taken me further in one of my 50 years than all of theirs.

  • Sarahsomewhere  October 29, 2011 at 4:09 pm

    Thank you Torre, another great post, I love the non-scientific map of the brain, very cool.

  • Kristen  November 13, 2011 at 4:52 am

    Torre, I JUST came across your blog and it couldn’t have come at a better time for me. I have a roommate (and she WAS my best friend) who has continually shit all over my dreams. I had to use the sever ties method and now I’m sub-letting my apartment. This post just gave me hope, reassurance and validation. I’m NOT ridiculous for wanting to teach overseas, and I’m proving that by actually doing it. Luckily most of the other people in my life have been respectful and accepting. Thanks for your wonderful writing, you made me laugh and warmed my heart.

    • Bex  November 14, 2011 at 7:23 pm

      Kristen – no, you’re NOT stupid or a gypsey (or whatever other naybashing words people use) to teach overseas…good on ya!

  • Bex  November 14, 2011 at 7:21 pm

    OMG!! Thank you SO much for this article! Similar to you, I am a gal who’s done various things with my life – currently living it teaching English in Athens, Greece. And yet, every time I took myself off abroad, my ‘dear’ older sister (settled, married with kids) would naybash me by commenting:

    “Huh! Off travelling again I see…so, what are you running away from THIS time?”

    As it was family, it took a fair bit of therapy (especially as, in retrospect, this had been going on for YEARS – I am the youngest by a big age gap) and now I can quite comfortably turn that switch to Don’t Give A Sh*t (oh, and occasionally indulge myself in an evil fantasy where someone naybashes her).

    Thanks for this – and loving the writing/articles.


  • Daniel  January 25, 2012 at 12:57 am

    I did this with my brother, who i could tell, was not at all supportive with my dream and constantly kept “helpfully” reminding me how easy it is to fail. Never saying a supportive word – opting instead with silence or “what about school?”

    To clearly identify a dreamkiller do this:
    1.Tell them you gave up on your idea/dream or complain about how hard it is.
    2. Gauge their reaction.

    Dreamkillers will often facilitate your view on giving up and try to convince you it’s better to give up. They may say things like “Yeah man if we were rich then we could do the things we want” (What they really want to say is “it’s not your fault WE never had a chance so just give up like me”) Or they’ll, like my brother, simply say “Good”

    Never give up. Sometimes in this life you’re the only one who has your back. This is not an excuse to give up. I guarantee you, the moment you succeed they naysayers will either fade into the darkness, or they’ll become you “biggest supporters” (of course this will be b/c they seek to benefit from your success.

    • Andrea  March 30, 2016 at 3:52 pm

      That is a great test!

  • Neda Lahrodi-Blake  January 28, 2012 at 12:13 am

    Geeee Torre this stuff is just so good, love the way you say it as it is. Some great advise and some tough decisions that need to be addressed.

  • Samuel  January 31, 2012 at 4:41 am

    Thank you so damn much for this article. I feel like no one is supporting my dreams, and all I’ve been hearing from friends, family, and everyone else is “No”, or “It’s not going to work.” I started to think there was something wrong with my vision, my ambition, and my business idea, but I came across this post and it literally described my feelings word for word. It’s so f-cking frustrating and depressing to feel like an outcast for doing something you really want to do. Thanks a million for this article, it’s a small sliver of hope in an otherwise suffocating world.

  • Fred Linz  March 24, 2012 at 8:19 pm

    Wonderful recreation of the negatives in the world. Power for the imaginative & positive people.

  • Lynn  June 27, 2012 at 6:49 am

    Hey, I still feel discouraged. I’m 15 and I love baking. I wanna be a pastry chef when I grow up of even a chocolatier. But my parents aren’t helping when I tell them. My dad is fine with it but he’s worried about how busy I would be and whether the workers I will hire might spread my secret recipe. Then there’s my mom, who thinks it’s a hopeless dream. And those comments lead me to worrying. I’m worried what if all my dad said are true. And whether I’ll be successful in opening a bakery or not.

    • Torre DeRoche  July 28, 2012 at 4:01 am

      Doing something unconventional involves a lot of “What if?” questions. There is no way to make a risky career path free of uncertainty, especially when you’re starting your own business. There will always be worries, but worries are important—they help to make your business watertight. List your worries and then create solutions. You could have your employees sign confidentiality contracts, for example.

      You just have to believe in your vision and work your ass off towards getting there. If it fails, you take responsibility for that and move on.

  • Payge  July 9, 2012 at 7:23 pm


    I really appreciate this article; it’s funny and very helpful. I am just starting out on my quest to achieve my dreams, but I understand the terrible burden that is naysaying very well. I feel like most of my friends and family just shrug off my dreams and any time I talk to them they just roll their eyes and start their bash. And I’m not going to lie, I have been a naysayer too. But being on the receiving end of that doubt has really opened my eyes to how detrimental words can be. I used to be a pessimist, but on my quest to attend the college of my dreams, I have learned not to take no for an answer and that working towards something with relentless drive and passion is ok – great, even. So from this point on I shall do my best to avoid naysaying to not only myself but everyone else as well. This article has helped to solidify my resolve; I will NEVER give up in pursuance of dreams, no matter what anyone says to bring my down. Optimism and persistence FTW 🙂

    And thank you so much for writing this wonderful blog!

  • Morgan  July 12, 2012 at 6:47 am

    My dream is to be a singer/dancer/actor – but both my parents refuse to believe that I could ever do it or have any talent in those aspects, and instead are insistent on me becoming a veterinary surgeon or a doctor. I don’t know what to do. My dreams are a bit unrealistic – but it’s all I want. So what now? 🙁

    • Torre DeRoche  July 28, 2012 at 3:55 am

      Why not apply for drama school and see if you make the cut? This is a good way to determine if you’re talented enough to make a career of it. If singing/acting/dancing is your passion, keep at it in your spare time. It may be possible to do this alongside vet / medical school.

      But if you have no interest in being a vet or doctor, let your parents know that it’s your right to choose your own career and your own future. If you follow their dreams for you and not your own, you’ll resent your life and your parents later on.

      • Morgan  July 28, 2012 at 4:59 am

        Thank you for your reply. I have told my parents that I want to act/sing/dance, but they always tell me that actors, singers and dancers only do that part time and have other jobs like being a waitress or a check-out person (Sorry – I’m not sure what they’re official name is) and that I wouldn’t earn any money. It’s a very difficult situation. Oh and yes I have applied for drama schools, and I made it into two elite music programs and an acting school. But my parents aren’t allowing me to attend. Thank you for your reply again.

        • Torre DeRoche  July 30, 2012 at 2:10 am

          Yes, it’s difficult. Perhaps you could ask to see a therapist with your parents there? A therapist may be able to help bridge the communication gap so that everybody’s needs are getting heard. Suggesting this is also a good way to help your parents understand how important this is to you.

  • Nathan  July 16, 2012 at 3:08 am

    My parents have been crushing my sports dreams and have been passively eating at my dream of being in the marines. I’m 15 so I don’t have any control. I feel hopeless. It just yanks the life out of me.

    • Torre DeRoche  July 28, 2012 at 3:49 am

      When you’re ready, try to talk to them about this calmly. Keep a cool head and explain your feelings. Tell them you appreciate their love and guidance, but that your life is your own and you need to follow your own path. If you communicate to them from your heart, they’ll pay attention.

      But remember this too: It isn’t easy to know what we want to do with the rest of our lives when we’re 15. We haven’t yet learned what we really stand for and what we really enjoy because we haven’t had a chance to taste everything on the menu. Maybe you know exactly what you want, but why not let your dreams mature for a few more years before you decide? You have plenty of time.

      And one last tip: education is really important. With a degree, you’ll always have opportunities to fall back on. The smartest path is to pursue an education AND your passion.

      Good luck!

      • Nathan  July 28, 2012 at 4:16 pm

        Thank you so much. I will use your advise!!

  • Shammy  July 29, 2012 at 2:00 am

    I am so glad I came across this page. I have been completely discouraged by pretty much everyone in my life except my mom about fulfilling my dream of moving to England. Since I was a young child I have dreamt about living there and finally at age 20 went for a brief visit. I fell in love with the place and my heart is yearning to leave this discouraging and negative bubble I live in here in Toronto. I have told a few people and have had countless people tell me how impractical and stupid it is to move to England. People I thought were “friends” have tried to discourage me by telling me how it was impossible for them to do it so it will be impossible for me to do it. I even had one “friend” tell my mom that she should discourage me completely from moving because they had tried it previously and had to come back to Canada because they couldn’t make it.
    It’s so hard and frustrating having this dream and not being able to tell aof these so called friends or family my hopes and dreams. I am not going to sit back anymore and listen to these naysayers who want to bash my dream
    because they didn’t achieve theirs. Thanks for the much needed boost.

    • Torre DeRoche  July 29, 2012 at 5:07 am

      After you go to England, you’ll look back at all the times someone told you it wasn’t possible and you’ll laugh at how easy it was.

      • Shammy  February 9, 2013 at 4:21 am

        Not sure if anyone will see this but thought I would post anyways, after posting here in July of last year about my dream of moving to England, I can proudly say that in a few weeks I will be off fulfilling my life long dream! I am so excited and hopeful for the future and could care less about what anyone says about what I am doing anymore. The moment you stop caring what people think about you is when you can truly start living. My advice to anyone is if there is something you really want to do, something you have been dreaming off don’t let anyone’s negativity bring you down, go out there and make your dreams reality! You may encounter obstacles but if you truly want it you will get it!

        • Karima  August 10, 2014 at 3:03 pm

          Hey, I just saw your comment and I have been living the same situation with my parents, who tried to bash my dream of going in France to study. Although I don’t even live with them anymore, I still cared enough to tell them about my project, but all they could’ve do is tell me how I’ll be miserable out there, how I will fail and how this is a waste of my time, that I should just do like all “normal” people do and stay in Canada. This really crushed me because I actually care for them and was looking for their moral support. But seeing how it’s going well for you and that you have been able to ignore those naysayers and go on with your dream gives me hope. Thank you for sharing your story! And Thanks, Torre, for this wonderful post! 🙂

  • Ben Reviere  August 11, 2012 at 12:45 am

    My dream is and still is to become a professional skier. I am quite young and at 16, although the likelihood is dim, I still strive from what others say I can’t or won’t. I have been told I’m really good by many and have entered scores of competitions throughout the New England Area placing in most if not all of them. However, my family holds me back. Obviously, I can’t drive, so my dreams are at hold. Remarks such as “do a real job” or “you can’t do that” or “that’s too dangerous” are thrown upon me. Although, it stubborns me I ignore those remarks and only use them as a motivational method to further achieve my goal. I work with my father occasionally, and some day he wants to work with me professionally. However, deep down inside I do not want to. As time passes I do nothing and I am too afraid to sit down and talk with my family. I want them to support me, but they do not. I just do not want to work and sit down in an office for the rest of my life, getting voluminous on Twinkies and fast food. I want to do what I love and always have loved, what keeps me happy and always will, what Norwegians are born for, and maybe someday I will reach that goal, because when your having fun, everything comes easier.

    • Ben Reviere  August 11, 2012 at 1:52 am


    • Ted  August 11, 2012 at 1:57 am

      “When we’re in love with something we forget about the risk and dangers, the same can happen for your parents. Get them drunk on the dream so they forget about the worst-case scenario.”
      Jason Shane

  • ViVo Colonics  September 29, 2012 at 2:56 pm

    Yup! I just had a enormous argument with my parents about me starting a Health and Wellness business. A 37 year old woman like me and they said they’re disowning me. Like I care. They were swearing, cursing, calling me name as (death face, slut, whore, and etc.) It was hurtful but I tried to ignore. I am not letting them running my future. F! them!

    • Torre DeRoche  September 29, 2012 at 3:11 pm

      Whoa. Your parents have issues! Maybe they need to practise some health and wellness techniques. Tell ’em you know just the person who can help… 😉

  • Ana Luisa Cruz  October 20, 2012 at 4:44 pm

    What a great Blog post. I will certainly share…

    I grew up surrounded by dysfunctional people who waited in the shadows for someone to step out of the norm so they can pull them back in by pissing on their dreams. Mainly because they were too frightened to climb out of their comfort zone to pursue their own dreams they couldn’t stand for someone else to succeed where they failed. The best thing I ever did for myself was to separate myself from these folks because their negativity grew to hatred and jealousy. Even today as I pursue my dream many wait lurking in the shadows, waiting for any sign of failure. But, I don’t pay any mind to them because they are living their own private hell. Someone with that kind of negative mindset couldn’t possibly be happy in life. Which is probably part of their problem. What a relief and sense of sense of tranquility I found when I made the conscious decision to walk away and surround myself with positive people.

    Your Blog post fueled my inspiration and I Thank you 😀

  • Hayley  December 10, 2012 at 12:05 am

    This helped a lot, I’m not an adult I’m a young teenager and everytime I tell my grandparents(I live with them) what I’m interested in doing for a career they either laugh or criticize it! And I walk away sad depressed and very low confidence ! And a lot of stress and I have tried talking to them but it ends up into an argument !

    • Torre DeRoche  December 14, 2012 at 4:41 am

      Sorry, Hayley. Stay confident in yourself. They’ll probably come around when they can see that you’re committed to your choices. And remember: you don’t need to get approval from anyone in life. It may feel that way as a teenager, but soon you’ll see that we’re all responsible for our own lives and happiness. While it feels good to have the people we love supporting us, it’s not always possible. You have to take full responsibility for yourself and go for what you want. If it doesn’t work out, you take responsibility for that too and you move on to something new. Good luck. x

  • Chanel  December 18, 2012 at 2:41 am

    One rather in attractive girl in my class, who has been bullied due to her weight and has boasted about her ‘flawless skin’ on a daily basis has been a naysayer in my life. A major one. She’s usually kind, but she’s super passive aggressive. I told her I wanted to be an actress, and maybe get into some modeling – I don’t know why I did, she just got it out of me. When I told her though, I’d expect her to be positive, the way I was with her dreams of being an international business women. Instead, she laughed and said, “Don’t you need to have acting talent to do that? I mean, I’ve never seen you read a monologue, but… And I mean, modeling? Don’t you have to be pretty for that?”

    Pretty harsh, coming from her. Especially cause I’ve never been anything but nice to her. I don’t know, nobody believes in me but I do. Thanks for this article! Maybe it’ll help me deal with my family, too.

    It’s a world of naysayers for me.

    • Torre DeRoche  December 19, 2012 at 11:02 am

      Sad. You can’t listen to that crap! Definitely be careful who you share your acting/modelling dreams with. Some people are jealous and insecure, and they might rip you apart even if you’re beautiful and talented.

  • Lisa  January 1, 2013 at 2:09 am

    My husband kills all of my dreams. I say I want babes, he says he never wants babys. I say I want to go to NY he says NY is the last place on earth he wants to go.
    He is a big naysayer and thrives on quashing my dreams.
    Some advice please?

    • Torre DeRoche  January 1, 2013 at 6:26 am

      If you feel he’s thriving on this or getting some sort of perverse satisfaction out of keeping you from your dreams, it doesn’t sound like a good situation and you should take control of your life and get out. If it’s just a conflict of interest and you love him, then you need to decide what want more in life: NY and a baby, or him.

  • Kelly  January 3, 2013 at 12:03 am

    Psycology of an asshole, someone who wants to push someone else to do something this person dont want to do.
    This someone i sacrificie so hè couldn’t study and get up in his career.
    My alcoholic friend told me you have to leave everything and live my dream or else. He wanted to work abroad and every couple of years move to a different place. Seems great, well not for me. I wanted to study, get a job and be independent. So i followed my dream and stayed.
    The dreamer is somewhere living his dream, i’m an artist and living my dream finally.

  • Treena  January 4, 2013 at 4:03 am

    Really good read and needed it today.

    I am working on a product and having trouble finishing it due to fear.
    I am afraid of my competitors criticizing me.

    This one guy who is at the top, routinely insults and belittles anyone who disagrees with him and his ideas. According to him, his way is the only way of doing this.

    How do you deal with that type of person when they have such a large following?

    Most of the time he will spout the major companies he has worked for or the books he has written and tell people, where’s your book or blog or seminar. He’ll tell people they are stupid and don’t know what they are talking about. Yes, he gets really nasty.

    I am an unknown but the reality I have tons more experience than he has and my views are different.

    So how do you deal with it? What do you say to someone like that if they start putting your book or blog down?

  • Brigette  January 26, 2013 at 3:22 pm

    Love the illustrations. Completely love your writing style.
    It’s true dream suffocates have unfulfilled dreams too. It’s difficult to keep a dream you are excited about to yourself but sharing can have consequences some good some bad. Getting involved in business incubators, writing groups, art communities etc just like minded folks will whittle down the “likelihood” of a naysayer. For every level of desired accomplishment there will be a “Goliath”.

  • Gabby  January 30, 2013 at 10:38 pm

    Hello Torre! I have been having continuous problems with my parents always bashing my dreams of going to college for musical theatre. I’m almost 17 , but I have been absolutely in LOVE with performing from a young age and they know how much it means to me. It really helped me make friends and find out who I am, and got me out of a “what the heck is life for” mood when I got older and people turned dark. We have talked about college many times and how I should be a pharmacist like my sister, or a nurse, or do something with computers but they always end up as exploding screaming matches. I swear I try to stay calm but its very hard when they bring it up everyday. They never got to persue their dreams which I’m guessing is why they don’t want me too. But wouldn’t they want to support me? Honestly, I can’t remember a time when they supported me, even for things like sports. I am so passionate about performing, I just want them to see what their lack of support and unfollowed dreams might be doing to their child.

  • Susan Hines  February 7, 2013 at 1:42 pm

    Love the article. My husband and I are going to buy some land and eventually move there and live very simply. We probably won’t be able to retire,but we can both work jobs and maybe even raise chickens and goats. Who knows? Maybe we’ll be mini farmers? But my friends, who do care deeply about my well being, think we are nuts. But this is my idea of heaven.

  • http://tinyurl.com/primsandy47031  February 8, 2013 at 7:28 am

    I really wonder why you named this particular article, “What to do when people won

  • Chanel @ La Viajera Morena  February 18, 2013 at 8:00 pm

    Those darned naysayers… If I get one more ‘Don’t die in (insert country) ‘ or ‘(insert country) is dangerous’ comment I am going to scream.

    • James  February 18, 2016 at 7:39 am

      Chanel, your comment really resonated with me. I’ll start off by saying that I appreciate everything that my parents have done for me. With that being said, both of my parents are naysayers. It wasn’t until a year ago when I started seeing a military therapist that I started to wisen up to the ways of my mom and dad.

      I lost a close friend because I allowed my parents to influence me into not going to a friend’s wedding down in Mexico. They gave me the same talk about how dangerous Mexico is and that I shouldn’t go. They backed this up with sending me e-mails from the U.S. State Department website indicating that this region I wanted to go had some problems.

      However, after losing my friend and going through therapy, I realized that if I followed my parent’s way of thinking, I might as well not travel anywhere for fear of getting shot or stabbed.

  • Pedro  February 21, 2013 at 3:31 am

    Here in Brazil these naysayers are mutiplied by thousands. I just keep my mouth shut, as if my dream was the best golden secret. Maybe Einstein was talking about this when he said, maybe:

    “If A equals success, then the formula is: A=X+Y+Z.
    X is work.
    Y is play.
    Z is keep your mouth shut.”

  • Timothy O'Leary  February 26, 2013 at 7:28 pm

    Love your work – love the graphics – love the spirit of the work! Great stuff, Tim

  • Yvonne Taylor  February 27, 2013 at 8:12 pm

    Hmm, you know, everything is not always black and white, and before you put down people in such a general way for the purpose of selfishness alone, maybe you might consider the following, my own story.
    I have been with my husband for 21 years. We both have had various dreams and most we have followed, even though there were risks. In the 21 years, I have belived the dreams and ideas my husband has had were worth pursuing, as well as most of my own. like partners we discussed them. I have moves around the country as well. Once we even took off for a year in an RV and just found jobs along the way. We have made plans and dreams, with some risk, to build a restaurant. However, saying to forget someone you love, who has loved you and always supported you in what you want to do, and say they do not matter all of a sudden because your happiness is the only happiness to worry about is quite narcissistic. My husband has always had a dream to go to space since young. Now he is 51 and has applied to the Mars One program that will leave in 10 years to colonize Mars. I am older by 10 years than him, and by that time we will have been together 31 years. The thing is it is a one way trip! Basically he is saying he will leave us in 10 years (we have a daughter). Not once in your article do you say anything other than think only of yourself, interesting concept, and if the whole world listened to this it would be a very sad world indeed. Personally, the part about “The psychology of an asshole” makes me go, wow YOU are one. By bringing up dangers of death, how they would be missed, does NOT mean all the stupid implications you listed. All you are doing here is re enforcing narcissistic behavior, and perhaps you are one as well and this gives you justification of it somehow. Some goals and dreams I agree should be purused, but some …maybe not, but at least those around you who love you should not be treated as you suggest. I found your article to be not well rounded, but then a narcissist would not even think of all sides I guess.

    • Torre DeRoche  February 28, 2013 at 12:55 am

      Dear Yvonne,

      I’m sorry that you felt the need to insult me in your comment, but I understand the hurt you’re feeling over your husband’s decision. To clarify: this piece of writing is NOT for you or your husband. Whenever I have gone after a big and scary dream, I’ve always had a few naysayers in my life who have attempted to bring me down with negative comments. When I was younger, I was very sensitive to that, and I would let those naysayers shape my decisions. As I grew older, I learned to to label them as ‘naysayers’ and block them out. This piece speaks to the people who have found themselves in similar situations to me, in a lighthearted way.

      It is not speaking to the whole world and everyone’s personal situation (it’s impossible to address everyone in one article). And I agree that other people’s lives do need to be taken into consideration with whatever dream you’re going after—all our actions have a ripple effect on those around us. I also agree that your husband’s choice is very self-centred. After so many years together and so many adventures, this must be heartbreaking for you and your daughter.

      You should go and seek help from a therapist, as the complexity of this issue is well beyond any resources you might find on the internet. You’re going to spend the next 10 years in anticipation and misery unless this gets sorted out. Perhaps your husband has fears around getting old? Perhaps he’s not really intending to do this? Perhaps there are issues in the relationship that he doesn’t know how to address, and so shooting off to Mars seems like an easy solution to him? (Men can be strange like that…) These are some of the things you can work try to work through with a therapist.

      If he does intend to go and he’s sticking with that plan, it will be a process of grief and change for you that’s going to be extremely painful. You love him, and he has been your life, but you should know that it’s possible to create something else for yourself beyond him. And I don’t think you need to wait 10 years to get started with that.

      Good luck, Yvonne.


      • Yvonne  February 28, 2013 at 12:23 pm

        Hi Torre,
        Thank you for your reply. This may be long, but thank you for the opportunity to help me sort it out a little here. Actually, I agree that people should not make one’s dream into a negative thing, and have done that in a sense, but perhaps I am some type of needed reality checks and balance, in anything both sides should be considered and that is where I had problems with this article, because this is huge. I just felt a lot was pretty harsh here and not inclusive of how others were feeling, hence the “narcisistic” comment., addressing the caring people have (admittedly not always said in the best fashion) with abandonment. From your reply I somewhat retract that, LOL, but the huge diagram and telling people that no one matters but yourself I still have problems with. I would not even have posted here were it not for the fact my husband has a habit of looking up things on the internet to back what ever he thinks (even if slanted 🙂 and if he read this I felt it would be even worse situation. To be fair, I have run into people who said negative things about some of the things I wanted to do, my parents as well, but I worked with them, did not abandon their feelings like this article implies doing. That being said, I do realize there are people who say things, not out of caring, but are just snotty types. I think your reply to me was what this page needed, and I thank you. Now on to my situation :)… Yes I agree, and have already thought of all the things you have said, I’m still in an analyzing mode, with bouts of sadness or anger or being loving and supporting, it is a roller coaster ride of emotions 🙂 I am probably more of an adventurous type than my husband, and both of us have done things with risk despite those who think we are nuts 🙂 Yes, he does intend to try his hardest, works on a web site about it even. It has always been his life’s dream to go to space, but how it was announced did not lead to much support.. hey I am applying to go to mars and it is a one way trip (he says gleefully). We have had a lot of ups and downs, and even hardships, in our relationship, have even survived three times of separation from each other, a year at a time due to circumstances of jobs. In the last couple years I have traveled to several countries without him even. We were at a point I thought we had a dual dream of building and running a restaurant together and enjoying a better relationship we have recently had, then boom! Yes, the waiting is driving me nuts, and yes I am not sure I should stay, should he get picked, just so he can feel satisfied with a long relationship then abandon with no regrets. This would make me rather co dependent it seems to me, not to mention I am 61 and do not want to spend 10 years with someone who plans on abandoning me and plans on repopulating mars! Gheesh, seems reasonable when writing this that I should feel upset when I read this saying I was an asshole, so guess I felt you should deal with the narcissistic comment.in return. Your subsequent post gave you rectification though 🙂 . Getting some therapy for me probably would help with my logical side, can I hear it on my emotional side though? Not sure. No amount of therapy will change his mind, he is determined to follow this “dream”, and I do understand the wishful dreaming of his is strong, and even all the things I can see with problems of this company’s planning and the dangers will not change that, not even any love for his family. So, when I figure this all out I will write again. Again, thank you. And to all who are reading this, yes, follow your dreams, but try to determine if any “negativity” you feel people are saying has any help in decisions or not, because dreams have an element of fantasy as well, make sure your dreams are the best for you, and good luck.

    • Yvonne Taylor  August 2, 2013 at 6:21 pm

      Update: The final application is to send a video on why he wants to go, this is due by the end of this month. We have had a lot of problems over this and has revealed a few more besides, all about fantasies and his attitude that only he is important. We have been getting along last couple weeks, but still deciding whether I should leave and pursue some adventures of my own or stay knowing I was not a priority, just wanted convenience of having me here until he leaves. I am over all the stages of grief now, was a wild ride back and forth though and feel it took a toll on my health. If I stay it will be because he is building a store for me to sell my art (and to ease his conscience I guess). In limbo until next month and will go with the flow until then.

  • Jamie  February 28, 2013 at 10:28 pm

    Torre, this is so true. Wherever you go and whatever you do, there will be people who claim that your dreams are impossible and wish to rip them down and wipe their boring, dirty feet all over them. They call themselves normal. If you were to sell flowers in aid of funding drug research to fight malicious diseases, they would point out that you are harming the environment for the benefit of human gain. Ignore these people, follow your dreams and take solace in the few yes people that you can find. Such as me finding this article written by you. I greatly appreciated it.

  • junior Chaves  March 15, 2013 at 3:36 am

    I like the way you think..
    your words are really helpful.
    i loved the illustrations as well.
    also i like your photo too. not making a pass but
    you seem to be so nice,smart and inteligent, cute smile.
    i’d love to have a chat with you if it was possible
    random conversation like. but i guess that won’t
    ever happen. good luck with your job. a bear hug 4 u

  • Bisha2212  March 15, 2013 at 3:30 pm

    I feel like my whole family is naysayers. I am currently trying to pursue my dreams! I mean I know this is what I am meant to do. I had an actual vision of it years before! I had wished my family would support me on this but I actualy live with my sister who actually has took the naysayer game to a whole nother level and told eeryone I was crazy and care too much about this stupid “thing” Im into. She did this before I even got to say anything so now they have prejudged and belieed in what she said. Now if Im working on my business, I get negative energy like “UhhhhhhhGGGG! shes doing that again!” It sucks because I live with her and so its hard to put myself all they way into my work when I come home to someone like that. I dont have the money to move out yet and I Need to get a rush on what Im doing. You guys have any advice?

  • sofia  March 20, 2013 at 12:20 am

    i really want to be an actress and singer, but my whole family doesnt want me to be it. i ask my mom if i could audition for something she goes on and on about that its not gonna happen she WONT let me.Any advice on what to do?

    • Amanda  March 26, 2013 at 12:03 am

      Sofia, I am having the same problem. i want to chase my dreams sooo badly but always feel stuck in a rut. but if i were you i would go for it, if you dont try you’ll never know. Who knows you could end up suprizing yourself. And mabye even prove your mom wrong. live in the moment and dont let anyone knock you down!

  • Amanda  March 25, 2013 at 11:55 pm

    i think that i have a lot of normal boring people around me and they’d rather have a boring structured job like an accountant or a realistate agent, but for me i dream big and get shot down all the time. it makes me just want to cry because my dreams consist of modeling or being a pro motocross racer simply because i think it would be a fun job with obsticles. i dont know why my parents wont let me race dirtbikes? i obviously know the risks and dont mind them i just feel stuck in a rut constently. Even though im a sophomore in high school.

  • Charlie mitchell  March 28, 2013 at 8:48 pm

    Hi, really just perfectly describes my family, im good at guitar, and have a talent at it, but my family refuse to support me in it, they say that i wont make it, but this has made me believ i can achieve that 😉 Thankyou

  • Mimi  April 6, 2013 at 12:00 am

    My Father the Naysayer

    Usually I sit their and let him rule my life because of him I have lost a number of close friends. Been in hardcore depression. Got married to the man of HIS dreams and now am a divorcee at a young age of father. I was forced to leave my home country to live in a different country with my extended family for 3 years as I settled in their I was forced to move back to my birth town then forced to marriage. After I had enough I divorced and decided to live life my way I followed my dream of becoming a model/actor 6 months down the line I have 3 major assignments struggling models would die for now my father says if I carry on with this career he will stop talking to me. I’m not giving up my career because he’s childish. But is it wrong to lose my father over passion and desire to become a actor ? I mean the way I see it is if he’s happy enough to stop talking to me over that then he doesn’t deserve me around him. He’s fucked my life up before I forgave him. Do I need to go through this again?

    • Torre DeRoche  April 7, 2013 at 11:11 pm

      Your father is strangling you. And while it’s a terrible thing to lose that relationship if it comes to that, you have to live your own life first. This is his issue to sort out, not yours. He’s your dad, but this is your life to live and die in.

      It’s not only about following this dream of modelling, it’s about the fact that he’s being invasive and he’s dictating your major decisions. If you continue to allow him to do that, you will probably continue to suffer hardcore depression. You don’t need his approval.

      Just make sure you don’t need anything from him. Be responsible for yourself financially. If the modelling doesn’t work out, make sure you have a plan B. Good luck!

  • atlin  April 11, 2013 at 9:19 am

    i have ma dreams..but ppl i love holds me back…m stuck

  • Matt H.  April 13, 2013 at 2:47 am

    YES! My so called friends ended up being the worse ..I reached out to inform them of me finally crossing in to my new profession and finding a network that would and could throw me into my dream occupation and of course change my life…….and they just dropped off the face of the earth, no response to phone calls, emails ..nothing when I said I finally am moving and will be in the mix…..they Vanished …
    Advice: If your friends of no matter how many years don’t have positive uplifting go get it brother or sister attitudes for your new found success …then they probably really are not friends…they are jealous and insecure individuals who really just are alone in misery cause they never set there goals and really went all the way..
    Sorry this is so long

  • Peter La  April 14, 2013 at 12:11 am

    Such a great concept and probably why we advance so slowly as a spiecies its because at least half of people have this fear of what what will happen if they change. Sometimes it’s really difficult because you can be seriously connected to a naysayer like your life partner or parent of your children,

    what annoys me the most is when you have to argue and argue with your partner to do things differently but when you ask them to make a decision they won’t’

    I’m over people that won’t support me that want me to do things that makes them feel safe

  • sheik  April 18, 2013 at 4:24 am

    Really nice article.
    You are correct, assholes are every where….
    we need to sharpen our swords to nay slashing…

    If i listen to nay sayers, my dreams can’t be fulfilled!

  • darlene chism  April 21, 2013 at 4:41 pm

    Ummm…..you are pure awesomeness. Thanks for this~

  • Dan  April 23, 2013 at 7:34 am

    Thanks for this wondeful words of encouragement.

  • Addy  April 23, 2013 at 11:22 am

    My whole family belongs to that naysayer category 🙁

    • Torre DeRoche  April 27, 2013 at 2:35 am

      Good god. Maybe you need to polish your middle finger.

  • Brittany Thomas  April 26, 2013 at 9:07 am

    When I was 15, I decided I wanted to play guitar and sing. The bands and singers I admired planted that dream in my heart. One day, my father asked me what I wanted to be. I told him. This look of puzzled disgust wash over his face kind of slowly as he was considering what I just said, and then he said “You’re dreaming. Get your head out of the clouds. Come back down to Earth.” His tone of voice was so incredulous. I couldn’t believe it! This coming from the same man who when I was 8 told me that I could be anything i wanted to be! What the hell happened in just 7 years to change his mind?! in years proceeding that fiasco, he would tell me that he had never heard me sing and so he didn’t know if I could! So I would never make it! What’s twisted about that remark is that once I did sing for him a line or two (I was afraid), and then he told me I wasn’t doing it right! He said ‘sing like this.’ But he was singing several octaves above his normal voice and that would cause him to strain. There were other people who also discouraged me by laughing so hard I thought they would bust a gut, and saying things like ‘I think you’d better find something else to do’ and ‘It’s a million to one shot.’ But my father was the main one that really hurt me. Now I’m thinking of giving up my song lyric writing forever. By the way, he died of lung cancer in 1996, so he’s no longer around to crush the hell out of my dreams. But I’m still traumatized. He also did and said a lot of other horrible things, so many, I could write a book. How do you get over being crushed like a grape?

  • Pinch Me, It's Real  April 27, 2013 at 9:23 pm

    Yeah, I’m 30. I wanted to become a musician, I heard from some outer sources that I was not bad – but one thing crippled my life – poverty, my mom, dad, old pal – against me to make things nasty, not only by saying rude stuff but also by total IGNORANCE. No one cares I love western music, stupid Polish post-communist assholes. If I could only get out of my sick country and find some cool people one day, that would really become my friends. Yeah, and if I’d only have enough money to make it on my own. I hope many people in the world have more luck than I do.

  • Erin  April 28, 2013 at 1:44 am

    Thank you for the inspiration. Your writing makes me happy and makes me laugh out loud. Down with the naysayer assholes!

  • jan  April 28, 2013 at 11:52 am

    I can’t stop laughing when you say “assholes” and “they’re hoping to keep you small and easy to manage”! This has lifted my spirits as I am putting a magazine together looking for contributors and need support and advice, someone to say “go for it, your doing well” and all I am getting is people ignoring me and everytime I try to talk about it they get very angry and dismissive I am at the point now where its time to cut this person off as with one hand they are acting like they are my friend and being helpful but as soon as I talk about my dreams and ask their opinion, they turn dark. I also have neighbours who don’t like me because they they can’t “bring me low”. They spend all their time trying to do things to make me feel low and intimidated and get extremely angry when it does not work. I notice that when they hear me talk positive on the telephone to people, when I laugh, when I dance around my home and sing I can feel their anger build and it got worse when they over heard me talk about my dreams which interupts my flow at times. I feel so alone as no one is supporting me and all I can do is encourage myself. If I’m down and unhappy, these people perk up and start acting like they are happy. So thanks for this, it has helped me a lot. If you are interested in writing for my magazine due to launch this year for inspirational women, let me know. Jan

  • Julie McMahon  April 29, 2013 at 11:14 pm

    I love this post! It speaks to me on so many levels. I’ve just discovered your blog and am thrilled to read about your publishing adventure (can’t wait to pick up the book as well!)

    Your story makes me think what could have been if I hadn’t listened to naysayers 18 years ago when I was choosing law school over writing (“you will never make a living as a writer…” = poison). I am now fumbling my way through this new career choice but I am inspired by possibility and the stories of others who have turned a deaf ear to the the naysayers around them. So, thank you.

    • Chris  May 2, 2013 at 6:36 pm

      This is a good article. People should pursue dreams. How do you think your article would apply to people who are chasing dreams in multi level marketing? Should someone ignore data and statistics to pursue a career in MLM?

      • Torre DeRoche  May 2, 2013 at 10:12 pm

        People should exercise their own common sense. Always.

  • Andy  May 4, 2013 at 12:19 pm

    Thanks for this article. I loved it and honestly couldn’t have said it better myself. I started writing and drawing when I was very very young and was winning awards by the time I was 9years old, I had fantastic dreams and my mother in turn spent my entire life naysaying everything I aspired to. By the time I was 18 or less I had quit on my dreams and tried to follow things I believed would make her happy. Well, no guessing how that turned out!

    Fortunately, I saw the light again but it took surviving cancer and losing everything I owned to see it and when I did I ran into it and basked in it’s familiar warmth. I finally saw her for what she is, a sad miserable woman who takes immense joy in building up hope and then smashing it. Her favourite sentence starter: “Yes but… ” is my most hated word combination.

    I’m currently busying myself getting her set up in her own life (she ironically depends on me to take care of her). Once that task is settled I have plans in place for our paths to diverge once and for all and from that point on I shall spend my days pursuing all those things I ought to have done for the last 20 – 40 years, the gap depends on where a dream was lost en route to this point.

  • Kris Leblanc  May 9, 2013 at 12:52 pm

    Thank You so much for this article. I have been in IT for the last 8 years, a career in which I truly felt was comparable to a prison sentence or a living hell. My soul was sucked dry every day, before IT, I was happy in radio, not making much money, but happy. Now I left It due to burn out and have decided to do voice acting. And the naysayers have come out in droves, even telling me to at least get a job in the film / tv industry first as a technician, ie: an IT related job. I say no, it will take my focus away from doing what I love. Again, Thank you for this boost that I needed.

    • Alien  May 11, 2013 at 12:47 pm

      Hi there

      It makes me smile from the inside out every time I read something so beautiful, inspiring and positive 🙂
      When reading this it reminds me……..
      It freaks me out every time I listen to negative people, overly cynical and people who complain and complain about everything.
      I really hope I wont become a dried up vegetable complaining about life all the time, telling my kid to lower his/her standards in life and buying lottery tickets to believe its the only way out.
      I believe the world will be a very different place if humans could believe anything could be done and to support each other since we love to tear each other apart.
      It takes guts to say F-off I want to do this and aware of the consequences of failure (several times) before getting there.

      Love it and will treasure it


  • An  May 13, 2013 at 11:59 pm

    My husband is a naysayer. After leaving my own country to live in his country it took me 10 years of shitty jobs, sickness and now finally I’m starting to get some recognition in in my field. My dream of studying after 20 years have being crushed.
    He started wanting to work abroad on non permanent contract, “for the money ” he says. I’m not against moving but because of the finances is not possible to keep a house and we have to move every couple of years to a different place. I wouldn’t mind if we would have a home base but living from a luggage at this point in my life makes me sad. I wanted to do that when we were younger but his excuse was he didn’t had enough experience. Am I an egoist for not wanting to follow his dream and my dream? If we could move somewhere else where he could get a permanent job I could study and fulfill my own dreams. But he just wants to travel the world and I have to follow. Nice if we would have lots of money but he would be earning a bit more that now but I would be totally dependent on him which I don’t want. Am I an egoist?

  • Miisa Mink  May 14, 2013 at 2:49 pm

    Oh I love this post! Will have to share this as may people as possible :). And looking forward reading the book too! All the best, Miisa

  • Suzette  May 16, 2013 at 8:40 am

    Loved your post… Know the feeling of people trying to shape you into a mold that suits them, not even considering how you might feel about your own ideas.

    Fits in so well with stay at home moms with a dream that knows they can do both but the world expects them (because of their choice to not follow a full-time career) to not have a life. My main mission in life is to make moms realize that you can have best of both worlds – just push a little harder…

  • Michelle  May 16, 2013 at 4:42 pm

    I’ve had a burning desire to write a book but no one believes me – I don’t know how to get published even if i write it- so sometimes I wonder if they are right.

    • Torre DeRoche  May 17, 2013 at 8:52 am

      You will figure out how to get it published once you get to that point. First you have to start writing the novel. You don’t need anyone to believe in you, only yourself.

  • Katie  May 17, 2013 at 6:44 pm

    Thanks, the article was great, but my family won’t support me at all :[ I really don’t want to be a doctor but my mom always go on about how it’s “best for me” and stuff like that and if I even try to argue with her, she’d scold me immediately. I can’t talk it out with her :\

    • Garvit  May 21, 2013 at 10:46 pm

      Hi Torre,

      I’m a 17 year old boy from India, and have just finished schooling. I have always wanted to be professional racing driver ever since I first drove a go-kart almost 10 years ago. Now that I have started expressing my interest in motorsports to my father, he has turned on me. According to him, we don’t have the finances that are required in this field.
      Also, since it is very unpredictable, I have decided to pursue Automobile Engineering as well, so as to have some backup.
      I am absolutely sure I have the talent. I don’t know if he knows this or not. Instead, he is ordering me not to race at all, ever. And he doesn’t want me study Automobile Engineering as well, because he thinks I’m choosing this field to support my racing. He wants me to do what millions of other people do. I fail to understand why he doesn’t see my vision to do something different and new.

      Words cannot describe the passion I have for racing, and I am 200% sure that I can go a long way, only if he supports me, and not shout at me everytime I bring this up.

      I know I haven’t been the topper of my class, and that’s because I don’t like studying in general, or maybe because I commit things to him under pressure and when I fail to achieve them, I feel under confident. And he should know this too.

      I can’t see myself doing anything else in life, apart from what I want. Fine, even if I do find something , I’ll never be good at it, because it’d be more of a burden. I’d never be happy in life, and I don’t want that. I hope you understand how difficult it has become for me.

      Don’t tell me to sit and talk because I’ve already tried that numerous times, only to hear his raised voice at the end.
      Please help me out Torre. I’m counting on you.

      • Torre DeRoche  May 22, 2013 at 7:05 am

        Hi Garvit. The trouble with being young is that you’re dependant on your parents, and being in this subordinate position takes away some of your power and freedom. When you get older, you will have more choices. You will be able to do anything you want. But perhaps that’s not soon enough for you…

        The only way to have full control over your life is to break dependancies on other people. If you can fund and support yourself completely, then you will not have to get anyone else’s approval on it. This also means being self-reliant, so if it fails and you find yourself bereft, you will need to take responsibility for that too. Most of the time it’s not possible to lean on another person for financial support, while also getting everything you want all the time. As long as your father is invested in you (financially and emotionally) he is going to want to control your life to some degree. He wants to see a good return for his investment. He wants you to succeed so that he can relax and stop having to support you. He wants you to thrive independent of him, and he’s trying to guide you on the path that he thinks will lead to this. That is what parents do. He is doing what he thinks is best, even if he’s wrong.

        So if you are truly determined to do this, you will have to break your dependency on your father. Fund your own schooling. Work very, very hard and go after exactly what you want. If you’re not willing (or able) to do this, you will have to accept that your father will control certain aspects of your life.

        Perhaps it’s possible to see a therapist together and talk it through with someone else there to guide the conversation?

        Good luck.

        • Garvit  May 22, 2013 at 9:31 am

          Thanks Torre,

          I have been in touch with other people for help, and they’ve suggested the same thing as well. But, breaking my dependency on my father will be very, very tough. Firstly because , well, he is my father! Unless I have his emotional support in life, I won’t be happy at all.
          Secondly, racing is very expensive, and couple that with my education costs, it will be near – impossible for me myself to fund both things at once.
          What I have decided though, is that I’ll try and find some sponsors, and maybe that will change my father’s mind. Anyway, it feels good to share my thoughts with somebody who is willing to listen and help. Thank you Torre!
          I’ll get back to you if this plan succeeds.

          • Torre DeRoche  May 23, 2013 at 5:35 am

            Sponsors! Great idea. You sound mature, intelligent, and level-headed, so you might have some success with sponsors. As for this statement: “Unless I have his emotional support in life, I won’t be happy at all” I know exactly what you mean. I think that, to some extent, we all face this problem: Do we make our parents happy and enjoy the pleasure of their nods of approval? Or do we follow exactly what we want in life at the risk of making our parents unhappy? There’s no right answer to this, only what feels right to your heart.

  • Alee  May 26, 2013 at 7:56 am

    Thank you for this article! I’ve recently experienced a bit of a backlash from a couple of “close friends” who’ve kinda been a little stand offish about a new business venture i’m undertaking. The fact that I am passionate about it doesn’t seem to be enough to garner their support! I’m finding it hard to face them with no hard feelings because I truly am hurt. However, this has helped and I can get past it and continue building on my dreams. Thank you 🙂

  • Kent Peligrino  May 31, 2013 at 2:25 am

    Oh my god how could I ever thank you enough , damn my family members are all naysayers . Oh we’ll , nice artworks by the way 🙂

  • nuri  June 1, 2013 at 5:51 pm

    I’ve always had a problem with this and am especially feeling it right now with my parents. I am always doing what I think they want me to do every since I was a child, because I am too scared to disappoint them. I am now 19 and just graduated with my BA and I want to go teach in Korea for a couple of years. This is not my life goal, but it is a dream that I have had since I was 17. I’ve worked really hard in school and that is why I graduated at 19 and I really just want to live in Korea for three years, learn the language, eat some good Korean bbq, and teach English. But right now, out of fear, I am just trying to find a 9-5 job that pays “well” because I know that, that is what my parents expect me to do. I am going to apply for Korea, I at least made that decision, but I can sadly say that I am not happy. I am not happy that I have to hide this from my parents, I am not happy that I’m not happy because of I am so worried about my parents. I am so scared of failing and getting it thrown back in my face. I am so scared of the “well what are you going to do after?” I know what I WANT to do after Korea, but just because I want to do it, and i have a plan, doesn’t mean anything is going to happen. Anyways, this is my life.

  • Ana  June 5, 2013 at 4:35 pm

    Hey, I just read this and… I’m in a real confused state. I want to go meet my long distance boyfriend in his country, and he was supposed to come, but he has a hard family environment, I believe he tried, and monetarily speaking it would be easier for me to go there. But no one supports this. All my friends dislike him, and my best friend says it’s too dangerous and I don’t need this…
    Am I wrong? I am scared of course, I would foolish not to be. But how can I tell which is real feeling? Thanks…

    • Torre DeRoche  June 6, 2013 at 3:25 am

      Nobody can make that call for you, Ana. But from what you’ve told me here, I sense that your friends might be right. If you have any feeling whatsoever that it might be dangerous –– even the slightest little bit –– then you absolutely should not go.

  • Fr  June 7, 2013 at 4:07 am

    Does this go with any dream because I like to sing and want to do it one day as a career but I don’t understand, can you help me? I’m so confused

  • akane  June 8, 2013 at 4:32 pm

    I find that what works best for me is to keep what is precious (including my dreams) to myself. Especially when those dreams are in the “embryo” stage. There really is no good reason why anyone to know what my plans are, and I have found that it is often MORE productive NOT to reveal them until the exact moment I need to, such as announcing my trip via a Tweet in the airport or open house for my business. Even then only those who need to know would be informed…. friends who would notice my absence if I suddenly stopped blogging on a trip to a third world country, road trip, or multi-day bike ride, for example) or my “business circle of influence” for the open house- relying on friends and family to support a business is often a mistake. Any thoughts on this?

  • Michael  June 9, 2013 at 11:24 am

    My G.F is a naysayer. Especially in her cycle. She becomes totally unsupportive of my business plan and is throwing on me all of her fears about not having money at all…
    Very sad. She has been rased with the idea of this everage person, having a job and salary. Hard to change it :(:(:( And it makes me very sad too

  • Knocked Down.  June 11, 2013 at 7:00 pm

    This is fabulous, really lifted my mood. My mum was telling me, “you should do something with art, or writing,” then added on the end, “And MAYBE music”.
    We got into an argument because she knows how much I want to be a guitarist but she makes me feel like I’m not good enough. She just says “It’s not a promising job, you’ll make no money.” Blah blah blah. But thank you for this! It’s great and really funny! Thanks, NS.

  • Nancy  June 13, 2013 at 1:45 am

    I’m 15 and I have the dream to establish a Horse Rescue & Rehabilitation Center. But every time I bring up something about horses to my parents, all they say is, “yea, you know how much that costs?” “you do know that that takes time and actual effort, right?” “you’re too young” and other crap like that. Then, thinking my friends will understand they say the same things. I feel like there’s nowhere I can go to gain support, because my dream will come true, with or without those assholes. Though it would be nice to have them with me as I accomplish my dream… But as I said, they’re not important in the final equation.

  • Ellie  June 17, 2013 at 4:09 pm

    Thanks for this. My parents are both naysaying against my dream of being a concert pianist, despite the fact that I can play intermediate-level pieces and I’m a beginner who hasn’t even played for a year. They say SO often, “You won’t make any money” and “music is supposed to be a hobby.” And it hurts so much, but this has given me a lot more confidence.

    • Torre DeRoche  June 18, 2013 at 11:59 am

      Plenty of people make money from music and art. I’ve made my entire career and income off art. So screw ’em. 🙂

  • joseph  June 17, 2013 at 7:22 pm

    I am so glad I read this today. I have always wanted to learn to fly a plane. Over the past few years, I have been telling my wife that I feel we can put some money aside to enable pursue my dream. I work hard and have even had to put up with some crappy work-places. Finally we have built a house, bought a farm (so that my wife can pursue her dream of farming), got our 2 daughters into good school etc. But when I mention my passion for flying, my wife goes into interrogative mode – you want to become a pilot? eh? Then what? Basically, I can see the disbelief in her eyes and the mockery dripping from her words. So today, I read this article and you know what? I love my wife and she is entitled to her opinion…but screw her naysaying. I am standing for my dream, will pursue it and will be back to post here when I do it!

    • Torre DeRoche  June 18, 2013 at 11:57 am

      Ha! Good for you, Joseph. She’ll come around to the idea once she sees how passionate you are about it. Let me just say that, from personal experience, her naysaying is probably directly related to her fear for your life, which is directly related to her love for you. That doesn’t mean she can get away with naysaying, but I do think she can be forgiven for loving you (in a suffocating kind of way). Good luck!

      • Joseph  June 21, 2013 at 6:58 am

        You raise an important point and I really had not thought of it that way. As much as I will pursue this dream, I will be sensitive to the possibility that the naysaying is from fear. I don’t want the pursuit of this dream to ruin my relationship but I am also very certain that if I don’t do it, resentment (mine) will eventually set in and the same result will come. I will thus just keep open the lines of communication and allay her fears, wherever possible. However, I am still doing this! I took and passed my medical exam last week (as required by the national civil aviation). I have already obtained my flying manuals and studying on my own every night. My ground and practical lessons begin next month.

  • Connor olivier  June 24, 2013 at 2:59 am

    Torre, I recently had three of my bestfriends totally talk complete crap on my on twitter in front of the whole school. But I had to brush it off . This post is what really really helped me get through this. My dream is to be a rapper and Ilast year I was horrible put out an embaresing and horrible mixtape but now I’m working on a new one I’m preforming in 4 different states a nd preforming on an Italian cruise. I have gotten a lot more positive attention twords my music because I don’t let the negative effect my life and only emit positive vibes. This helps so much. Your the one who makes and controls your life not anyone else. Don’t let anyone or anything get you down just because you “awful” and “suck” I know now I have gotten better and obviously am going somewhere because I’m getting payed for my dream at 17 and goig around the world to preform thanks so much torre you helped a ton!!

    • Torre DeRoche  June 26, 2013 at 4:57 am

      Connor, thanks for stopping by to share your story. Keep being strong in that face of that bullying. All the best with your future! Performing on an Italian cruise sounds like an absolute dream! Good on you for going for it.

  • Simile  June 24, 2013 at 4:06 pm

    I’m about to receive my psychology diploma, but I couldn’t do a better analysis of my family! I’m about to move out and not even in hell will I ever move back in. I’ll send them a postcard by the time I’m 50, showing the prettiest vegetable garden they’ve ever seen. Indeed, they even don’t believe I could grow vegetables -_-

  • Keta M.  June 25, 2013 at 12:06 am

    Hi Torre, this article is the truth! I recently had a conversation with my brother about haters, assholes and negative people (family and friends)! I told him it took me awhile to know who was there for me and who was not! As I got older and maturer, the true self of my “so-called” friends began to show! They talked negatively about me and one person went as low as spreading rumors about me! Instead of investing in drama, I gave them the silent treatment and continued on with my life 🙂

  • Nichole  June 26, 2013 at 9:53 am

    This is so true! Planning to quit our jobs and travel the world in 6 months and when I get excited and share our plans all I hear is.. ‘what are you going to do for money’ and ‘what are you going to do when you come back’. I am learning the beauty of the give a fuck switch 🙂

  • Tracie Jones  July 1, 2013 at 2:42 am

    I just had this experience. It was ver hurtful to say the least. I just read this blog posting and was inspired to get back up in the saddle. I’m so glad I stumbled upon your book and your blog. You have inspired me to forge ahead with my dreams despite the naysayers. Thank you!

  • Sasha  July 5, 2013 at 10:52 pm

    hahaha yup halfway sharpening my swords now 😛 Naysayers, it’s “Nayslaying Time!”

    Anyways, this article is simple yet entertaining, straight to the point. (That’s what good illustrators do 😉 ) Loved the “Naysayers Brain” design. Now I can understand them better.

    • Torre DeRoche  July 11, 2013 at 8:39 am

      That cross-section rivals any illustration in Grey’s Anatomy, right? Hello? Right? :/

  • Breanna  July 14, 2013 at 1:34 am

    This article was great! And it was right on point, I mean, dead on. But, I really came here because my mother doesn’t really support me wanting so bad to be an actress. She matters to me more than anything and I can only assume she wants the “best” for me. I should add that I am a 15 yearold female with my future on my mind every single day. I haven’t had a conversation about my dream with her yet; Moreso, because I’m a little nervous about what she’d say. Aha! My mother’s nice, really! It’s just, I don’t know how to approach the situation. I guess what I’m asking is: How should I tell my mother, whom I respect and love, that I am going to become an actress and still stay in my lane as her teenage daughter? I desperately need some realistic input. I appreciate it! Thanks

    • Torre DeRoche  July 17, 2013 at 10:20 am

      Hi Breanna. Maybe you should tell her in a heartfelt letter? Let her know that you’re afraid to tell her because you so desperately want her approval, that you love and respect her, but that you have this dream that you cannot let go of and you need to have a shot at it. If you explain all your feelings about it honestly and openly, I’m sure she will understand. It’s easier to do this in writing (for me, at least) because you can take the time to express it exactly the way you want to. It also means that you can’t get interrupted, swayed, or intimidated while you’re saying all that you want to say. Good luck.

  • Morgan  July 15, 2013 at 3:03 am

    Fantastic quote! We all have at least one asshole in our life-bless their little hearts.
    Nomadic Samuel – Love the thought of self-actualization through the independence and freedom from care of others opinions. This is really important for all people to accomplish, especially young adults.

    • nomodrinx4ubish  July 26, 2013 at 6:35 pm

      One? Pffff…

  • Jessica Griffiths  July 17, 2013 at 12:34 pm

    Reading this made me feel much better. In my particular case, the a**hole is my stepdad, who takes every opportunity to put me down with sarcastic, negative comments. What sucks is that I can’t get away from him because I’m only 18 and still living at home, and I can’t leave till I’ve finished my college course and got a place at University. I’m hoping to become a graphic artist, but according to my stepdad, artists are sad, lonely and lazy weirdos who sit on their butts all day drawing silly pictures because they can’t get a ‘proper job’. There’s nothing more irritating than trying to do homework with him hovering over me telling me that I’m a sad, antisocial kid who’s going to fail in life. Funny thing is, he never finished school because he left for a job, has no qualifications because apparently ‘a piece of paper doesn’t mean anything’ and has been redundant for the past 8 years. I feel like saying to him sometimes, just because you’ve failed in life, doesn’t mean that you have to try and make me fail too, just to make yourself feel better. Because I’m better than that, and I don’t put people down.

    • Torre DeRoche  July 19, 2013 at 3:10 am

      Jessica, sweetheart, your step-dad is abusive. This is 100% emotional abuse and it is NOT okay. I’m so, so sorry that you have to deal with this. You sound like a very smart and balanced person, and your insight is exactly right: He feels like he failed in life, and he tries to make himself feel better by bullying others into feeling like failures too. I would also be reluctant to tell him this to his face, since it seems like he might have the capacity to become physical. He’s so careless with your self-esteem that he might easily cross over and become violent if he’s challenged. He’s a deeply troubled man. Who knows what he’s capable of.

      As much as you feel like you can’t get away from it yet, consider that you can. You have options. You can take a year off school to go and get a job to support yourself in setting up elsewhere. Or you can work a waitressing job to support yourself through school. This may seem harder than what you’re already dealing with, but you’re living in a toxic and powerless environment right now, which is probably THE HARDEST situation to try to thrive within. Once you leave and he is no longer in your life, you will feel enormous relief and the world will feel completely open to you.

      For the record, I am a graphic designer and I earn a very decent wage. My career has allowed me to travel around the world and work from home. I make clients happy by creating a ‘face’ for their business that helps them to grow. It’s one of the most satisfying jobs a person can have.

      Stay strong, stay centred. I wish you all the best.

  • Alivia  July 17, 2013 at 2:44 pm

    Hi, I wanted to ask your advice about a situation. I have always supported my husbands dreams even when it burdened our relationship and finances. After the last time a venture didn’t work out as planned I found myself a bit worn out after dealing with numerous failed projects that impacted our family for the last 10 years. It seemed he calmed down and we had peace and yes some much needed normalcy, a break, but now there’s another venture. I don’t want to crush his
    dreams or be a naysayer, but I don’t think I can go through this again. Your thoughts?

    • Torre DeRoche  July 19, 2013 at 2:59 am

      Hi Alivia.

      This is tricky. I can see that you want to be an enabler and a support to your husband, which is lovely, and I don’t think you’re a naysayer at all. You’re trying to protect yourself here and if you keep saying “Yes” to things that burn you out, then you’re being a naysayer to yourself and your own needs. What your husband is doing does not affect just him alone, it involves you too, so the two of you need to agree to go ahead. It’s your life too, and you need to take control of it, otherwise you’ll be putting your own needs aside purely to prop up someone else’s life. Please don’t worry that you’re crushing his dreams. The fact that you’ve stopped by to ask for assistance shows that you’re considerate and mindful—your husband is a lucky man.

      I think you should be honest with him about how it all makes you feel. Let him know that you really want to support him, but that you’re concerned about the impact that failure has on your life. Perhaps there are some systems you can create that will make it easier if you do go forward with this. You can put some plan B measures in place. You can dissect what went wrong last time and troubleshoot how you’d handle it again. Or perhaps you need to consider giving it more time so you can regenerate your energy.

      It may also be an issue of trust. Since it didn’t work out the first time, you’ve already decided that it’s not going to work out this time either, which means trust is lacking. I do understand your concerns, but you and your husband need to keep growing and taking risks, so the trust does need to be resolved, otherwise you might stagnate.

      I suggest you seek therapy on this, because it may turn into a much bigger conflict if it’s not addressed and resolved now. Also, I recommend reading ‘When Things Fall Apart’ by Pema Chodron. It’s essentially about how we all crave security, but security itself is an illusion. By learning to embrace groundlessness, we become free to live in the moment of both success or failure.

      Good luck.

  • Bart Blankenship  July 19, 2013 at 10:02 pm

    When I bought my little sailboat for 2K on Ebay and anchored it near my parent’s house, Dad flipped out and said it would likely ruin our relationship. He doesn’t like sailing and lives in a sailing family. He’s had to come out with the Coast Guard to tow us home, or had to listen to us when our phones and engines went out and had no idea how to help, and while he often has been a big help, I just went ahead with my plan.
    I told him me having a boat there would give us more chances to be together and that it wouldn’t cost him anything. I wasn’t going to mooch off of him while I worked on my boat.
    It all worked out and that boat and I have sailed over 8ooo miles with no engine and have had over 60 crew who wear mostly smiles!

    • Torre DeRoche  July 28, 2013 at 11:19 am

      A lovely story of overcoming the naysayers, Bart. Thanks for stopping by to share it.

  • mrhmet tural  July 21, 2013 at 9:46 pm

    amazing … today I was feeling so down because the “naysayers” just learn the word … I started my own small and the work kind of slow and every one is like go back yo dubai get an real job you cant do that but its my dream a I keep believe ing

  • mrhmet tural  July 21, 2013 at 10:04 pm

    the problem in my situation is the naysayer is an much older person or relative and the most comments is like you are so luck you find such job … even thiw I have 8 years real experience in turkey , saudi Arabia , dubai , Jordan … but they still put me down wow you get that salary you lucky , wow you get to do project for big spa you lucky , its very annoying very hard on me I spen every minute read , plan , in metro , lunch , I have plan since 2004 till 2024 a 20 years life goal , after that when I see no one support or know what I am doing , other than this ignore my hard work and consider it luck … its very hurtful … and as a told you the naysayer is a older relative in modt cases or some older coworker …

    • Torre DeRoche  July 28, 2013 at 11:25 am

      There are many people in the world who have the superstitious belief that rewards only come to the lucky. Try not to let their comments hurt you. You know a secret that they don’t know: rewards come to those who work hard and stay focused. Those who believe only in luck and magical thinking will always be limited. You will not be. Keep doing what you’re doing and ignore those who have misguided beliefs.

  • MisadeBlah  July 26, 2013 at 12:59 am

    A breath of fresh “AH!” minus the coke…best wishes to you and your book dreams; the blog is inspiring and the righteous vibe of personality makes me want to purchase the new flipper…be safe and stay down to earth, you know this is gonna be a movie…lol

  • Laavi  July 26, 2013 at 8:18 pm

    Thanks this really helped but if I need to cut off the relationship with a unsupportive person and I can’t cause it’s my parents what do I do in the case?

    • Torre DeRoche  July 28, 2013 at 11:35 am

      You don’t want to cut off a relationship with your parents unless that relationship is physically abusive or highly dysfunctional. Your parents are a part of you and always will be. This is a very precious relationship that’s worth fighting for, even if it’s sometimes very complicated.

      I think you would benefit if you learned to communicate clearly with them, Laavi. Try to talk to them calmly and explain what you’re going through. If they’re doing something that hurts you, stay calm and let them know how it makes you feel. Writing a letter can sometimes help you to compose your thoughts and speak your mind without the emotions that sometimes get in the way of speaking to someone in person.

      If you still find that you’re struggling with them, consider seeing a therapist with your parents. A therapist can listen to everyone’s point of view and help guide the communication to a peaceful place.

  • Billy  July 28, 2013 at 12:42 am

    What if your parents say ” you’re so embarrassing stop doing doing stuff ” should I still ignore it ?

    • Torre DeRoche  July 28, 2013 at 11:36 am

      If you can give me more information on this, I can offer you my opinion, Billy. In what kinds of situations do your parents say this to you? How does it make you feel? How old are you?

  • Aps  July 28, 2013 at 5:25 pm

    Nice article and view points. What is your opinion about a conversation I’m having with my son who had a dream to “move to New York and go to NYU”. I think it sounds great, and I’m really all for it, but I can’t put up to $82,000 per year to pay for one of the top private universities in the USA.
    I don’t want to be “an asshole” but every piece of financial advice from anyone with 1/2 a brain says not to break to bank sending Jr. to this university.
    Any advice?

    • Torre DeRoche  July 29, 2013 at 10:10 am

      Your son’s dream is your son’s dream, not yours, so it’s his responsibility not only to imagine, but to fulfil. Parents are there to support us and help us wherever they can, but it’s not a parent’s job to give their children everything they want. No, you’re not a naysayer or an asshole in this.

      Tell him what you’re willing to offer and let him know that if he wants expensive private education, he will have to take responsibility for making up the difference that you’re unwilling / unable to pay. He will be disappointed, sure, but it will be his first lesson in the fact that we’re all 100% responsible for our own dream fulfilment in life.

      Your job is to feed him, clothe him, shelter him, and keep him out of harm’s way until he’s 18. If you’ve done that job—well done. Don’t feel guilty that you can’t give him everything he wants from this point on. He has to go out and work hard and make his own grandiose dreams happen from this point on.

      • Aps  July 29, 2013 at 2:12 pm

        Hi Torre,
        Many thanks for that advice. The approach I’ve taken so far is to say “I believe in you and your dream of moving to NY and attending NYU, but here are some things we all need to consider {money, safety in NY, distance from home, living expenses …} which resulted in the famous reply “I’m not stupid, I’ve thought of everything and I know the risks and expense. Just let me have the dream of moving there because I am going to move there and I want to go to NYU”. If I support the fantasy dream, without helping him plan how to achieve it, then it’ll be devastating if he doesn’t get in (all his dreams are crushed in one moment). If he does get accepted, but can’t go because we didn’t plan, then it’s the same bad ending. If I help plan it now then I’m taking away all the fun of dreaming.
        The Catch 22 is that Dreams will remain dreams unless you plan out how to achieve them; but the simple act of planning can turn you into a naysayer because you have to ask the tough questions like “how will you afford to do that” and “have you thought about your personal safety?” — it’s not saying “don’t do it” but rather “think it through” otherwise when you do get that one shot to chase you’re dream you’ll be totally unprepared and most certainly fail.
        Any thoughts? Or am I just nuts!? 🙂

        • Torre DeRoche  July 30, 2013 at 1:32 pm

          I don’t think you’re nuts at all, I think you want the best for your son and you’re in conflict over how to give everything he wants to him while giving to yourself, too. It’s a hard place to be in and it’s really lovely that you’re looking online for answers.

          If you’re unable to fund his NYU education, I would tell him that ASAP so that he’s not shaping his dream around false expectations. I think you need to be clear with him (and maybe with yourself?) about what you’re willing and able to provide for him. Be mindful of making decisions on this from a rational place relating to your personal finances, and not out of fear for his safety or your own separation anxiety. Be willing to let him go. He will forge his way and he’ll learn how to take care of himself, and you will adjust to him being away from you. Seemingly scary circumstances, like a young boy heading of to NYC on his own, are never as dangerous or scary in real life as we imagine.

          But if you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it and there’s nothing to apologise for in that. Be clear with him on what you can afford and if he still wants to indulge the dream of NYU, then you can help him plan his next moves.

  • George  July 29, 2013 at 12:07 am

    Thank you for this very good article! I’ve realized that what I want to do is become an actor and alot of people are very supportive. But then their is my dad. I have used to be afraid to try new things and be different but things have changed. I want to be different! This article helped lift my spirits and morale and I thank you! Hopefully one day I can be on TV maybe? I’m 15. 🙂

  • Kirsti  July 29, 2013 at 2:28 am

    I have just started reading your book and I was so excited when I found this blog as it is such a breath of fresh air and is making me feel completely sane.
    I have always encounted the comments my entire life ” So what are you doing now?” ( In a negative tone) from the naysayers, and if you are not careful they can squash your enthusiasm and desire to live an inspirational, creative life.
    I do not want to live the practical life that so many people chose to live. So together us non naysayers need to band together so we can all live our true authentic life, what ever that may be..
    You have inspired me to face the comments again “So what are you doing now?”, I havent heard them for a while, time to spice things up again.

  • JaNae Norman  July 29, 2013 at 6:05 pm

    I stumbled on your blog today and I am SO glad that I did! My husband and I are quitting our jobs to follow our dreams and it has been so hard to stay focused on your dream when people tell you that you are going to fail. So many good quotes that I just want to stick up on my wall now. One of my personal favorites is “but there’s always one person who gets off on taking a dump in your happiness sandwich.” So true! Thank you again so much for your inspiring words and for putting the happiness back in my sandwich.

  • Jonathan Cook  July 31, 2013 at 7:29 pm

    This piece has been very helpful in giving me advice on how to handle my father since he believes I will never met my goals.

  • Kevin Schmidt  August 4, 2013 at 11:07 pm

    Hi, I’m 12…(Don’t get too ahead of yourself…) and I’m trying to get a headstart on a career, YouTube, of course not full time, no, but alongside chemical engineering…(your probably thinking: Crap! Another little kid who likes to dream about the his future!) No not at all, I’m in T.A.G. and in a couple programs for that kind of stuff. My parent thing I need to get a life and that it’s a lot more than video games and simulators… to them. If I could get a reply to this, it would make me happy to know that somebody understands my feelings and passion, in the mean time I’ll have a heart felt conversation with my father. (Because my step-mother hates me.) Thank you for your time. 🙂

    • Torre DeRoche  August 7, 2013 at 3:44 am

      Kevin, you’re a seriously bright kid. There’s no need to force yourself into doing anything other than what feels right to you. You’re lucky to have found your passion at 12—many people don’t find this until they’re much older—so stick with it and keep standing up for what you want in life. Talking openly to your dad is a great idea. Help him to understand you and what you want and how you feel.

      One more thing: while it’s really great to be so driven from such a young age, just remember you have the rest of your life ahead of you to keep building on that. You are already well ahead of your peers—I can see that from your writing. You’re intelligent and driven and you will always be ahead because of that. If you work too hard from too young, you run the risk of burning out early too. And while you’re developing your brain and your career, you have to remember that it’s also important to develop socially at your age: to learn how to be with other people, to form friendships, and to feel comfortable in the company of others. If you struggle with this, see if you can find someone to talk to about it. It’s perfectly okay—a lot of people your age struggle with friendships and connecting—but it is important for you and will serve you well in life to overcome any barriers you may have in this area.

      If you can remember to integrate friends, play, relaxation, exercise, nature, and time away from the computer to keep a balance, you will be completely fine. Find a way to enjoy yourself somehow while you’re away from the computer. This will keep you rejuvenated and healthy in the mind and the body, and it will also give you clearer vision for your work in the long run.

  • Anne  August 6, 2013 at 4:03 am

    I randomly found this page through google and I’m so happy I did. I’m about to enter my senior year of high school, and the topic of college is always popping into conversation. I’e always had my heart set on leaving the state of New York and attending university in London. Some support my wishes, others laugh as if I’m crazy for even thinking about it. No one in my family will take me seriously. Thank you for giving me the courage to step out of my comfort zone and go for what I want. 🙂 I will be applying to five UK universities this fall.

    • Torre DeRoche  August 7, 2013 at 3:52 am

      That’s great, Anne! What a fabulous experience that will be. Your family will adjust once your move, and they will probably come to love the fact that you’re there because it’ll give them an opportunity to visit.

  • Laura  August 7, 2013 at 5:48 am

    Torre — you hit the nail on the head for me, and I totally love your article and message. It reminds me of people telling me I’m “too sensitive” and later I think, “perhaps you are too insensitive….” Anyway, I loved all the comments, but this “naysaying” can also happen after you and your spouse have had a child and you find out THEN that while you love each other, you really don’t necessarily have the same idea of parenting (not sharing, but parenting styles). Unfortunately, the “naysaying” may be just directed at you (spouse) and knowing how hard plain parenting can be, I don’t think it’s possible to live with a naysayer, keep your sanity, help your child and function as a normal person.

    But! For all the other stuff, I’m with ya! Thank you so much for a wonderful way to think about things.

  • Bryan  August 8, 2013 at 2:39 pm

    Great article & graphics.
    I’m came upon this article because I am just coming to terms with the fact that I am a naysayer. And I don’t like it. I’ve done and said pretty much everything you mentioned. In the past I would say “this is who I am, deal with it.”Recently I’ve realised I’m wrong. I don’t like who I’ve become, who wants to be around a party-pooper? No one, that’s who. I feel I used to be a positive go-after-your-dreams type person. I chased my dreams, had fun doing it, and then failed, or gave up and now I think I live in fear. Fear of mediocrity. Fear of being alone.

    How can I change? What am I to do?

    • Torre DeRoche  August 9, 2013 at 7:48 am

      It takes a brave person to admit to that, Bryan. I think we’re all a little bit guilty of that at times, myself included. You’re aware of it now, and that is the most important part. Now you’re able to recognise it and catch yourself before you say something next time, or apologise afterwards if something slips out in a moment of weakness. I also think it’s time for you to start facing those fears one step at a time. Time to do something bold?

  • Rosemarie  August 9, 2013 at 5:14 pm

    Thank you for this article! It gave me a good chuckle and lifted my spirits. I’m still dealing now as an adult with all the naysayer brainwashing over the years. I know better not to talk about my dreams or even my interests. My inner self is my highest support and guide. Interesting, as children, I think we all have that drive to believe that anything is possible. Then as we get older, our self-esteem gets whittled away. I think the key is remembering that freedom as children. Adults, families, teachers, etc. can be stuck in their own contracted worlds. I try to avoid the limiting beliefs as much as I can. I’m at the point of doing daily positive self-reprogramming. It’s their stuff, not mine. As the youngest in the family, I’ve decided that I’m not out to please anyone or prove anything. I think having expectations that certain people would react they way I hope just gets frustrating. Their opinions are their own and it’s a waste of energy to change anyone. I believe that if you really want something, the people and experiences will arrange at the right time to give you the support you need.

  • Samir  August 11, 2013 at 9:10 pm

    Hi Torre DeRoche,

    Just by chance, Google sent me to this great article, and for both of you I am thankful.

    I am a dreamer too and I recently distanced myself greatly from one of my best friends who I discovered to be a naysayer, BIG TIME.. I willing and I can even more with him if he continue his negativity with me again.. However, my parents are non-supportor too, even behaving in a negative way, but I simply can’t apply the same rule here with them, atleast not with the same power and strength as I did with my friend.

    Please advise.
    Thanks. I added this to my favorites 🙂

  • Jillian  August 20, 2013 at 6:20 pm

    thank you for this article! I know it was written a few years ago, but i randomly found by chance and good timing!

  • Full Article  August 28, 2013 at 2:36 am

    thnx for sharing this superb web-site.

  • Kamden  August 30, 2013 at 9:34 pm

    I came here looking for advice and got it so thank you. To those who are experiencing this, my sympathies. My personal story (a very short version) is that I refuse to live the life my mother wants me to live. Her plan was: go to college get a useful degree, participate in college life (i.e. basketball) and make lifelong friendships, get a 9-5 job, marry and give her grandchildren. I hated college, refuse to go back, have no friendships from my 5 arduous years, never found her idea of good employment, got married then divorced and never want(ed) kids. My dream is simple but makes me happy: to be a lifeguard and she thinks swimming, lifeguarding, everything about it is stupid. She’s just deadset on me going back and getting a teaching degree in Spanish. Even then I tell her that it’d be PE, not Spanish which starts her and my brother on a PE teacher-bashing conversation. I have walked my own path for years without her professional support so I guess when I register for a lifeguard class this Tuesday, I’m going to read this and surround myself with the plethora of people who DO support me at the gym where I have been offered work. My advice: cry your tears in private so that they can’t prey on you for that too, and then build yourself up. Its not their support which will make you achieve your dreams but your determination and motivation. Find a support group if you need.

  • Carolyn Oravecz  September 1, 2013 at 4:13 am

    Yes!!! You’ve just described my entire family and about 99% of the people I talk to on a daily basis!! It’s like everyone assumes I’m an idiot with no common sense at all whatsoever! I’m very much the creative type and get close to 20 off the wall ideas a day. Most are whimsical and impractical, but some are pretty cool. With some tweaking, they’re very plausible with some work and time. However whenever I get excited about one of these ideas and share, everyone I talk to assumes I have no idea what I’m doing. It’s as if they assume I assume the best case scenario is the only out come and I’ll achieve this outcome by tomorrow wasting time and money I don’t have in the process. Something I may have done once in 8th grade. I’m 34 now. I can’t tell anyone anything. If they find out I’m doing something not pre-approved, I’m stopped before I “screw up my entire life.” Just picking my own cell phone provider was considered scandalous to my family. Right now the big problem is I’m not married, so unwanted advice is flying around about what I need to change about myself to earn a husband so I can be happy. I don’t get it either. Moving out of Toledo Ohio as far away from my loving family as I can and starting over will make me very happy, but I was tricked into staying and now I’m stuck and under surveillance.

    Anyway I loved your article! I know exactly how you feel! How do you deal when you’re completely surrounded by assholes to the point of paralysis?

  • mike maguire  September 2, 2013 at 1:44 am


    Here we go. For one its nice to see a soul mate out there across the world Down Unda! Mate. I just got home from performing my music in the wine country of Paso Robles, Ca. I have been playing my 12 string and 6 string guitar and singing Clapton,Pink Floyd and every classic monster to Johnny Cash and my own music since 1991. I am the real deal, a troubadour to the nth degree. Its my life and i have had to give up MY WIFE, MY LIFE , AND FAMILY. FOR MY DREAM TO PURSUE .

    Great points made , we need writers like yourself to cut through all the bull shit and denial from of all people .YOUR BLOOD.

    Keep Blogging great talent you have

    my whole point, ive been following my dream my brothers never have come down to watch me perform in some of the most amazing venues. Castles. to the best wineries,resorts,resaurants in the world from Hearst Castle, playing for the USO for our troops,Elton Johns writer , to playing at the same place as world class guitarist , on and on. 6 yrs my corporate smuthers brothers asked me. Mike do you want to be really doing this in your 70’s. Fuuuuuuuuck yes.

  • elaine  September 6, 2013 at 12:30 pm

    Omg I’m going through this VERY THING this SECOND… my husband, son mum and dad are ALL NAYSAYERS I have NO ONE SANE TO TALK TO…. I just got offered a chance of a life time to do my dream as an event promoter its huge and I want sooooo bad to do it, as it is for a charity it doesn’t pay, it’d be purely for the experience. I also have another job which isn’t paying very well at the moment but it will pick up, I feel I can do both as both are part time…. But my husband won’t allow me to even try. I’m 52 and I have supported him in VE WILD idea but he smashes ALL my dreams!!!!!! I am sick to the stomach thinking.of saying either yes or no. I can’t stop feel panicky I des want to do it, but it requires me to be full of confidence which I am naturally.. the job is made for me as through my life I have done bits and barbs already. He just loves telling me I’ve failed everything so far I done, and yes I have given things a go, no regrets but I keep trying…. I’ve.never had an opportunity like this one….. Flip me I still justifing it even to a bog ha ha ha fear WILL KILL ME I can feel it making me sick but I don’t know how to go agains…t HIM

  • Nikki  September 7, 2013 at 10:30 pm

    Hello I’m 24 married with three children they are in full time school.i started a family at a very young age and I have grown into a adult and wanting more out off life more then being in my job I don’t like to provide for my family I have recently spoke to my husband about going to college to do hair dressing so I can do a job I love but he has said if I do it then he is going to leave me he don’t want me going I have tried to explain that I’m doing it to be happy in life if I’m happy my family will benefit and I will rub that off on them what do I do I’m scared I really want to better my self and support my family in a job I love please help thank you x Nikki x

  • Loved-this-article  September 12, 2013 at 5:45 pm

    Thanks for writing this. I was just naybashed today and needed to read something wise and positive. Bookmarking…

  • richard  September 13, 2013 at 3:19 pm

    What if my nayslayer is my wife an we have a baby, my dream is a little costly and she believes its a waste of money, but i would love to pursue it, its my biggest dream.

  • Putu  September 14, 2013 at 12:07 pm

    What if it’s my parents ?

  • Nick  September 15, 2013 at 12:52 pm

    hi Torrie..just stumbled across this whilst trying to see if there were people out there feeling like i do…and you have just proved it!!

    i am a musician and have been following my dream since i was 16 and i’m 30 now and had some bouts of success but never achieved my ultimate goal as yet.
    Ive been with my partner 11 years and in 2011 we had a baby and in 2012 i quit my day job in a shop, with advice from my band manager, to follow my dream when my band had some label interest etc.
    Band fell apart due to other members lack of commitment and our manager passed away. So now i am faced with a new band project which is already turning heads, but am forever getting negative vibes from my partner about “quitting now because im too old”, “get a job like normal people”, “im putting our family under strain” etc etc etc…..i work part time when i can but money isnt rolling in.
    i guess this is a decision i need to think out myself and i’ve tried to talk to her, but she just can not understand my passion and drive to achieve what i set out to do when i first picked up a guitar.

    But your blog was a great read and makes me feel a little better. 🙂
    Do you have any advice?

    • Boon  September 21, 2013 at 1:53 pm

      Hi nick, I wish you the best and if music is your main trade and skill, keep doing it. If your partner has no solution I think you should keep it up, if its been the main bread winner then unless something else comes across ur path then keep doing it.
      I’m sure you can play at a restaurant or busk to get by if u need to, I always give money to buskers as they do a valuable service

  • Erin  September 15, 2013 at 2:24 pm

    When I hear people make fun of others people’s dreams I want to say to them “everyone has dreams”. I always think of people who used to make fun of me because I wanted to go to college. I did go and I graduated. You just have to block people out who don’t have your best interests at heart.

  • Boon  September 21, 2013 at 1:45 pm

    Thanks for the good comments and they are so true, I have a hard one with my partner, I worked at a remote location for 5 yrs and went there single, after 5 yrs I left and went to a better roster and more time off and then met my wife, I worked at the 2nd location for 3 yrs then returned to my hometown for the birth of our son, and due to the current low job availability I took a job below my experience and large income drop. 3 months have passed and as I worked hard at the first location they have offered me a job again, I have a couple of ex partners there and had no bitter ending, but my wife now refuses we go there as she does not want to hear about my past there and ex partners. She even threatened to leave me, I did betray her when we dated as things were not moving along and some doubt kcrept in, so now my wife would rather us on low income crap job that take the good job, I feel I want to take it to better our future but she is in meltdown now and won’t talk. I feel as the husband I should take charge and steer the family in a better financial direction and I would feel proud to do it, I think my wife is a naysayer, if anyone has a comment please do.

    • valerie  October 2, 2013 at 6:46 am

      This describes some of my family members to a tee especially my dad and sister. I mentioned a great idea to them that I would want to do in my spare time such as doing pin up photography and both didn’t like the idea and was told to do something with my life instead of doing fun photo shoots. I try to do the less is more approach with them because the less I tell them, the less I have to face backlash from them, but if I tell them more I get more backlash than any sane person can handle. My career path is changing again going into my fifth college program with the hopes of landing a career upon graduation. I am hesitant to tell my dad because of the possible backlash I would receive. He pretty much wants me to do something I am not interested in doing and be someone I am not. He talked me out of following through my childhood dream of being a hairstylist and I don’t do that anymore because of other reasons, tried to change my mind about teaching then I realized there are no jobs and with the current choice of pharmacy technician, he will try and talk me out of that too, but this time I won’t fall to the traps again. I will do what I want, when I want and how I want without people stopping me in my tracks to stop me. I want to be able to give something to my children in the future something I never had which was a secure, safe, stable life. I’ve experienced naybashing throughout my entire life and now that 30 is creeping up to me, I am frankly sick of it and want to live my life the way I want too.

  • Kirsty  September 24, 2013 at 1:31 pm

    awesome article glad I found your blog 🙂 the worst of he naysayers can be the people closest to you, and even your parents (even though they mean well) people always tell you ‘things are hard’, ‘what are you going to be left with if you stop your day job’, ‘keep that as a hobby’, ‘your just not ready yet’, ‘be realistic’, so easy to fall into the trap of believing their words and giving up I think if you don’t detach and look at whats happening, the truth behind that persons words; it’s their truth not yours

    ps I love the illustrations 🙂

  • Manzana  September 26, 2013 at 4:39 am

    A am a cutting off a friend soon, he brings down my dreams and he is a naysayer.

  • valerie  October 2, 2013 at 6:39 am

    This describes some of my family members to a tee especially my dad and sister. I mentioned a great idea to them that I would want to do in my spare time such as doing pin up photography and both didn’t like the idea and was told to do something with my life instead of doing fun photo shoots. I try to do the less is more approach with them because the less I tell them, the less I have to face backlash from them, but if I tell them more I get more backlash than any sane person can handle. My career path is changing again going into my fifth college program with the hopes of landing a career upon graduation. I am hesitant to tell my dad because of the possible backlash I would receive. He pretty much wants me to do something I am not interested in doing and be someone I am not. He talked me out of following through my childhood dream of being a hairstylist and I don’t do that anymore because of other reasons, tried to change my mind about teaching then I realized there are no jobs and with the current choice of pharmacy technician, he will try and talk me out of that too, but this time I won’t fall to the traps again. I will do what I want, when I want and how I want without people stopping me in my tracks to stop me. I want to be able to give something to my children in the future something I never had which was a secure, safe, stable life. I’ve experienced naybashing throughout my entire life and now that 30 is creeping up to me, I am frankly sick of it and want to live my life the way I want too.

  • Kent Eriksson  October 6, 2013 at 11:01 am

    Hi Torre .

    I like your articel and I have myself experience from this negative verbal attacking from people around me. But often is this people who has no drive themself and are jelous that other people actuelly has ambitions to go for their dreams.This kind of people cant stand that people will be successful. I started a company with two empty hands and are fighting myself forward with small steps. To be an entreprenour is a tough life but also a very intresting & adventoures life. You feel alive and are learning new things every day. Its like a rollercoaster. I compere it with a marathon race who will never end. But I feel alive and I know that you will reach your goal if you just keep on pushing forward.People can say & think whatever they want. But I will still belive in myself , goals & visions.

  • ratna sangeetha  October 7, 2013 at 1:50 pm

    I support my child’s big plan to become a doctor and would like her to pursue it because……….

  • Simon  October 14, 2013 at 11:47 am

    You can surely paint a picture! I absolutely loved this article! Thanks for the very good advice! and screw the assholes out there!!!

  • Jason  October 16, 2013 at 4:00 pm

    Great read! Question? You said to cut off relationships that are toxic to your dremas. What if that toxic person is my wife? Never, ever has she been supportive of anything I want to do outside of bringing home a pay check. I wanted to be a personal trainer, her answer? You can’t. Wanted to volunteer Firefighter? You really wanna do that? You can’t.

    How can I be all that I can be when the one person I am suppose to count on having my back is the first person to tear me down?

    • Torre DeRoche  October 24, 2013 at 7:57 am

      I would suggest therapy, Jason. It’s not right that you’re being controlled in this way by another person. In relationship there does need to be compromise, but it sounds like there is much more to this picture than compassionate requests for reasonable compromise: it’s control. She’s running your show. And it’s unacceptable. So take this issue to a marriage therapist and talk openly with your wife via the therapist. Be clear about the impact it’s having on your life. Her behaviour isn’t right and I can understand why it’s upsetting to you. Your wife may have her own reasons for doing this, such as fear of change. If you can talk openly about it and get to the root, you may be able to find the right balance between what you want and what she wants. Good luck.

  • Donna  October 19, 2013 at 5:49 am

    Hi, I just found this post; Will you marry me?


    Thank you so very much for over-sharing this.

    • Torre DeRoche  October 24, 2013 at 7:51 am

      Sure, Donna. 😉

  • Ferdaws Alizada  October 20, 2013 at 9:56 pm

    Hi Torre DeRoche,

    I am currently trying to convince my dad to let me do graphic design and choose that as my career but he won’t let me. He thinks its useless and I won’t reach anywhere with it. I’m currently in my last year of school going to college and picking courses and he is limiting my choices. I want to either reach my dream of playing football professionally or becoming a design director working at an agency. He just won’t let me. What should I do. I can’t talk to him because every time I do he will turn it into an argument and shout at me. Please help me by either replying to this or emailing me a response to this.

    • Torre DeRoche  October 24, 2013 at 7:51 am

      Hi Ferdaws, I’m not sure if it’s too late and if decisions have already been made. Tell your dad that I’ve been a graphic designer for 13 years, and because of this choice I have never gone hungry. I can earn money from anywhere in the world. I successfully ran my own business. This idea that you won’t reach anywhere with it is based on FEAR, not reality. It’s a trade, like carpentry or plumbing, that you can take anywhere in the world and be of value with. He needs to inform himself before he limits your life. Choosing design was one of the best decisions I made. I know so many people who work in high paying corporate jobs and hate it, and meanwhile I’m earning plenty of money to live on while happily making art every day. Good luck.

  • Kelvin  October 21, 2013 at 11:47 am

    I’m a father of two young kids and I am planning to leave my job to start my own business. My parents are against the idea and I suspect are going to cut me off. I’ve tried communicating with my father but he does not want to say much to me. I am still going to start my own business and am learning to IGNORE. Not easy but it is something I need to learn to do.

  • Cindy  October 23, 2013 at 1:38 am

    Thanks Torre!
    Coming here was the best ego boost ever.
    Having a partner who is crushing my dream because it has taking 1.5 years so far.
    I’m so close to getting it I can taste it now. But I have hit a wall and not sure what to do next to complete it. I’ve had a rough ride this past year and a half finncially but still willing to fight to get there. Not getting support from the one person who means alot to you hurts bad. Your right! He is stuck where he is at in life and thinks you should have dreams. He thinks people should do something that makes big money even if you don’t like it.

    Thanks again! 🙂

  • DJ Kittissia  October 25, 2013 at 1:09 pm

    Such a wonderful article , got my hopes up and drawn a smile on my face 🙂
    Im going to succeed and prove everyone wrong that i can accomplish the impossible and reach my dreams.

  • staceyyy  October 27, 2013 at 5:28 pm

    so glad i found your website..just started a career in the insurance sales line and i hate how all my friends are putting me down! ill live on and pursue my dreams! thanks! they can be the ones leading a normal boring life…

  • kt  October 28, 2013 at 6:08 pm

    Thanks for your post!! I have sooo many ideas that my husband NEVERRRR thinks anything of…I feel like he doesn’t believe in me or he doesn’t think I can pull anything off…I wanted to rip up my yard where nobody uses it for a pumpkin patch, then make some money selling them…..NOOOOO…they won’t grow, they need weeded, blah, blah, blah…I want a fence up to keep my very nosy neighbor away…NOOO..we would hurt his feelings…I want to sell second hand items in a garage nobody uses…NOOOO…that takes an expert who knows what they are doing…These aren’t great accomplishments that can only be done by a skilled expert! It just doesn’t matter what I suggest, he has a reason why it’s a bad idea! On the other hand, he tells me he wants me to be happy and I can do whatever I want!! Huh??? :/

    • kt  October 28, 2013 at 6:19 pm

      btw…I constantly encourage him on everything he does…why don’t I get the same support?

  • Tamara  October 28, 2013 at 10:20 pm

    Hi i’m only 11 but i tell my family i want to become a singer , fashion designer or writer but they wouldn’t support me, my mum said to me ‘if you decide to do that get out of my house and tell me when you grow up’. I really don’t get it most of my cousins do Karate, Swimming and Gymnastics and everyone says they can do it, and i said i want to do it they say NOOO! I agree with you some people can piss in your party hat they just don’t believe in me it makes me really upset :'(.
    Please give me some advice I just can’t believe this generation, just please :'(
    Murdered dreamer (Tamara)

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  • not telling  November 7, 2013 at 6:31 am

    I plan to commit suicide .What I want to do is something I have done in the past and see the opportunity to do it again I was very successful at it the 1st time and they no it . They argue,take my hope and dreams away,don’t think I can do anything right since I was cleaned out in divorce and that wasn’t my fault & they know I’m not being selfish, They just want have to listen to me again.

    • bhughey  October 11, 2014 at 8:48 am

      Hi, I just read your comment and I couldn’t just pass it up without saying something to you. First off I hope you weren’t successful in your attempt of commuting suicide. I know I’m writing you almost a year later, but I can only hope you are still around to read this and see people do genuinely care; even complete strangers. I hope you go for your dreams( besides suicide). Everyone should go for their dreams, even you. I’m not sure of your situation but keep working towards your dreams and your aspirations. One day you’ll get there! And if its by love and support from someone you don’t even know then so be it. Just dont take the easy way out. Get a therapist and talk it out. And just smile, know someone out there cares enough to reach out. We aren’t all naysayers and relentless ex’s.

  • violet  November 15, 2013 at 10:32 am

    thanks for this. my mom is a naysayer and when I told her I wanted to be a tattoo artist she said she would do everything in her power to keep that from happening then said if I pursued it she would kick me out of the house.

  • David Mc  November 18, 2013 at 7:03 pm

    This really made me smile – today my 16 year old student had her poems published, and I, after 10 years of forced silence, this year finally brought my music back from a long sleep – not for glory, not for money, but for me..for life… I listened to an army of nay sayers.. I’ve lived and worked in 14 countries.. because I wanted to see the world as much as I could…. and still do…..no, it’s not normal, keep your normal…. you can be sure I’m living mine everyday and will embrace yours with my last breathe… because …’everything (as Pablo said) you can imagine is real.’…. it’s just some of us lose our imagination in the fog of other people’s realities.. dream on.. dream on..

  • Karissa  November 18, 2013 at 7:35 pm

    This is the best post ever on nay-sayers. I’m going through this right now and you it really helped me and inspired me! Thank you!!!!

  • Lee Gellatly  November 23, 2013 at 9:59 pm

    As someone who has been on both sides of the fence, I think it’s important that we hold ourselves accountable and watch that we TOO are not, unwittingly, naysayers. Sometimes we don’t realize that we are speaking our fears out-loud and that as we do that, we may be causing a person’s fragile dream to POOF disappear. I’m much better today. I have had so many people be “concerned” for me that I have vowed to never ever act like that: skeptical, negative, worried.

    The easiest thing to brush off is discouragement from people you’re not close to. But people that you really care about, like family, best friends, and lovers, it’s VERY hard to not take their advice to heart. These are the ones who can make or break a dream, and they don’t even know it! I have family members who say that they will support me and my crazy dreams, but then, as soon as I go out and do it, they send me article after article about the markets crashing, horrible news, bad consumer reports. I just don’t get them.

  • Laura  November 26, 2013 at 6:28 am

    I fell in love with a Surfer this summer. He loved me too and wanted to leave his wife for me. I fell afraid , my friends where really unsupporting And I left The Island where we where planning to leave both. Now I am back in my home city, gainned a lot of weight And feelling really miserable because he said bye bye to me.

    Can i get him back. please say yes, he is a dream become real. Love Laura

  • CrystalLavender  November 29, 2013 at 11:21 pm

    Thank you. It helps me. Well my dreams is i want to be a singer. My passion is music. I love to sing very much. I am singer at my school. I want people inspired by my song. I want to inspire people. But the thing is my parent is my naysayers. they are very strict in religion. they know i have the talent because they know Im singer at my school. Due to the religion. They wont let me be a real singer. My wildest dream is i want to stand on stage singing with my voice and all the dancers and fireworks. So how to overcome my naysayers??

    • CystalLavender  November 29, 2013 at 11:42 pm

      well i am 16 in 2013 and turn to 17 this 2014….. im very scare to tell them i want to be a real singer. because they are very strict. and something tell me they wont ever let me even if i’ve already tell them. i know what it takes to be a singer. and i do have alot fans that cheer on me. sometimes the encourage me to believe in my dreams, go on i know you can do it and so on. but howw im gonna tell my parent ?? they think i just being a singer at school because i want the popularity. its really difficult to make them understand this. it takes gazillion of years maybe!

      • CrystalLavender  November 30, 2013 at 10:22 am

        I really hope you reply this.And please torre!! I really need you to help me out. You are the right person..I guess. I will be grateful if you reply this!! PLEASE TORRE!!

        Thank you I love you.

  • Alyssa  December 4, 2013 at 1:16 am

    Ever since I was around 3 years old my Grandpa told me that all I ever wanted to be when I grew up was an actress, I am 13 now, and it’s still all I’ve ever wanted to do with my life. I want to be on broadway, it’s all I want. I’ve acted in a play and a musical. Everyone tells me I’m a good actress, my vocal teacher, my theatre teacher at school, my god sister, random parents that have seen me in shows, but my mom says you don’t want to do broadway, it’s a dying thing and that show tunes drive everyone insane, she says that it’s a stupid idea. But I have a feeling I know why she’s like this, she always wanted to be a country music artist but she never had the opportunity, and she’s stage fright, she knows I’m not and all she wants me to be is a country music artist, I can’t stand country music though, I honestly can’t. It makes me mad because she used to tell me you can be anything you want when you grow up. Well, I guess not.

    • crystallavender  December 4, 2013 at 1:30 am

      well its good for you for there at least someone who already support you. and im so jealous of you hat you had a vocal class and so on. for me my parents wont allowed me anything like that. they doesnt like music. but im not give up my dreams. i still want to be what i mean to be.

  • Sebastian  December 6, 2013 at 8:28 pm

    First of all I have to say that I love the quote at the beginning. Making sure you are not surrounded by assholes is indeed crucial for following your dreams…BUT…in my experience also the people who love you, your friends, your parents and other family members will try to talk you out of a dream, at least when that dream differs from the normal socially accepted norm.

    They will say it is too dangerous, too insecure and that you should stop dreaming of things that are impossible. Of course there are a few people who support you and tell you that you should go for it but in my experience that are people who already accomplished a similar thing you want to accomplish or they know somebody who did that. In other words, they know that it is doable and not unrealistic.

    the other people who want to hold you back are most of the time just worried, don’t think outside of the box and trapped in the socially conditioned box called: “9to5 job till you die”.

  • Rufae  December 8, 2013 at 7:56 am

    The article is very insightful and funny as i couldn’t stop laughing all the way through reading it. I experienced two big naysayers in my life at two important stages in My life. The firstwas came from my closest friend who suggested that i should leave my under-graduate studies at a time when i was not taking my studies very serious as i was going through difficult moments and i admit that but leaving my studies was the worst decision i could ever make in my life as am graduate now as they say something is better than nothing.To explain further having a dgeree with lower grade and more time is better than having none. The second was my father when i told him i wanna further my studies and informed that a friend of mine want to sponsor me then he replied do you believe him?.. then i said yes so i went ahead and proved that i was determined to reach my dreams no matter how short i was in terms of resources. I can say naybashers can be anywhere even ur family or ur wife but Never ur Mother wil be on she always encourages you..

  • amy  December 8, 2013 at 10:57 pm

    This is great. when ever I gave something a go as a kid and it wasn’t perfect, say I wrote a poem or painted a picture, and like a kid does its not perfect just a first try. My mum an dad would say ‘ow well at least you tried’ and expect me to give up right then and there ‘some people just aren’t naturally talented’ I’ve heard that one before. Even as an adult now, when I actually do make a living off my dreams, I’m surround by negative people, ‘Its just not very good’ ‘you should be embarrassed by showing that to people’ – the latest support from my parents. Its best not to botehr with the negative people.

    • Jose Torres  December 12, 2013 at 6:19 pm

      Wow. From your parents? That must be hard – but good for you. At work I tell myself to never worry too much about small minded people – because if you’re going places, they won’t be in your way for long. I never thought about applying it to my parents – well, mostly one in particular. You go, girl!

  • mikey  December 9, 2013 at 8:38 am

    This is a great article..i thought i was depressed, but I am surrounded by asshole naysayers!!! Thank u!!!

  • Jose Torres  December 12, 2013 at 6:17 pm

    Wow. Well said. There are many pricks and naybashers in my life. I love this expression: how does your heart feel? Stomped on? Okay, you’ve been naybashed. Wow. Giving it a name legitimizes the experience. One cannot just assume that people around you want you to soar – maybe soaring conflicts with their expectations, or, I dunno. Doesn’t matter why. What I need is to soar. And evidently, to be the #1 believer in myself. Today? No problem. Three weeks form now in a grind? Hmm…that’s what really scares me – in moments of lucidity, I know what I want. Three weeks later, in the grind and meeting the kid’s needs…yeah, by then, lucidity is long gone.

    I guess I’m hoping for some advice on keeping my head in the clouds and my feet on the ground. Torre? Readers? Please share!

  • kira  December 13, 2013 at 2:56 pm

    Thank you for your encouragement. I have had an X and a court room tell me I should move back to (state) and get work inline with my previous but I refused and am following my dreams. I have since dumped by bf cause he was all about $$$ and not me following my dream. I am in school for a few years to b certified and to finish my BA so am on a small budget. I have taken stock of how I have attracted those kinds of ppl n have done spring cleaning on my inner circle. Great article keep writing!!!!

  • Anna  December 15, 2013 at 5:52 pm

    This is a great article. I just recently pulled my life together – graduated college, got an excellent job with a great company, started eating well and working out, taught myself to cook… but for some reason my self-esteem was going through the floor. I went to counselling trying to figure out what was wrong with me, and the therapist told me straight up – nothing. She got me to take a look at the relationships I’ve surrounded myself with, especially with my boyfriend.

    I think I didn’t want to believe her that he was the problem, but after doing some research on my own and listening to my gut, I’ve come to the realization that my boyfriend is a naysaying asshole. His career and social life aren’t going as well for him, and I think he’s taking it out on me. He’s been discouraging me from going to the gym, taking new classes, telling me my job isn’t that great and I should look for another, picking apart the food I make, telling me I have to cancel all my plans to travel. Those are the biggest things – sometimes he’s an asshole by omission. I can’t even remember the last nice thing he said about me, my career, my ambitions or dreams I’ve shared with him.

    I’m not sure what my next step is going to be. We’ve got one young child, and another on the way, or the answer would be much more obvious. I can only ignore so much, even though everyone else around me does nothing but congratulate me. I keep encouraging him and hope that if things pick up for him, he’ll quit taking his lack of success out on me.

    I’m really glad I stumbled across this article though. Reading something that put to words and validated something I’ve suspected for some time has given me a boost in confidence, and helped me find the will to not give in. Thank you!

  • Mara  December 17, 2013 at 12:04 pm

    I was married for 8years with out any child,because of this my husband start acting very strange at home,coming home late and not spending time with me any more.So i

    became very sad and lost in life because my doctor told me there is no way for me to get pregnant this really make life so hard for me and my family.my sister in law

    told me about Prophet Osaze from the Internet,how he has helped people with this similar problem that i am going through so i contacted him and explain to him.he cast

    a spell and it was a miracle three days later my husband can back to apologize for all he has done and told me he is fully ready to support me in any thing i want,few

    month later i got pregnant and gave birth to twins (girls) we are happy with ourselves. Thanks to Prophet Osaze for saving my relationship and for also saving others

    too. continue your good work, If you are interested to contact him and testify this blessings like me, the great spell caster email address:spirituallove@hotmail. com

  • janai  December 20, 2013 at 4:10 am

    your a genius! thank you for this!

  • Mercy chanda  December 20, 2013 at 3:00 pm

    please help me my boyfriend always says negative things about my dreams, he dont respect me nor my own parents what should i do

    • Bettie Mills  December 31, 2013 at 12:24 pm

      Do your best to do the talent on your own.

  • Tonya  December 27, 2013 at 7:52 pm

    DREAMERS UNITE! I’m a total dreamer and I’m lucky enough to have the best husband in the whole world who understands my big dreamer mentality and the “can do” spirit I have to make my dreams come true time and time again. Unfortunately, we’re surrounded by a huge family (26 1st cousins, 3 aunts, 2 uncles just on one side) who don’t just naysay…..they naysay behind our backs. After having had our baby, our family members collectively started in on pretty much every decision we’ve made….including our decision to have me continue on to grad school in order to get the career of MY DREAMS (Speech-Language Pathology). I’m tired of being underestimated and dragged down by their respective insecurities. I know that it’s their feebleness that drive their actions, but sometimes, it doesn’t make these actions any less hurtful or damaging. We’ve pretty much cut ties.

  • Bettie mills  December 31, 2013 at 12:22 pm

    My parents will spend thousands of bucks on my brother’s developing their hockey stills, but not a single cent on me doing writing programs or going to writing clubs.
    And I don’t have money of my own, so I have to cut corners to be a writer by doing the novel editing myself (even thought I tried to pressaure my parents to pay editing costs and purchas Adobe Photoshop again.) I think I was pretty good at it, but I’m sure there’s plot holes that I can’t see because I can’t afford an editor.
    Mom and Dad do do tell me that my dream won’t make me money and that It’s just a hobby. Well, sorry, Mom and Dad, I don’t believe you. And this book is going out even if you say it isn’t.

    Sadly, I can just hope that somebody will buy it. I guess I’ll have to minimize my goal to it “just being out” there and available for purchase. I’ve always wanted to share my novel “The Truth Hurts” with the world. Being unable to afford edited at the moment can’t stop me.

    • Kelly  January 2, 2014 at 6:21 pm

      I hope your book gets published and you follow your dreams…..

  • Kelly  January 2, 2014 at 6:19 pm

    What if it’s your spouse?

  • Amanda  January 4, 2014 at 2:52 pm

    Hey! This post cheered me up.
    My family keeps saying negative things about my dream of going to art school and I was so close to giving up.
    But I was thinking… what if they are right? What if I’m not talented? What if I’m not meant to pursue the things I love? ):

  • Bernadette You  January 5, 2014 at 8:02 am

    I love this ! It’s true, like when i told my family i wanted to be a nurse, they said “Why don’t you be something more, like a doctor of some sort?” The thing is i love talking to and helping people, and i feel that nurses do more of the communicating with patients. Thank you for this . 🙂

  • Christina  January 9, 2014 at 4:25 am

    My mom which is the only one on my family that actually likes me crushed my dreams so sevearly I wanted to cry my eyes out. But I still have to deal with it whenever I would like her to drive me to an audition shes like maybe next time. Your just not going to make it. And I die inside everyday. This has told me so much. And I thank u a lot for it. 🙂

  • Bambi  January 15, 2014 at 12:17 am

    I have wanted to be a singer songwriter since I was a kis. I have had many people including family friends tell me to not sing anymore because I’d hit a brick wall. I believe this person is subvonsiously jealous as when I was younger they told me to go for it I’m nearly thirty years old and planning to go to university to study to be a vocal teacher. But I’m worried what other people think. It seems to be that you have to be a loser to be liked.

  • Lorien  January 16, 2014 at 11:12 am

    As a 16 year old indecisive girl, i have decided to study law with criminology but my parents who have brought me up with a world full of opportunities unlike their lives where education was not available for money was the problem. They expected me to be a dentist, a doctor or even an accountant.

    When I told them my plans for the future I was left distraught, with me being told I was being silly, they can not believe I will be able to do it, and are not happy with my choice. I was told my younger brother was the only one they could count on to make them proud.

    Now how can I possibly be happy unless I make my parents proud?
    Upon discovering this article after crying over dissapointing my parents I found some relief and some sort of hope. I just want to say thank you :)5) v

  • Annie  January 16, 2014 at 8:05 pm

    It’s sad when those people are your own family. Saying to put it just as a hobby, it won’t due you good, to live in the real world — NNNGH! Thanks for this~

  • Kuntal  January 17, 2014 at 7:24 am

    Torre ..!
    I really loved to read this post, surprisingly you are knowing that most of the naysayers are very near one…It was really really difficult to pursue Dream and get motivated… Actually The Time we are Confident & ready to launch, and expect our near ones ( Parents, partner, Manager, Teacher ..etc ) to motivate … but they challenge our Capability or Abort our desire of Dream by predicting our failure with Surity and make our Morale down.
    Still sometimes I found very very good friends, who supported and force me to invite that Nearone Asshole Naysayer as main Guest to celebrate Success of my Dream ..!! 🙂

    Again ..You did great & best efforts ..Thanks again.

  • Elisa  January 24, 2014 at 2:56 am

    My father is one of these, a bit of a prick in fact.

    Years ago when I had to choose what to study after highschool, my decision was Art. He came along and said “No! No, you’ll just end up teaching!!” telling me that there was no chance of a job in it. He seemed so thoroughly certain, and my older sister did some technical course that she never really wanted, so that was the message I got. And he followed up by saying that I cpuld always paint on my own.

    The last part, sounded like fair advice, but in reality it wasn’t. He was also completely narrow minded in his ideas on getting work in art. People with less talent, it could be argued, have gotten a career. Furthermore, years later I find a niche job that is paying that could have been/be an ideal falo back job.

    And the course I did yske, under his advice, was about as useless anyway as a Bachelor of Arts. Only, less useful as I have little interest and wasn’t motivated to study enough to get the extra qualifications necessary to get a proper job.

    He started me on a path of fear and of minimising failure that, given my interest elsewhere actually helped attract these things.

    If I hadn’t been afraid of failure my self I probably would not have lstened to him. But he came along and played on my insecurity. And I sold out.

    Occasionally nowadays I find him doing a dance on the grave of a dream of mine. Like recently I expressed an interest in doing a new decorative style of illustration and he laughed, saying, why don’t you just do a picture of a family member or something: you’re NEVER going to become an artist! Ha, ha.”

    I have coined a new name for such people -“Artholes” and I have met a few of them. They love to “cut you down”. They woukd say it is “cutting you down to size”, because they are vampires who like to drain you of life.

    For me they represent now a personal battle of self confidence. And I have to acknowledge my dad’s brain washing and what part of me unfortunately thinks like him, so that this kind of piss weak, negativity gets relegated to the nothing place it deserves to occupy.

    And it is jealousy. Jealousy and egotism.

    I enjoyed your post. And, I may need therapy!

  • Emily  January 25, 2014 at 4:22 am

    I have always felt like if I get excited about something my mother would take the wind out of my sail in some way with her lack of enthusiasm or response or the different things she could think of to make my idea wrong or impractical in some way. As a child it always angered me and we’d get into arguments where we were both upset and frustrated. This basically never changed. She means well and is a loving mother but has no ability to understand when I tell her what I want in life or at least she doesn’t seem to. Now that I’m an adult, I have realized this will never change but it’s so hard to escape the hold she has on me. She is such a loving person and cares about me so I feel guilty if I don’t visit her often enough but everytime I do if we get to talking and I tell her how I feel about something or what I really want in life or dreams I have she is just so stoic and silent it makes me want to scream at her. I feel I can’t pursue what I really want which is to quit the career I have grown to hate and travel and do things that I enjoy, which is expensive and I have no other way of making money. She always reminds me that I need to save more for retirement. I think this is out of true concern that I will have the money I need when I’m old which is understandable but she seems to have no interest in how I feel now and what would make me happy yet she says she wants me to be happy. She could support me more if she wanted to and I can’t understand why she doesn’t when she says how much she wants me to be happy. I want more than anything to take a few months off and travel and enjoy living a little but this would cost me a lot of money and at the end of it I’d be right back to having to work again only more to make up for the money I spent. I know I could die tomorrow but I could also live to 100 and I don’t want to be out on the street or still having to work when I’m 70. I can’t figure out how to grab hold of life while I watch it slip through my fingers. Then when I start feeling a shread of hope I share my thoughts with my parents and they kill it with their silence as they look at me blankly with a hint of disapproval that I don’t understand.

  • Carol  January 27, 2014 at 3:26 pm

    LOVE LOVE this!!!! Thank you so much for posting…. I have been a stay at home mom for the past few years. After being “stuck” and bouncing new potential career ideas in my head, I’ve just recently discovered my real passion in life and have shared with some friends and family. Some have been very encouraging and happy for me, but others have just seemed disappointed in “MY DREAM”. I can’t let those naysayers get to me, they don’t live my life, they can’t feel what I feel. LIVE LIFE WITH NO REGRETS, IT’S ALL ABOUT YOU.

  • Annie O.  January 28, 2014 at 12:17 pm

    Great essay on something that every dreamer of big dreams has run up across by many people both of the jealous and the worried kind!

    I was wondering what you think about this. Are you being a naybasher even a little bit, if when someone talks about their dreams, you do in the course of the longer conversation (following encouragement and lots of acknowledgements of their talent and strengths), start to give a few tips on how they can improve some aspect of what they are doing? Like if you see they may be needing a little work on a couple aspects you believe are important for their success.

    An example I could possibly give is if someone wants to support themselves through their art, but you notice that they don’t have a website yet at all. So you suggest that they get their name out there a bit more, and get a website started now. or perhaps they are a beginning baker selling some cakes and you also are in that field, and you see them totally selling their stuff too cheap. You think they could make more money by taking into account the portion size of the cake for the party and charge a set amount per slice. They are not doing that, and you see them giving a lot of cake for too cheap to make a little profit.

    Those are lame examples, but just trying to figure out if giving advice you really feel is helpful is part of being a naysayer, by suggesting that they don’t have it “all together” or indirectly being critical.

    They didn’t ask for advice. But you feel motivated to offer a couple of tips, based on what you have observed.

  • Rianne  February 6, 2014 at 9:22 pm

    This is amazing, I will re-read this for years to come. Thank you!

  • Michelle  February 9, 2014 at 1:52 am

    Ha! This is so my dad. He is the ultimate naysayer of my family. He is very narrow-minded about everything and completely unsupportive of my dreams to live an unconventional life. I am a creative soul and do not want to be boxed in a cubicle for 30 years. To me, that’s a jail sentence. But he seems to believe that the only way to live is to get an office job in the government, stick it out for 30 years, and then do what you want when you retire. Yeah…I’m sorry, but that’s not good enough for me. Ironically, he hated his job and was completely miserable. Now he wants me to be miserable too? Jerk! He’s definitely “the jealous naysayer”. I think he is full of so much regret about how his life turned out that it pains him to see other people pursue their dreams and happily succeed. Thankfully, my mom is the complete opposite. She is incredibly supportive about my dreams and life goals. She is always telling me to follow my heart and do what makes me happy, even if it means moving across the country. She is amazing and I am so grateful for her.

    I wish my dad was supportive, but he’s not and I need to accept that. Thank you for reminding me that I don’t have to listen to the naysayers anymore. Frankly, it’s exhausting trying to justify my life dreams to someone who is so close-minded. I don’t want to waste anymore energy on my dad. I would rather surround myself with positive people, like my mom, friends, and other dreamers. It’s such a relief to read this article and all of these comments. To know that there are other people out there like me reinforces my beliefs and proves that I’m not crazy. The only crazy thing about me is how long I’ve stayed living in this toxic household and putting up with my dad’s BS. Time to move out and live my life on my own terms.

  • Kris  February 9, 2014 at 2:54 pm

    My Dad has been my hero for ever. He worked in Sales with IBM his entire life. I currently work at Dell. The latest on my job situation has left me unhappy for a number if reasons, some personal, some just plain “I don’t want to do this only for the rest if my life”. I am a sales admin for software sales. The job has limits and is very monotonous. What I really want is to move closer to the technical side of it all. There are no positions at my location for this and the glass ceiling has almost been reached at this point. I have been looking for another open door and my father has been so discouraging, saying that I would never have the right skills to get there and that I basically should just like what I have now to play it safe. I am a single parent and know I have a tough path ahead but I can’t understand why he is treating me so hard, should I ignore him?

    • Rose  February 13, 2014 at 10:12 pm

      Sounds like my family to a T! They constantly say “you can’t do this”, “everyone else is doing this” and blah blah blah. Especially my sister, she won’t even support my business. She thinks her sister in law that does not have a high school dimploma is smarter than me. She will support her husbands family anytime but when it comes to me her sister she won’t do anything. Anytime I do anything I get negative comments and my mother will go along with her. I am just ready to have them both out of my live. But I am glad I do what I want anyways because like the other comments, you should take the risk otherwise you will regret.

  • Shi Min  February 14, 2014 at 12:51 pm

    What do I do when the majority of the people in my life are naysayers?
    That I only have a few ..so few supporters
    I am on the verge of breaking and just believing their words.
    But ty for this amazing post <3

  • logan jackson  February 15, 2014 at 6:21 am

    I am a sophmore in high school. I am so immensely in love with film and theatre. My dreams are to live in New York City to pursue my dreams as an actor/screenwriter/independent filmmaker. My Dad tells me that i will fail and I will come crawling back crying to his doorstep because Im going to fail. Horribly. He says this repeatedly, to the point that I’m just ready to stay exclusively at my moms house, but that would ruin him. What do i do?

  • Deanna Emmons  February 18, 2014 at 12:47 am

    Hi just want to say this helped aALOT! Im 17 and a senior in high school, and recently decided I want to pursue my passion of being a professional makeup artist instead of pursueing communications. Ive always been trying to find something “safe” and “normal” to do because my dad bashes me if I say anything about my real dreams and passions. anyway ive recently told my parents I want to do makeup and attend beauty school, then my dad continued to be an asshole and laugh at me and mock me. “thats not a real profession” “why would you want to put shit on people’s faces” “people who wear makeup arent beautiful” blahblahblah ive always dealt with this. Readin this article made me realize that my dad is just an asshole and i cant let it get to me so thank you for that! 🙂

  • Natalia  February 22, 2014 at 9:14 am

    I’m in business school, but I’ve been telling my best friend that I want to go into design. Every time I talk to her, she would be an asshole about it and discourage me. Just last night I showed her an edit I made and she LAUGHED at me. I read your article and I’m ending our friendship. This has been going on for a long while and I cannot let her negativity get in the way of my goals 🙂

  • lena  February 28, 2014 at 5:58 pm

    I am so sad, this article is my life.

  • Hannah R  March 10, 2014 at 9:06 pm

    I needed to read this today…thank you so much for being encouraging and awesome and real!!

  • Diane  March 11, 2014 at 1:06 am

    Sigh! My boyfriend and I own a biz together, but my true passion is jewelry making and painting furniture. I told him today that I’m not happy running this business and immediately he told me that I can’t make a living making jewelry or painting furniture. It really upset me!! I’ve made jewelry on the side for a couple of years and have done pretty well with it! But since we started this business, I have no time to do it anymore, which makes me really sad. I have no idea what to do now or how to feel about him saying that because in my heart of hearts, that’s what I truly want to do. Any advice?!?

  • Foxtail  March 12, 2014 at 12:54 pm

    What if you are your own naysayer?

  • hermespa  March 15, 2014 at 4:04 pm

    thanks for the inspiration. people always tell to me that i shouldnt follow my dream of becoming an author and be a doctor just like my parents as i will have a strong base. but i personally think that even if i get enrolled in a medical college i wont be happy the way i will be after becoming an author. what is your opinion on this?

    • Torre DeRoche  March 16, 2014 at 10:39 pm

      Hermespa, it’s great to have the goal of becoming an author, but there are also practical considerations to make, like how you will support yourself during the many years it will take you to hone your craft and (hopefully) get the recognition that will ultimately pay your bills. It’s smart to develop skills that will earn you money, as writing is a notoriously low-paying career. If you don’t want to be a doctor, that’s okay: perhaps look at another job that will allow you to pay bills while also giving you free time to write.

      • Dr D  July 30, 2015 at 2:21 am

        Why not do both? I’ve become a family physician but am working on my first ever digital book about my son’s rare genetic condition. Most of the people have been very responsive and encouraging when I tell them this including my family but my wife thinks I have my head in the clouds. Whatever. All that matters is I am having fun doing this and I think it will help a lot of people. Thanks for the great post Tori – I saved your link to remind me to believe in myself and stay positive and determined!
        Dr D

  • Bird  March 16, 2014 at 9:28 am

    I came here on a Google search… Yup, not ashamed to admit that. I really loved this because it really speaks to me. I’m a stay at home mom whose husband travels for work. However, he constantly pisses on all my dreams. I have a 3/4-finished degree in Creative Writing. I brought up going back to school (for English, since the uni here doesn’t have CW) and he derided it as “useless” & “a fantasy” (despite the fact that a BA in English slots into pretty much anything). He says I need to give up my dreams so I can get a real job (preferably one I hate, so I’ll “know how it feels”) and stop being a “leech”. Ouch.

    I’ve just begun my doula training and plan on turning it into a business. My folks actually put up the money for it because they want to help me succeed in becoming more financially independent. But, when I told my husband, he promptly went off on a tirade against my “stupid fantasies” and told me “it’s time to grow up & live in the real world!” He hates his job even tho it makes a lot of money it’s never enough, & I’m not the kind of wife who spends $50 on a haircut–I spend it on books… Anyway, what do you do when it’s your husband who’s the naysayer? When the person who is supposed to love & support you gets a kick (in the guise of “concern”) out of squashing your every single dream flat because of money? His dream is opening a restaurant & I support it but he’s afraid.

    Being a postpartum doula is not something to do “on the side”, it’s something I feel very called to do. If I had to become a single mom to do it, I would, and maybe that’s why he tells me I can’t do it –because he’s testing me. I really have no idea.

    Anyway, thanks for the read & for letting me go on.

    • Torre DeRoche  March 16, 2014 at 10:31 pm

      Bird, I’m sorry to say that your husband sounds toxic. This is a complication situation because he’s your husband and because you have a child together.

      I’m going to be honest: this doesn’t sound like a healthy situation for you or the child, him calling you a “leech” and accusing you of having stupid fantasies, etc. My advice would be to do whatever you need to do as quickly as possible to make yourself financially independent.

      At this point, do not worry so much about following your dreams and optimising your career choices, worry about being able to support yourself without his help as quickly as possible. He holds power over you because he’s earning the income and he feels therefore that he has the power to control you and your choices. This is an awful position to be in: it’s a dictatorship and you need to get out from under it as quickly as possible.

      Clearly your husband has all kinds of resentments towards his job and mistakenly believes that earning money is about suffering; that the workforce is about getting a dollar per drop of blood shed. This is not so. There is such a thing as a job you love (or like 70% of the time), but it does take courage to leave the safety of a high paying job and go after a career that is riskier and yet fulfilling. Obviously he hasn’t found this courage yet; he is miserable and feels that spreading misery will ease his own (which it won’t). This is a toxic situation for you. As long as he holds the economic power, he will keep spreading his misery onto you.

      Why don’t you look into getting therapy together? Perhaps with the help of a therapist, as well as some honest communication between you two, he can gain insight into his behaviour before it’s too late. A relationship should be a loving and supportive companionship, not an oppressive dictatorship, and his behaviour will ultimately drive you away.

      So my advice is: take the quickest route towards complete financial independence NOW. Suggest therapy to him. If he becomes angry about it, back off, then put your head down and work towards your own independence. Once you’re financially independent, you will be fully free to choose what is best for you and your life. You will be protected from his spread of misery. Who knows—when you eventually pursue your own dreams and he can see how happy you are, maybe you’ll inspire him to start that restaurant?

  • PAULA CLARKSS  March 18, 2014 at 2:10 am

    I Enjoyed reading this…it was like therapeutic humour…keep moving forward…you are a winner…enjoyed your artistry as well…

  • Kathleen  March 20, 2014 at 1:52 pm

    This was so helpful. My dad keeps putting my ideas and career ambitions down- I have found myself having to keep giving them up after being talked to by my mum, after he has addressed his concerns with her. They often stay up late talking about how my latest idea is awful. A few months later I will come up with something else, I’m a naturally creative person, which sure enough is also not good enough and a “waste of time”. I love being with animals and outside with the garden. Taking some time out after secondary school wasn’t allowed so I ended up doing a 4 year degree in EngLit, which is okay but not helpful for my future paths- which have to be changed because I can’t afford another degree. I kept saying all through my time at uni, I’m not into this, I really want to give it up and the amount of furniture thrown around was incredible, so i, about to finish my degree in humanities as agrees. I thought about doing a local qualification in horticulture, which was pointless in his opinion. Now i’ve had so many dreams and ideas pissed on I don’t know If its possible for me to stick to one thing and carry it through. I now find myself doubting if these were dreams of mine at all or am i just confused with what I want to do. Surely if they were meant to be I would have carried them out despite the lack of support. I realised lately, all my ideas are shot down by him and there is no pleasing him. I need to stop craving the security of my dad saying, yes that’s a good idea and go out on my own two feet and ignore him. I’m going to take a year away from him and find a small job and think about what i’m going to do next. It is going to have absolutely nothing to do with him.

  • Jen  March 23, 2014 at 5:40 am

    This was such a perfectly written expression of EXACTLY what I have been secretly getting from my husband for 16 years. It makes me feel sane about my life, my dreams, and my goals. Thankyou so much for writing it, I am so grateful!

  • Gemma  March 25, 2014 at 10:49 am

    Hey Torre,
    I’m going to take that quote and staple it to my partner’s head, that way every time he continues to be unsupportive of my ambitions to write professionally I can glance at it and not feel upset.
    Despite the fact that he has never supported me and shows no interest in what I write, I continued and now have attracted the interest of an agent whose enthusiasm for my book has made me realize that actually it was worth continuing with and I may well have a shot at a career as a novelist.
    My partner is not a bad guy, but he’s been frustrated in his own ambitions which I believe has made him not want to support mine.
    It’s really hard to keep encouraging yourself on when you’re partner seems to have no belief in you, but your blog has made me realize that I’m not alone in this. If something is worth fighting for, then you just gotta strap on those boxing gloves and step back into the ring. If he won’t support me, then I’ll have to be my own support.
    Thanks for the blog.

  • FootballFailure  March 26, 2014 at 2:57 am

    I ruined my dreams of becoming a star division 1 player because of negatives “friends and a parent…. People who kept telling me “I didnt need football”…. most of these people were people who wanted to play for my University but didnt have the ability, talent or drive…. I was on the team.. I just had to get my grades in order and woul dhave did my thing but I listened to my doubters and that “God doesnt close a door non sense”… I am in my early 30s regret it, it has wrecked my life… The people who spoke this non sense and I BROUGHT INTO they are happy they talked me out my dream.

    • Torre DeRoche  April 3, 2014 at 10:02 am

      That is sad and I’m sorry to hear that happened to you. But it is also in the past now, and what can you do with the past apart from learn from it and move forward? You have the rest of your life to live. Don’t waste it dwelling over what could’ve been. There are other dreams to go after. They will become obvious to you once you let go of this one. x

  • Rukiya  March 28, 2014 at 2:48 pm

    I bookmarked your brilliant article and will continue to share it –

    Great critical thinking and justified humor

  • Massage  April 2, 2014 at 7:16 am

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  • Liz Medina  April 4, 2014 at 6:52 pm

    Heloo from South America! I just loved this! Funny designs Torre! Well, you just can’t imagine all the naysayers thing down here in Paraguay! It’s a culture thing, people just don’t believe in dreams, adventures and activities that scape from their (to me) scary comfort zone! They really think you need to explain why you are trying to be that happy! It’s crazy! Keep on doing this, it’s adorable! Much love 🙂

  • Bridgitt  April 5, 2014 at 2:12 am

    I feel hopeless and suicidal everyday, my mother is destitute, m y grandmother is destitute, my father lost his job, I have endured poverty, verbal, emotional, sexual and psychological abuse my whole life, and have my own issues with depression and anxiety because of the poverty, bullying, and my father’s cross-dressing. I have been forced to give up on everything, because of hwo bad it is, I see no point in having goals or dreams anymore because unless I find the right people, get money, or get a job, I don’t see it happening. It’s been this way for years, I go to therapy and she says she wants to help my mom and I, and she never calls me back, my mother says she wants to help me, so she takes me to the gym, where I got the dream for lifeguarding and being a group exercise instructor and personal trainer, because it makes me feel happier and less depressed. My father is supposed to take me for my license, but he’s so consumed with his own stuff, and forgot about me. I want to ride a bike too, and maybe do a triathlon or a half marathon, and that’s it. I have been neglected, and told that I have a horrible personality and would never make it in anything that I’m interested in. The economy doesn’t help at all. I feel like dying, the hospital doesn’t even do anything, I can’t even get health insurance to get my meds or therapy. I have a learning disability as well, and am different, and need extra help with math and processing, but the great thing about fitness and health, is if you can talk to people, and know and practice choreography, and study exercise science well, you can be great. I do know college is not for me, and that to be a lifeguard you have to be certified and the same thing for being an instructor/trainer/health coach. The money problems are so bad, I cry myself to sleep.

  • joctami  April 5, 2014 at 11:35 pm

    well one day my guy friend and I were in biology class and after we finished a test we had some free time, so he took out these sketch pencils and he showed me them and i said ooo cool!! and he starts drawing his anime character. .then he sketches this really detailed eye for the character and i give him a positive answer ,”wow thats pretty cool ,how’d you do that?” ,and he said ,”all you do is this”.he seemed kind of off about me being positive and nice about his drawing ,but still continued.then -so to be generous and compatible with art, i asked him did he ever hear of abstract and he said no,so i told him i did abstract art and that i love that kind of art . i showed chris (my guy friend) my art pic and he scoffs and he laughs saying,”thats nothing ,i can do that easily .if thats what abstract looks like then i dont like it ….thats not even art and whats the point anyway… and then i comeback with saying that its better than a plain piece of paper with a person on it ,abstract art has more to say than that and its infinite with meaning and colorful ….and i called him simple minded and ignorant by what he said .then i asked my teacher what he thought of art and he said,”art has multiple opinions.” and chris said” exactly ” as if he was so right and btw he smiled as if he liked me getting angry and i told him that he wasnt giving his opinion about it ,he was bashing me and my type of art and he disagreed.and earlier in the argument he asked me could i draw it and i said yea and he said well then draw it and i said no ,because i dont feel like it…and he was like see you cant draw ,sketch at all..he always finds it funny when i get mad and laughs at me as if its funny but i bet if i bashed his head with a textbook it wouldnt be very funny.see ,i dont bash anything and if i dont like it i dont say anthing at all even though it could be helpful to some but discouraging to others so instead i stay far a way and say nothing since i know what it feels like.when chris bashed me i try even harder to stick with my close spirit which is art but i felt my heart break physically ,and i felt empty as if someone isolated me from something i loved the most…i cried but i havent lost touch .i sketch my abstract when i feel it coming not when im bored. i do sketch when its the only thing i feel is actually listening to me and is actually a part of me and most of all feels the exact same way,therefore, im never a foreigner or an enemy ,abstract recognizes me very well.i tired to draw a human and a animal and i practice but when i try ,my mind is thrusting so much out that i want to draw its so difficult to stick with just that one thing ,i feel the urge, the desire to push the colors, the things in my head and as a result,it all comes out still in meaning not just any regular drawing. i love everything that includes the use of talent , handwork and passion . im never a prick or an arrogant asshole who wants to throw their art around ,i accept things that people throw away ,like the quote that says any mans trash is another mans treasure…im a girl ,a 15 year old girl..and art is my love

    • jocelyn  April 6, 2014 at 12:16 am

      and including the fact that he told me that ill be on the streets trying to sell my so called abstract art he’ll be making a living with his anime drawings.see it makes me angry when i seek a person giving a plain non feedback opinion thats not even useful to people who actually want to know ,as well people like chris who wants to bash and discourage a passion that you want to go further in life with,but yet stiil wants to befriend you and say hello and act as if they were right in the beginning

      • Angie  April 7, 2014 at 4:15 pm

        I have been married to a naysayer for 15 years, and he still just doesn’t get it. I am always looking for solutions and new ideas to make our life better. He is always shooting down my ideas and I really believe that he thinks I live in a dream world/fantasy world or whatever you wanna call it. Maybe I should just keep my ideas to myself and not share because I never feel better about anything after sharing with him I always feel worse and end up in tears. I REALLY wish he could just agree with me once in a while or at least try to understand where I’m coming from. I soooo needed this article today this was very well said and super funny!!! Thank you:)

        • Natalie  April 12, 2014 at 6:04 pm

          I’ve had the same problem. I had to learn to focus on what makes ME happy and work on it, whether he was with me or not. It may seem selfish, but it’s not. It may be necessary to keep your emotional well-being. Sometimes, those we love get “stuck” in a way of thinking and are unwilling to change. We can get stuck too if we continue to argue with them or try to make them see things our way. But when he sees you beginning to pursue your own interests and finding your own happiness, a light bulb just may go off for him. You can cause him to rethink his actions when he sees what you DO, not so much what you say. After 15 years of this, you may actually have to even remember or redefine what makes you happy. But when you do, pursue it and see if in time your husband’s perspective changes. In the meantime try to avoid putting yourself in the line of fire with his negativity. It may be good to keep your ideas to yourself until he learns to be more receptive. At this time he is untrustworthy with your emotions.

  • Natalie Barry  April 8, 2014 at 12:49 am

    I want to be a famous singer and I know I have the talent. I know i could do anything I set my mind to, but my parents always doubt me becoming famous. It will happen one day. I won’t die without being known and inspiring others. -Natalie Barry 4/7/14

  • Crystal Hundley  April 8, 2014 at 5:25 am

    My advice to someone surrounded by naysayers is #1 always challenge other peoples thoughts about you. Your life is 100% unique and not comparable to any other, by that I mean no other aside person from yourself can grade your potential. Also realize EVERY PERSON ON THIS PLANET, NO MATTER HOW SUCCESSFUL, IS ONLY HUMAN. #You vs You

  • Natalie  April 12, 2014 at 5:22 pm

    I have the problem of being surrounded by negative people. Some may naysay, but most just give off a “so what” or “yeah right” vibe the FEW times I have spoke about my creative ambitions. So, I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut and quietly work on my dreams. It is definitely tough and very lonely when no one supports you in something that’s special and important to you. Especially those you love. But, I agree that most people like that definitely live in fear themselves and need company in fear. I can’t live like that. They’ll see the results of my work when it’s FINISHED. But, while I’m working on my goals, I just won’t trust them with my dreams!

  • Tracey Molina  April 16, 2014 at 9:19 am

    Hi Torre! Your article is soo AMAZING! I enlisted into the U.S. Air Force Reserve. I will be taking the exam in a couple of weeks in hopes to qualify for an officer. I told my mom that I enlisted. A couple of months ago I told her i was going and she thought I was kidding, but I’m not playing around. Now that i told her, she doesnt believe I can do it. It hurts me soo much. But it doesnt matter if she believes in me or not. This is what Ive always wanted to do since I was 12. I know this is my destiny and no one can stop what I was made for. My favorite part of your article is the last paragraph to “The Psychology of an Ass Hole”. This defines my mother soo well. I dont want to hurt her but she has always been the crone in my life. I know its sad to call her that but I know she loves me. I want to be a test pilot. Im praying to God he will help me give me the strength to keep going. Thank you so much for your article! You made me feel soo much better!

  • Joaquin  April 23, 2014 at 12:00 pm

    Think relates to me alot right now. I hope you could help me with my situation. So for example i live three states away from the college i want to go to. I want to go there because in my city there aren’t any big time people. In my city no ones famous. I think no one has reached their dreams. On the city where i want to go to college. That is where dreams are made, but the city there is more dangerous. Thats why my parents dont support me to go there. I dont wanna live in my city because i dont wanna be a boring normal work everyday kind of person. I wanna be different. Please help me.

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  • AGU CHIGOZIE C  April 29, 2014 at 9:43 pm

    Thanks, I really want to be a singer and athlete but I face so much discouragement.

  • Crystal  May 2, 2014 at 4:12 am

    I want to learn how to play piano…but no one is supporting me. I’m young so I can’t really do it myself. My dad wants to help but he thinks its not worth it. This helped me understand why they say tgise things and now I feel that I should go talk to my family. Thanks a lot.

  • Theo  May 4, 2014 at 9:54 pm

    Lol “naybashed” loving that word 🙂 this post is so straight up and real just the way I like it. Naysayers should be used as an example of who NOT to be. Enjoyed reading anyways, nice pictures too.

  • madison  May 6, 2014 at 2:03 am

    my parents dont support my dream of being a actress, i want to start small with youtube but they dont support that either. Yes i am young (14) but i know that this is what i want to do. Help?

  • Liz bird  May 6, 2014 at 10:29 pm

    This was a great article. I just have a problem though. It’s with my family. They are the worst, ever since I was little they shot down every idea I had for a possible career, either saying it’s a dead end or it’s stupid and they try to change my idea into something like do health care and crap like that that I’m completely not interested in. But every time they shoot down an idea of mine and try to change it. Just immediately give up on it.

  • Rob P  May 12, 2014 at 12:31 am

    Hi i need some help i am starting my own online business i am a CPA and i am in the disability advocacy movement the business surrounds this nitch also i have a new partner who is very techy and familiar in webdesign and abit in other things like facebook and stuff like that hes not a guru or master and neither am i but together i think we can learn and build on each other and that’s ok we agree on that.
    The main thing is i have parents even though the mean well had a business and have had problems and some failures and are trying to give me advice on what and how i should do in my business and coming up with things that are causing some friction with my partner and i something might be a little paranoid maybe not we do have an Incorporation and NDA and signed contracts as to our protections in our chosen state… and also my wife is telling me its taking too long to build she has some business back ground from the Philippines and is also inputing her advice….but my partner and i we are not pros and not masters in webdesign or facebook so we are not only building the business but also learning what we need to build it as we go weather its software scrips email advertising ect ect so it will take some time but i also have a full time job so that is adding to the whole thing but im ok with that my partner and i usually work 2 hrs a night on the business so it will take some time longer than expected plus this is an online business totally and not a brick and mortar business so its a bit different….also as soon as the wife comes home she wants me to get off of the computer and really doesn’t want me doing any business stuff while shes around…. as far as all this i think we are going at a steady but slow pace yes and based on our circumstances the only thing is the outside advice and neg criticism and or actions coming from Friends and Family don’t know what to think.. my partner tells me he had the same thing happen to him and to ignore it and keep at it, and that they might not Believe In Your Dream or might be fearful for you or something like that Ps.. I also have less severe case of Cerebral Palsy and i am CPA of a very large City Dept of Education maybe the Cerebral Palsy factors in to this also i don’t know if anyone can give me some input on this i would gratefully appreciate it..

    Thanks in advance.

    Rob P

  • Carolynne Scoffield  May 12, 2014 at 7:37 am

    First of all, extremely well written! I love this! And second, thank you, I needed to find perspective on this. I’m a model and blogger and been doing it for a year. I now make an ok income from it but things are beginning to take off, booked a magazine cover, centre fold, several shoots, several campaigns. And the guy I’m seeing said I’m “delusional, past my prime, and living in a fantasy world”….
    Thank you for the much needed reality check. I love your writing style 🙂

    • Torre DeRoche  May 13, 2014 at 1:22 am

      Dump him.

  • áishwarya  May 12, 2014 at 6:42 pm

    I had this fried of mine who i used to respect alot but when i told him that i planning to be dentist he tole me…do you even know how many molars are present in ur teeth….I mean thats so fucking mean..im never ever going to talk to him..bloody asshole!!!

  • Sara  May 19, 2014 at 11:31 pm

    I have been through that, I’m going through it now. My advice is just don’t put your guard down. I want to be a tap dancer, my family says no because I can’t drive you there everyday, You won’t make enough money, hope your happy when your poor, and there’s not good dance jobs, and you aren’t talented enough. But just block them out.

  • Nessa  May 21, 2014 at 2:49 pm

    I wanna be an actress, but no one supports me at all.. No one cares, not even my own parents, I talked to everyone but it stills the same.. I get horrible comments and it hurtsss…. pleasee help me

  • Shannon Fraley  May 26, 2014 at 1:40 am


    I know I am a year late but, I really feel inspired by your post! I started a blog not too long ago and based around completing a bucket list. Some of the ideas are grandiose. When I think about it I feel inspired and happy. I’m sick of all of these ideas being stuck in my my head only.

    However, I’ve met a lot of naysayers and, I am surrounded by a lot of naysayers. To the point where I am even too scared to tell them about my ideas because I know I’ll just be meant with naysayer bashing. It makes me feel so bad as, I feel as though I am lying by omission.

    This post has made me feel SO much better though. Those naysayers aren’t really working with my best interests in mind when they decide to be negative nelly’s. I really need to redefine where I am heading and some of my close relationships. And, bookmark this page. 😉

    Thank you so much!


  • Sumit M  May 26, 2014 at 12:42 pm

    Very nice post!

    Well written .. and the illustrations and the humour add a lot of weight in your sayings…

    I’ve been a dreamer .. for over a decade now.. have tried to break free a few times, but have been actually proven wrong on multiple occasions…

    the usual things.. lack of experience, lack of knowledge, inadequate funds ( or insecurity about having inadequate funds) to live a traveller’s life… see the world.. do lots of adventures… be a writer/poet/trainer etc.

    (Unfortunately I’ve been given ‘sane’ advice by my own family members.. So I’m working in a large Multinational corporate, doing work that’s boring and demotivating… but the job’s paying well to live a comfortable life… so it gives more strength to the ‘nay sayers’…)

    I have my own blog (http://analyze-visualize.blogspot.in/ … you may like to read a post http://analyze-visualize.blogspot.in/2013/08/inside-wandering-mind.html wherein some of what I think and desire, comes out.

    Hope to find some mentor and friend some day , who thinks and believes that amazing things can and do happen in life… who may help me overcome my fears…to break free..

  • Bayartsetseg Bela  May 28, 2014 at 7:21 am

    Very helpful article. I am happy that I read your article when I needed the most. I had a very difficult time to make my parents understand my dream. I didn’t ask them to support me financially, all I wanted was just to support me mentally and encourage me. I have a great career, and worked for it one year. And few months ago, after struggling long time inside of myself, I quit my job and decided to pursue my career in acting. Then I worked very hard on it and came to US from Mongolia, such a long way. I am very happy with my decision now. I feel so great that I decided to take a risk, at least I know that I’ll not regret when I get older, thinking of “Oh, what if i did 20 years ago…I wish I did”…I don’t wanna be that person. Instead I wanted to say “I am glad that I did”. Things going pretty good since I came here as long as I am so concentrated on my dream. I did couple of feature and short films, and got more inspired. Since I am beginning my career, I am having some financial struggles for sure. And my parents just said that “Come back home, and get some real job, If you finished having fun”, which really hurts. They think my dream is unachievable. I know it is difficult, very competitive, but It’s possible. People do it, and I can try also. I am not going back from my dream. I know I can, and I will. But it hurts to hear especially my loved ones don’t even understand and support me. All I wanted was only their care. But anyway, hope that god knows it.

  • Cooldude rap  May 28, 2014 at 11:40 am

    Yes I have a problem, I always wanted to become a singer and i am just worried if i tell to my parents they will make them sad or worst angry what to do

  • Cooldude rap  May 28, 2014 at 11:43 am

    I have a problem. When i was a young boy I was dreamed to have a music career, being a singer but I am just worried to tell my parents that what should i do

  • Philiscious  May 28, 2014 at 12:50 pm

    My father: “You need to wake-up and stop being a dreamer. You haven’t got time for tiddlywinks( dad’s word for hobbies) your nearly forty years old. Pencils and paints don’t pay the bills or put meals on the table.” You realize very few (artists) actually make a living from it?. You’ve got talent son but your no standout”

    *sigh* Naysayers I can handle, parents are more difficult to deal with.

    Yet…Still I draw any spare moment than i can, I just no longer tell him how I spend my free time.

  • Sandy  June 4, 2014 at 4:00 am

    I really want to be on Broadway, but my parents think it’s a joke and that it won’t be a living, ect. I really want voice lessons now so once leave my house I can audition for Broadway. I even told my parents I would pay for them. I started to look up prices for lessons and when I showed my dad the prices he went off on a rant about I can’t get lessons that expensive and he started to question why I would want lessons unless I’m going into singing in the future. I want to tell him so bad how much I want to be on Broadway, but he’ll just laugh it off and not take me seriously. I don’t know what to do… A few months earlierly I had asked for lessons and he said no because I didn’t have enough passion. I nearly exploded at that. I was part of the drama club and did all the shows, I was in regular church choir and then school church choir and I sing every freaking second of the day. I don’t know how to show him I have passion. I thought it would help if I would pay for them, but noooo… HELP ME PLEASE!!!!

  • Tom  June 11, 2014 at 4:13 am

    I am 51 years old and have been running a million dollars a year business . The problem is my parents won’t give me a succession plan or any indication that they are going to step down . They don’t work , just collect $7k per month off me rent. I feel stuck , working all these years for nothing, it does have its perks though , but I just don’t know what to do . I have two other siblings who are not involved and I feel when the time comes, it’s going to be split evenly. At times I just wanna sit back and say here u go , f this place. , but my guy tells me to work hard , continue running the business cause I too have bills to pay at home and cannot afford to throw in the towel. Any suggestions?

  • Helen  June 19, 2014 at 8:18 am

    What if you are trying not to be a naysayer, however you really are worried someone you love is making a decision that may affect them badly. Obviously it’s their choice and their life but can you offer advice without being a naysayer?? Or an asshole!

  • sidney  June 20, 2014 at 9:21 pm

    My parents have never supported me throughout my whole life. They think they are but they really arent. I am in so many programs for the advanced and i dont even want to be. I want to live out my dream that involves my creativity and my voice. All my parents want me to be is a doctor, lawyer, accountant, or just somebody ‘important’. I try not to care what they think but its diffucult to take in that the two people that are supposed to believe in you just dont. Ive told them countless times but they never seem to get that i want to live out my dream and never ever give up. What can i do when i dont have their support?

  • samm  June 22, 2014 at 12:27 am

    y dad is a nayslayer. I told him I wanted to be a professional skateboarder and he said no because “the road is to bumpy”, its fine! I took my broken in half unrepairable skateboard slapped it together and skated on the road…but he never saw and didn’t care. Even now he crushes all my hopes and drea?s and ignoresme when he can and gives me a cold stare all the time Idont like invi ing people over because of it…. one of my friends who spent the night said this.. “does he hate you or something, he has the death stare of doom going”…its horrible now I don’t talk about my hopes and dreams to anyone anymore….

  • Positive Attitude  June 22, 2014 at 12:48 pm

    Great post – and yes those pesky naysayers seemed to be lurking in the most unexpected places.

    In the last two years I think I have had mine and everyone else’s fair share of naysayers. It started with a decision that affected my youngest, then my desire to take my creative writing seriously and finally with starting a degree at the ripe old age of 40!

    What I am doing does not effect anyone else’s life but mine and my childrens – so why should it bother them so much that I want to help my children and better myself for the future?

    One particular ‘friend’ has been more vocal with her naysaying since I shared my five year plan with her (get my degree, pursue a career in writing and write that book I keep saying I want to). If she isn’t trying to pour water over my dreams she ignores me totally. Others have picked apart blog posts and short stories like a primary school teacher lol!

    My biggest support are my children and I know they will be cheering me on when needed. I guess that is the only encouragement I need.

    Will be bookmarking this page and paying regular visits for an added boost of motivation and support. Sending you all positive vibes and support – follow your dreams with a smile on your face 🙂

  • Jay  June 25, 2014 at 12:41 pm

    Hi, is this still going/can I leave a message?

  • Martice  June 26, 2014 at 1:19 pm

    I absolutely loved your message! It was so on point. I can’t wait to share this!

  • Jasmin S.  June 27, 2014 at 11:39 pm

    Thank you I needed this encouragement today 😉

  • chelsea  June 29, 2014 at 6:47 pm

    I am so thankful that I came across this blog when I did. This is exactly what I needed to read. I’m 22 years old, in college and I work full time as well. Ever since I was a child I have been very interested in music and have dreamed of pursuing it as a career. I remember being four years old sitting on the kitchen floor and using pots and pans as drums, spoons as drum sticks and the lids as cymbals without even really realizing what I was doing. I grew up always singing along to everything on the radio, singing in the choir and even in chorus in elementary school. I would always tell my parents I wanted to be a singer and they always thought it was a cute idea because I was a child, however, when I got older and got into middle school, I joined band and started writing my own songs just for fun. My parents finally realized that I was completely serious about wanting to pursue music as a career and they then started telling me that I need to “stop being silly” “get focused and realistic” about my future. In high school I continued taking band and writing songs for fun and to express my feelings about certain hardships in my life that I didn’t want to discuss with anyone. I dropped the idea of music believing I was stupid for even thinking I could make it. Like I said before, I am now in college and working and I have friends who are just as passionate as I am bout music. My best friend and I sing karaoke every weekend as a duo and e have won money for our participation at karaoke bars. We have people who come up to us and compliment us on how great we sound together and have had people tell us they come to specifically hear us sing. She has even been approached at walmart by a stranger who recognized her from karaoke and told her that they enjoy seeing us perform. This has boosted our confidence quite a bit to the point that we’ve started taking it more serious and wanting to pursue a career once again in the industry. I have met several artists in the industry and asked for advice on what steps we need to take to pursue something like this and have received some great feedback. We keep in touch with a couple of the artists we went to for advice and were told exactly what to do and where to go to meet other people in the industry. We ended up going to nashville for cma fest and singing live band karaoke on broadway in front of hundreds of people and afterwards we had people compliment us on our performance. It seemed like any doubts we had went away the moment we got on stage. It just felt right. It felt like that is exactly what we’re supposed to be doing. I’ve never been more passionate about anything in my life as I am about songwriting and performing and we are already saving up to get to nashville someway somehow. My parents on the other hand would not support this if my life depended on it. They think I’m foolish for even attending concerts as often as I do. Especially if it’s for artists I’ve already seen a few times, it if we hadn’t done that we wouldn’t have been given the advice we’ve received or even have become friends with a couple of them. It really bothers me that they are constantly bashing my dreams and my ” obsession” with music, as they call it, but I call it a passion. To them it makes me immature and silly to have a dream bigger than the typical every day “normal” people job. Your blog, however, is truly inspiring to someone like me who was feeling down after yet another argument over my “immaturity” for my love of music. Thank you for that.

  • MessyNora  June 30, 2014 at 1:00 pm

    Hi Torre,
    I wish I knew you in real life. 🙂 ah, nevermind, but , I WANT YOU TO READ THIS, AND I WANT YOU TO RESPOND, PLEASE? Thank you.
    I am a 17 year old girl, currently, in the last year of my high school. And I’m a big time believer, I always believe and believe, in the Universe and in purpose of life. So, about a year and a half ago, I just finally figured out my purpose, my dream. You know..as they say…”When you figure out your heart’s dream..You’re gonna know :-)” So, now I know, because, everytime I think about my dream, my heart goes through something.
    I want to be a singer, release my albums, do concerts, and spend the rest of my life with music. My dream is to sing and I’m good at it, I’ve sung at occasions got compliments, been in a few competitions and won in a few. So I have a capable voice. But just yesterday, I had encounters with two naysayers back to back! ANd it has blemished my shiny glass of faith and belief and I desperately want it back. I had a close friend say to me ” There’s a reason dreams die. Get real! I had to be realistic to.” ANd it was DISHEARTENING, I felt like a bomb blasted my heart to shrapnels of lost hopes. My parents know about my dreams of singing and travelling the world. well. ANd they don’t discourage me, they support me, sometimes, but neither do encourage me as such.
    Moreover, I don’t know how I’m going to be popular amongst people or how I’m going to fund myself financially. I’m not that “rich” or “popular” and I also had a struggling life till now and had depression in the past ( I’ve recuperated now and am awesome ) . But i have unwavering faith, passion, a dream and a voice.
    Can you please give me any reasons for me to keep going at it and tell me I’m not being a fool?
    Cuz I would rather drown myself before I let my dreams drown.
    Thank you.
    I’m just glad People like you exist, who dare to dream. You’re an inspiration.
    I just favorited you blog.
    And if you have time, please please read this article I wrote about “belief and the Universe”, it is not a time waste I swear, here -http://abuicxyuiz.tumblr.com/post/78228791351/alexithymia
    REPLY soon.
    Thanks <3

  • B  July 2, 2014 at 7:01 am

    I’m so happy I found your blog. Made me a bit happy that I’m not the only one who believes in dreams.

    Just recently (like yesterday), I finally told the adults about what I want (I’m 21). I’m an incoming 4th year PT student, but this summer I’ve decided to stop taking this course and take Vet Med instead (I’ve always loved animals and felt more compassion towards them compared to humans). I agreed to take PT because of the good money that would come from it. I wanted to support my family and not disappoint them (I’m the eldest by the way, so there’s more pressure). After 3 years of trying to love the course, I just couldn’t bear it anymore.

    I told them I want to do something that I would love. It would be hard for me to study (and eventually work) something that my heart just couldn’t accept. Yes, I may be financially secure, but I can’t imagine doing something I don’t like for the rest of my working life.

    They agreed to my choice, but while I was talking about my plans for the future, they wouldn’t even respond. Personally, I think that they were thinking about this “Why did she choose this? Nothing good will happen.” or “she’s looking for a headache. She’ll have a hard future”. Can’t I get some moral support for a big decision I made, for a change…?

    So here I am thinking, what is happening to the adults nowadays… When I have kids in the future, I would support their dreams. If they fail and fall, I’d catch them always and help them get up. Isn’t this supposed to be the way parents/adults should treat their children? Don’t get me wrong. I love my parents and family, they’re good, but it seems adults have lost their “dreamer” in them. It seems they’ve stopped believing in the good of this world…. or I may just still be childish and naive.

  • Gabriel  July 4, 2014 at 12:07 am

    I’ve read some of your articles and this one I had to re-read, bookmark, add to pocket and favorite it, and share it on facebook.
    I’ve read it 5am. And now I’m in love with you (on the respectful, platonic way, hahaha!).

    I’m 23 but..if I knew this some 10 years ago, or even 5 years..if I had the awareness of how people were influencing me and if I had defended myself, I probably would be working at NASA or developing my first big game (since I always loved space, technology and videogames so, so much).
    Even on the first memories I have of 3-4 years old, my parents, relatives, friends, teachers, 95% of people I knew, really, did their best to destroy my dreams and volition. They succeded, since I didn’t even have the chance to be aware of the bad things they were doing as I was so little..I grew up unmotivated, I started self-sabotaging like a pro, I had zero perspective in life and I drove myself far from my goals. Its insane.
    My luck is that I did go to some Computer Science college and worked as I programmer, so I’m not absurdly far off what I want, but I have HUGE knowledge gaps due to poor education, terrible teachers and my own lack of motivation that never enabled me to do anything for myself, always going for the minimum score while facing chronic procrastination.

    So..*breathes*..one month in 2013 I went to bars to get drunk 6 days per week because I couldn’t cope with the voices in my head telling me something was very, very wrong with my life (intuition). I got scared because I was consuming alcohol just to cope with stuff, 22 years old, and I never did that before. I left my job days later, and told my family I was only going to face the world again after I fix all the internal stuff that feels wrong.
    It is working, and every month I am more mature, confident, aware and dedicated, and tackle a different internal problem. I’m currently trying to close the chapter on my past and forgive those who forced me to derail – and I still don’t know if its more my fault than that of other people..I don’t like blaming others for my mistakes, but I had no defense against all the giant blob of negativity I went through everyday.

    Soon I’ll get back to face the world and go after my dreams, but currently I am still in “Repair Mode” bringing the pieces of me together and finding the internal flame I had before it was extinguished by dozens of assholes.
    I feel I am almost done with this internal journey that is almost reaching a year.

    This article is definitely one of the steps toward my redemption with myself and with the world, and I thank you with my whole heart for your beautiful art and writing. I’ll definitely keep reading from you as I already did.

    Cheers from Brazil,

  • Jerry  July 4, 2014 at 5:42 pm

    My wife has done this to me so much I want a divorce. Not the only problem, but a huge part of it.

    Every time I get a promotion or better job there is no fanfare or congratulations, it’s now we have to figure out what benefits will be like.

    It makes me feel like my accomplishments and dreams are just dumb ideas. I really believe I’m on my way out the door this time.

  • Martiona  July 5, 2014 at 6:28 am

    why hello! I get this all the time and it saddens me deeply, I am trying so hard to ake it out their, I want to sing. I’m trying to get a band together, I’m trying to get a demo recorded, I might even put myself in the news paper. I am so determined, but NO ONE in my family thinks i can do it. They tell me it’s not worth my time, and that things dont happen so easily , their right about the second part, because i am working my butt off to try. at least I’m trying to make something of myself, that’s all that matters and if i end of failing i can always say i tried my hardest, but I’ not going to let that be a possibility. If you have any advice please feel free to email me at marmartiona@gmail.com it would be greatly appreciated

  • Courtney  July 10, 2014 at 12:13 am

    This was so inspiring but fucking hilarious! Definitely will probably find myself repeating some of the sayings in this context hahaha!

  • Katie  July 16, 2014 at 3:18 pm

    My name is Katie (well duh it says it up there…) anyway, I have dreams of being a model and singer, the naysayer is my dad, my parents are divorced so I alternate weekly and as a result I generally have bi-weekly breakdowns where I run to a friends place after a “talk” with my dad… My original plan was to stick I out until the end of the year because he’s retiring then moving 3 hours away and I don’t want to ruin my relationship with him but it’s starting to weigh pretty heavily on me and the breakdowns which I was usually able to get under control in 10 minutes are now turning into 2-3 day affairs where I have to get reassurance from my friends. I’m sorry that this is such a long message, but do you know what I can do? He makes me so scared of my future an I don’t want to be scared of that! My mum is so supportive and she has no doubt I can do it but every time I go to my dads I take 5 steps backwards! I don’t want to be one of those people who goes to the same desk every day because I’m not one to sit still and just type all day! I’m afraid that if I let my dad get to me that’s what will happen! Any advice? Again I’m so sorry about this message but you seem to understand everything about my situation!
    From, Katie

    • gill M  September 22, 2014 at 9:40 am

      Katie, I feel it is important that you take your ambitions into the real world to tes them out and find out what the real situation is. Your father is just a cynic to be pitied. probably missed out on chances himself. I mean do these parents like yours want your happiness or just your regularity and reliability even though you may not be living with them one day?
      I am up for the belief that trying your feet in what you want to do it the right way to go. Then if you do not succeed maybe even keep trying or eventually I am sure you would be the first to accept something that is a no goer, but it doesn’t mean an office job does it? it just means a possible re-think.

  • liz  July 23, 2014 at 3:22 am

    Thank you for this! I have had wild dreams since I was young. Many of them were talked down by people trying to bring me back to reality. Over my lifetime though I have found persistence and passion pay off. I dreamed of getting a dog sled one day and I got one. I dreamed of getting a Siberian husky and I got one at age 12. I dreamed of seeing the Iditarod since 2nd grade. This dream got put on a back burner for a long time while going through college to chase my dream of becoming a vet…. Well last year I got this dream and even better was working with the dogs that ran the race! I officially moved to Alaska a month ago after being here all winter. I was full of appreciation of the people who surrounded me. In the last few years I have been blessed with finding amazing friends and had so much support for this move 4000 miles away from home. So though those naysayers are out there. I’m happy and blessed to have let those people go and to have proven them wrong. No matter how wild your dream it is possible 🙂

  • Kathy Gallagher-Gorman  July 29, 2014 at 1:23 pm

    Hi Torre, Just found and read your article on “When People Don’t Support Your Dreams.” Throughout my 55 years of life have been surrounded by an entire family (including spouse and son), relatives, in-laws, bosses, co-workers, friends, and known so many others who are unsupportive due to being toxic, controlling, selfish, insecure, and uncaring. In life, we are lucky to find one person who is unselfish, genuinely caring, and is supportive. What I did to cope with all the naysayers and the naybashers stay away from them all. My advice is to stay positive. Stay determined and focused. There is always a way. There is always alternate ways. Follow all avenues. You’ll never know where they may lead. Don’t ever be discouraged. Don’t ever give up. We all deserve to follow our dreams and be happy. That’s the purpose of life. In the end, the journey of life will be worth it. Torre, thank you for writing and sharing your thoughts.

    • gill M  September 22, 2014 at 9:34 am

      Exactly. I think when people are faced with an onslaught as you have been, the option left is to try and hopefully be a downright success. This is what I hope to do one day 🙁 if I can get past the discouragement that is. I think it helps to think of them as being in some way inferior, as they are apparently in acting on their own inadequacies. realise that you are most likely better than them, and try and bypass their naysaying with all that in mind.

  • sasha  July 31, 2014 at 2:20 pm

    hi I’m Sasha and I’m 16 years old and I’m have a dream of being a dancer and singer I made the dance team tryouts but my mom wont let me dance because she said it to much money the lady took off 200 and she still said she not paying the choir which is free but she won’t let me do that .I’m not understanding what’s her problem she always saying you can’t dance you can’t sing what should I do.

  • Abigail  July 31, 2014 at 6:32 pm

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  • Jon  July 31, 2014 at 7:00 pm

    oh gosh, I have parents who don’t trust my judgment. It breaks my heart

  • Marcelina  August 1, 2014 at 7:37 pm

    This article is really GREAT..;)
    I’ve got naysayers at home – my parents,it’s a bit sad but half of my family are naysayers.I’m riding horses,I want to spend my whole life with them and be a showjumper,but they’re all the time kicking my down and they’re saying that I have to have a normal job and horses could be just a hobby.The worst thing is that now I’m dependent on them and I can’t do what I should to make my dreams come true 🙁
    Thank you for this article,now I know that there are people who thinks the same way ;))

    • gill M  September 22, 2014 at 9:29 am

      Go for it girl. My mother tried to make me stay in a dead end office job. She thought girls just needed a time filling job until they got married and had kids. She said art was just a hobby and no-one made money at it– and it happens at the time I was making more money part time painting than I was in this job. Lets face it she didn‘t like daughters, she didn‘t like me, so she was driven to put me down- a naysayer. I think we have to make our own mistakes or successes hopefully. It seems its best not to ask people who are at risk of saying negative things, though it is hard to know who they will be until its done. You can either succeed or fail, nothing ventured nothing gained as they say. if you go by your parents guidance you can only lose because you haven‘t opened the possibility that it all might work.

  • Terri  August 2, 2014 at 4:34 pm

    Love it! Just what I needed this morning. Also helps to put on a song like,”My give a damn’s busted”.

  • Maureen  August 11, 2014 at 7:38 am

    Thanks Torre, and love your illustrations. Pity, never imagined I was going to end up being married to a naysayer 🙁

  • caroline  August 12, 2014 at 10:04 pm

    I absolutely adore this post. We’re leaving everything behind to travel the US in an RV. And after that we have plans to live outside of the country. It’s amazing. You’d think I told people I’m joining a cult [and have a comet to catch later tonight]. I had one woman [after I divulged our hopes and dreams] literally laugh at my face. But I dont mind! While I’m off living my dream and opening my mind even further, she’ll be left right where I left her 😉 Yay for bashing and slaying those negative nancys!

  • Diane  August 14, 2014 at 9:17 pm

    this was the best. 🙂

  • Taya G.  August 16, 2014 at 1:31 am

    My mom crushed my deams
    No more to say she ruins my life all the time period

  • Dianna  August 20, 2014 at 9:17 am

    Hi there to every body, it’s my first go to see of this webpage; this blog contains awesome and really good stuff
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  • Emily Bristol  August 23, 2014 at 12:47 pm

    The majority of the feedback I get about my newly launched blog is from naysayers. But I don’t allow them to dash apart my dreams. I am doing my best to cope and my husband and family are my biggest supporters. I do a lot of ranting to my poor hubby. In the last few years I have learned to cut off toxic relationships but it has been hard to forge new healthy relationships as it can be hard to find people that are truly healthy mentally. At least that is how it feels for the moment.
    The funny thing is that I am a Certified Professional Life Coach and I don’t know what advice to give to people who are not being supported. Once I figure it out myself then I can certainly give some crazy good kickass advice about it though. The funny thing is that some of my peers told me that I destroy my credibility as a life coach when I rant or show weakness or vulnerability but I don’t see how this could be true. If I were to hire a life coach then I want my coach to have some personal experiences of their own in the area they are coaching me in. Otherwise….how will they relate or connect to me and my pain? I wish I had more answers about this area of life as I am struggling. Thank you for writing this article as it has certainly brightened up my day!

  • Cindy  August 30, 2014 at 6:47 pm

    Torre, I,m really glad I found this page, my naysayers is My husband, while he has encouraged me to start school since March, I,m unsure of how supportive he really is.. While school has just begun, this is the second week, and I was busy doing homework, we began to argue about the kids and then out of no where said” well when are you going to be done with your homework that is all you do”
    I decide to stop my work and go for a walk for the purpose of not arguing, when I returned home he hid my computer so I could do my online work.
    This hurt, the moment he said the homework part, I was thrown back and was immediately crushed by the delivery of what he had said, then to make it worst he hide the computer, this has me very much filled with tones of feelings I’m still working on getting straight, and then I came up on this.. This helped me out a bit this morning. Thanks

  • Barbara H  August 30, 2014 at 8:16 pm

    I told my friend I needed heart surgery and at the time my mother was not doing well and she told me ( while on vacation in Europe ) that maybe I should postpone my surgery , i told her I was having the surgery. I had a 99 % blockage. I would have had a heart attack. My mother died 3 weeks later but I could have also been dead. My mother was 94 , so she was more important than me according to my friend. My suggestion do what is best for you . Sometimes people are so self involved they give bad advice and aren’t supportive.

  • Marco S,  August 31, 2014 at 3:17 pm

    Hi there , all of your responses to naysayers are great but there is just one problem. We are all seeking support from an exterior force whether it be a friend, family member, spouse or an acquaintance. Quote by Miyamoto Musashi!
    “there is nothing outside of yourself that can ever enable you to get better, stronger, richer, quicker, or smarter. Everything is within. Everything exists. Seek nothing outside of yourself.” by the book of been reading the laws of success napoleon hill states “never speak it, show it!” Once you move towards your goals with your definite chief aim and your are accomplishing some great feats, Then and only then will people begin to see you are motivated and moving in a direction they’ll want to jump on to your band wagon and a lot that will want to ride on your coat tails and thats when you have gained the power…. Remember super successful people will never tell you that you cannot accomplish great dreams so long as you have a plan and are motivated. Its only some people who live in mediocrity that will never tell you that you can accomplish your dreams… Just go for it people because if “you” believe you can then you can.

  • John  September 1, 2014 at 12:10 pm

    I scored second highest in All State singing competition for my vocal fach in high school and loved all things to do with it. My father never allowed or supported this dream. He controlled me financially and I was too dumb to break away and do as I pleased. No guts I suppose.

    Years later I joined a large choir and now take lessons. I’m slightly obsessed but my wife is very supportive. My father died two years ago and it has not bothered me like I thought. I loved him despite his manipulations because I knew it was misplaced care. But I do feel free. My website is a link to me practicing a French song at home. It’s far from perfected but I feel great just singing freely.

  • Madi  September 3, 2014 at 4:39 am

    This makes me feel so much better, and more confident, about my dream. Thanks so much for writing it!! My naysayers are my parents… Well, they’re the main ones anyway. It hurts that they don’t quite believe in me, but it’s okay!! I can do this!! Again, the article was brilliant. Thanks so much ^.^

  • Wembley  September 20, 2014 at 3:59 pm

    My naysayer has been my wife for nearly a decade. I have had many a small dreams that she has not supported. I wanted to go back to school in my early 30’s. “No, we can’t afford it and what is the point now?” I wanted to go skiing. “No, you will probably fall out of the lift.” I wanted to go parachute. “No, what if you passout.” I want to write a book. “You aren’t good enough to publish, but you can to do for fun?” Now, I really want to hike the PCT. “You might roll your ankle and fall off a cliff or die of dehydration…who is going to take care of the dog while you are gone and I am working?…I wish you never heard of the PCT!” I have Ehler-Danlos and do break bones and roll my joints out often. I am epileptic and could fall out of ski lift, etc, but should I not get to indulge in my adventurous side? Enjoy life beyond what I am supposedly capable of in my health? All adventure comes with risk, but am I not allowed adventure because I was born with disabilities? BTW I was very adventurous and lived through it before I meet her. I love her and we talked about therapy, but she is a practicing psychologist so I figure any therapist will be completely in agreement with her as soon as they know.

    • gill M  September 22, 2014 at 9:16 am

      Your message makes me very angry with your wife,I have similar trouble but I cannot accept that these naysayers cant stop themselves if they know they are doing it. I told my husband that he negated anything I said or devalued it and made me feel impotent. Disqualifying is one of his favourite habits, and I gather is all comes under the heading naysayer. When I confronted him about the disqualifying he apologised and said he didn‘t realise he was doing that, and for a while he stopped, but now has slipped back into it. I feel its jealousy or sour grapes. Its hard enough to break out and do different things in ones life without being faced with a damp squib.

  • gill M  September 22, 2014 at 9:07 am

    how true. My partner/ husband, is a naysayer. He puts a damp squib on what I want to do. I might add I have had considerable success in the past, but also some hiccups. He grabs the huccups and quotes them to me in a comparing way. It has brought me to a near halt on one subject which is painting, so far I have kept my writing pretty much away from him as he would be poison to my self confidence.
    I do get angry, I know he is wrong to do it, and we have arguments where I become very insulting and call him everything under the sun, I have also thought it is because he is a failure, but he is ‘also‘ one of those people who is so sceptical he wont even try.

  • Tamara Jaye  September 24, 2014 at 11:00 am

    What a fabulous post. I am always surrounded by nay sayers giving me their opinions! The day I learnt to ignore them all was the best day of my life! Amen to you Torre

  • Matt  September 30, 2014 at 4:35 am

    This lifted me mood. I am about to finish my full time study doing Motorsport. I have a dream of entering in a Motorpsort team and travel the world doing what Im passionate about, mainly Mechanics.
    Before I moved from my hometown I had supportive people and the odd naysayer. I noticed the most successful people were positive towards me, but the naysayers were the ones that are stuck in a endless full time job.
    Before this course I hated my job as a Butcher, sure I got a trade behind me but it wasn’t my passion and Motorsport was. I was 18 years old when I started the Butchery apprenticeship so couldn’t let a trade slip from my sights. but the job was very endless and boring.
    But this year I have achieved so much, I have been working in a racing team building NZV8s, which are based off a V8 Supercar, and help build heaps of high end racing cars. I have worked my butt off to get my name out there in the industry, because Motorsport is where the guys with big wallets, egos and contacts hang out. At my course I am one a top student and recently, I have been awarded a Scholarship. This shows me I am achieving my dream.
    I am not rushing, Im started from the bottom and taking this step by step.
    But at the moment I have a closely related naysayer which is my cousin. He works full time. He said to me “You need to have a reality check” “Why did you leave your old job” A few other choice words too, but he never had as I know of had a dream of his own.
    I thought of leaving this course and giving it up. this is how much his words affected me.
    I never give up and never quit.
    People like this are poison, and should never doubt a persons ability.
    Thanks Torre DeRoche your a inspiration.

  • Kev-Tay-C  October 13, 2014 at 6:38 pm

    Hey TORRE,
    im kevin , 23 years old i had this one special dream, which i never share with anyone before beside my mom and i had study hard for it. i always want to be a game designer but in the end my mom she has turn it down. she always want me to be something else. after that all i could do is go to work and not to think much about school. i start going to work as soon as i finish my High School degree. i’ve not going back to school almost 4 years.i also start not to give a fuck about anything anymore. i lost all of my positive though and felling inside of me. on top of that i always though about suicide every time i though about my conversation between me and my mom. and now there more people who i surrounded with are bringing me more negative felling. i always though i wanted to move out. i know that i could support myself but the thing is that i love my mom so much, i always started to feel sad when i starting to shout at her because i wanted her to realize that i want best for my self. i always started crying bit by bit when i’m a lone. since my dream has crush i found another hobby that i could be comfortable with. is being a film maker. but this time i need to know what should i do.. is this about time for me to open her eyes and mind. by leaving her behind. i know it cruel and shame but it be best for me in the future. and maybe i possibly smile a lot. even i’m on my own. the world is cruel very cruel.

  • Gabbydel  November 1, 2014 at 11:32 pm

    Hi I’m only 11 turing 12 and i will never forget my parents for the thing they just did they decided to no let me trial for transtasmen which was my dream and if i got in which i would’ve then i would go to aussie and compete. what should i do with my parents and what should i tell everybody at school as i told them that i was trailing because that what my parents said.
    Please help!!!

  • Bora  November 8, 2014 at 2:29 pm

    Love it! totally, completely true! Thank you for this amazing article!

  • shelby  November 9, 2014 at 10:02 pm

    from manager to mom- fear of being insignificant- best decision was to be a full time mom to two twin boys – NO REGRETS

  • shelby  November 9, 2014 at 10:07 pm

    working in special education – no degree- those with the phds can observe the classroom full of 3 year olds ask themselves who is the teacher? no regrets not finishing a degree- being an assistant to quality educators suits me just fine- TEAMWORK- no returning to public schools- enter into education- just private schools boys & girls- SO FUN! does the 3 year ever figure out who “has” the PHD?
    always bring god to class….HUGS

  • shelby  November 9, 2014 at 10:13 pm

    adventures across the country- care for family members from the east coast to the west coasts- culture shock is ongoing- eventually the teachable moments enrich a lifestyle that is worth repeating
    many defining moments as a woman who is from both the east & west coasts
    kiss kiss hug!
    forgiving & selective remembering may be necessary for healing

  • shelly  November 19, 2014 at 3:43 pm

    i am so glad to know that there’s a name for those kinds of ppl. i kinda had “soap in ur mouth” type of name for them. after 6 yrs of hard work, i, at last graduated medical college, and now when i am thinking of taking a hiatus before picking a specialty in clinical field of my choice, my family full of naysayers, are coming forward and forcing me to just pick up any random subject. i so want to punch them. my beautiful revenge would be, asking them to be in, last of the queue for their appointment to meet me.

  • Alex  November 21, 2014 at 11:16 am

    Love love love this! I have the article saved and use it as a “go-to” when I’m feeling down.

    Thank you for being my inspiration- to keep trying, to keep striving for my dreams.


  • Bryan  November 26, 2014 at 8:14 am

    I’ve been told many times that my dreams are silly. I’m so big picture I don’t worry about my success or failure. I’d rather teach and help college students learn about themselves while making poetry, and writing music my life when I’m not working (again to hopefully put my emotions into it, perhaps helping someone)

    “There aren’t many jobs in teaching.” “Lit/English major? Get ready to work retail.” “Just do engineering, or IT. There’s always money in IT work.”

    What about worrying about your own sad ass life of failures instead of trying to crush my happiness because you don’t know yourself and can’t understand it. Furthermore, I’ll move anywhere in the world for work. You are too afraid to leave the area you are comfortable with, I’m not.

    Reality, goals, success, failure, what life means… it’s all so subjective. If only everyone saw things that way.

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  • Aya*  December 3, 2014 at 3:13 am

    Thank you. THANK YOU. I have no more words to express how delighted this article was for me, as I am surrounded by naysayers, specially at work (my boss is an expert doing that).
    I don’t feel lonely anymore, and this is a must read article for all the dreamers out there that want some confidence.
    Thank you again!

  • Erica  December 3, 2014 at 5:58 am

    Hi Torre,

    Reading this definitely made me feel a bit better after a tough conversation with my mother. I’ve been thinking a lot recently about opening my own coffee shop in my small town – serving homemade pies, quiches, and various other things. The idea has come and gone over the past four years, but now that I’ve graduated from university it seems to constantly be at the back of my mind. The issue I’m facing is that my mother doesn’t believe I have the focus and discipline to go through with it even though two days ago, she was completely on board. What makes it more difficult is that the self-confidence of my entire family isn’t the best after a rough year of my father passing and multiple other issues. My mother believes I should stay alone in Toronto and keep looking for work, even though I haven’t found anything in months, but I feel like I need a fresh start back home where I can be with family and a dream I’m excited about. I know this isn’t really the type of place to ask this, but I was just wondering what you would do if you were dealing with similar circumstances.

  • Beh  December 4, 2014 at 3:50 pm

    I’m a student and I want to be a psychiatrist when I’m older I want to help people with depression and other serious mental illnesses because people tend to misunderstand them and just think their crazy. Any way my point is my parents won’t support me they I’ll end up in a mental home and they just throw negative information at me which puts me down. And I will keep going for my goal in life if they don’t like it then they can go and discourage someone else. My choice my dream I’m determined to go for it.

  • Darren Yorkshire  December 17, 2014 at 1:49 pm

    I’m living with my female partner, we have 2 daughters aged 3 & 4.the point is I’ve been a bricklayer, a bell boy, a prep chef and joined the ta army which some people take the milk out of, they don’t realise that to get in you have to to the same test has the regular army. Anyway my partner started university late last year.the thing is she’s getting the maximum help with this education example gadgets & someone doing shorthand for her, well I told her that when I was in the forces I did a teaching lesson on weapons, chemical & biological weapons, she called me a lier & I said why are you calling me a lier she said become I’m to thick, she said I was like forest gumb. I wentered mad with her and upset stormed out of the supermarket and back home, she got home before me and swore and said open the fuxxing door when we got in she said our relationship was over.I wish it was, has at this moment in time I’m at home with a broken shoulder, broken rib, and a couloir bone broke in two places.by the way I do have a job I work in a school has a cleaner that’s something else she calls me thick for, I do twenty five hours a week & bike to work, that’s the reason I’ve got broken bones because someone went through a red light and hit me.the reason why I’ve not left her is I’ve no were to go and I’m sure she’ll get the right to keep the children has she is a good mother put a terrible partner.we never fight in front of the girls.she not at university this week or next has she’s can not be bothered.

  • Lucia  December 24, 2014 at 8:19 am

    all my life i felt afraid… of one main thing… of being homeless and not having the security and safety of a shelter… something i hoped to be permanent safe happy.
    i was not protected or safe from folks who destroyed sense of security in me beginning at a young age… and into my adulthood.
    i always wanted a dream home of my own… my mother to this day tells me “no… no… no… YOU can’t do it !!!”
    i recently lost every thing … now i am stuck with HER for now. it’s been real hard.

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  • I have a dream  December 28, 2014 at 11:30 am

    I just came across this page from the web search, because I was so tired of my mother always standing in my way and telling me I am not “allowed” to achieve my dream. I am so tired of hearing how she wants me to live my life and pick my career. I did NOT study 7 years of medicine so that she picks the specialty for me. This is my life and she has no right to tell me how to live it. I am an adult and all she has to do as a mother is support me. I am not going to change and shape my dreams so that it suits her. This is my dream and I will hunt it like an animals running after its prey.
    Your words are very inspiring. I feel like I’m not alone and whatever I was thinking was not wrong.
    Thank you.

  • Andy Jo  December 29, 2014 at 5:16 pm

    Hey! I want to thank you for this! My dream is to become a writer but I have to say that absolutely nobody supports me. My grandparents don’t believe this is even possible, dad is something like you can try it, but you’ll fail and mom thinks that this is a “job” that will not bring me enough money. I’ve been afraid to share this with someone, because I didn’t want to hear that it is not for me, again. But your article helped me very much and now I feel confident again about following my dream. Thank you very much!

  • Shawn  January 2, 2015 at 2:40 am

    LMFAO!! The “Ignore” dude up there (Blah Blah Blah) is totally me. I was given an ultimatum to leave the house because of my dreams. It might sound crazy but I’m embracing the idea. Even if my mother doesn’t seem supportive, she is somehow giving me the push I need in order to be myself. Therefore, she is supportive (!?) Crazy, huh? I won’t let my inner demons take control anymore.

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  • Tiffany  January 12, 2015 at 2:07 am

    I’m dealing with many naysayers, almost too many to count. The town I live is singling me out not in support of my dreams. Its not only coworkers and family members but its people on the street and its getting over whelming. Im trying my hardest to align my life but the whole town is breaking it apart. I’ve tried everything to leave to degrading town I live in but it always seems to get worse. I’m getting pushed down so much that I feel like there’s no way to get back up. Even therapists dont care. It seems hopeless i need help.

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  • Mike  January 15, 2015 at 8:12 pm

    I have a question. I have been dating a girl for just over a year. I am separated and have 2 teenaged girls and she has two boys 11 and 14. Prior to meeting her I had coached high level boys hockey but after meeting her I decided to take a break for now as I was in a new relationship. A year later we dont live together. 9 months into relationship, due to an incident and assist coach quitting, I was offered to return to finish this season with them. I was really excited, my girls were like go for it dad and my exwife has always been supportive in taking girls so that I could coach as it was a paying job. I told my girlfriend about it and she was upset. Said that it was ridiculous to do it due to our relationship and things I would miss out with my kids. She also said she talked to her friends about it and they said it was ridiculous too. Now that season is winding down and the most crucial year is coming up this next fall, I have been asked to join the same team as an assistant. Its 2 practices and 2 games per week plus tournaments. It is an amazing opportunity as it is the draft year for these kids and would be a once in a life time opportunity. I want to do this but I question whether I am being selfish, even though my kids are supportive, or am I with someone whose own insecurities and neediness is taking them over. I know she loves me and wants to spend time with me but I also need to pursue my dreams and this one only exists for a chosen few and last about 8 months. Please let me know your thoughts good or bad.

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  • Travis  January 24, 2015 at 3:52 am

    Hi Torre, my name is Travis. I want to start by saying that I really enjoyed this article and your writing style. It is a subject that I am passionate about and I’m not joking when I say “I want to be like you when I grow up” lol. I’m not sure if this a request for advice or because I want to reach out to someone who “gets it” or a little of both. All I know is that I’ve just had a “mutual separation” with my employer because the work I was doing made me feel like I was doing something that was wrong and it was eating at my conscience. My problem in all of this is, where I see a huge opportunity to write and finally take a chance and go for something other than the table scraps left over from corporate america, all my family sees is that I need to hurry and get “another job.” My view on this is, if we spend all of our time at jobs that we hate and never get to see each other, then what is the fucking point! (excuse my language) But seriously, they’re driving me crazy! Every time I try to bring up anything other than looking for work in all the usual places everyone shuts down. I love them and I want to take them with me when I do make it but how do I get them to see that if we never try we’re never going to get!? I’m sorry for the rant but all the people in my life are “naysayers” and I have no one to talk to, if anyone could offer some advice it would be greatly appreciated.

  • Dennis Rosenbaum  January 24, 2015 at 7:40 pm

    A few years back, I self published two novels I had written that I been having trouble selling to publishers. I wanted to get them out and see if people would read and like them. A friend of mine, who was having similar issues with a rather ponderous historical novel of his own, commented that I would never be taken seriously as an author if I self-published. He just self published HIS novel, and I haven’t been participating in the hype. Not only did he naysay, he turned around and did the action that he naysaid about in the first place.

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  • RoxyMiller  January 27, 2015 at 2:12 pm

    Hey Torre
    and WOW, I’m really encouraged n I now know how to deal with my boyfriend being such a prick hey, but thank you. I’ll sooooo live my dream n be unapologetic about it!

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  • Emma  January 30, 2015 at 3:08 am

    I have always wanted to be a ballet dancer, but my friend beat me to it and she would call me a copycat I just know it. I’m only in middle school, and most dancers start dancing when they are young, but I don’t wanna have a dead friendship and I can’t find new friends because I’m homeschooled but I thought I might at dance but I don’t wanna take that risk. Plus my extended family + dad is so wierd about ”what we’re interested in” and I don’t want them watching me dance because I would probably mess up and I have so many problems like really low self-esteem and really low confidence and I just crawled away from depression so yeah and I am just so messed up and I feel like everything is connected in some way and I just wanna press the reset button cause my life is so twisted and I don’t wanna commit suicide or cut or anything I just wanna fit in. That’s all I ever wanted in life. I’m so sorry I’m so so sorry I just am so jealous of my friend who beat me to it cause she has a perfect life one bro one sister and two loving parents and shes super skinny and nice and has perfect teeth and pretty blonde hair and doesn’t have to get a surgery like I do next month……. :'(
    I’m so messed up please help I wanna do dance so freaking bad because I’ve always wanted to no one knows how many emotions and how much pain I’ve never ever released please please help im so sorry to bug you and waste your time but I need help.

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  • Angel  January 31, 2015 at 8:49 pm

    I’ve wanted to be an actress all my life. My family supported me and as young as 3 I begun acting classes. But despite the support from my mum, grandparents and little brother, aunts, uncles and cousins from my fathers side constantly tried to discourage it. They accused my mum of being an irresponsible parant for allowing me to persue my dreams of acting, saying no one can ever truly make a living from it

    Unfortunately as I grew up, I came across more dream crushers in the form of my teachers. I was dislexic but the teachers ignored that idea. I was constantly ridiculed as an idiot and was told “If you were a REAL person you’d spend less time daydreamig about acting and more time learning important things you stupid girl.”

    From primary school until my last year of high school I was made an example of a bum, stupid and lazy, and someone who would never get anyway in life. On my last day of school it was non uniform day. So I ware my warpaint which was thick black eyeliner and lightening bolts down my cheeks. The teachers heard Id applied for a drama course in collage, so decided to hold me down and scrub my makeup off infront of the school. They paraided me around as the failure of the school until the end of the day.

    It took me 2 years after to tell anyone about the abuse my teachers gave me.

    In the 3 years I spent in collage, I met other nay-sayers who challanged my dreams as an actress, but never in my life did I truly listen to them. And now I’m 20 years old, living in my own flat working towards touring across the UK with a stage show I wrote. If your prepared to work for what you want, those nay-sayers hold no power over you

  • Grant  February 3, 2015 at 7:19 pm

    They are everywhere. It has been my lifelong dream to become an author of high fantasy. I have been writing comics, short stories and poems from a very young age; but have had no true support. I am now 19 and am resisting the darn naysayers. I have written the draft of my first novel ( about 100 000 words / 400 pages) but my support dwindles. Having naysayers in the family is bad, but when it is your own mother it is the worst. She is a copywriter and editor, and writes for a living (not books, but adverts and the like). I kept my recent novel plan a secret in fear of naysayers, and have only exposed myself slightly now. My dad has read the entire thing and says I’m great. My mother, however, told my brother it was crap. A first draft is never ever perfect, and my confidence has been shaken; hence the reason I discovered this page. My mother’s opinion is the one that matters the most. But she is the biggest naysayer of all time. My dream is to write. I may be good at science and academic subjects, but my drive and passion revolve around writing. At the moment: my writing is my life, and my life is my writing. I am off to university to study science; a thing I was forced into. I feel as though my dreams are falling away and that my creativity will be halted by my studies. My path has been chosen, and there seems to be no way back…

  • A Naysayer  February 6, 2015 at 9:14 am

    Hi, dreamers. I am a naysayer, a dream-killer of both my own dreams and that of my husbands. A lot of what you wrote about is true about wanting a normal, secure and predictable life. I find comfort in these things, I am personally successful but I like adventure, I am in the military and love to travel. However my spouse has constantly struggled with getting their career off the ground and I didn’t always agree with the genre of music he wants to market-Rap/Hip Hop. We have been together 20yrs and married 12. He has supported me and my career in the military and I have tried to support him by financing his business ventures, tours and giving him time to go away for months at a time to work on him projects in the cities where he could thrive. But inside I always felt he was going about the wrong way. Now he feels like a failure not accomplishing his dream and 40 yrs old is not too far away. I felt he has appreciated the support I am able to give. Really we are on the brink of splitting up because it doesn’t seem like we will ever see eye to eye on this. I could use some advice. Especially since he has found the emotional support (naysayser don’t give) from one of his female artists. Their close relationship threatens me and his past and recent unfaithfulness has left me without trust and hope in our relationship. I am ready to just go our separate ways but he doesn’t want to lose me. I wish my life could be normal again.
    P.S. Please take it easy on me. I am not an asshole, but I am scared, fearful and not sure what else to do.

    Thanks in advance for your perspective on my situation.

  • Grant  February 6, 2015 at 8:15 pm

    There is a difference between being a naysayer and trying to stop somebody from making a mistake. This is just how there is a difference between what you call “dreamers”. Some people have fads: they become obsessed with something half-heartedly or for a small period of time. If you are not utterly devoted to your dream then find another purpose. If your dream is what you want and desire to the deepest reaches of your soul then you will understand the true nature of the dream and not a misconception.

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    and yes, i probably have too much confident so yea XD

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    Unfirtunately, I am surrounded by them & have decided best not to share things with people- friends and family. All unsupportive when ill & not encouraging when suggest changes. I see some cling to safety & security of relationships, work & where live. Different horses for diff courses.
    Is it possible to find supportive people?

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  • Allie  March 16, 2015 at 4:45 pm

    I was in a relationship for years with someone who didn’t support my passion. I became withdrawn, isolated myself from friends and family, and gave up hope for the happy exciting life I had once lived and dreamed of.

    Finally – after a full year of red flags and emotional abuse…I got out. It was hard…especially at first. The ties that he had on me held me back from seeing the light until recently. Now I am free. I am pursuing my dreams, reconnecting with people I love and care about, and finally seeing the relationship for what it really was…a lesson.

    This blog post was more helpful to me than you will ever know.

    Thank you,


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  • Magdelene  March 21, 2015 at 1:35 pm

    I got invited to the Miss American Teen beauty peagent. It isn’t like other peagents where you have to dress in bikini’s and such. You just dress nicely(cute gowns), and exhibit your talents. You also give speeches and volunteer in your community. All I have to do so far is go to a meeting about the peagent that is near my town, for two hours. That’s the only commitment we have to go to before the actual pageant in the summer. I told my parents about all of these things, but they said it is not possible for them to this(it was free), and laughed at me. I really want to pursue acting and such, and I believe this will help me get recognized and exhibit my talents.

    • Kat Reid  March 21, 2015 at 11:08 pm

      Call me a naysayer, or call me an odds player and a fairness slayer! Case in point: very few people do “make it big” (or even make a meager livelihood writing). If you are able to “afford” your dream (either by inheriting or earning a bunch of $), have at it and follow your dream. No criticism from me; it sounds perfectly lovely. That said, if you can’t “afford” to live your dream 100% right this minute, don’t become the narcissistic turd who has self-proclaimed him/herself the next T.S. Eliot who must stop taking any financial responsibility for him/herself right now because of their genius calling. I know far too many “aspiring screenwriters” out here in LA living off of Mom and Dad (or worse, their spouse’s Mom and Dad) while they don’t contribute financially at all (not even a part-time job as that would be too quotidian for their genius). To which, I say, follow your dreams, brother/sister, but don’t expect or force someone else to finance them.

  • Jason light  March 22, 2015 at 7:16 am

    This is very good advice, i have been putting up with a naysayer who is somebody who i used to once love for a long long time. This has now got me into a very bad and scarry place.

  • Timberowl  March 23, 2015 at 3:40 am

    I’ve been dealing with naysayers my whole life! And I couldn’t agree more–IGNORE them.
    I went to college 1,000 miles away from home. Of course I got a ton of “oh, do you have family there? Well then, why would you go–you won’t know anyone!”

    I joined the Army right out of college. Everyone from my parents to my friends said things like “nice knowing you!” and “do you even KNOW what you’re getting yourself into? Because I don’t think you do!”

    During one of my vacations in the Army, I went to Maui–alone. Yep. I was 25, hopped on a plane for Hawaii by myself. I had so many people say “you could be raped and killed!” and “why would you go there alone? I know *I* wouldn’t want to go there alone!” and “that’s kinda weird.” I ignored them and had the best vacation of my life to date.

    I moved from Kansas to Florida right out of the Army, and once again had a million people ask “do you have family there? Why would you go somewhere where you don’t know anyone?” I bought my first house and a new car in Florida, live half an hour from the beach, while most of my friends are back in Oklahoma.

    I took a job going to Afghanistan (where I am currently) and was surrounded by nothing but “you could die over there!” and “are you sure you know what you’re doing?”

    Last night I had a phone conversation with my boyfriend about how excited I am for the future–I’m working on my second Master’s degree out here in Afghanistan, and I have an interview on Thursday for the job of my LIFE. It’s just outside of Miami, pays six figures, and I’d be an agent, just like in the movies. And I said how excited I am because I talked to a recruiter and they want to take me as a counterintelligence officer. Rather than say one nice thing, he started raising his voice and telling me it’s “not bright” to go back into the reserves right after getting a new job, and it’s “going to make them hate [me]” for having to leave for training, and it’s “not a very intelligent thing to do,” and “why would you do something so dumb–why don’t you just wait about 5 years?”
    I hung up on him, crushed. And I’m seriously reconsidering whether I want someone who makes me feel so bad about my dreams in my life. It can’t say anything good about us for me to feel so excited one moment, and then so horrible after talking to him.

  • Danielle  March 24, 2015 at 6:04 pm

    Years after this was published and its still having an affect on people. Me in particular. I recently made a life changing decision…or a couple and its not only affected me but others as well. The decisions I’ve made are what have made me happy. I was unhappy where I was and now I’m not. But the naysayers in my life are making it difficult for me to enjoy the happiness. I’ve not given up on my old dreams, the journey to reaching them has changed. For the better in my opinion, but not in my family’s. I’ve tried talking to them, I’ve tried ignoring them, but nothing seems to work. I’ve severed ties with one parent because of the intense negativity and lack of support. Now my other parent (they’re divorced) is doing the same thing. It’s different and for different reasons, but it’s negativity nonetheless. If I sever this tie, I sever the whole tie with my entire family on that side. I don’t know how to handle this situation. If you’re still there and still responding, advice would be tremendously appreciated.

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  • Micah  April 15, 2015 at 2:51 am

    Never give up! If those around you won’t buy in to your dream, leave them behind! Don’t wonder why or wait around, just cut the ties and move forward. You can do it! Alone if you have to.

  • Kathy  April 23, 2015 at 2:43 am

    Funny how family can sometimes be the least supportive. The best thing is to just turn a deaf ear or they will eat away at your self confidence and creativity and your work will suffer deeply. Want what you want. Work for what you want. No one has the right to shit on your dreams. Thanks for a fantastic article.

  • Brit  April 23, 2015 at 3:30 pm

    Thanks for the uplift. People have mainly family have been pissing in my party hat since I was 8. A real confidence builder. I am a stay at home wife and mother.who at 33 now knows after weighing it to be a stewardess. 31 thousand for a university study here where I live in the Netherlands. Not much support and it is depressing. Only my mother supports. My dad raised me and raised me to be what I am now. Yey.Can’t get a job to pay because no one is hiring. So looking to make video to help raise this money. Which I have never done.This made me laugh. Love your humor

  • Xeno Hemlock  April 23, 2015 at 5:17 pm

    I love this article and can relate to it.

    Thank you for writing and sharing this. It’s people like you who motivates us and inspires us.

  • JLOfrom NO  April 30, 2015 at 8:14 pm

    My dearest Family are the Naysayers in my Life My mother-in-law who I LOVE to pieces is the worst & I am by no means doing anything CRAZY just getting involved in volunteer work with my community & I like staying fit- to which she says I should keep my Fat clothes because I’ll get bigger again & I shouldn’t volunteer because its NOT good for my family…huh? then I read the definition & she has Fear, she has no ambitions of her own, she like everything simple & manageable & I’m jumping out her box..hubby follows her footsteps a bit- but ultimately he’ll ask if it Makes me happy & as long as it doesn’t interfere with his hobbies he’s cool with it…Thanks for the article, I know I am doing what I was meant to do. Now is there a way to change a Naysayer aroung- shes had weight problems all her life always off & on a diet. Now I understand the Naysayer brain perhaps I can figure how to turn it around & help her with her own goals & ambitions. My hubby hs plenty goals of his own, just tight on funds which maybe I can help get him sponsorship through my community volunteerism so he can do his hobbies. Have a great one & DREAM On!

  • Gracie  April 30, 2015 at 10:20 pm

    Everyday I face them; it sometimes make me feel like sh*t when people reply as they do. I sometimes remind myself of who they are and how they have been limited in their lives and it helps me to keep going, but today is one of those days where I feel overwhelmed with discouragement and confuse. I know giving up would make me feel even worst, eventually, so I try my best to keep on striving. It gets so hard when it feels like your all alone with your dreams and trying to make them into something spectacular.

    I some times feel fearful of failure, sometimes sleepless nights of my brain raising with thoughts and ideas. True is; we can success alone, it takes support or some kind from someone and weeding out the “ass-wholes” can be pretty exhausting.

    Very good article, thank you!

  • Lura  May 1, 2015 at 4:27 am

    thks for the adivices, I was really frustrated that people just don’t let dream.
    My boyfriend does not support my dream.

  • Yongs  May 1, 2015 at 5:50 pm

    I have got what I was looking for this blog is extremely inspiring thnx dear keep doing your marvellous gift.I wish I can have a place to keep this so that I can always look on it everyday, because I want to live this.I want it to be my soulmate. I have met with many naysayers and am still encountering with them so it wil be my weapon.

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  • Molly  May 23, 2015 at 8:44 pm

    I’m 15, when I’m older, i want to move to japan, and work as a graphic designer or character designer, and earlier today, my grandmother said to me “it’s likely that you’re not even going to get there”
    I, having ASD, take peoples words very seriously, I don’t know if she is right or not, I’m wondering if I should give up on my Japanese language studies and just work in england, unless she is wrong and it would really be achievable.

    She told me that it is very “hard” to get a job in japan even though many foreigners have done so, and she told me that they “won’t want or need me”

    people have always told me that they nobody wants me and that nobody needs me, so I don’t know if she’s right or not.

  • Sam  May 27, 2015 at 2:05 am

    This article is so incredibly helpful. I have so many naysayers in my life always trying to crush my ambition because they are satisfied with thier uneventful lives. Its almost lonely sometimes being around them, yet i am more sad for the.

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  • Patricia Bloom  June 11, 2015 at 4:15 pm

    Hi! I just want to ask a question.. my dad is very good, noble and loving man in my life. He is truly kind, compassionate, every word that sums up to being good..but the thing is, he doesn’t seem to be that much supportive in my dreams. I mean, when there are events, auditions and stuff like that, he’s okay with them but I feel like sometimes he’s just doing that simply becausr it’s part of his role being a good father. I don’t know but I feel as if it’s somewhat forced.. He thinks it’s not a serious thing, ambition..or it’s just something to put aside (insignificant dream) He even thinks that I do it because I’m trying to copy my friend, want to boast or I’m not really serious about it..like I jump from one hobby to another but not really into it, like it’s a temporary hobby. I, have a passion for singing eversince I was a little girl. Growing up, I kept the interest hidden from anyone. I just started showing it gradually when I was at my junior year in high school. My dad never really heard me sing, just little segments from my youtube videos. He heard me sing that one time and I saw a look from his face thats..well I can’t really tell what he thought about it. Nevertheless, everytime I mention singing, he thinks I should do something more businessy, something that makes more money and I get really hurt hearing those from him. I tried liking those stuff and will even take a business course in university since it would come in handy someday plus could act as a back up plan in case my music dreams in the future be put on hold. But, i still feel like he’ll never see my own individuality, my own interests. No matter how I try to talk it out to him, I can’t seem to let him know what I really want. As much as I love and respect him, I feel as if, there’s something missing..the support and recognition of his daughter’s passions. I sometimes wish I could have the interests he wants me to develop just to make him proud of me, but a part of me still wants to cling to the desires/dreams of my heart. What do you suggest I should do? I tried bringing this topic up to my dad, tried to explain, talk gently, but he doesnt seem to get the point and he’ll just start giving me sermons about the ways of the world, how I should live and act to survive.

  • Lilly  June 13, 2015 at 11:13 am

    Just today, I told my family my dreams. They kept saying things like ‘I used to know someone who tried that and it didn’t work out for them’ and ‘millions of people try that everyday and it doesn’t work out’. They say things like that every time I tell them my dreams. I’m only 13 so I would really like them to support my dreams for once.
    Thank you for the post, it really helped.
    P.s I loved the art!

  • Kai  June 16, 2015 at 9:34 am

    I’m Asian, the youngest in my family, and my parents want me to go into IT, or at least Business, but I’ve always wanted to take up Interior Design. My older brother(first child) went to an art school, but he dropped out because my parents told him to.
    Now my parents refuse to give me a chance to try out my dreams, or sign up for any sort of artistic course like Interior Design, saying that if the school or the path was good why did they ask my brother to drop out? They say there’s no future in art, I won’t make any money and , and they refuse to pay the registration fees for the college I chose. I have no support, and no way of funding myself. I probably have to go along with their wishes…
    Ignoring doesn’t work, severing ties is impossible, and they won’t listen to a word I say…

    Isn’t there anything I can do? ):

  • cody  June 17, 2015 at 5:58 pm

    Thank you. I’ve been following my dreams through out high school and my dad said it was fine being in theater during hs but it’s not a realistic job. I got advice from rowan blachard from girl meets world. She and sabrina carpenter both said that one no doesn’t mean mean no for every audition

  • Codename MDVX3K  June 20, 2015 at 5:48 am

    my brother, last night, recently crushed my dream of becoming a videogame programmer. he basically deleted 3 years of blood, sweat, and tears, and proceeded to say some really mean things. this really helped, but i still feel like im in a hole, and the harder i try at things, the deeper the hole gets. so, im not getting out of the hole anyways, and i ended hacking his PC. i deleted everything he loves on it, and put a few homemade viruses on there. starting at 0300 hours, i will have full [remote] control of his PC. if he tries anything, i press a button, and his PC will be rendered unusable.

  • Phil Reaney  June 21, 2015 at 6:03 am

    Being originally a drummer who graduated into a serious songwriter I was told to stay behind the drumkit.I was also told to not sing unless I was singing backing vocals! I was mostly discouraged but that is because some people are jealous! I have met better and worse musicians than myself but have never been the jealous type as it’s a waste of energy! Everyone has strengths in some area.I need to be around passionate people who can dream at times.Seems Canada could care less about its own talent until they succeed and move to the USA or Europe! Shame on you!

  • momo  June 26, 2015 at 3:40 am

    I am 16 years old and my dream is to become a successful actor one day. My plan is to major in theatre arts at a school in New York or elsewhere, and my parents have flat out told me if I do theatre they won’t support me. I honestly don’t give two shits about what they say but them not supporting me really makes me fear that I am really not gonna make it. So it scares me. That’s really it.

    • Lina  July 3, 2015 at 7:11 pm

      I’ve been in your situation before, and I still, to somewhat of a different degree, still am. My best advice is to pursue theatre in the most proactive way that you can, like it is your lifeline. You did not say how long you’ve been involved with theatre, if it has been for quite a bit longer than a few years, make sure to point this out to your parents. Put together a resume of all the plays you’ve been in, even if you had less than ideal stage time, if it is more than a page, it is impressive, especially for someone who is 16.

  • shelbi  June 28, 2015 at 1:47 pm

    My boyfriend turns down all my ideas. Its tearing me up. Should I leave even though I love him?

    • Lina  July 3, 2015 at 7:06 pm

      Have a candid discussion with him, telling him it bothers you that he is throwing out your ideas. Tell him your brain is not some dump, and should not be treated like one. If you really love him, I wouldn’t leave him until you’ve talked to him about the way you feel. If he still doesn’t change, feel free to find someone or someones who will support you.

  • Lina  July 3, 2015 at 7:03 pm

    I want to make YouTube videos, for a living. I’ve been acting (all theatre, for now) since I was 7. I’m now 17, and I’ve bought all the equipment with my own money, for YouTube. I have the best quality DSLR camera I could afford, a top grade microphone, I even got a macbook for the holidays (an early college present from my parents). I have everything I need to succeed, except my parents’ unconditional support and time and freedom to do what I need to do for success. I’m a very good student, with a 3.7 GPA, so school isn’t the issue here. Neither is discipline, because while I may not do all my chores the first time I’m asked, they all get done, and I don’t break my parents’ rules. I simply do not understand why they won’t support my dreams, especially after all the work and money I’ve put into them. It’s frustrating. I had a plan in place, it seemed like heaven, but my parents do not even try to understand!

  • Angel  July 5, 2015 at 9:37 am

    I just turned off my Give a Sh!t button and it feels good. I am two days of starting the job I have been praying, meditating for and my family does not support me because this position will have me relocate to a different state. Certain circumstances forced me to return home because a job that I relocated for did not pay me. However, in that previous situation I was unaware of that particular industry and not only did they not pay me but they also didnt pay other staff and bounced checks! That is not something I have to worry about and I actually went through 5 months of depression to recover from that situation. Once I was better I began to apply for jobs, On my Terms!, and I got and accepted a great work from home position. No longer do I have to go into an office and face the office bullies. No more feelings of guilt when my child is sick and mommy has to call of work. I work from home, I manage my own time, and It feels damn good. I have to be in positive spirits before I fly out for this training so right now I am doing my best to ignore and stay away from my family before my flight. I don’t even want them to drop me off at the airport!

  • Lovdabluz64  July 5, 2015 at 3:35 pm

    Yep, my dreams have been slayed by a narcissistic jealous husband who cannot stand the attention I get from others when I sing. For years I put my dream on the back burner to raise kids and help with the family business. Now my youngest is in college and I am feeling a very strong need to do what I have always wanted to do. I’m not talking about anything big time, I just want to do some local stuff to fulfill my musical soul. I have thought of divorcing him but 28 years is a lot of history and it’s like too good to leave too bad to stay. Maybe I’m being selfish but I don’t care anymore the window of opportunity is getting smaller by the day. My son is musical and doing his own thing because it’s not cool to play music with momma lol. Also I think my husband has discouraged it and my son doesn’t want to upset his dad. I have told him how happy is makes me but obviously my happiness is irrelevant. So I’m at a crossroads right now but I will do this with or without support. If he gets upset that’s his problem not mine.

  • BB  July 6, 2015 at 12:02 pm

    Great article! I can relate. I’m a professional writer and graphical artist. Most people in my life aren’t supportive. If I post about my work on Facebook, I get few likes or comments. It makes me feel hurt and rejected. Nowadays, I rarely mention my work to family and friends.

    On the other hand, I have an artist friend who designs covers for a book publisher. His work is mediocre at best, and yet he gets tons of likes and comments every time he posts something. I think it’s because his connection to the book industry somehow validates him as an artist in their minds.

    Anyhow, I think silence is the worst type of naysayer. If someone openly criticizes me, at least I know what they’re thinking. But It’s impossible to battle silence. It makes me feel like my work isn’t even worthy of being acknowledged.

    • Amy Santos-Barrie  July 9, 2015 at 10:14 am

      My Mom & Lisa #1 are dreams crusher my dreams I always to be an Bounty Hunter just like Leland B.Chapman & I am married to my Husband Branden Nero Barrie is Big Branden for 1yr.,Branden & I has 21 kids ,their Grandmother Janet not helping me at all

      Amy Santos-Barrie

      • Amy Santos-Barrie  July 9, 2015 at 10:16 am

        My Mom & Lisa #1 are dreams crusher my dreams I always to be an Bounty Hunter just like Leland B.Chapman & I am married to my Husband Branden Nero Barrie is Big Branden for 1yr.,Branden & I has 21 kids ,their Grandmother Janet not helping me at all with her grandchildrens

        Amy Santos-Barrie

        Leave a Comme

        • Amy Santos-Barrie  July 9, 2015 at 11:52 am

          My Mom & Lisa #1 are dreams crusher my dreams I always to be an Bounty Hunter just like Leland B.Chapman & I am married to my Husband Branden Nero Barrie is Big Branden for 1yr.,Branden & I has 21 kids ,their Grandmother Janet not helping me at all with her grandchildrens &+ more coming in

          • Amy Santos-Barrie  July 9, 2015 at 12:04 pm

            Hi Torre,My Mom & Lisa #1 are dreams crusher my dreams I always to be an Bounty Hunter just like Leland B.Chapman & I am married to my Husband Branden Nero Barrie is Big Branden for 1yr.,Branden & I has 21 kids ,their Grandmother Janet not helping me at all with her grandchildrens &+ more coming in, + My Mom is control freak her name is Janet Santos ,I am tired of my mom treats me like maid ,

            Amy Santos-Barrie

  • Anne  July 13, 2015 at 3:26 pm

    I have a partner who helps others with their dreams, but when it comes to mine, I have to ask for help. Why should I have to ask when I am the partner and doing so would take up my partners time from what he likes to do with others but not me, his partner

  • Carrie  July 21, 2015 at 6:54 pm

    funny and right to the point, to bad the A-holes just don’t get it.

  • Pranav  July 21, 2015 at 10:02 pm

    My dad is super unsupportive of me. He always tries to shoot down my dreams, saying I can’t do anything. I’ve given up on my dream to start a business, to create a bright future for myself all because he doesn’t believe in me. I hate him.

  • Kennedie H  July 24, 2015 at 6:45 am

    I don’t get it I’m 12 so I’m a minor and it’s my parents who don’t believe in me I mean I can’t runaway or move out even though I want to. I want to be an actress my acting teacher who has been in commercials and went to collage for acting says I have great potential and she inspired me. My parents say they believe in me but she won’t get me an acting coach or sign me up for anything to get more experience evreythings always a scam and If I ever get a job out of state she wouldn’t take me she said if we lived in NYC or CA she would help me but no one helps me they just laugh they want me to go to collage but whats that gonna do help me get a desk job be a lawnmower like my dad I don’t want to do that they said that I was special I wish they would mean it. HELP!!!

  • Charisma  July 27, 2015 at 9:44 pm

    I want to pursue my dreams in a YouTube career. My brother has said things like, “It won’t work.” Or my family has said “You won’t get noticed, or popular. You can’t make money off of it because you don’t know how.” That’s why I have to learn. I have been watching YouTube for almost 4 years and I love it! It’s what I want to do. Entertain people. Make them happy. But nobody believes in me but myself. Of course I’ll have to get a job and make money to get all of the necessities, but after that, I want to make YouTube my job. I want to show the world me. I want to show them my life and my humor. It’s all I want.

    • Shaun Marshall  August 10, 2015 at 9:23 pm

      What is your YouTube? Also have you been successful? I wish you the best.

  • Jack  August 2, 2015 at 10:40 am

    Nice finger shadow art. GR8 idea of using shadows of finger to make head of person:)

  • ayushi  August 8, 2015 at 3:21 am

    i want to be a choreographer bt my parents are not supporting me 🙁

  • ayushi  August 8, 2015 at 3:25 am

    i want to be a choreographer but my parents are not supporting me 🙁

  • Shaun Marshall  August 10, 2015 at 9:20 pm

    This made me feel good, I want to be an investment banker and every now and the then someone will shit on my dream and sometimes that causes me to doubt myself. it is probably obvious that this has helped me a lot and although this maybe an old post, I thank you and I wish you good in your ambitions in like. Thank you.

  • Brandon  August 21, 2015 at 9:39 pm

    You are so right about the ones who use the “normal” people response. It happened with me from co-workers at a dead end job where I had been working for over 3 years after high school.
    I finally decided I wanted to achieve much more than what I was at that time. Not 1….It was 3 different co-workers told me that regular Joe’s like “us” do not get nice degrees. They even broke out in laughter when I explained that I was indeed going on to a higher education. That’s okay, I look back and have a laugh myself. However, at the time it really affected me and I was losing self esteem quickly.

    Thankfully I went on and achieved exactly what I wanted! As for the guys who said “regular Joe’s like you just don’t go to college”, well as you stated “ignore”. You clearly pointed out if it is someone that you care about saying negative things then to talk it out. However, those guys fell into the other category.

    • Jake  August 26, 2015 at 12:36 am

      Its really hard when the naysayer is your own father. He wont let me choose my career because he thinks that I wont make any money off it. I want to become an environmental scientist like an oceanographer or a glaciologist. I showed him the facts that it is not a job were you will get hired right away, but it also isnt one were you never get hired. He still refuses and crushes my dreams everytime I try to talk about it. He also gave up at achieving his dreams and your article describes him perfectly. Im only 16 and he says he wont pay for my college unless i go into accounting, business, or engineering. I know right, complete opposite.

  • Joy  September 3, 2015 at 12:42 am

    You. Are. Amazing.

  • Janice  September 6, 2015 at 2:51 pm

    I’m dealing with one at the moment. Someone who I have recognised does not support me at all in any way & I have supported way too much!!! I’ve just not figured out the best way to deal with it yet. :-/

  • \m/ Mage \m/  September 10, 2015 at 6:07 am

    Thank you very much for writing that. That was very inspiring. I was crying myself because it feels like no one believes in my desire and passion to attend grad school to get my master’s in music performance and composition. But that is what I truly want to do in my life. Your writing gives me hope and encouragement. Thank you again. I hope to do very well this semester…my first year of my MFA program.

  • Lily  September 11, 2015 at 2:02 am

    Thank you for this. It’s very inspiring. I’m a woman in her early 20s who recently got a job in a new company that has huge potential. Nobody really supports me. It took a painstakingly long time to make my mom understand But my relatives? Well fuck them. I’ve always been seen as a black sheep so I’m used to it. I will get the last laugh when I wave my paycheck in their faces.

  • KJPillai  September 11, 2015 at 12:03 pm

    My friend is struggling to fulfill her dream because of her control freak husband
    We help her with financially still he won’t let her get out of the house .

  • Wendy  September 23, 2015 at 9:33 pm

    Love the article. Very informative… and true

  • Juliet  September 29, 2015 at 10:13 pm

    I really enjoyed reading this and it seriously made me laugh. I have been surrounded by naysayers all my life starting from so called parents who where so negative towards me in every way that the contact-communication was cut of for good since teenage days. Because of the assholes who came in the form of parents, I literally was attracted and drawn to assholes and been blown here and there time and again. Now at 24 , I finally have found myself, peach, harmony and created my identity. All doors closed on all forms of naysayers in the flesh, I recognizes naysayers attributes miles away and closes the door way before I have even started investing anything on the person, and I am finally beginning to gather a group of true friends around me. My advice is to not give a shitt, a person is responsible for their life and behavior and nobody should waste their investments in such persons when there are so many top quality people out there who reflects your own nature.

  • Ana  October 1, 2015 at 6:53 am


    Thank you for this post! Its helping me to understand that I am the normal here,and I should follow my dreams and intuition..

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  • Josh  October 16, 2015 at 7:29 am

    So I was just picked up by a publisher and contracted to be a part of a large convention with lots of celebs for a book signing. My problem is my family doesn’t naysay so much as refuse to acknowledge it. I told them and they changed the subject to a strange lawnmower they seen. I change it back to my exciting good news…and it goes back to the lawnmower. They have yet to ask a thing about my book or the convention and didn’t bother buying my last book. Now my momentum is completely shot… I have a band backing me on my next book because i told them some of their work inspired my book, but i can hardly work on it because i have 2 jobs (my dad wants me to work for him everyday my other job gives me a day off) and a toddler who no one will watch for a few hours on the occasional saturday so i can write. Any advice?

  • Ben  October 16, 2015 at 8:29 pm

    Just… yes. I did grow a beard though…

  • Alice Waters  October 21, 2015 at 11:37 pm

    I am 11 years old. my mother asked what I wanted to be when I turn 18 I told her I wanted to be a mixologist. Everyone at our table started to laugh, I started crying and ran into the bathroom. I’m still I the bathroom typing this so I have to leave soon.
    -Alice Waters

    • Juliet  October 21, 2015 at 11:58 pm

      Hi Sweety 🙂
      Aw, you are so young and a bright future is awaiting you. I am sure your family did not mean to upset or destroy your dreams, they still looks upon you as the baby they came home from the hospital with. Always be proud of your dreams and as you grow you can change and develop them. Love Juliet

  • Matthew  October 25, 2015 at 5:28 pm

    So what you are saying is if you have a kinda-semi normal dream then people are assholes!!
    But who are you to judge that someones dream of Lazying around is not normal approved? ? Thus you are kinda a jerk too!!
    Aside from that I’ll say this none of us asked to be here so why does anyone waste time caring or in most cases pretending to care?? I say do what you want

  • Shinji  November 1, 2015 at 8:36 pm

    I am just being realistic. If that is what makes me become an asshole, well then be it. I don’t chase after dreams that seem impossible to me. Risking is not my style and I don’t regret to miss such an opportunity. I like to have my life organized and assured. I dont like people who chase after their dreams but crawling back whining after their failure. If they succeeded, OK, I am happy for them but saying something like “I want to be an entrepreneur and earn lots of money after uni”, sry I cannot support this. A person who just finished the bachelor or master doesnt have the budget for his/her own business neither does he/she has any experience. “Go and work for a couple years and we can talk about this topic” is what I would say.

  • Shamma  November 6, 2015 at 12:57 pm

    My dream is to become a soccer player, but everyone is doubting me even my own family. But I’m strong and I won’t give up. But I really need ur help. Cuz in my culture we don’t have u know soccer players or dreamers. U just finish skool go to college get married get kids then die. But I wanna make a difference so plz motivate me and help me thnx

  • K  November 12, 2015 at 3:27 am

    Thanks for writing this! I love the quote at the beginning, haha, it all makes sense now!

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  • Bailey  November 29, 2015 at 12:42 am

    My family are naysayers. However my husband is worse. He not only speaks down on my businesses. He would make the successes of them look like they’re coming out of a gutter. He wants me to get a 9 to 5 although we agreed that I start my new business less than 30 days ago. Therapy, here I come.

  • Wishful Thinking  November 30, 2015 at 5:23 pm

    So basically everyone who can find a fundamental flaw in an bringing an idea (in your pre-frontal cortex mind you) into reality is automatically an asshole? It sounds to me like you want to believe in what’s commonly referred to as “wishful thinking”. Do you realize that what you’ve stated makes you look like a complete fool:

    1) Anything anyone can imagine they can make happen and we should support that effort regardless of the amount of information and evidence to suggest it might be a little bit optimistic. I mean hey I had this great idea that I’m going to genetically engineer money trees and bring financial freedom and security to the entire world. Please support my super important idea!
    2) Anyone who disagrees with #1 is an asshole

    Wow QED bravo! Remember “the road to hell is paved with good intentions”.

    Now, just because I stated the above does not mean the binary opposite is true. I did not do that just to say “dreams suck and no one will ever have their dreams come true”. Nope, because that would be equally erroneous and negative as much as what you said.

    The reality is some dreams will come true and some dreams won’t. Now for a little bit of your unicorn forest, fairy optimism dust: why don’t we ask ourselves why so we can have more people have their dreams come true? What a concept! 🙂

  • Britni van den Heuvel  December 1, 2015 at 9:29 pm

    I am 33 nearly 34 next week. Divorced and re married with 3 children. I have always been told what I can’t do or what is impossible since I was 8. I wanted to act and my father said it wasn’t realistic or achievable. My mother had went into the air force and it was looked at as leaving us and they divorced.so we went to my father and was raised by grandmothers and step moms. I was raised women stayed at home and if we wanted a job then it should be nursing. I was always told I was good at taking care of people. I wanted to be a writer and artist. My dad and his mother said I was creative but it wasn’t realistic. Just get married and have kids they said because college was way too expensive. At 11 I had my first serious boyfriend and when we were nearly 18 he asked me to marry him. My step mother broke it up because she was jealous. Then I moved with my mother at 18 in Germany where my step father was stationed on the airforce. Met my future husband and we had two kids. I didn’t go to university to be an arts major. My husband’s family were nee sayers when I wanted to go into the airforce. Then he left me when I wasn’t able to get a job to help pay bills. I wanted to be a stewardes but wasn’t able because I didn’t know the language well and no Dutch diploma. I landed in welfare and was able to follow a nursing course via the tow counsel that in the end hasn’t been enough to get me a job. Now I want to follow a 6 months study to be a stewardess that is 5000 euros and my husband isnt supporting me on it and neither are his parents or my ex husband. I want to do this but now trying to figure out how to get the money together. It has always been what i can’t do and not what I can do. Nee Sayers my whole life. I am now being told it will mess up relationships.

    • Edna  December 2, 2015 at 10:21 pm

      Britni van den Heuvel

      Can you email me I have an idea for you. ednadoprado@hotmail.com
      I had a boyfriend his family were very wealthy but they were never supportive of my music studies, they just wanted me to care for their son and be his maid cooking, cleaning and be his private therapist. (Cooking it is a passion for me) So I dumped him. I want in my life people who are dream builders.
      I also love acting but my parents inflicted lots of humiliation on me so instead of following my dreams. Today I am in University but I persist in a major I dont do well rein-acting shame. I always thought happiness were for others. But lately I have been focus on some of my creative passions where I excel and I am flourishing. But I do want to go to into Theater, I loooooooooove acting so much, actors have said to me “You are a natural actor” or “You are very good at this”. Anyways. I have an idea for you to earn cash to go into acting school. Girl do what you love. You can also not go to acting school but act anyways. I have few ideas for you write me. My name is Edna.

  • Edna  December 2, 2015 at 10:05 pm

    Thank you so much for your essay on “Families whose discourage the artiste” You are very brave for practicing your many creative talents. I was trying to find something on the subject of envy among families and friends. It is awful to be artistic and come from a family of normative, complacent, conservative and unloving folks. The artist have an eccentric mind, we dont conform to social norms, because we love to recreate new ways of seeing, being and living in the world. But I also dont care to conform to “NormalVille” I just want to become the best performer and the best singer ever, because music and laughter fills my heart with joy and helps me release, pain, frustration, happiness etc… It hurts that my family wont open their mouth to encourage me, it makes me feel depressed. But reading your essay made me see that “I might be surrounded by ass holes” as you said. Thank you so much. Your joy, creativity and freedom it is contagious. You are the Sun for everyone who comes your way. E

  • Sophie  December 8, 2015 at 12:12 am

    What if my parents are the ones who don’t support me?

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  • điều trị ung thư phổi  December 29, 2015 at 8:12 am

    Good article. I will be facing a few of these issues as well..

  • - annonymous  December 31, 2015 at 2:04 pm

    My mom is usually the one ot supporting my dreams. She said I’m not normal if I follow my dream of being a novellist. I tried to talk her about it but, she said I should just leave her house and never come back if I don’t follow her ‘orders’. The more I try to talk to her that there is no problem about it, the more she tries to find reasons to discourage me from following it. What can I do?

  • miranda elliott  January 4, 2016 at 1:58 am

    i wanna follow my dreams and become an actor/singer and its nit because im not good they all say i sound wonderful but they think that regular school will give me what i need and its not i wanna go to a visual art school

  • no one cares  January 12, 2016 at 10:23 pm

    well i have really hard time. I have to choose profession and i don’t know what to do. I mean i know what i want to become but no one supports me neither my family nor my friends. They think it’s so impossible to reach my dreams that i don’t even say what i really want to become. Your advice was really helpful and thanks a lot for it!!!

  • Sierra  January 14, 2016 at 8:05 am

    Thank you for this article. This helped me to feel a bit more empowered and to trust myself. I’m currently going through a college major debacle. In short, my parents don’t support what I would like to pursue. Keep writing!

  • Matthew  January 21, 2016 at 11:30 pm

    I am currently in high school and we have all been talking about our plans for after. I mentioned a whole ago that I don’t want to go to college. (For me it wouldn’t benefit.) I have a plan of where to buy a house and work at the auto parts store. My friends basically said it was lame. I have stuck with that plan for a long time now. They all basically said “you need to go to college, or else you will be a poor creepy guy”. They are always making jokes about me right in front of me and laugh straight to my face (like “we could picture him in a white van giving out candy and not know what’s wrong with that” half of them don’t even know how to put wins hold wiper fluid in a car. All they do is sit in front of a screen all day and play video games. It’s now what I would do, but I don’t make fun about others for what they like and do, everyone has their own life. Just because I haven’t seen or are really interested in the movies they like, and because I don’t want to do what they want, they shoot me down. They say I will live with my parents and not be successful. I know for a fact that I will be able to live in my own house with my car, a boat, and eventually a family. Can someone help me do something?! I am giving up on it all.

  • Blake  February 2, 2016 at 10:04 pm

    Oh my God THANK YOU for writing this beautiful article. I love you, thank you.

  • Jaden Whitfield  February 4, 2016 at 3:01 am

    I love to dance and dance is a passion of mine but recently I lost a pair of shoes and my my mom yelled at me saying “I hope you don’t do dance next year so I don’t have to hear you whine and complain and go through this again!” Now, I don’t won’t to dance anymore. Am I just being stupid and childish for doing this?

  • ParaC  February 11, 2016 at 8:44 am

    I’m a Chinese girl who recently chase my real feeling about this journey and I have to say this sentence out loud is assholes are everywhere! In such a country I have to say some words I really don’t want to say but only a very few people give you a little understanding! But I know who I am, I cannot escape my feelings about who I’m gonna be.No matter how hard to move the obstacles I will still try my best because I have to say this country cannot get more worse…

  • francesca  February 14, 2016 at 1:05 pm

    I love this. Thank you.
    It is more sad to admit this but even my parents don’t believe I can succeed in life. And I’m a graphic designer, I finished school and work at a big firm. Yet. I want to do my dreams right. But all I heard was ”You wont make it that far”

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  • Tonya Elizabeth Clapp  February 21, 2016 at 5:24 am

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  • Clark  February 28, 2016 at 2:08 am

    Hello everyone,

    Before I share my current predicament, let me paint a little picture of what the past 4 months has been like for me. I graduated with a degree in social work back in 2009. Since then I have held two full time positions in the field…one working with individuals going through the mental health system and the most recent was working with women who are experiencing abuse. 4 months ago I quit my job out of necessity for my own mental well-being. I was under an immense amount of stress due to all of the responsibilities of my last position ( I was a coordinator and a counsellor) and I wasn’t sleeping. My anxiety was at a level 10 on a daily basis, and I was only getting 3 or 4 hours of sleep a night. My job was essentially to help people get through difficult and horrifying experiences. I was exposed to some truly horrible stories of abuse which would run through my mind on an hourly basis. The breaking point was when a woman I had been counselling committed suicide after her partner left her. It haunted me…to my very core…I remember the morning where I hit rock bottom. It was 6:30 am and I woke up before my husband and got into the shower. I remember feeling so unhappy and full of unresolved emotions. I’m not sure if I fainted or I collapsed, but without any control over my own actions I fell to the floor of the shower and started balling. (Picture that cheesy crying in the shower scene that we’ve all seen in the movies) Yep…that actually happened to me. My husband heard me and came in the washroom to console me. He drove me to work that day and promised me that we would start talking about how I could quit my job and perusing something that actually made me happy. So here is the turning point…I have always had a passion for photography and interior design. I decided to start a website that sells digital products for photography editing software. My website has a blog where I love to share my own creative photoshoots each week and talk about the things that I’m passionate about. The website is now 3 weeks old and I’ve already made my first sale! Here is where my story becomes relevant: A few of my family members have been very worried for me since I quit my job…they use passive aggressive remarks (former social worker remember lol) and act very uncomfortable whenever I bring up my new career path or my dreams. I guess I just really wanted them to understand the horrible struggles that I’ve gone through and I would like them to cheer me on as I go off the beaten path and into this unknown world. This article was very helpful. I’ve been searching the internet for other people who are experiencing something similar and although these responses are from years ago…I finally feel like I am not alone in my thoughts and feelings about naysayers. I actually call them NEDS (Negative Energy Drainers). So thank you for writing about this subject….and if you are reading my post in the future…I hope it gives you the same comfort.

  • Naomi  March 1, 2016 at 7:01 am

    So funny but most of all so exactly what I need to read when I feel like I do right now. I take things personally by default and it’s hard to work my way back toward the fresh start where I could have chosen not to. No more Mrs. Nice Guy, yup Guy, it’s been real “nice” doin’ “business” with ya…NoT!
    Thanks for the truth!!!! 🙂

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  • Critter  March 17, 2016 at 6:16 pm

    So what the hell do I do if the naybasher, and toxic control freak (Marine Corps, very angry man), dream-bashing asshole is my father and I live with him and every attempt I have at getting work and getting away from him is torn down by this asshole? Genuine advice would be muchly appreciated.

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  • Aira Hravart  March 22, 2016 at 6:23 am

    I honestly have been there. I’ve experienced naysayers, ranging from lack of support of my creativity goals and dreams to my romance connections. I’ve been bashed when I desired to pursue my career full time (which I am doing now), and had people constantly question if I make enough money (even when I make enough to pay rent, they start asking so they may start measuring). I stopped talking about my finances to those people. Even when I have proof that I am doing well, they always seem to ask if I am sure if it’s stable, yada yada, instead of being happy that it’s actually working in my life creatively. There was also situations when I would have crushes on a younger person than my age (by seven years) or desired passion in general. I’ve had a few who would water down my excitement whenever I would share something that happened with me and told to stay away from guys I desired or not to have high expectations because it would falter (or dreamed about passionate experiences and they would tell me not to take it to heart) ridiculous things like that. They would multitask with other things when I wanted to have a serious conversation about my life, even though they want and do get my full attention when they start talking about their excitements in life. With me, regarding guys I desired, they would also say “that is weird, that’s not normal, that’s not right, that’s gross, I don’t want to hear it”. Then I observe them months later, where then eventually they’d start to agree with me and end up crushing on the guys I’d liked months ago (even though I was insulted by their opinions). I would also get criticized for wanting passion in my life in addition to my soulmate, and those few have said that I should go for nice guys, that they needed passion, but that I should date nice guys so that I will be happy (someone literally said that to me, I had to educate them that I could have it all LOL). I put people in their places as I grew a bigger vagina and starting calling them out on it. My intuition became my best friend, and I stopped talking about my personal matters when my intuition told me to mums the word. Now I feel at ease and the respect eventually was earned. I also distanced myself when I had to. But I listen to my intuition and see how I feel in my heart, if they make me happy and lift me up, or if I see an irregular pattern of being put down, I halt it and make a witty comeback. There were also cases of naysayers that would volunteer on projects we would collaborate together, but then would drag their feet when it came to deliver (even though I went out on the limb for their projects). I take everything to heart and observe before I judge, with my heart as well as my mind. Thankfully, I am able to tell now.

  • Vox  April 13, 2016 at 2:54 pm

    Excellent, Torre!!

    I’m so happy that you’ve got my back so beautifully versed. Now all I have to do is share this to my mom’s fb page. She is telling me to find a job asap as I am not an artist and will never succeed as one.

    I’ve always been known as the creative one in the family. I create beautiful mosaics and have a flair for design and have even sold my handmade gemstone jewellery to shops around my city. So it’s like….wtf?

    I just told her to close the door on her way out and then I locked it behind her. I’m relieved to read that it’s perfectly allowed (IGNORE and flip that switch to DON’T GIVE A SHIT)

    I did not get up today to be mediocre. I’ll show them!

    Thanks again for your great article! Much Love xox

  • Celeste  April 16, 2016 at 11:10 pm

    I am writing you this post after a long time you have written it, but I am dealing with all of this since when I was very young.

    I am Italian and my dream is to work for the entertainment industry as an artist. However, I live in a little town where there is no chance to get even a normal job and my whole Country is having really a big issue in this as a whole.
    I have traveled abroad and have seen big cities and their life. I have showed my work and they liked it. Then I have been working on this via web, always from my home in my little village. However, no one actually believes I am working and I always get negative comments about what I do, advices on what I should do and should not do. Even from my father, every day he insults me telling me that I am lazy and must get a job and a life (and a “husband”) only because I am “always in front of my computer”. No one even cares to know that I stay “always in front of the computer” for one simple reason: I work on it and with it! No one even cares to look at what I achieved, what I have done.
    They just keep standing there, criticizing all of the time.

    I have made part of my dream true, but I wish some company would just hire me and need my physical presence because I am super suffocating from all of this ignorance, free evilness and naysay. I cannot even go to leave out of home because I couldn’t earn enough money from this job and no one is helping me economically. I have bought even all of the materials to work with my little earnings from this job. I have also travelled with my own money to show my work by myself.

    I have worked and still am working REALLY HARD to make my dream come true, but yet it is far and no one leaves me alone.
    Many times I said myself I should give up and take a normal job just because I have no support by no one and everyone is just trying to make everything more difficult than what it is just already. I have also seen many closed doors on my face in the same field.

    However, I have been focusing my whole life on this since when I was an adolescent. I have really thought a lot of all of this and when I think that I should give up, I start to think that is not right and that I would have wasted my whole life, if I listen to these bad voices all of the time and make what they want.

    What i would like to tell is just that I would like to have a bit of support sometimes or just to change home. I know that if I go away from my little village, I will feel better, maybe..

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  • Nicole Fisher  May 4, 2016 at 2:23 pm

    my mother constantly naybashes my dreams because of my sisters. I have two sisters who are both high school drop-outs and young mothers. They constatntly feel threatened by my success and emotionally abuses me. I try my best to impress my mother, by receiving academic awards every single year, but i never heard her congratulate me before. she keeps on discouraging me and it hurts alot, since i do everything in my power to keep her happy. after every conversation i have with her I end up stuttering, as the words comes out difficult and i end up crying in some corner

  • Bupe  May 9, 2016 at 4:46 am

    This post is so helpful…
    The naysayers are everywhere!!!

    but they didn’t stop me when they buried me, cause I’m a seed!!!!!!!!!!!
    BTW can I use your images, or share your link on my blog!!

  • Ann McGroarty  May 15, 2016 at 5:48 am

    I became a nurse because she wanted me to . (She said she couldn’t because she “had flat feet.” She told me that I couldn’t travel cross country with 2 of my nurse friends to California when I graduated nursing school and got my reciproficy to Ca because in case something happened to her or my father medically. So I stayed. I was having fun in my 20’s and she wanted a party so she told me it was time to get married and so out of the 3 boys that I was dating she picked one “who had potential ” so I married him. Needless to say I am divorced and she stopped talking to me after 10 years I don’t know why . She made me always feel like I did something wrong. She made my brother and sister stop talking to me . I don’t know why . She is dead and gone. But I still wonder what I did to make her make my life so bad.

  • Chrissy  May 24, 2016 at 3:55 pm

    I’ve been working hard on a project that I’m hoping will help me start a business. I’m 23, haven’t been able to hold a job and this is basically my only hope. My mother is supportive, she often asks to look at how my project is going and compliments it and suggests things. I just showed my dad my work for the first time, and huge bulk of it, to help him see what I’m doing…
    I now feel horribly depressed. I feel like maybe my project isn’t worth doing, maybe it’s a waste of time… I can’t ignore him, he’d get angry, I can’t sever ties with him, he’s my dad and we live in the same house, I can’t talk to him because then HE would get depressed and I’d feel all the more guilty and stressed because of it. I have no way of dealing with him and I feel so confined. I can’t afford to move out, I have to money, I’ve got no one to help me.
    Help. :'(

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  • Bri  June 3, 2016 at 4:01 am

    I have always wanted to be a famous singer but my parents dont believe in me. It makes me really sad and I cry in my room hoping they will believe in me and that my dream would come true.

  • Bri  June 3, 2016 at 4:09 am

    Also, I have a huge crush on two guys. One of them is going to juvie this summer. The othher one is supper sweet. But my parents don’t think I wil marry either of them. And I wanna give up on my dream to be a famous singer. If anyone has any good advise,, please email me at the.brig.company@gmail.com. That would really make me feel much better about myself.

  • Kira  June 3, 2016 at 11:45 pm

    What should you do when someone you DO support isnt receiving said support from their own family? I feel like if I call anyone in my loved one’s family out on being naysayers, then they will hate me and it will ruin my relationship with this person.

  • NatalieRose  June 7, 2016 at 3:04 am

    When I was a little kid I was inspired to write a sci-fi book and had the whole idea in my head, however I asked my mom how she felt about what she thinks of my idea I said and she said that other people have tried that and have failed. And I asked my dad after and he said well good luck with that. And I think he or mom said its fine if you want to do that as a hobby. I asked mom do you like the idea? I told my dad again a few years ago I wanted to write a book and I had an idea. A Christian minister I met told me if I do write a book do it because I want to, go under a fake pen name and dreams are reserved to be achieved in heaven not here on earth so keep it hush. I told his friends and they said also dreams are reserved to be achieved when we get in heaven. I have come up with a number of book ideas however I gave up as I felt nobody appreciated my work.

    • Emily C  August 16, 2016 at 9:31 pm

      Just go for it girl! In my small-nothing important here-town there was a highschool kid who was able to get his book published. Nobody saw it coming from him, because he was such an average joe. People will appreciate you once you achieve it, just fight through the negativity.

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  • Pauline  June 21, 2016 at 6:08 am

    Love this! I’m a very adventurous and passionate person and always want to learn new things. I remember Whenever I tell my so called “friends” about my visions and ideas, they never seem to support me and they actually made fun of it or like giving me this look that I’m some kind of a joke and It made me feel sad and insecure afterwards. It took me a while to understand and accept that they are naysayers and needed to cut the relationship off. Once I did, I surround myself with people who help me grow and appreciate what I do.

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  • Anthony  June 29, 2016 at 4:08 am

    just sharing . i was awarded,blessed to be a supporting actor second time choosen and asked ,,, my spirit was lifted beyond my imagination of what felt good.alive,thrilled,significant,and getting ready to live in my dream,if i succeed or fail. right now u cant touch me.. then oh there goes gravity back too reality… hey ‘J’ my angel and she really is… saved me in so many ways. supportive then i surprised her after the first attemp of just telling her i waited ..i get the call sheet im casted lover…. then the look ,,,,sledge hammer….. friends weman said its a choice whats more important,,some said if she loves you shell stick around..some said she doesnt love you…. i mean i begged just let me …theres doubles to do the scenes if it comes to that… 4 years of love a woman who is amazing cares over and beyound for her patients. does for others over and over in love beyound her requirements from her employer.people always requesting her back or they will switch healthcare adores me as i her….and no Anthony thats not me and if you do it we are through… well dumbass choose her asshole choose her twice in two years ….regret yep,nope,yep nope …restoration for us only with God and me letting go of ressentment i cant even see or feel… and a mind that says i can do it…. i desire to be its my destiny,,, a seed planted on good ground that refuses to die ,,,,or is it die too self,,,,,”J” really is awesome,,,,im truley blessed ,,as well im truely lost…my passion is there,my spirit is a spec of light,,can i fake it through,will i continue to die to self and loose my self,,,,,its a sickness huh? so i say live your dreams with no regrets,,,,SPFX “ant”

  • divya  July 7, 2016 at 7:58 am

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  • Peter Chin  July 16, 2016 at 3:45 pm

    Yes, i do agree, naysayers do sap your strength. But once in awhile, I just stand up to them and have them learn something about themselves that is in their power to change. I don’t shut them down, but am genuinely curious about their wisdom. “Really? You’ve had experience in this before?” This turns the table on them where now your conversation is about them and their ‘wisdom’. Your strength will be your ability to question their knowledge.

  • marty tholath  July 28, 2016 at 9:33 am

    You know i am aspiring storyteller who has a person like my mother thinks i am lazy (which i am)and thinks that i don’t have talent for storytelling,Well they are wrong sure i don’t have a literary agent who will publish my novel or didn’t get more attraction for my rough drawings but i am fine with who I am,SUre my stories didn’t and people think that I don’t have talent but I will keep on trying until my dream turn into reality that i have too many imagination in my idea and I will always come up with new ideas when i get my big break and I don’t care whether people or even my mother say I don’t have talent.I am what I am and I will never give my talent on rough drawing and talent in storytelling.

  • christine  August 10, 2016 at 1:51 am

    thanks for the advice my mum just crushed my dreams

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  • Mary Ann Chatman  August 12, 2016 at 6:31 pm

    I actually have talent to sin and songwrite but stuck here NcI toldeveryone I believe so much in the song Im writing Im willing take leap faith stay at Safe Haven shelter in Nashville for while really nice shelter if I had to because I have no money jobs here Nc pay nothing I would take challenge of staying there 30 days just show Nashville what I can do well everyone works says that’s taking big dangerous risk to be at shelter but that shelter would help me get suitable housing and I could be getting job in that time also so why not go and see what happens I mean I dreamed I leaped from one mountain to another in my dream so God could only mean take leap FAITH I MEAN SHOULD WE LET BEING POOR STOP US FRO AT LEAST GOING TRYING IS THIS CRAZY OR DANGEROUS TO DO THIS WRITE BACK TO ME PLEASE! Thanks so much !!!

  • Emily C  August 16, 2016 at 9:26 pm

    I really needed this in my life right now. You really put exactly what I have been feeling into words. I’m at this point where I need to make decisions about my education while my dad is constantly berating and underestimating my abilities. It’s really starting to negatively influence me. So thanks for this, it really puts things in perspective. Almost thinking about forwarding this to him (though that may be a bit passive aggressive).

  • Annonymous  August 28, 2016 at 4:38 am

    Currently right now I’m transitioning out of the military. I had my mind set on a specific school and when I graduated I will have to relearn cause the job I want wants to do the teaching themselves. I tell my wife I’m not going back to school and I’ll just be going to apply for this specific job and have to do the schooling through them. She is upset because things have changed. I am also getting a guard card and gun card so I can get a second job as a rent-a-cop. She is furious because she thinks I’m going to be a career rent-a-cop. I tell her that we can’t is California because it’s not xpensive so we need to look for somewhere else to live. Somewhere cheap and safe. She wants to fight with me. We have 2 kids. And she does not have a job that provides money. I don’t understand how I am wrong when I am trying to look for better opportunities for my family. I will work 2 or more jobs to keep my family well off I tell her. I try to sloth her but I am looked down upon because the past year goals have been adjusted because of new information I have received. What am I doing wrong?

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  • Dana Greyson aka "Galley Wench Tales"  December 14, 2016 at 9:45 pm

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  • Jim  January 29, 2017 at 5:33 pm

    I’m trying to get this guitar learning program launched. I developed it and think it’s a great program. I have naysayers. Someone said to me are you qualified. Other negative comments. What surprises me most though is the lack of support. Not so much naysaying but not saying anything at all. In my book that’s naysaying. I’m talking about family members too. I tell them about my program like someone who just won the lottery and they just look at me like I’ve lost my mind. I don’t get it.

    • mark jones  January 2, 2019 at 5:02 am

      Bro there will always be naysayers in this world. My sis constantly says ‘ Work for the man, you will die broke if you do” Most people don’t have the guts and grit to be an entrepreneur. What ever you feel passionate about go for it. Word of advise that ive learned is start hanging out with entrepreneurs and goal minded people, don’t share your dreams unless you know they are on the same wave length. Naysayers are occupational hazards.

  • Katie  February 26, 2017 at 4:17 am

    Thank you for this. I’d been scared to tell my parents about my dream of being a singer after high school and when I did tell them my father was very supportive and my mother was, as you call them, a naysayer. This post has motivated me to talk to her because I know I will need all the support I can get to achieve my goals. Again, I would like to thank you because it gives me confidence that I’m not being crazy and unrealistic.

  • Nafeesa  March 3, 2017 at 9:04 pm

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    My husband being one.. and this shot him between the eyes. I enjoyed reading it to him

    • Torre DeRoche  July 13, 2017 at 3:37 am

      For a minute there I read this as “…and I shot him between the eyes…” I’m glad to hear he’s still alive. Phew. Anyway, happy to have helped!

  • pegah darab  July 21, 2017 at 11:09 pm

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  • Shivangi  July 31, 2017 at 7:52 am

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    • Karen  September 19, 2017 at 2:56 pm

      Thank you for your insightful information!!!! After 43 years I finally had to admit to myself that my Bestie had become a naysayer and did not support my vision of what I want most in my life. Had i addressed it sooner things may have not gotten as far as they have….no bestie!

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  • mark jones  January 2, 2019 at 4:53 am

    I experienced a dream killer New Years Eve. Everything I talked about she countered with neg comments. I am a Landscape Architect major and plan on being an entrepreneur. She commented saying you won’t make money, that her dad never made money, that you got to have connections etc etc. I countered by saying ” I did a job where all other contractors failed and my design worked well. When I countered with my own success story it was like throwing water on her fire, it shut her down. One take away I got out of our discourse was that when the conversatin started she opened with NEGATIVITY, she said how 2018 was her worst year ever financially. Word of advice, if someone starts with negativity use caution. I say it’s probably best you get away from them.

  • Cassandra  January 26, 2019 at 6:32 pm

    OMG!!!! just had a long conversation with a friend who ALWAYS encounters naysayers. Just about EVERYTHING you said here I said to the friend. So well written and it is timeless as I have bumped into the article 9 years later and it is so very relevant……..BRAVO!


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